Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Suga was dozing off, his head bumping against someone’s shoulder. He heard the person next to him scoff.

“You didn’t have to come meet me this early so we could take the bus together,” Oikawa mumbled.

Suga hummed, eyes still closed, “Yeah, but I wanted to.”

Oikawa snorted, “You just wanted to use me as a pillow.”

“That may have been part of it.”

Oikawa sighed, shifting so Suga would be more comfortable, “You’re ridiculous.”

“I know.”

Oikawa had to practically drag Suga off the bus to the camp, the silver haired boy tripping over his feet in his haze.

“Did you sleep at all last night?” Oikawa huffed, slinging Suga’s arm around his shoulders.

“A little, but it’s fine,” Suga mumbled, shrugging.

“Are you having trouble sleeping?” Oikawa asked, concerned.

“Nah, it was just a one off thing, you don’t need to worry,” Suga said, shaking it off.

Oikawa eyed him suspiciously, but said nothing as they entered the gym for the camp. They fell into their routine, setting up the net and grabbing the volleyballs for the kids. Suga noticed Oikawa was lagging again, not nearly as energized as he usually was. He bit his lip, but said nothing as the camp continued on, the two of them sitting against the wall as parents came to pick up their kids.

“Hey,” Suga whispered, “Are you feeling alright? You seem...down?”

Oikawa gave him a bright smile, “I feel fine babe, it’s nothing.”

Suga didn’t comment on how the smile hadn’t reached his eyes.

Everything was moving incredibly fast, Suga felt like he was being pulled in several directions all at once. The entrance exams for college were coming up, as well as the prefecture qualifiers for spring nationals, practices were getting longer and harder, Oikawa also seemed further away, slipping from Suga’s grasp. The texts were getting shorter, the response times getting longer and longer. Suga felt like he couldn’t keep his head above water, like he was drowning and he didn’t know why. 

The qualifiers started this week, Oikawa barely texting him, saying he was busy with practice. Suga wanted to believe him, but something was settling in the back of his mind, haunting him.

He had no time to think, the qualifiers had begun.

Karasuno had managed to beat several teams and move forward. It was the semifinals now, and they were facing off against Aoba Johsai again. Suga and Oikawa stared at each other from across the court, they weren’t boyfriends at the moment, just rivals. It was all or nothing.

A three set game, like last time, but it ended with Karasuno winning.

“We won,” Suga whispered, grinning, shaking Daichi by his shoulders, “We won!”

Daichi was laughing, “Yeah! We did!”

We won, we just have to beat Shiratorizawa, we can do this! We’re gonna go to Nationals! Suga thought, excitedly.

Daichi gripped Suga’s shoulders, smiling ear-to-ear. The gym had fallen strangely quiet, whispers swirling around them. Suga watched as the smile slipped off Daichi’s face, replaced by a look of horror.

“Daichi? What’s wrong?” Suga asked, trying to look behind him.

Daichi tightened his grip, yanking Suga forward, What’s going on? What does he want me to not see? Suga thought, trying to wiggle his way out of Daichi’s grasp.

“ Oikawa! ” he heard Iwaizumi scream, his voice full of fear.

That was enough to get Suga to yank himself out of Daichi’s grasp, spinning around. His blood ran cold, Iwaizumi was kneeling beside Oikawa, who had collapsed on the floor. The teams were frozen in shock, Kindachi was gripping Kunimi, holding him back, Yahaba was doing the same with Kyotani. The paramedics had arrived, Mattsun and Hanamaki pulling Iwaizumi away, the three of them clinging together. Suga forced himself to move, to take a step forward and another, however, someone else grabbed him, locking their arms around him.

“O-Oikawa?!” Suga screamed, He’s not...he’s not moving? “ Oikawa! ”

He struggled against whoever was holding him, kicking and thrashing, trying to get them to let him go.

“Sugawara,” Ukai’s voice hissed in his ear, “Stop moving, we need to keep space for the paramedics.”

Suga could not care less about the paramedics, all he cared about was Oikawa, who was being lifted onto a stretcher, an oxygen mask over his face. As Oikawa was being wheeled out of the gym, Suga managed to get himself free from Ukai, bolting across the gym. Only to be grabbed again , by Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi forced him to the ground with ease, pinning him with one arm against the floor. Suga struggled, but it was useless. 

“Koushi,” Iwaizumi choked out, “Stop, please , stop.”

Suga felt every ounce of fight left in him drain out at the sound of Iwaizumi’s voice. He went limp against the ground, shaking. Iwaizumi was shaking, too, both of them silently crying.

They were sitting in the hospital waiting room. Iwaizumi and Suga were sitting away from the others, both teams had come from the gym, still in uniform. Hanamaki and Mattsun were still clinging to each other, a few chairs down from them. Kindachi, Kunimi, and Kageyama were seated near them on the floor. Yahaba was sitting in another chair, Kyotani and Tanaka sitting on the floor in front of him, Yahaba absentmindedly rubbing their heads. Hinata and Nishinoya were pacing in circles, unable to sit still. Daichi and Asahi were comforting the second years, silently rubbing their backs. No one was speaking. Both Ukai and Takeda were whispering to Aoba Johsai’s coach, a little further away, with Oikawa’s mom. Suga put his head in his hands.

“Did you know?” he asked, voice hoarse.

Iwaizumi let out a choked sob, pressing his palms against his eyes, “I’m sorry.”

Suga scrubbed his face, “How...how long...has he been sick?”

“It’s...this his fourth...time. This is the worst it’s been.”

Glioblastoma. Brain cancer. Stage four, those words rattled around in Suga’s mind, “Fourth...time?”

Iwaizumi nodded, “It...kept coming back...they’ve done surgery the last three times...but…”

Suga didn’t want to hear any more, he felt like he was going to be sick. The doctor had said they were going to do chemotherapy this time, the cancer was widespread in his brain, surgery wasn’t going to work this time. The doctor came back out, saying Oikawa was awake, he had passed out from a seizure, and that he could have visitors. Iwaizumi and Oikawa’s mother went first. Suga didn’t want to go into the room, he didn’t know if he could handle seeing Oikawa in the hospital bed. He was lost in his own thoughts when Ukai sat next to him.

