Chapter Text
“Shh, they’re going to hear.” Jisung giggled, pulling Hyunjin behind him. Hyunjin had been content staying in bed after messing around with Jisung - they didn’t sleep together, but they got close. Hyunjin still felt a little fuzzy from that last orgasm that Jisung managed to pull from him - but the smaller boy wanted to show him something, so they made the ten minute trek back to the house. He refused to tell Hyunjin what it was, but the excitement in his eyes erased any hesitation in him.
“They’re gonna know anyway.” Hyunjin whispered, allowing himself to be tugged up the stairs.
“Maybe not- hyung!”Jisung skidded to a halt, causing Hyunjin to slam into his back. They stared at Changbin, who was just coming out of the bathroom. The yellowing lights flooded the hall from behind the older boy, the three standing at a stalemate.
“You’re coming back late...” Changbin eyed them suspiciously.
“Well... you s-see...” Jisung stuttered, rubbing the back of his head awkwardly.
“Looks like you two got up to some... fun.” Changbin’s face was level but there was emotion behind his words - if Hyunjin didn’t know any better, he would say it was... disdain.
The older boy went over to Jisung and stared at him a moment longer before reaching up and pressing a finger against one of the bruises Hyunjin had left, making Jisung flinch a little. Hyunjin stepped forward, ready to tell Changbin off for hurting Jisung, but the elder was already slipping into his bedroom.
“Sung...” Hyunjin trailed off, turning to his friend, face open with worry.
“Don’t mind him,” Jisung smirked humorlessly. “He’s just... protective. He probably thinks you’re here to whisk away my virtue or something.”
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Hyunjin asked, running a gentle thumb over the hickey Changbin had pressed.
“Mm, promise,” Jisung smiled and tilted his head just enough to place a kiss to his friend’s wrist. “Come on, I still wanna show you that thing.”
“Mm.” Jisung tugged him towards his bedroom, putting a finger against his lips. Felix and Seungmin were still sleeping, but Hyunjin knew that they were deep sleepers - he and Jisung had many a late night conversation where his roommates were none the wiser.
“In your dresser?” Hyunjin asked silently as Jisung started to dig through his top drawer. Jisung just grinned wider before pulling something out and holding it up proudly.
“You-”
Hyunjin thought he would get a nose bleed then and there.
The little lace panties in Jisung’s hands looked so delicate, and Hyunjin could immediately imagine how the straps would push against Jisung’s hips, the flesh just barely squishing around the elastics.
He let out a sound similar to a balloon losing air as he stared at the lingerie, and the longer he stayed quiet, the wider Jisung’s grin grew.
“Maybe next time...?” He said, trailing off. Hyunjin, speechless, just nodded quickly. It took all of his strength not to take Jisung by the wrist and drag him back to the apartment and have his way with him.
Instead, Jisung tucked the panties back into his drawer and tugged Hyunjin over to his bed. They laid down and curled around one another, instantly feeling at home. Hyunjin sighed happily, thinking to himself that he had never been more content in his life.
“This is great Jisung.” Chan grinned at his friend, who was sitting in his normal chair at the dining room table, Hyunjin in his own usual seat.
“Hyunjin definitely helped,” Jisung said easily, making Hyunjin blush. “He’s the one that suggested adding cinnamon to counter the spiciness.”
“There’s cinnamon in this?” Jeongin blinked.
“I never would have guessed...” Minho raised an impressed eyebrow.
“Ah, it’s just something my mom always does,” Hyunjin said, feeling a little shy. “I was hoping it would work out right and not ruin everything.”
“I’m glad you were able to live so close, Hyunjin,” Chan said abruptly. He glanced to Minho, who nodded minutely. “I really think you fit in with us, and Jisung’s been so happy.”
“Um, th-thank you, hyung.” Hyunjin stuttered, his face flushing. He adored Jisung’s friends, Chan in particular because the older boy was always so warm and welcoming. He had been the first person outside of his parents and Jisung to tell Hyunjin he was proud of him.
