Chapter Text
Arthur stormed into the physician’s chambers without even a single knock.
“Where is that half-wit?” he demanded, with that characteristic entitled tone to his voice.
“Merlin?” Gaius asked, looking up from his work to see the crown prince in all his rage. Aside from asking Gaius where Merlin was, he otherwise completely ignored him and walked straight to Merlin’s room.
“I’ve got no socks, no breeches, and an archery session to go to. Merlin!”
How Merlin managed to put up with Arthur was beyond Gaius. He must really like Arthur, Gaius had realized in the end. Nobody else would allow Arthur to pull all the things on them the way he did with Merlin - not even Gwen, or Leon, or any of the other knights would allow him to talk to them that way, only Merlin seemed to be strong enough to bear that brunt daily. And he seemed to be taking it with pride, like he enjoyed being the one Arthur yelled at or insulted on a regular basis.
Arthur’s anger overflowing in the room pulled Gaius back to the topic at hand. “I thought he was with you, sire.” Like Merlin often was, completely ignoring his own needs in favor of Arthur’s.
Arthur pointed his finger angrily at Gaius.
“Don’t try and cover for him.”
“He didn’t come home last night, I can’t find him.”
“Well, when you do, you can tell him he’s the target.”
With that, Arthur stormed off angrily and slammed the door shut on his way out. Gaius was left staring after him, then feeling worry spread through his chest.
If Merlin wasn’t in bed, and he wasn’t with Arthur… then where was he?
~...~
It took about half a day for Arthur to finally realize that something must be off.
It wasn’t quite unusual for Merlin to disappear for an entire day or so, to collect herbs or some other arbitrary items for Gaius, but the physician would always know that Merlin had left and had an explanation as to where he had run off to.
This time, Gaius was as worried as Arthur was, even if it was hidden deep down in Arthur’s case, and it confirmed that Gaius really wasn’t covering for Merlin and that the brunet had actually disappeared.
He had summoned all of the knights in the throne room and had ordered all of them to go out and look for Merlin, in all the usual places Merlin might be, and in all the unusual places. Arthur was aware of the army that was heading their way, but he had trouble dividing his attention between the two topics - he had to have Merlin back, and perhaps then he could focus again.
But he was proven wrong, of course. He had ridden off with Leon, ignoring some of the council members who demanded he should stay at the castle and govern - he couldn’t do that anyway if he wasn’t entirely certain that Merlin was alright. And when they found Merlin in that deserted part of a faraway forest, chains tied around him to completely constrict his movements - not that he was making any at that moment, as his body was completely and terrifyingly still.
Arthur threw himself on the ground beside Merlin and instantly reached for his neck to feel a pulse, any sign at all that he was still alive. He couldn’t have it end like this, there was still so much that they had to do, had to say, had to experience. He didn’t know how he had lived without Merlin before they had met. He had been a prat, honestly, and meeting Merlin had been his saving grace. Merlin had given him a reason to improve, to be the best version of himself he could possibly be, and he wouldn’t allow it if his best friend had come to his end just like this.
“Merlin,” Arthur breathed, his fingers against a vein in his neck, and waited anxiously to feel something, anything. He felt the tears brimming in his eyes, unable to stop it, too busy with everything else to even care if anybody else saw it. “Merlin, please, don’t be-”
He couldn’t say the words, couldn’t physically get them past the lump in his throat, but he didn’t have to, because, albeit faintly, he suddenly noticed the thumping of a heartbeat against his fingers, and he broke down.
Arthur suddenly realized what it was that he could have lost, the friendship that they had, the bantering back and forth that was always the highlight of any day. The feeling that Merlin triggered deep inside Arthur’s chest, especially when the brunet smiled that goofy grin at him. Arthur had loved Merlin for far longer than he cared to admit.
“Sire, is he…?”
Arthur looked up and consequently forced some of his tears to start a journey down his cheeks. He shook his head, still trying to catch his breath, and cradled Merlin close to his chest.