“Hey kid,” he whispered, “How are you holding up?”

“I’m not,” Suga replied, his voice cracking as he buried his face in his hands, sobbing.

Ukai placed an arm around him, giving him a hug, Suga hadn’t ever explicitly talked about his relationship with Oikawa, but after Ukai had driven them to Oikawa’s home when he had the fever, he probably just figured it out from there. Ukai said nothing as he let Suga cry, Hinata approached slowly, sitting down on the other side of Suga, wrapping himself around Suga and burying his face into Suga’s back. He let him cling to him, trying to take comfort in the smaller boy’s warmth. Iwaizumi had come back, eyes red and puffy.

“He wants to see you,” Iwaizumi mumbled.

Suga didn’t want to go, if he went into the room, it’d be real. Too real. But, he found himself going up in the elevator and down the hall, pushing the door open to Oikawa’s room.

Oikawa beamed as he walked in, he looked fine, besides the oxygen tube in his nose.

“Hey babe,” Suga murmured.

Oikawa’s mom gave Oikawa a quick kiss on the forehead, “I’ll be outside,” she stopped and gave Suga a kiss on the forehead, too, before leaving them alone. Suga approached slowly, before settling himself into the chair.

“I’m sorry,” Oikawa mumbled, reaching for Suga’s hand.

Suga let him and he pressed a kiss against his knuckles, “I should have...I should have said something.”

Suga shook his head, “This isn’t your fault.”

“I knew I was sick, but I didn’t say anything,” Oikawa continued, “I was scared. I was just...scared, I didn’t want to upset you, but I did.”

Suga moved from the chair, Oikawa scooted over to let Suga climb into the small bed, “I’m not upset,” he murmured, “It’s okay to be scared, but you’re gonna be alright. You’re strong, so strong, you’re gonna be fine.”

Suga didn’t know if he was trying to convince himself or Oikawa. Oikawa let out a small sob as Suga wrapped himself around the other boy, careful not to disturb the tubes sticking off his body.

“I love you,” Suga mumbled, pressing a kiss on Oikawa’s temple, he hadn’t spoken those words out loud before.

“I love you, too.”

“When’s the game?” Oikawa asked.

“This Friday, they pushed it back by a week,” Suga replied.

Oikawa was back home, having been released by the hospital, saying that he could be home during the chemotherapy treatments. They were lying in his bed, entangled in each other. Suga was supposed to be at school, but his mom had talked them into having a few days off. 

“You gonna play?” Oikawa asked, rubbing small circles on Suga’s back.

Suga shrugged, Ukai had told him if he didn’t want to play that the team would understand, that he didn’t have to.

“You should play,” Oikawa mumbled, “You need to beat Shiratorizawa for me, besides, your team needs you.”

But you need me, Suga thought, I need you, “I dunno.”

“Babe, listen to me, I want you to play, I’ll be watching the game, trust me. You can’t not go,” Oikawa said, pressing a kiss onto Suga’s forehead.

Suga sighed, “Okay.”

“You need to beat Ushijima’s ass for me,” Oikawa mumbled.

Suga cleared his throat, “You should’ve come to Shiratorizawa,” he said, in a comically deep voice.

Oikawa huffed and pushed him away, “Stop that!”

Suga laughed, “I’m sorry! Babe, forgive me!”

Oikawa groaned, “So annoying.”

“Who, me or Ushijima?”

“Both.”

“Rude!”

Oikawa snorted as he pulled Suga back into his arms, glaring at the boy pouting at him, “You’re lucky I love you.”

Suga grinned, “Love you, too, babe.”

Oikawa just hummed, running his hand down Suga’s side. Suga involuntarily squirmed at the feather-light touch, which caused Oikawa to pause. Suga froze.

“Wipe that smirk that I know is on your face right now,” Suga hissed.

“You’re ticklish ,” Oikawa said, clearly smirking.

“No, no I am not!” Suga squealed, trying to wiggle his way out.

Oikawa swung a leg over, hauling himself up so he was straddling Suga, holding him in place. Suga grabbed his shirt, trying to shove him off, but Oikawa managed to wrangle his wrists together, pinning them with one hand, the other hand resting on Suga’s side. The bastard looked down and smirked at him, Suga was going to commit homicide. 

“Don’t you fucking dare, Oikawa Tooru,” Suga grumbled.

“Or what? What are you gonna do?” Oikawa said, laughing.

Suga struggled against Oikawa’s grasp, but to no avail. Oikawa laughed again, tapping his fingers against Suga’s side, Suga squirming underneath him, trying to not laugh, but failing miserably.

“S-Stop!” Suga said, through his laughs, “Stop!”

“Hm, no. I don’t think I will.”

Suga yanked his arms violently, trying to haul himself up, but slammed his head into the headboard of the bed, Suga yelped and Oikawa released himself, laughing.

“Are you okay?” Oikawa wheezed.

Suga held his head, “No, that was your fault!”

“Aw, baby, I’m sorry,” Oikawa cooed, patting his head.

“I don’t think you are!” Suga whined.

Oikawa leaned down and kissed the top of Suga’s head, “Did that make it better?”

Suga huffed, “Maybe.”

Oikawa chuckled, peppering kisses on Suga’s face before planting one on his lips. Suga sighed, running his fingers through Oikawa’s hair as Oikawa leaned in for another kiss. Oikawa grinned as he tugged on Suga’s lower lip, reveling in the surprise squeak that Suga made. He kissed him again, then his jaw, then placed one on his neck. Suga let out a shaky breath as Oikawa kissed his neck, hovering for a moment. Suga could feel Oikawa’s breath against his neck, before Oikawa leaned in again, pressing more kisses. Suga tightened his grip on Oikawa’s hair as Oikawa nipped at his neck, his lips trailing down to his collarbone, then back up to his neck. Suga gasped as Oikawa nipped his neck again, sucking a little. Oikawa’s hands trailed down Suga’s torso, sliding under his shirt, his fingers pressing against Suga’s sides. Suga squirmed again.