“You’re part of our little family now,” Chan continued, his words heavy as if he were trying to imply something between the lines. “You can always lean on us, and never feel like you have to hide things. We’ll accept you no matter what.”
“Um... thank you?” He glanced at Jisung, who looked equally as confused.
“We’re all kinda odd, but that’s why we fit together so well,” Minho continued, looking at Hyunjin intently, making Hyunjin feel a little uncomfortable. “Whatever is weighing on you, that you think you have to hide, it doesn’t make you different in a bad way. You never have to worry about feeling out of place here, or that we’ll be disappointed in you for just being yourself.”
“Hyung... you’re being kinda weird...” Jeongin whispered, elbowing Minho in the side.
“Ya! Watch your back Baby Bread! I’ll get you back for that-” Minho took Jeongin by the face, pinching the younger boy’s cheeks. Jeongin fought back weakly, not really trying all that hard to break away.
And just like that, the weird tension in the air was gone. They were instantly back to joking around and eating, as if the strange lecture never happened. Hyunjin, however, stayed quiet and chose to instead listen. The others were talking about school, and work, and the shows they were watching.
It was nice - domestic, almost. Hyunjin really did feel like he belonged.
Maybe... maybe he could allow himself to get used to this.
“I’m gonna run to the bathroom.” Jisung said abruptly. The eight boys had gathered to play some party games, seeing how for the first time in forever all of their schedules managed to line up perfectly. Chan had stocked up on drinks - alcoholic and non - and Changbin practically catered the evening, ordering from three different places.
“Everything okay?” Hyunjin caught Jisung’s wrist. He had noticed the smaller boy starting to pull away from them, but everytime Hyunjin asked, Jisung assured him nothing was wrong.
“Mm, just drank a lot.” Jisung gave him a tight smile. Hyunjin wanted to say something more, but Jisung was already halfway up the stairs.
“Is everything alright with him?” Seungmin asked, nudging Hyunjin gently.
“I hope so,” Hyunjin sighed. “If something was really wrong, he’d definitely come to me... maybe he’s just feeling sick or something.”
“Maybe.”
“Did you know that Jisung used to always burn everything he cooked?” Minho grinned, his lips curling up. Hyunjin blinked and shook his head. Hyunjin wondered if Minho was doing this on purpose - distracting the younger boy from his worrying. “Well, he actually used to be banned from the kitchen entirely. He even burnt the microwave popcorn, but as soon as you started to come around, he asked to cook again. He wanted you to help him, and Channie hyung finally caved and let him try again.”
“I think it worked out pretty well.” Chan chuckled, thinking back to their meal the day before.
“Jisung used to think there was a monster in his closet,” Felix chimed in, his face lighting up with a grin. “Every night he swore there was something moving around in there, but none of us could ever find anything.”
“Eventually we realized there was a draft coming from a crack in the wall that kept making the hangers clack against each other,” Seungmin finished, making Hyunjin grin. “He was so relieved that it wasn’t actually a monster that he wasn’t even embarrassed.”
“He’s so cute,” Hyunjin smiled to himself. It was then he realized Jisung still hadn’t come back from the bathroom. His smile instantly fell. “I’m gonna go check on him.”
“Mm.” Chan hummed in acknowledgement, frowning a little in concern. He had noticed Jisung’s absence as well, and was just about to go upstairs himself.
Hyunjin climbed the now familiar stairs towards the bathroom, noticing the light coming out from under the closed door, the hallway itself fairly dark.
“Sung? You good?” He knocked on the door gently.
“Mm, I’m almost done.” Jisung sounded... too quiet.
“Can I come in?”
“No, it’s okay-”
“I’m coming in,” He said, opening the door anyway. Jisung was standing at the sink, washing his hands. He didn’t even look up as his friend came to stand behind him. Hyunjin saw the water going down the drain was suspiciously... pink. “Jisung, are you okay?”