“I can feel a pulse,” he managed weakly, brushing a hand through Merlin’s hair, and already making silent vows to be better, to do better, to not take Merlin for granted, and to see him for what he was - honestly, the love of his life.
Leon nodded. “We should get him back to the castle as soon as possible, sire. I suggest we put him on my horse, I’ll walk beside it-”
“No.” Arthur got up with Merlin in his arms, struggling just a little bit because Merlin was heavier than he looked, before someone leaned in and helped him to support Merlin. “I will walk.”
“My lord-?”
Arthur wouldn’t accept any opposition however, and was already carefully draping Merlin over his own horse, making sure he was comfortable and safe and not being able to stop himself from brushing Merlin’s cheek briefly.
They travelled as quickly as was possible, but when Arthur reached out to wrap a hand around Merlin’s wrist again to make sure he was doing alright, he noticed the pulse had weakened significantly. He didn’t hesitate and climbed onto the horse, knowing she wouldn’t be able to travel far with two people on her back, but deciding he would cross that bridge when he got there. He raised Merlin in his arms so he was leaning his back against Arthur’s front, the brunet’s head resting against Arthur’s shoulder.
He looked at the knights - nobody said anything. Perhaps they weren’t surprised, or perhaps they didn’t think it was within their rights to say anything about it. Whatever it was, Arthur was glad nobody protested.
The entire ride back to the castle, Arthur often looked down at Merlin to check up on him, and prayed to whichever god or other deity was listening to please, save Merlin, I will do anything you want, I’ll give my own life willingly, just make sure he will be alright.
Arthur didn’t stray from Merlin’s side once, keeping watch over him while Merlin was tended to by Gaius and himself in his own rickety bed, and annoyingly, Gaius started fretting over Arthur, too, eventually.
Arthur tried returning to his own chambers to get some rest, and even briefly go to the throne room to attend to his temporary duties while his father was indisposed, but every time he did, he felt some invisible pull on his heart, which was trying to tell him that there was only one place where he belonged, and that was by Merlin’s side. So eventually, he had settled on an uncomfortable chair by the side of Merlin’s bed and governed the kingdom from there, occasionally having some of his advisors and knights poke their head inside and ask for his permission or his guidance on whatever they wanted.
The battle with Cenred’s army came and went, and Arthur blamed himself for all of the casualties that had fallen, on both sides - if only he had been there to fight alongside his men, he might have been able to stop the fighting sooner and keep more of his and Cenred’s people from meeting an untimely death. He wallowed in self-pity only briefly, because a few hours after the victory had been declared, Merlin finally opened his eyes.
And Arthur was at once reminded where his place was in this world, and it might have been on the battlefield before, or in the throne room, or on the many trips he took with his knights for the safety of the kingdom - but that had been his place because Merlin had been right there with him, even if it was several feet behind him because he wasn’t a fighter; Merlin had always had his back, and now, Arthur would have his.
Merlin’s eyes were glazed over, still not fully recovered, but when he looked at Arthur, he frowned slightly, before closing his eyes again with a slight smile on his lips.
“You better get well soon, Merlin,” Arthur whispered, stopping himself at the last moment from brushing Merlin’s hand. It was one thing to do that when Merlin was unconscious - it was a whole different thing to do it while he was awake.
“Yeah?” Merlin managed to get out, although it was barely a whisper.
“I need someone to muck out my horses.”
Merlin’s smile didn’t drop, as Arthur might have expected - instead, it only grew, even if Merlin’s eyes remained closed.
Merlin made a speedy recovery after that, and before Arthur knew it, he had his manservant back to annoy him endlessly as he did his tasks horribly. Things returned to normal quickly, the kingdom licked their wounds and restored things soon - but for Arthur, everything had changed.
Now, he didn’t know how to look at Merlin, didn’t know how he would ever be able to keep his heart from beating so frantically in his chest every time Merlin walked into the room. He had come to the clear realization that he was in love with his best friend - and he couldn’t go back anymore.