“No,” Suga gasped out, “You cannot be kissing my neck and tickling me, this isn’t fair!”

He could feel Oikawa smirk against his neck, clearly not listening to his protests. Suga managed to wiggle one leg out, pressing his foot against Oikawa’s chest as he leaned back, shoving him off. Oikawa yelped as he fell off the bed and Suga laughed.

“That was mean!” Oikawa pouted, getting off the floor and climbing back into the bed.

“Maybe you shouldn’t have tickled me, you’re lucky I didn’t kick you in the face.”

“Hmph,” Oikawa hummed, laying down next to Suga, burying his face in Suga’s neck.

Suga pulled Oikawa closer, tilting his head so Oikawa could resume kissing his neck. They stayed like that for a while, until the kissing slowed and the two of them nestled closer, eyes closed and falling asleep.

Today was the finals, Karasuno vs. Shiratorizawa, Suga felt like he could puke from the nerves, though he wasn’t sure if it was from the game or from the nerves of Oikawa being sick. But he couldn’t think about it too long, the whistle blew.

Five sets, the longest game they’ve ever played.

And they won, they were going to Nationals.

Suga was gripping Daichi and Asahi in his arms, crying, sobbing, really, but they had won, they had won and were going to Nationals. It all felt surreal, like a dream Suga was going to wake up from. The entire team was crying and hugging each other, Ukai and Takeda were beaming with pride during the awards ceremony. Walking out of the gym, Suga felt like he was on cloud nine, everyone in varying states of shock. Suddenly, Daichi smacked his shoulder, pointing. Oikawa and Iwaizumi were standing a ways off, chatting amongst themselves. Iwaizumi seemed to have noticed Daichi’s pointing, nudging Oikawa and nodding towards them. Suga and Oikawa locked eyes, both grinning. Suga was wrapped in a tight hug before he knew it, Oikawa picking him up and spinning him around.

“You did it,” Oikawa whispered.

“Yeah,” Suga mumbled, burying his face in Oikawa’s neck.

“Gross,” Daichi and Iwaizumi said, in unison.

The two of them broke apart, sticking their tongues out at their friends. The rest of Karasuno had joined them now, Iwaizumi and Oikawa begrudgingly congratulating them, Oikawa clinging to Suga. For a moment, everything felt like it was going to be alright.

Nationals was overwhelming, the people, the teams, the games, everything. Suga felt like his head was spinning. He was standing on the edge of the court, staring out. Daichi and Asahi flanked either side of them, they had finished in the Top Eight in the nation. Suga could barely believe that this was it, that volleyball was over for him. He felt Daichi’s hand on his shoulder, guiding them out of the stadium. The cold air smacked him in the face, a refreshing feeling. Daichi stopped walking, Suga nearly bumping into him.

“Oh,” Daichi whispered, glancing back.

Suga raised an eyebrow at Daichi, who had turned back around, staring off. Suga followed his gaze and felt his heart catch in his throat. The rest of Karasuno was crowded around someone, chatting amongst themselves. Suga blinked a few times, processing the scene in front of him. Oikawa met his gaze, smiling widely. Daichi nudged Suga forward, forcing him to walk towards Oikawa. He stared up at him, mouth open.

“Hey,” Oikawa said, softly.

“H-Hey,” Suga stuttered, “Your...hair…”

“Do you like it?” Oikawa asked.

Suga ran a hand over Oikawa’s shaved head, marveling at it, the stubble of brown hair felt strange under his hand, taking in Oikawa's new look, comprehending that his fluffy brown hair he had run his fingers through was gone.

“You look like Tanaka,” Suga teased.

“Oh, ew” Oikawa muttered.

“Hey!” Tanaka shouted, offended, “Shaved heads are a great look, thanks!”

Suga laughed, “I like it, I do.”

Oikawa grinned, cupping Suga’s face, pulling him into a kiss.

“Oh, ew, in front of us? Seriously?” the team whined.

Ukai cleared his throat, Oikawa and Suga broke apart, face red.

“Let’s get some dinner,” Ukai said, grinning.

“Ow,” Oikawa muttered.

Suga glanced over, Oikawa had dropped his phone on his face. They were lying side by side in his bed, Suga rolled his eyes and went back to scrolling through his phone. Oikawa groaned and turned, tossing an arm across Suga’s stomach.

“Babe, I’m booooored,” he whined.

“What do you want me to do about it?” Suga grumbled.

Oikawa hummed, pressing his face into Suga’s shoulder, “I don’t know.”

Suga snorted, “Helpful.”

“We could go for a walk?”

“It’s nighttime.”

“And?”

Suga sighed, turning his attention back to his phone. Oikawa whined again, hauling himself up so he was sitting on top of Suga. He plucked Suga’s phone out of his hands, putting it on the nightstand. Suga frowned at him, “Seriously?”

Oikawa grinned, intertwining their hands, “I need attention.”

“I’ve literally been paying attention to you all day.”

“ Baaaaabe. ”

“Fine, you can have a kiss.”

Oikawa beamed as he leaned down, kissing Suga softly. Suga sighed as Oikawa let go of his hands, cupping Suga’s face. Suga’s hands clutched the sides of Oikawa’s shirt, letting Oikawa deepen the kiss as they laid there. Oikawa’s hands travelled down Suga’s sides, causing him to shudder under the feather-light touch. He gripped Suga’s shirt, tugging it off slowly in order to not interrupt their make-out session too much. He dropped it to the floor and pulled away from Suga, eyeing him, both of them slightly out of breath and red-faced.

“Is this alright?” Oikawa murmured, cupping Suga’s face with one hand.

Suga nodded, “Yeah, yeah it is.”

Oikawa was dead asleep, breathing softly as he held Suga in his arms. Suga was wrapped around him tightly, listening to each breath he took. He tried to ignore the way Oikawa’s ribs were protruding against his arms, the way he shivered slightly every so often, how bony his ankles were against Suga’s legs. Suga could feel the tears pricking behind his eyes, taking in a shaky breath to hold them back. Oikawa groaned softly, slowly opening his eyes, blinking a few times. 