“I’m fine-”
“There’s blood on the sink.” Hyunjin noticed the single drop of crimson on the spotless white countertop.
“I-” Jisung’s hands shook as he dried them.
“Did you at least clean them properly?” Hyunjin asked, his throat tight.
“Mm, it wasn’t that bad,” he whispered, turning and hiding his face in Hyunjin’s chest, letting his friend hold him close. “Just a few, and they were shallow.”
“I’m so proud of you.”
“Why? I fucked up...”
“Because you held yourself back from doing too much damage,” Hyunjin explained, running a hand up and down Jisung’s back. “Baby... did something happen?”
“Not really,” Jisung leaned into the embrace. Hyunjin realized this was the first time he had the honor of being able to hold Jisung in his time of need. It made him hold his friend just a little bit closer. “I just... I don’t know. I guess I’ve been getting overwhelmed, and it feels like there- like there’s a pressure under my skin that’s going to make me explode, and that’s- that’s the only way to get it out.”
“I understand,” Hyunjin pressed a kiss to the corner of Jisung’s mouth. “I’m still proud of you, aegi. I know how hard that must have been for you. Do you wanna turn in for the night? I’m sure the others would understand.”
“No, I’m okay,” Jisung shook his head. “I wanna finish the game with the others...”
“Alright Sungie,” Hyunjin hummed, tilting Jisung’s head back to kiss him properly. He felt the smaller boy sigh into the kiss, as if the pressure he had been talking about before was releasing itself because of Hyunjin’s kiss. “Mm, let’s go back down.”
“I really wanna show you those panties properly,” Jisung chuckled softly. “I wanna see your face... but I guess we can do that later.”
“Definitely later.” He promised, taking Jisung’s hand. As a last thought, he turned around and wiped the drop of blood from the counter and rubbed his thumb on his black shirt, the crimson disappearing against the dark fabric, as if it had never been there in the first place.
They made their way down, where the others were chatting. As soon as they came down the stairs, the conversation stopped as they smiled at them.
“Welcome back you two.” Chan grinned, waving them over.
“Done making out?” Minho snickered, his grin only growing when he saw both Hyunjin and Jisung flush red. The rest of the boys chuckled, but no one really noticed Changbin awkwardly looking at his phone.
“Can we get back to the game?” Jeongin pouted. He had been winning before Jisung went to the bathroom, and was looking forward to taking that sweet victory from his hyung’s hands.
“Mm, we’re ready.” Hyunjin grinned, discreetly taking Jisung’s hand. Jisung glanced at him and smiled softly, leaning into the taller boy’s side, just a little.
Hyunjin had a feeling things with Jisung were getting worse than the smaller boy would be willing to admit, which meant he needed to find a way to talk to his friend before it was too late.
He just got Jisung - he wouldn’t be able to survive losing him for good.
“Wow...” Hyunjin breathed, his eyes wide as he drank in the sight of Jisung splayed out underneath of him, completely bare except the lacey panties and a pair of thigh high white socks. He had been right, the straps of the lingerie making the flesh of his hips press out. He wanted to bite it.
“Cute right?” Jisung giggled, wiggling a little.
“Mm, look at this,” He ran a thumb where the skin pressed against the straps. He didn’t know why, but he was obsessed with the sight. He wanted nothing more than to stare and touch and bite- “You’re so pretty, Sungie.”
“Ah, I’m not that-” He was cut off my Hyunjin giving into his instincts. The taller boy leaned down and bit Jisung’s hip, between the straps.
“I just wanna... mark you all up,” Hyunjin didn’t know why he had the urge to do so, but now that it was in his head, it was all he could think of - Jisung’s pretty, pretty golden skin absolutely covered in bruises and bites and scratches. “You’re so fucking pretty.”
