Chapter Text
Jemma awoke to a hand stroking her back. The fingers were soft and gentle against her skin, and the skin-to-skin contact made it so much more intimate. It felt wonderful. She tried to suck her dummy a little, content to just lay in bed for a while, but it was gone.
She made a faint, embarrassing mewling noise in the back of her throat. She needed her dummy.
“It’s alright, little one,” May’s voice—Mommy’s voice—was gentle and soothing. She kept rubbing Jemma’s back. “I’ve got you.”
Jemma rolled over so she could see May. She let herself relax when May leaned down and kissed her forehead.
“Skye tells me you had a really tough day. Do you need a hug?” May asked, and Jemma almost burst into tears all over again.
She sniffled and felt around on the bed for her dummy; she didn’t want to cry again, her eyes were already itchy and sore from all the crying she’d done earlier. But without her dummy, she didn’t think she could hold back the tears. She shut her eyes tight and rubbed at them with her fists, but that only made them hurt more.
Jemma felt something soft against her lips and opened her mouth reflexively—she was incredibly relieved when May slid her dummy between her teeth. She sucked on her dummy and leaned against May. She felt herself being lifted a little, and she thought that May must be really, really strong to be able to lift her. And then, she was sitting in May’s lap and she didn’t feel quite so awful. She rested her head against May’s shoulder and listened to her heart.
May put her hand up Jemma’s shirt again and rubbed her back gently. It made her feel very little.
“I went to see my Mum,” Jemma said after a while, her dummy falling out onto the bed. She made herself sit up and look at May
“Oh?”
“I didn’t want to go, but I thought I should…I haven’t seen or talked to them for a while.” Jemma felt tears welling up again, but May was there before she could move, wiping the tears away with her thumbs.
“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” May said gently.
Jemma shook her head. She needed to talk about it; she knew that May could make it better, and she felt way too little and lost and scared to deal with it all by herself. She wanted her dummy, but she didn’t know if she could be brave enough to tell May what had happened if she started sucking on it again.
The words got stuck in her throat, and she had to swallow a few times before she could talk again.
“I wanted to be grown-up. I knew that she’d be cross because I’ve not been to visit for a long time…I just wasn’t expecting…” Jemma’s eyes burned and her throat hurt. But she made herself keep going. “She told me that she’d moved on. Like I’d died…Like I was nothing more than an inconvenience that she had the misfortune of giving birth to.”
Jemma was crying hard, great, heaving sobs that made her tummy hurt. She felt very alone. She was suddenly terrified that May would reject her too; it was stupid, she shouldn’t have said anything. She should have been big enough to deal with it on her own.
But she couldn’t. She couldn’t do it, and that only made her feel about a thousand times worse than she did already. She was a big girl, she shouldn’t need a dummy, or a pull-up, or to be coddled like a baby because her emotions were just too big for her to cope with.
But, no matter how hard she tried, it always seemed like too much. She didn’t feel big enough to make any decisions by herself, and she didn’t know what she would do if May left her.
Jemma clung to May with a desperate kind of strength. Maybe if she held on tight enough, May wouldn’t leave her.
“Oh, baby girl,” May said softly.
Jemma didn’t say anything else, she just held on to May and cried. “I’m sorry.” She said, pulling away from May. “I’m awful. I shouldn’t have bothered you with all this. This is my burden to bear.” She tried to climb out of May’s lap, but May wouldn’t let her.
“Jemma Simmons,” May’s voice was suddenly very firm, and she looked almost cross.
Jemma was scared. She stared at her lap.
“Look at me, little one.”
She tried, but she couldn’t bring herself to look into May’s eyes. She was too terrified of the disappointment she would see there.
May took Jemma’s chin between her thumb and forefinger, very soft, very gentle, and raised it until their eyes met.
“Jemma, I want you to listen to me. I know you’re upset, and I know that you’re scared. And that’s okay. I’m not going anywhere, understand. No matter what happens, I will always be here when you need me.”
Jemma nodded. She didn’t have any words.
“And secondly, I don’t ever want to hear you talk about yourself like that again, young lady. Needing comfort doesn’t mean you’re bad, and you shouldn’t feel bad because of it. Everyone needs it sometimes, that’s part of being human.”
“You don’t.” Jemma replied. “You’re always brave.”
May smiled and kissed Jemma’s forehead. “Not always. Even I get scared sometimes.”
Jemma blinked. She wasn’t sure if she should believe May. She seemed way too calm to be scared most of the time. Even the monsters under the bed were scared of her.
“You do?”
“I do.” May repeated. “Do you remember when you got sick from that Chitauri helmet?”
Jemma shuddered. She definitely remembered that; she couldn’t walk through the cargo bay without thinking about it. “Yes,”
“When you jumped out of the plane…that scared me. It scared everyone. We all love you very much, Jemma, no matter what happens, and even if you don’t always feel worthy of it. We’re a family, little girl, and that’s what family is for.”
Jemma sniffled. “I love you too, Mommy.” She said, and froze. She hadn’t meant to call May that. She tensed, ready for the rejection that was sure to be coming her way.
“It’s okay, Jemma. You can call me ‘Mommy’ if you want to.”
Jemma nodded. “Mommy?” she tried it out again. “Can I have my dummy?”
May felt around on the bed and then slid it into Jemma’s mouth. “By the way,” she said. “I know you already talked about it with Coulson. But if you ever pull a stunt like that again, I’m going to get you one of those harnesses for little kids.”
Jemma flushed. “Don’t you think that’s a bit…extreme?” she popped the dummy back into her mouth when she’d finished speaking.
“Most people would say jumping out of a plane is pretty extreme.” May responded “And besides, you’re my baby—what kind of Mommy would I be if I let you do something that dangerous?” she kissed Jemma’s temple.
Jemma felt the tension of the day melting away, and she leaned against May, sucking softly on her dummy as May rocked her gently.
“Can I have a bottle? I’m thirsty,” Jemma admitted, and it was a little embarrassing to ask for a bottle specifically, but she felt too little to handle drinking from a big-girl cup, because then she couldn’t cuddle with Mommy.
“Of course,” May said, sliding Jemma onto the bed. “I’ll be right back.
Jemma surprised herself by reaching for May; a small, quiet sound escaped her and May turned around.
“It’s okay, Jemma.” May knelt down in front of the bed and smoothed Jemma’s hair out of her face. “I’ll be right in the kitchen,” she paused, guiding Jemma along until she was sitting closer to the foot of the bed. “If you sit here, you’ll be able to see me the whole time.”
Jemma hummed contentedly and watched as May fixed her bottle. Her bladder twinged again and she let it go into her pull-up almost without thinking about it. It was a little embarrassing, but that was okay. She was little. Mommy would take care of her.
No matter what.