“Sorry,” Suga murmured, “Did I wake you?”

Oikawa shook his head, “Nah...babe, what’s wrong?”

Suga buried his face into Oikawa’s bare chest, “Nothing.”

“Kou-chan,” Oikawa murmured, stroking Suga’s hair, “Talk to me.”

Suga sniffled, “It’s nothing.”

Oikawa was quiet for a moment, before sighing, “I’m pretty bony, aren’t I?”

Suga let out a whimper, pressing his face harder into Oikawa’s chest, Oikawa pulled him closer, “Shh, hey it’s okay, it’s okay.”

Suga hated this, he hated the fact Oikawa was sick, but he was the one comforting him. This wasn’t fair.

“I’m sorry.”

“Kou-chan, don’t apologize. Besides, when I’m better I’ll be the beefiest guy you know!”

Suga snorted, “I doubt it, not when Iwaizumi is right there.”

Oikawa was pouting, Suga couldn’t see it, but he knew, “Oh, shut up.”

He shivered again, Suga pulled the covers tighter around them, “Maybe you wouldn’t be so cold if you put on some clothes.”

“Maybe I would’ve put on clothes if someone hadn’t stolen my t-shirt and my boxers,” Oikawa grumbled.

Suga gave a weak chuckle, “They are pretty comfy, but you also have other clothes.”

“That requires me to get up and I am quite comfortable where I am.”

Suga rolled his eyes, snuggling himself closer to Oikawa, “Besides,” Oikawa added, “You make a great heater.”

“Shut up, Tooru.”

Oikawa hummed as he rolled over, making Suga lay on top of him, closing his eyes. He was out within seconds. Suga scoffed in disbelief on how quickly he fell asleep, before he also closed his eyes and drifted to sleep. 

Suga opened his eyes, momentarily blinded by the sunlight pouring in through the window. He groaned softly, sitting up. Oikawa was next to him, face down in the pillow, sprawled out on his stomach. Suga absentmindedly ran a hand over the other boy’s shaved head as he checked his phone, it was nearly ten in the morning. He sighed and tossed the covers off him, standing slowly.

“Someone sore?” Oikawa teased, having woken up, staring at Suga with a grin on his face.

Suga flicked him off, “Shut up, I’m going to take a shower.”

Oikawa hummed in reply, closing his eyes again. Suga walked to the bathroom, towel in hand. He turned on the shower, letting the water warm up. He stripped off Oikawa’s t-shirt glancing at himself in the mirror. Small bruises covered his torso and neck, Suga sighed, there was no way he’d be changing in front of anyone anytime soon, he doubted that Oikawa was faring any better, though. He stripped off the boxers and climbed into the shower, letting the warm water cascade down on him for a moment, before he actually began washing his hair and himself. A knock on the door startled him.

“I’m coming in,” Oikawa said, Suga heard the door open.

“Come in, I guess.”

“Shut up, this is my bathroom and I gotta pee.”

“Thanks for letting me know.”

There was a pause, before Suga heard the toilet flush, which gave him exactly two seconds before the water turned excruciatingly cold. He yelped and stumbled backwards, hearing Oikawa snicker as he turned on the sink.

“That was mean,” Suga pouted, sticking his head out.

Oikawa glanced at him from the mirror, toothbrush in his mouth, “It was funny,” he mumbled, mouth full of toothpaste.

Suga rolled his eyes and finished his shower. He put on a fresh pair of boxers, rubbing his hair dry with the towel as he walked back into Oikawa’s room. Oikawa was sitting in his desk chair, finally wearing some boxers, the covers gone from his bed. Suga assumed he had gone to wash them. Oikawa glanced up from his phone and put it down. He wheeled himself over to Suga, pulling him into his lap. He took the towel from Suga, rubbing it over his head, drying his hair for him.

“I can dry my own hair,” Suga mumbled.

“Yeah, but I miss being able to do this,” Oikawa mumbled.

Suga fell silent. Oikawa hummed to himself as he kept drying Suga’s hair, until it was decently dry. Suga finally got a good look at Oikawa, who was definitely worse off in the hickey department than Suga was. Suga grinned, crossing his arms.

“Hm, I did a pretty good job,” he remarked.

Oikawa rolled his eyes, “Tch, did you look at yourself? I think I did a better one.”

Suga stuck his tongue out in response. Oikawa flicked his forehead and Suga grumbled, swatting his shoulder. Oikawa giggled, pulling Suga into his chest. They sat there for a while, saying nothing.

Suga groaned as he opened the door to his house, dropping his bag on the floor and slipping off his shoes. He wasn’t used to coming home so early, now that he no longer had volleyball practice. His mom wasn’t home yet, which gave him free reign of the TV, plopping himself down on the couch and scrolling through the channels, he checked his phone. No new messages from Oikawa, he had a doctor’s appointment today, so Suga wasn’t surprised, but he was still worried. He put on some bad reality TV show about Japanese idols and stretched out on the couch, letting himself relax. He was dozing off when his phone rang, jolting him out of the daze.

“Hello?” he mumbled, rubbing his eyes.

“Hey,” Oikawa’s voice said, cracking through the phone, “Do you...have a minute? We...We need to talk.”

Suga could tell Oikawa was upset, he bit his lip, “Babe, what’s wrong?”

“I...We should...talk in person. Can I come over?”

“Of course.”

Suga was pacing when he heard the doorbell ring, he knew Oikawa had been upset on the phone, he could hear it in his voice. He nearly tripped over his own feet trying to answer it, opening the door. The look on Oikawa’s face scared him, his face was pale, eyes red, he was still sniffling. Suga didn’t ask, he just pulled the other boy into a tight hug. Oikawa broke into sobs, shaking in Suga’s arms. The tears Suga didn’t even notice welling in his eyes started to fall, they just stood there, hugging. 

“I’m sorry,” Oikawa choked out.