Hyunjin moved down Jisung’s body until he was level with the smaller boy’s thighs. He pressed soft, loving kisses to the healing cuts. They were only a few days old, but the skin was still raised and tender.
Jisung flinched a little, but didn’t try to turn away from Hyunjin.
“Jinnie...” Jisung whined, twitching every time Hyunjin bit a mark onto his inner thighs, just barely avoiding the one place that was begging for attention.
“Tell me what you want baby.” Hyunjin whispered, wondering faintly where the confidence to say such things came from. He wasn't a virgin, sure, but had never been like this in bed before.
“You,” Jisung breathed, eyes shining. “I want you.”
And who was Hyunjin to deny Jisung anything?
“Where’s Sungie?” Hyunjin asked, entering his friends’ home as he had done for the last three months. Summer was almost up, which meant his program would be ending soon.
At first, the thought had scared him - then Chan offered to let Hyunjin stay in the house while he looked into colleges in the area. Hyunjin’s first thought was to decline - that was way too much to accept! - but then he realized it meant staying close to Jisung, and he instantly called his parents, asking what they thought.
He would go home for a short while after his program ends to pack his things, and return to stay with Jisung and the others for the school year. His parents even agreed to let Jisung come home with him during the holidays, which the smaller boy was very excited for. He would finally be able to see Hyunjin’s room for real.
“He said he was going on a walk.” Chan said, glancing at Minho. The house was quiet, other than the three eldest, who were sitting in the living room.
“Oh, alright.” Hyunjin frowned a little. Normally Jisung invited him to go on walks with him, but he understood the other boy wanting some space - they had been attached at the hip since Hyunjin’s program started. It only made sense that Jisung would want a little space here and there to gather his thoughts.
“Hyunjin, there’s something we wanted to talk to you about.” Chan said, sounding far more serious all of a sudden.
“Ha... ominous!” Hyunjin tried to joke, parroting what Felix always said, but his chuckle fell flat as the three older boys looked at him.
“We... we know how you and Jisung met...” Minho started, biting the inside of his cheek and looking over to Chan. Hyunjin felt his heart stop.
I’ll probably tell them if things get, like, really bad.
“And we wanted you to know that it’s okay,” Chan continued, moving to put a hand on Hyunjin’s shoulder. It didn’t escape their attention how the younger boy seemed to freeze in place. “We know first hand how hard it is to come to terms with something like that, and- Hyunjin? Are you alright?”
Chan started to panic when he noticed Hyunjin shaking, tears rolling down the boy’s pale cheeks. Hyunjin shook his head, his arms coming around his torso.
If Jisung told Chan, Minho, and Changbin, that meant things got really bad again. He said he would only tell the older boys if it was bad - and if they knew...
“Wh-where’s Jisung?” He asked, voice shaking.
“On a walk.” Changbin responded with a raised eyebrow.
“Where did he go?” Hyunjin shouted, tears dripping off his chin. “Where the fuck did he go?”
“Hey, no need to take that tone-” Chan started, only to be shoved away.
“No! You don’t fucking understand-” Hyunjin thought he was going to throw up. Jisung was bad again, and he was gone. Jisung was gone and Hyunjin might never see him again and it was all Hyunjin’s fault for not being able to help Jisung sooner. “He- I can’t lose him-”
“Woah, who said anything about losing anyone?” Chan could tell there was something more going on, and it frightened him.
“If he told you, that means-” He could feel himself starting to hyperventilate. “Oh fuck- if he told you about the suicide chat, that means he’s gotten bad again! He- and now he’s gone? Oh god- oh fuck what if he does something stupid? How could you let him leave?”
“Wh-” Chan blinked, trying to understand what Hyunjin just admitted to them. “What are you talking about?”
“What do you mean?” Hyunjin all but screamed. “We have to find him before it’s too late-”
“Wasn’t it a gay chat thing?”
“What?” Hyunjin’s voice cracked painfully, causing the others to flinch.
