Chapter Text
Sae hadn’t completely believed what Ren had said at first, about the casino that her heart apparently saw the courthouse as.
Intellectually, she couldn’t argue that it made a depressing amount of sense. She had… gotten disconnected from her dream of making things fair. Focused on winning - no matter the cost. She’d… even gotten disconnected from Makoto. Realizing halfway through that Makoto didn’t have a cognition in her Palace was…
Well, it could be that she didn’t think Makoto belonged in the courthouse/casino. That was a possibility. Probably the best possibility. She was trying not to dwell on the other possibilities.
But either way, it was one thing to know something intellectually, and another thing entirely to actually be transported into an alternate dimension, walk through the police station and see nobody there to question why she was helping the leader of the Phantom Thieves escape.
And then, run into what was pretty clearly her Shadow, outside what was without a doubt an actual casino, in the middle of Tokyo where the courthouse should have been.
As for her Shadow herself, Sae had only one question.
What the hell was the idea behind the spiked collar?
“So, you’ve returned to my casino, I see. With a certain somebody in tow.” Sae’s Shadow muttered from in front of them.
To say she looked a lot worse than Ren had described her would be… completely accurate.
(What? Not everything is an understatement or overstatement).
The hat was not bad. Neither was the eyeliner, even if Sae had never worn it herself. But he hadn’t mentioned the spiked collar. And he definitely had not mentioned how risque her dress was.
Come to think of it, he really hadn’t gone to any lengths to describe her Shadow at all besides the basics, and considering the situation and how pressed on time she’d been by then, Sae hadn’t asked for details.
In hindsight, maybe being pressed for time hadn’t been the only reason she had not asked for details.
But when her Shadow spoke, her mind swiftly rerouted itself to what she was saying.
“Well, I can hardly protest. Returning to the police with the leader of the Phantom Thieves after he tried to escape would guarantee you a promotion, after all.”
“W-what are you talking about? I’m - I’m not planning to turn him in.” Sae replied quickly. “He - the system’s been corrupted. Twisted by whoever’s giving Akechi-kun his orders, and - they have to be stopped.”
Her Shadow paused at this. Looked at Sae.
And then, she started cackling.
It wasn’t a friendly laugh. It was like a witch’s cackle at midnight. A hair-chilling noise that woke up the neighborhood and made it clear to everyone listening that the person laughing didn’t give a single fuck about you as a person.
At least, no fucks about you as a person beyond how useful you were to achieving their goals.
“Really? You’re trying to claim the moral high ground NOW? You were thinking almost the exact same thing just over a day ago, before he was captured, after all. And you still are, deep in your heart - I would know. And you know I’m right, after all. I’m YOU.”
Sae didn’t know what would happen if she tried to claim the opposite. But the little she did know about Shadows said that they represented yourself - everything you repressed, everything you didn’t want to or weren’t willing to face about you.
And, well - even if she had really been bad at self-reflection over the last few years, she couldn’t say that her Shadow was completely wrong.
“He may be lying, after all. Trying to break your resolve to see this case through and cloud your vision, by claiming the one person you felt you could trust and who treated you equally has trampled on that trust more than anyone else.”
Sae felt her jaw tighten. She had hit her where it hurt the most. Akechi.
The one person who she’d actually trusted on the force. The one person who had not viewed her as worthless because of her gender - and who she, in turn, had not judged for being a bastard child. They’d had their conflicts, but compared to the condescension of everyone else in the office, the honesty he gave her in their arguments was like a breath of fresh air. A strange camaraderie had arisen from that, she thought.
Or at least, she thought a strange camaraderie had arisen from that.
Until she’d figured out that Ren was implying he was the Metaverse killer.
Even if seeing him walking down to the interrogation room where she’d been questioning Ren had erased almost all of her doubts, there was always that sliver in there, saying that maybe she had been wrong, maybe she and he had both been set up…
Her Shadow noticed this. Or maybe she sensed it thanks to what she was.
Sae couldn’t tell. Maybe it was both.
But either way, she kept speaking. Going for the weakness she sensed.
It was something Sae liked to do herself in court.
“You know nothing of what awaits you now. It could be punishment, it could be failure, it could be that all you have gambled will be stripped away in a heartbeat because you chose to stop playing the game. And now you seek to throw away your position as the greatest player in the game of justice. All based on words you can’t prove, of somebody who has chosen to laugh in justice’s face?”
The scowl on her Shadow’s face made any angry look Sae had ever cast at Makoto look downright pathetic in comparison.
And the irony that she was looking at herself that way was not lost on her.
“WHY?”
For a second - a single second - Sae Niijima stopped to think about the question.
It was not a bad question, to be honest.
And, well - her Shadow had asked it.
And like all Shadows, she couldn’t deny that what it said was right.
She was risking her career - hell, she was risking her life on multiple levels, if things went wrong.
She just hadn’t been given the time to really think about it yet.
Until now.