“Shhh, don’t be, it’s okay babe, it’s gonna be alright,” Suga murmured, rubbing his back.

“No...Koushi…” Oikawa rasped.

Suga felt his heart stop at his name, Oikawa clutched him tighter, “I’m stopping the treatment.”

Suga felt something cold squeeze his heart, the air leaving his lungs. It felt like the floor was crumbling underneath him and the walls were caving in, like he was trapped, unable to move. He gripped Oikawa’s shirt, his knees going weak, trying to hold himself upright.

“W-What...do you mean you’re stopping treatment…” Suga whispered.

“I’m not getting better,” Oikawa murmured, “I’m...not...going to get better.”

Suga shook his head wildly, like this was a nightmare and he could wake himself up. He tried pushing himself away, but Oikawa held him in place.

“That...you can’t, you can’t !” Suga wailed.

“Koushi, baby, I have to.”

“No, no you don’t! You can’t just give up! You said you were gonna get better! You promised me you were going to get better!” Suga screamed, choking on his tears.

“I know, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Oikawa whispered, cupping Suga’s face to wipe away the tears.

Suga stared at Oikawa, who looked so tired. He was paler and skinnier than before, a grey tint to his skin, dark circles under his eyes, his brown buzzcut patchy in places. Suga felt his throat close up, the realization that he was looking at a dead person walking shook him to his core.

“You...can’t...don’t give up...you can’t,” Suga choked out.

“Oh Koushi,” Oikawa sighed, “I’m not giving up...I was just delaying the inevitable.”

Suga was shaking, sliding down to his knees, Oikawa sliding down with him. They held each other, sitting on the floor. Both of them unable to speak as the sobs wracked their bodies. Suga clung to Oikawa’s shirt, burying his face in Oikawa’s chest, Oikawa’s fingers tightly holding onto Suga’s hair, his other arm wrapped securely around his waist. Eventually, Suga stopped shaking, unable to cry any longer. He went limp in Oikawa’s grasp, resting his head on Oikawa’s shoulder.

“It’s...it’s gonna be alright, Koushi, it’s going to alright,” Oikawa whispered.

They both knew it was a lie. Oikawa and him stood up, making their way to Suga’s room, where they laid in his bed, silent in each other’s arms. Oikawa fell asleep first, his breathing evening out. Suga laid there, his head on Oikawa’s chest, just listening. If you love me, why are you leaving me? Suga thought, as he brushed his hand over Oikawa’s head, This isn’t fair .

Suga woke up the next morning alone, with a note stuck to his forehead saying Oikawa had another doctor’s appointment. He sat up, unsticking the note from his head and placing it down on the nightstand. He really didn’t want to get up and face today, it was a present he didn’t want. He checked his phone, but didn’t reply to any of the worried text messages, he didn’t have the energy. He laid back down, putting his phone back on the nightstand. Pulling the covers back up to his chin, he curled into a ball, fully intending to go back to sleep, it was only eight in the morning anyways.

His phone had other plans, it began ringing loudly. Suga groaned and ignored it, pulling the covers over his head. It rang again and again, forcing Suga to give up on the idea of sleeping and answering it.

“Hello?” he mumbled.

“Hey,” Iwaizumi’s voice said, softly on the other line.

“Oh, hey Iwa,” Suga said, sitting up, “What’s up?”

“Can I...uh...can I come over?”

“Yeah, front door should be unlocked.”

Iwaizumi was sitting in his desk chair, knees to his chest. Suga had the decency to wash his face and put on fresh clothes, propped up in his bed. Both of them were quiet, red-eyed from crying.

“How are you holding up?” Iwaizumi finally asked.

Suga scoffed, “I could ask you the same, he’s your best friend. It’s gotta be harder on you.”

“Don’t do that, don’t try to compare us. Just because I’ve known him longer doesn’t mean you can’t be more upset than I can. You’re allowed to feel the way you’re feeling,” Iwaizumi said.

“Well, I feel like shit,” Suga said, letting out a hollow snort, “And...I can’t even do anything. There’s nothing to make this better.”

“All you gotta do is just be there for him, that’s all we can do,” Iwaizumi said, softly.

“I...I don’t know if...I can,” Suga whispered, horrified at the words coming out of his mouth, “To just...watch him...die? How can I do that?”

“Because you love him,” Iwaizumi whispered, “Because having you around is what kept him going this long, the least you can do is be there, in the end.”

In the end , those words hit Suga like a train. He folded over, trying to hide the sobs. Iwaizumi rose from the chair, settling himself next to Suga, wrapping his arms around him, crying softly.

“I don’t want to see him go, this shouldn’t even be happening ,” Suga choked out.

“I know,” Iwaizumi replied, sniffling, “I know.”

Oikawa was back in the hospital, Suga by his side. He had promised to stay with him, until the end. So Suga would. 

“Stop looking at me like that,” Oikawa whispered, his hand brushing against Suga’s cheek.

“Like what?” Suga murmured.

“Like I’m already gone.”

Suga felt his breath hitch in his throat, as Oikawa’s thumb brushed across his lips, the words stuck in his throat. The tears stung in his eyes, as Oikawa continued to trace his face. The silence felt suffocating, squeezing Suga by his throat, unable to do anything, but stare at the boy laying in the hospital bed. 

“I have something for you,” Oikawa murmured, breaking the silence.

“W-What?” Suga asked, trying to hold back the tears.

Oikawa handed him a small package, watching closely as Suga opened it, a small gold ring fell out in his palm.

“A...ring?” Suga mumbled.

Oikawa nodded, “Something to remember me by,” showing his own ring.

Suga felt the tears fall down his cheeks, “T-Tooru…”

“Shhh,” Oikawa whispered, wiping the tears away with his thumb, “It’s gonna be alright. I’m gonna be alright.”

Suga slipped the ring on, vowing to himself to never take it off.

Suga was curled up into the chair, pushed as close as he could get to Oikawa’s bed. He was absentmindedly messing with Oikawa’s hand, tracing small circles into his palm with his fingertips, he had been more quiet recently, spending a lot of time asleep or just listening to someone else talk. 