“Th-that’s how you met, right?” Minho asked desperately, almost begging Hyunjin to say it was all a joke. They had been piecing it together since Hyunjin first came to the house, and it was the only thing that made sense. They knew Jisung was queer in some fashion, but the younger boy hadn’t officially said anything, and Minho overheard Jisung and Hyunjin talking about being outed during their movie night, which he immediately reported to their hyungs chat. It was only solidified when they saw Jisung and Hyunjin sneaking kisses when they thought no one was paying attention, and how the two would sneak in, barely covered bruises on their necks.
“NO?” Hyunjin stared at them in horror. “Why would you think that?”
“Well-”
Just then the door opened. Jisung stepped into the front hall and kicked his shoes off, looking tired but otherwise unharmed. There was a beat where the two boys just stared at each other, Jisung’s face furrowing with worry at the sight of Hyunjin’s tears. Hyunjin flew at him in an instant, latching onto his side and sobbing into his shoulder. Jisung held him, face twisted in concern and confusion.
“J-Jinnie?” he asked, awkwardly rubbing his friend’s back.
“Oh my god-” Hyunjin thought he was going to throw up again, solely from how relieved he was. “You’re okay... oh fuck you’re okay-”
“Of course I’m okay,” He chuckled weakly. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Jisung, we need to talk.” Chan said softly, making the younger boy tense. There was a moment of silence, the air thick, before Jisung steered both himself and Hyunjin into the living room, setting them down on the couch. Hyunjin only clung to him tighter, sobbing his heart out for a reason Jisung didn’t know yet.
“What’s going on? Why is Hyunjin crying?” He asked, frowning at his hyungs.
“I think there was a misunderstanding,” Chan sat on the coffee table, facing the younger boys. “We... we thought we figured out how you two met, and wanted to let Hyunjin know that- that we supported him - that we supported both of you. Obviously we do, because we’re all some kind of gay here, so you wouldn’t need to hide anything-”
“What are you talking about?” Jisung asked, his tone incredulous.
“They thought you met in some kind of LGBTQA+ support group,” Changbin said, biting his cheek and refusing to look at Jisung. “I kinda thought you met in a...” He trailed off, mumbling the last part.
“What?”
“In a BDSM group...” Changbin muttered a little louder. “That’s why I was so... weird about him being so clingy with you. I thought it was some weird sex thing...”
“So wait, you thought we met in a gay support chat, and you told him-” Jisung’s eyes widened in horror when he realized what he was implying. He instantly wrapped his arms tighter around Hyunjin, who had only just started to calm down. “No, Jinnie, baby, I would never- I’m okay. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere, I promise. I swear I’m not going to leave you.”
“Why did he react like that?” Minho asked bluntly, not sure how to bring it up kindly.
“I told him... I told him that I would only tell you guys about how we met and everything with that... if things got bad again,” Jisung whispered, holding Hyunjin’s trembling body as close as he could. “Bad as in... as in I was about to try to kill myself again.”
“Again?” Chan breathed, as if he had just been shot.
“I didn’t want anyone to find out, cuz- cuz I’m getting better,” Now Jisung was crying, his tears soaking into Hyunjin’s shirt. “He’s been- he’s been keeping me grounded for the last two years. He’s saved my life so many fucking times... that’s why he’s so important to me. I- I love him so much... I don’t deserve him-”
Jisung was cut off by desperate lips crashing against his. Hyunjin kissed him as if his life depended on it, tears dripping into their open mouths as they continued to cry softly. After a moment, Hyunjin pulled away and cupped Jisung’s cheeks, staring at him as if he were the most precious thing in the universe.
“I’m the one who doesn’t deserve you,” He whispered, resting his forehead against Jisung’s, letting his eyes fall closed. “I d-don’t know what I would do without you.”
“Good thing you never have to find out,” Jisung chuckled, kissing away a stray tear and tucking a strand of hair behind Hyunjin’s ear. “You’re stuck with me.”