So why was she doing this?
Most people would think hard about a question like that.
A day ago, Sae would have thought hard about a question like that.
But the Sae Niijima of right now was not the Sae Niijima of a day ago.
And that second was all that she needed to come up with her answer.
There are some times in your life where you know that you are standing at a crossroads.
You have two or more choices before you - and you know that both of them will lead you down roads that could both lead to very different journeys.
You can’t see too much of the path. But you know that neither of them will lead you to a clear destination. All you can do, very often, is flip a coin to decide - leave your choice to chance. Because you can’t decide on your own - all you can do leave the choice to something else that isn’t you. Not every time.
This was not one of those times.
Actually, there are very few instances where this particular event could be considered a “choice” of any sort.
Look through a hundred thousand universes with this event. Pick them at random. Then, pick a hundred thousand more, and a hundred thousand more after that.
Look hard. Look carefully. But you’ll look in vain.
Because in every single one of them, Sae Niijima’s words to her Shadow, at that moment, were exactly the same.
There was only one path she could walk now.
“Because. It’s right.”
Without warning, Sae’s world changed.
Before she had seen the lights of the casino, heard the noises of the Shadows and of her own Shadow, seen everything that proved the Metaverse, at least, did exist to some degree.
Now, that world was gone.
Now, all she could see, hear, feel, touch, and taste…
Was pain.
“So you finally wish to see clearly again?”
“AA-AAGHGHHH!!”
Some part of Sae’s mind said that she knew what was happening now. Ren had described the exact process of Awakening multiple times - especially the pain that led up to it.
But it seemed he had misled her by accident. Pain, to Sae Niijima at that moment, didn’t seem to be a strong enough word to describe what she was feeling.
“You chose to look before. To see the state of justice in this nation with eyes unclouded. And then, you chose to shroud your eyes… to distort the truth, and see only the justice you wished to serve, looking with blinders attached. To cloud the horrors you saw from your vision and shield your mind with the lies you told yourself.”
Agony raced through every inch of her body. Physically and mentally. Nothing in her life - not even learning about the deaths of her mother and father - could ever even come close to this.
But part of her - the part that wasn’t preoccupied with screaming her lungs out - knew what was coming next.
Knew it… and embraced it.
“Lies so convincing… that you started to believe them.”
The horrific truth ran through her body and mind - and somehow, the torture she was undergoing got stronger.
But so did Sae’s resolve.
“But the distortions in your vision have been stripped away now. You see the world with eyes unclouded for the first time in years… and you choose to finally break away from the rot which seeps throughout this world. The shroud of lies you created is gone… they will comfort you no longer.”
Something new came to mind.
She couldn’t remember their faces.
Their names.
The countless people she’d sent to prison, examined the cases of.
Most of them were, without a doubt, guilty. She had examined the cases herself, after all - and while prosecutors typically preferred to send people who were genuinely guilty to prison, part of the process was that they had to treat every defendant as being potentially guilty.
Regardless of if they were guilty or not guilty.
“I…”
But she wouldn’t let her guilt stop her.
She had to do this.
She had to accept this.
“I don’t need lies anymore.”
And even though she couldn’t see what her Shadow was doing through her tears, she could still feel her satisfaction.
“ Very well .”
Almost subconsciously, Sae felt - something - forming over her eyes.
Just as subconsciously, she knew what it was.
And she knew, consciously (well, what part of her conscious was not still preoccupied screaming) and instinctively - that she had to get rid of it.
“After you rejected it for so long to comfort yourself, you have finally found your way back to the truth.”
Her hands came up to the mask - and started tugging.
It stayed fixed, though. Like it had been attached with superglue.
Sae gripped it with all her strength, and tugged harder.
Across from her, she could feel her Shadow begin to speak the words that would change everything for her. For good.
“I am thou… thou art I… never forgot this judgement on yourself again, as long as you live…”
“...I have no plans to do so. Ever again.”
“Well said. Keep your oath this time… and I will gladly fight by your side.”
And just as the final words left her lips, the mask started to slip free.
And as she took the mask she showed the world - the mask she had almost become - and ripped it away, Sae Niijima screamed.
A few minutes later - after a few Shadows had showed up, and promptly gotten torn apart by Sae - everything was quiet again. Sae was gasping for air, her lungs taking in air after both the pain of Awakening, and the fight afterwards with a few Shadows that had come to investigate.
The silence was finally broken, by the boy next to her - who really should not have been standing up on his own right now - grinning weakly at her. He'd been running what were probably healing spells over both of them throughout the fight - and while he seemed to be standing up straighter now, she wasn't convinced by any stretch that he could get away without a doctor's visit. “So… welcome aboard, then.”
Sae couldn't think of anything to say, but she somehow found the strength to smile at him.
At least, for a few seconds before the world started to groan.
“...If I remember right, this is the part where we run.” Sae deadpanned.
Ren didn't answer, since he had already started to limp away as fast as he could.