“Hey…” Suga murmured, “Babe, what’s wrong?”

“I don’t want to go,” Oikawa said, in a small voice.

The tears were already behind Suga’s eyes, threatening to come loose, “Babe…”

“I’m tired, Kou-chan, I’m so tired and everything hurts, but I don’t want to go. I’m not ready, I barely got to do anything. This isn’t fair, I...I don’t want to go ,” Oikawa said, his voice cracking.

 Suga couldn’t stop the tears now, he laid his head down on Oikawa’s chest, desperate to ignore the feeling of ribs protruding, as Oikawa’s body shook from his sobs, holding Suga close to his chest.

“It’s gonna be alright,” Suga whispered, knowing the words meant nothing.

They laid there until Oikawa cried himself to sleep. Suga sat back up and wiped his eyes, staring at the boy in the hospital bed. He wasn’t the Oikawa Suga knew, he was skinny and pale, dark circles under his eyes, bones protruding. He no longer had the brown hair Suga had ran his fingers through so many times before, it had long fallen out from the treatment. He wasn’t the Oikawa Suga knew and Suga hated it. He hated himself, too, for wishing for Oikawa to leave already, so at least one of them would be at peace. Oikawa never deserved this, he didn’t deserve this. Suga wiped his eyes again, tears had still been falling, before grabbing his coat and his bag and kissing Oikawa’s forehead. Visitation hours were long over, but none of the nurses seemed to care that Suga stayed so late, he took one more glance at Oikawa, sleeping, the moonlight shining on him through the window. He looked peaceful.

“I’ll be back tomorrow, please wait for me,” he whispered, “I love you, Tooru.”

Suga was struggling to get his t-shirt on the next morning, he was exhausted. Sleep wasn’t a priority to him, not with Oikawa in the hospital, getting worse everyday. Any time away from him meant less time together and he had promised he’d be back tomorrow, so he needed to get this shirt on so he could go. His mom was home, having taken time off work to keep an eye on him, he could hear her talking softly on the phone from downstairs. When he got downstairs, she was no longer on the phone, instead she had her head in her hands, only looking up when she heard him. Her eyes were glassy, she was trying not to cry. There was a sinking feeling in Suga’s stomach, somehow he knew what she was going to say, but he didn’t want to believe it.

“Honey, that was Ms. Oikawa,” she whispered, “I’m so sorry, sweetie, he passed away last night.”

Suga didn’t know what to do, he just shook his head, like if he shook it hard enough, he’d wake up, that this was just some nightmare and he’d wake up in his bed, perfectly fine. 

“No...no, I told him...I told him I’d be back, that he needed to wait for me,” Suga whispered, as his mom wrapped her arms around him, “He told me...he told me he didn’t want to go, he told me he didn’t...so why? Why did he leave? ”

He screamed the last part, the sobs heaving out of him as his knees gave out, forcing him to the floor. His mom held him tightly as he screamed into her shoulder, the tears rolling down his cheeks.

His mom said nothing, just holding him tighter, eventually, she managed to get up to stand up. They walked back up to his room where he curled onto his bed. She sat down in the desk chair next to his bed, stroking his hair. Suga couldn’t do anything, but cry. It all felt like a cruel joke, Oikawa coming into his life and then leaving, just like that. The sunlight was pouring through his window, beaming down on him, but Suga didn’t feel warm.

“It’s not fair,” Suga whispered.

“I know, honey,” his mom replied.

A moment of silence.

“I wanna be alone.”

His mom stroked his hair a few more times, “Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

suga

i love you

i didnt get to say it enough

im glad youre no longer in pain

i love you

It was a sunny day during the funeral, too. Suga thought it was cruel, for such a beautiful day to be marred with this event. He stared down in the casket, he wasn’t looking at Oikawa. The Oikawa he knew was vibrant, with a beaming smile, this Oikawa was small, dull. They had put some horrible brown wig on him, to try and replicate his hair, Suga hated it. He kept staring, even though he didn’t want to, he didn’t want this to be the last memory he had of Oikawa. His mom eventually steered him away, greeting Oikawa’s family. Suga couldn’t look Takeru in the eyes as he offered his condolences. 

The procession was next, Suga felt sick the entire time he was in the car, he felt like his suit was choking him. He didn’t dare look out the window, either. He just stared down at his hands, the small gold ring still on his finger. The eulogies were even worse, as they stood around Oikawa’s casket, the sun beaming down on them. Everyone spoke of a wonderful person Oikawa was, how great of a life he lived. Suga almost wanted to laugh, what kind of life had even gotten to live? He was only eighteen. Suga didn’t stay to watch them lower Oikawa into the ground, he quietly walked away, unnoticed. He let his feet carry him, his body numb to his surroundings, until he found himself standing in the gazebo that Oikawa had decorated with those stupid fairy lights, once beautiful and twinkling, just seemed to mock Suga as he sat down, resting against the side of it.

He just sat there, letting the time pass by, until he remembered the box. He had only seen it once, when he had come one time with Oikawa, before he knew Oikawa was sick, before his world was shattered.

“What is that?” Suga asked.

Oikawa stared at him, “It’s a box, clearly,” holding the small, wooden box in his hands.

Suga rolled his eyes, “I know that. What’s in it?”

“You’ll know, later, when the time is right.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”  

Oikawa didn’t reply, just placing it back underneath one of the floorboards.

Suga felt around on the ground, until he came across a loose board. He pried it back gently, the box sitting underneath it. He picked it up gently, feeling like if he didn’t, it too would break and leave him. Opening the lid, he noticed a letter on the top, addressed to him. His fingers trembled as he unfolded it.