“Jisung, aegi, how long have you felt like this?” Chan asked gently, putting a hand on the younger boy’s knee. Jisung looked up from Hyunjin’s face for just a moment before looking down again in shame.
“A while...” He muttered. “I... I joined the chat two years ago, but only tried to actually kill myself about a y-year ago.”
“A year ago? And we never noticed?” Chan felt numb.
“I was really good at hiding it,” Jisung let his lips curl in a humorless smirk. “I wasn’t all on my own, though. I had the chat, and I had Jinnie... he talked me through my panic attacks and stuff.”
“I’m so sorry we never noticed,” Chan leaned forward and pulled both boys into his arms, hugging them close. “You don’t have to do this alone anymore. You have all of us now.”
“I’m sorry I was so mean before,” Changbin was in tears. “I just-”
“You were being protective,” Jisung finished with a small smile. “I know hyung. I love you.”
“Love you too...” He mumbled, looking away.
“Sung, we need to talk about this,” Chan said softly, making Jisung flinch away, hiding his face in Hyunjin’s shoulder. “But... we can do it later, if you want.”
“Really?”
“Mm, I don’t want to overwhelm you, especially if you’re doing better with everything.”
“I, um...” Jisung trailed off for a moment, as if trying to determine whether or not he should say the next part of his sentence. After a beat, he continued. “I hurt myself about a week ago. Jinnie helped me through it... it wasn’t cuz of anything specific. I was just getting overwhelmed and sometimes my depression just kinda jumps on me out of nowhere.”
“Thank you for telling me,” Chan took Jisung’s hand, pressing a soft kiss to the back of it and smiling warmly at the younger boy. “I promise to do whatever I can when you need me. I just need you to tell me what I can do.”
“I’ll think about it...” Jisung pouted a little. Chan knew the younger boy meant to think about how to communicate, not whether or not he was going to talk to Chan in the first place.
“Do you and Jinnie want to go take a nap?” The older boy asked, seeing the exhaustion in Jisung’s eye. He could only imagine how emotionally drained Hyunjin must be after thinking his best friend had gone to kill himself.
“Yes please...”
“Go on,” Chan smiled, his eyes turning up affectionately. “I’ll wake you guys for dinner. We can get take out, if you want.”
“Can we order from that burrito place?” Hyunjin asked, his voice muffled. Chan hadn’t been sure the younger boy had been paying attention up until that point.
“Mm, sure aegi,” Chan reached over and smoothed down Hyunjin’s hair a bit. “I’ll make sure the others know to keep it down.”
Jisung nodded and helped Hyunjin stand, leading him up to the room after giving Chan a tired smile. Hyunjin let himself be tugged along, his eyes swollen and hot from his tears. The room was empty when they closed the door behind them, the air silent.
“I’m sorry Jinnie.” Jisung whispered, wrapping himself around Hyunjin.
“Why are you apologizing?”
“For scaring you.”
“You didn’t know,” Hyunjin muttered, his voice hoarse. “I just... I panicked. You said you would only tell them if things got bad, and they came up to me saying they knew how we met and I just...”
“I’d probably panic too,” Jisung admitted. “But... but I promise I’m not feeling that way anymore. I’ve- this is the happiest I’ve been in fucking ages.”
“I don’t know what I would do without you,” Hyunjin started crying again, clinging to the other boy as though his life depended on it. “You’re- you’re my best f-friend, and I just- I love you so fucking much and I-”
Jisung cut him off with a kiss, Hyunjin’s lips soft and salty. Hyunjin instantly deepened it, silently begging Jisung to comfort him.
And who was Jisung to deny Hyunjin anything?
Jisung kissed Hyunjin as if he were delicate - as if he were made of glass, and he was the most important thing to Jisung. He cupped Hyunjin’s cheek with one hand as the other curled around, his palm resting on the bare skin of the other boy’s lower back. Hyunjin’s skin was hot against his touch, and it only spurred him on, making him bit Hyunjin’s lip harshly. He swallowed the gasp that came from his friend, and he wanted to know what other sounds he could pull from Hyunjin.
He had been taken care of before, Hyunjin being extra careful to make sure he felt like was being worshiped, and now he could return the favor - he would show Hyunjin how worthy of praise he really was.
“I love you.” he whispered against Hyunjin’s throat.
“Sungie...”
“I’m...” He moaned a little as Hyunjin ground down on him. “I think I’m in love with you.”
Hyunjin froze, his face hidden in Jisung’s shoulder. As the silence dragged on, Jisung’s heart dropped further and further down. Did he fuck everything up? Would Hyunjin be uncomfortable around him now? Did he just ruin the best thing that ever came into his life because he was greedy and-
“I’m in love with you too,” Hyunjin whispered back. “I’ve... I think I’ve loved you for a long time now. Ever since... since you talked for like, two hours to me about that analysis paper you had to write to distract me from the fact that I was throwing up three bottles of soju...”
“That was... over a year ago.” Jisung stared at him with wide eyes.
“Mm, it was.” Hyunjin chuckled, his face lighting up.
“Fuck...” Jisung whispered before diving back down to capture Hyunjin’s lips. He switched their positions so he was hovering over the taller boy - staring down at Hyunjin, he was struck once more by how absolutely ethereal his best friend was.
“Channie hyung said no one would bother us until dinner...” Hyunjin trailed off, smirking up and wiggling his hips a little to get his attention.
“I guess we’ll have to use our time wisely,” Jisung nipped at Hyunjin’s jaw, causing his friend to giggle a little at the sensation. “Can... can I take care of you?”
“Please?” The longing and adoration in Hyunjin’s eyes took Jisung’s breath away.
“Of course.” He kissed Hyunjin again, getting lost in the taste of his best friend’s lips.
“Do you want some tea?” Chan asked. Hyunjin nodded but Jisung shook his head. The eldest had gotten everyone out of the house so he could talk to the two boys without worrying about being walked in on. Chan could tell it made Jisung and Hyunjin more comfortable with the idea of talking, knowing they only had to talk to the blonde.
He smiled at the two and went back to the kitchen, making himself and Hyunjin tea while grabbing a bottle of water for Jisung. He knew Jisung never drank enough water.
“So,” He said, coming back to the living room. “Where do you want to start?”
“Uh, I guess I can go first?” Hyunjin said after a moment. “I joined the chat as... not a joke, but I really didn’t expect much to come from it. Usually chats like that die out after a couple of days, but it just kept going. We all got really close, but eventually it fizzled down. Sungie ended up being the only one I really kept in contact with. We used to only text, but when my depression started getting worse, I needed someone to talk to or else I would just- I would just lose it. I had started cutting in high school. I got bullied for being, well, me - and it only got worse when I got outed in front of the entire lunch room. Jisung really kept me sane after that - I finished my senior year at home because it was just too much to handle.”
“He... started drinking a lot, and it scared me because I didn’t know how to help him,” Jisung said softly, giving Hyunjin a break. “I would talk him through his panic attacks, and I stayed on the call so he wouldn’t have to go through everything alone.”
“Mm, I think my lowest point was just after that whole thing happened. I really... I really couldn’t imagine waking up anymore. I hated myself, and every time I saw myself in the mirror I thought I was going to throw up. Jisung was the one that- that managed to talk me out of taking the pills...”
“And Hyunjin was the one who got me to step off the side of the bridge,” Jisung stared at the water bottle in his hand, almost as if he were unable to look his hyung in the eye. “I... I was so overwhelmed with life, and I genuinely felt like there was no point. I felt... stuck - like there was no real future for me. I... I did the worst thing I could have done.”
“Jisung...” Hyunjin took Jisung’s hand.