Kou-chan, if you’re reading this. One of two things have happened. I am either proving you wrong (about what? I don’t know, but all I know is that I’m right and you’re wrong.) Or, I passed away. If it’s the second one, I’m sorry. I never wanted to leave. But, I want you to know I love you and always will. Just because I’m gone doesn’t mean I’m not gonna be around, I’ll find some way to annoy you in the after life, trust me. Anyways, I didn’t like you. At first. I thought you were a prick and I was mad the kids liked you better. But then you yelled at me for overworking myself and I realized you actually somewhat cared for me, then you took care of me when I had that fever and I realized you really did care for me, even if you were annoyed about it. That scared me, for you to care like that. I knew I was sick, that there was a chance I wasn’t going to get better. I didn’t want to let you in, I didn’t want to hurt you. But, wow, you’re really fucking persistant. You forced me to go to that karaoke bar and you sang and danced and I laughed (at you obviously). But I also realized I liked you, a lot. You had forced your way into my heart and I knew I was fucked. You ended up showing me so many things, how to be a kid again (not being childish, there’s a difference (your words babe)), how to actually enjoy myself and not worry so much, how to love someone without being afraid. I won’t ever be able to repay you for it. I know it was mean of me to leave, but I want you to be happy. With or without me. Please, do that for me. I love you, Koushi Sugawara.

Always yours,

Tooru Oikawa

Suga slapped his hand over his mouth, to stop the sobs from wretching out of his body. A fresh set of tears flowed down his cheeks, the words from the letter crushing him. He pulled his knees to his chest, clutching the letter against it, his body shaking with the silent sobs. He wanted to scream, but he couldn’t find his voice. Staring up through the fairy lights and the vines, up to the sun that peeked between the cracks of the gazebo, Suga wished to be someone else, somewhere else. The rest of the box’s contents were still there, but Suga wasn’t sure he could look at them. To look at the things Oikawa left him, he didn’t want Oikawa’s things, he wanted Oikawa. He took several deep breaths, placing the letter aside, with his hands shaking he picked up the box and placed it in his lap. There were several photos, of him and Oikawa smiling, beaming and holding up peace signs. One from when they went to karaoke, one after their first kiss, there was one of just Suga, sleeping, presumably taken when Suga stayed over when Oikawa had the fever. It was a horrible angle, Suga’s head tilted back, mouth open, sitting up, but dead asleep. He couldn’t help, but let out a wet laugh. There was more, too, the karaoke tickets, the sticky note Suga had used to scribble down his number, a small volleyball keychain that used to hang on Oikawa’s bag. At the bottom of it all, was the small gold ring Oikawa wore. Suga broke again, he hadn’t noticed him not wearing it in the casket. He picked it up, nearly dropping it as he did, hands shaking badly. He didn’t cry as he put everything back in the box, holding it to his chest. He didn’t cry as he forced himself to walk home, still clinging to the box. He didn’t cry as he changed out of his suit to a t-shirt and sweatpants. He didn’t cry as he climbed into bed, the box next to him. He didn’t cry, he couldn’t feel anything at all.

suga

i found the box

you were always such a sap

i miss you

i love you

The days went by and each day Suga woke up, basked in the sunlight from his bedroom window, feeling no ounce of warmth from it, numb to everything around him. He forced himself to go to school, there were only two weeks until graduation now. He didn’t process anything nor did he care. Oikawa was gone, but Suga was still here, the days passing by. His friends were worried, he knew this, he could tell by the looks they gave him, he was avoiding them, not on purpose, but he couldn’t handle it, the pity and grief scrawled onto their faces, he didn’t want to face it. 

Clearly, his friends were not going to let him keep avoiding them. He had rushed home to slip by them, but when he opened his bedroom door, Daichi and Asahi were sitting in his room. He didn’t bother asking how they got to his house before him.

“Hey,” Daichi said.

“Hey,” Suga mumbled.

“You’ve been avoiding us,” Daichi said, quite bluntly.

Suga flinched, “I...Sorry.”

Daichi sighed, “It’s...okay. I guess. I know you’re having a hard time, but...we want you to talk to us. We care about you and we’re just...worried.”

Suga sunk to the floor and put his head in his hands, “I know...I just...It hurts. Everything hurts and I feel like if I say one word or see another person look at me with pity I’m going to break.”

He could feel the lump forming in his throat and the tears burning behind his eyes, Asahi shifted so he was next to Suga, placing an arm around him, “It’s okay to break,” Asahi murmured, “We’re here to catch the pieces.”

Suga lost it, letting the sobs rack his body as Asahi held him. Daichi joined them on the floor, wrapping himself around them.

“The night...the night he passed...I thought...I thought about him, leaving. I thought about how I wanted him to go, he was in so much pain,” Suga rasped out, “But then...he did go...and I don’t know...I’m angry. At myself for wishing him to leave and at him for leaving, I don’t know, I’m just angry.”

“It’s okay to be angry,” Daichi said, sniffling through his own tears, “It isn’t fair, you’re hurt, but you don’t have to be alone in this, you’re not alone in this.”

Suga couldn’t bring himself to reply, he was sobbing too hard, gasping for air. Daichi and Asahi hugged him tighter, their own tears rolling down their cheeks. They stayed like that for a while, then they stayed for the night. Suga appreciated it, he didn’t want to be alone.

Graduation was upon them. Daichi and Suga were helping Asahi into his gown, fixing his cap. They all shuffled into the main gymnasium, taking their seats. Suga nearly missed his name being called, he could hear people screaming for him as he walked across the stage, clutching his diploma in his hand. It happened so fast, one moment he was a student at Karasuno High School and now he was a graduate. Daichi and Asahi ran over and picked him up into a hug, the three of them crying.

“We did it!” Daichi yelled, grinning.

Suga offered a small smile, “Yeah, we did.”

“Hey, there are the graduated crows!” someone yelled out.

Suga turned around, Iwaizumi was standing nearby, watery eyed, but smiling. Mattsun and Makki hanging out behind him. Daichi, Asahi, and Suga gaped at them if they made their way over. Mattsun tossed his arms around Daichi and Asahi, Iwaizumi and Makki tossing their arms around Suga.

“You guys came?” Daichi asked, surprised.

“Uh, yeah. We aren’t missing our friends graduation. We already had ours, since we’re cooler, we wanted to come out for support,” Mattsun replied.