“I-I texted him this long apology and left my phone on my bed next to my n-note. I sat on the edge of the bridge for like, four hours trying to convince myself to jump, but when I realized that... that no one would be able to tell him what happened... I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t do that to him, so I came home and called him. I hid the note, and until now... no one knew.”
“Jisung, Hyunjin,” Chan said after a beat. He reached forward and took each of their hands in his own. “You don’t have to do this alone anymore. I’m so proud of you for staying strong for so long, and I’m so fucking grateful you had each other. It- it would have shattered us to lose Jisung, and we never would have had the chance to meet you, Jinnie.”
“Hyung...”
“What can I do?”
“Well,” Jisung hesitated. “Sometimes when I start feeling down, I just- I guess I just need someone to sit with me. Hyunjin would stay on facetime with me, and we would just... vibe without talking, and it really helped.”
“I have an idea,” Chan nodded, leaning back a little. “This goes for both of you, okay? We can use the color system for how you’re feeling. Just like during sex, you’d say you’re feeling yellow if you’re on the edge, or red if you’re doing really badly. If I think you’re starting to pull away, I can ask what your color is, and we can figure something out from there.”
“I think that might work.” Jisung muttered.
“Mm, we already use the color system when we...” Hyunjin trailed off, his ears burning.
“That was something else I wanted to ask you about,” Chan said carefully. “What... are you... what’s your relationship? The only reason I’m asking is so I don’t accidentally put you in an awkward situation.”
“Um...” Jisung turned and looked at Hyunjin, who kind of just... shrugged.
“I mean, he’s my best friend,” Hyunjin said easily. “And... and I love him. I love him more than anything... but I haven’t had a boyfriend since I was outed, so I don’t know if outright dating would... would be good yet?”
“We don’t really need a label to be happy, right?” Jisung asked, turning to Hyunjin. “As long as we love each other, and take care of each other... that’s all that matters.”
“Mm,” Hyunjin brought Jisung’s hand up to his mouth, pressing a kiss to the back of it. “I think that sums it up.”
“Sounds good,” Chan smiled warmly at them, pride shining in his eyes. “I’ll be checking in on you every few weeks, alright? I don’t expect it to be easy to open up immediately, especially if you only talked to each other for the last two years, but I won’t push you to talk or tell anyone else about whatever you tell me. Whatever you say will stay between us three.”
“Thank you, hyung.” Jisung sniffled softly, holding back tears.
“I... thank you.” Hyunjin bit the inside of his cheek.
“Is there anything else you want to talk about?” Chan looked between the two boys, who just glanced at one another.
“I don’t think so.” Jisung said with a small shrug.
“I think we’re good,” Hyunjin echoed. “For now, at least.”
“Alright,” Chan slapped his thighs and grinned at them. “The others will be out for the rest of the afternoon if you wanted to watch a movie or something? I know Jisung has been wanting to show us an anime-”
“D. Grey-Man!” Jisung immediately lit up, and Hyunjin thought he was absolutely beautiful. “It’s one of my favorites, but no one knows it anymore.”
He pouted, causing Hyunjin to coo lightly. He kissed the other boy’s cheek, earning a faint blush and shy smile from Jisung.
“I’ll make some lunch and we can watch the first few episodes,” Chan grinned and stood, ruffling the boys’ hair lovingly. “Why don’t you bring the first one up?”
“Mm!” Jisung hummed excitedly, grabbing the remote and pulling the site up on the television. Hyunjin’s eyes were glued to the other boy, not even noticing when Chan left the room entirely.
“I really love you.” He said after a moment.
“I love you too,” Jisung looked back and grinned, his smile brighter than anything Hyunjin had ever seen. “Come here, I wanna kiss.”
“Mm.” Hyunjin chuckled, going over and kissing Jisung gently, not trying to deepen it at all, both boys content with the chaste press of smile against smile.
Neither noticed Chan leaning against the doorframe, watching them with a fond grin. His boys were happy, and that’s all that mattered to him.