Suga rolled his eyes as they laughed. His mom came up with Daichi and Asahi’s parents, “Want us to take pictures of you boys?” they offered.

The six of them posed for various pictures, offering watery smiles and peace signs. Iwaizumi picked up Suga, placing him on his shoulders, posing for a picture for the two of them. Mattsun and Makki poorly attempted to hold Asahi for a photo, before they dropped him and everyone laughed. Daichi pulled Suga into a picture, two of them giggling. Asahi tossed his arms around Daichi and Suga, grinning for another camera. Eventually, they had all the pictures they could take and headed out of the gym, their parents saying goodbye. They walked across the grounds, past the gym where the Karasuno boys no longer would go.

“Hold on,” Iwaizumi said, “The gym is open...we could have a little...rematch? The third years, one last time?”

“Oh, wanna get your asses kicked again?” Daichi snorted.

“Scared of losing o’ captain?” Mattsun snarked back.

The six of them bolted into the gym, stripping off gowns and jackets, tossing them aside. Daichi picked up a volleyball while the others set up the net.

“Let’s go!” he yelled, as he served the ball.

Mattsun retrieved it with ease, Makki setting it to Iwaizumi, who sent it right into Karasuno’s side, but Daichi received it back with the same amount of ease, grinning. Suga set it for Asahi, who smacked it into the middle of the court, untouched.

“Ha!” Daichi laughed.

Iwaizumi put his hands on his hips, “It was just one point, don’t get too cocky!”

Suga laughed as Daichi served again, this time it flew out of bounds.

“Oooh, bummer,” Makki snarked.

Iwaizumi picked up the ball, “You guys wanna see a real serve?”

“Oh, like mine was fake?” Daichi yelled.

Iwaizumi sent it flying at Asahi, who managed to bump it. Suga ran up to set it, then dumped it right over the net, grinning as Mattsun looked utterly pissed.

“Seriously?” he muttered.

Suga stuck out his tongue. Asahi served this time, Iwaizumi received the ball, letting Makki hit it across the court. Daichi dove to keep it up, sending it flying to the other side of the court, Asahi hitting it, but it landed out of bounds.

“Ha!” Makki yelled.

“Remember when Oikawa set the ball across the court for you?” Mattsun asked Iwaizumi, voice sad, but proud.

“Yeah,” Iwaizumi said, “Flung himself right into the table, too.”

“He never did know how to give up,” Suga murmured.

“He really didn’t,” Mattsun snorted, “Dude was always practicing.”

“Seriously!” Suga sighed, “Even at the camp, he stayed and trained, drove me insane.”

Iwaizumi let out a wet laugh, “That sounds like him, he was annoyingly persistent.”

“Unfortunately, that’s how he won me over,” Suga said, fondly.

“Sounds about right,” Daichi said.

Suga stared down at the volleyball in his hands, “He would’ve love to see this, us playing like this.”

Iwaizumi gave him a sad stare, “Yeah.”

Suga wiped his eyes with one hand, “He should be here.”

“Yeah, he’d love seeing you guys get your asses kicked again,” Daichi said, his own voice thick with tears.

“Oh shut up, if he were here he’d be winning this game with just service aces,” Iwaizumi retorted, wiping his eyes.

Suga clutched the ball tighter, trying to hold himself together, “Why...Why’d he...why’d he have to go?”

Mattsun broke at those words, letting out a sob. The rest of them soon followed, the game forgotten and they huddled together, crying.

“He’d think we’re so lame, crying like this,” Makki mumbled, arms tight around Daichi and Mattsun.

“Yeah, he’d think we’re lame, but he’d also be crying the hardest,” Suga mumbled, as Iwaizumi squeezed him.

“Oh, for sure,” Iwaizumi replied.

Asahi’s stomach let out a loud growl, causing laughter through the tears. They all agreed to go get some food, picking up their stuff. Daichi, Suga, and Asahi bowed to the gym one last time, before they left Karasuno for one last time. Iwaizumi kept an arm around Suga and Mattsun as they walked to the nearest restaurant, Makki, Daichi and Asahi trailing behind them, chatting. They took a seat next to the windows when they arrived, ordering as much food as they could. Chatting about their future plans and laughing, trying to ignore the watery looks in all their eyes. They all eventually lapsed into silence as they ate. Once they said their goodbyes and headed home, Suga felt like he was going to be okay, for once.

suga

we graduated today

i miss you

i wish you couldve been there

also

your friends are ridiculous

i wish you could have seen us playing around

you wouldve loved it even if you wouldnt have admitted it

love you

The summer flew by, Suga spent most of it preparing to move to Tokyo for college. Daichi was busy with training with the Miyagi police station and Asahi started travelling around, looking for places to intern at for fashion design. Iwaizumi left for California, Suga saw him off with Makki and Mattsun, all of them crying as they waved goodbye. Makki and Mattsun were also preparing for college, before Suga knew it, he was moving his stuff into a dorm in Tokyo, officially a first-year in college. 

suga 

im in college now

its lonely without you and everyone else

but i like my classes

and ive met some nice people

i wish you could be here with me

College went by without much fanfare, Suga focused on his academics more than anything, keeping to himself. The years went by, he graduated, with no one there to cheer him on. 

suga

i graduated college today

its not as exciting as everyone made it out to be

i miss you

and i still love you

Suga was finally into his first year of teaching and he loved it. His students were wild, at times, but he wouldn’t change it for anything. He was currently still there, sitting outside the school with one little girl, who was still waiting to be picked up. She was clinging to Suga’s arm as they sat on the bench, her long brown hair plaited into braids, her pink sweatshirt stained with the soy sauce she had spilled on herself.

“Sensei, my uncle is late!” she whined, yanking his arm.

Suga sighed, “I know, Sakura, he should be here soon.”

“Sensei, are you married?” she asked, tugging his arm again.

Suga glanced down at the little girl, surprised, who was staring back at him, big eyes sparkling, “Uh, no.”

“Can we get married?”

Suga laughed, “Maybe, when you’re older.”

“I’m so sorry I’m late, I got stuck in traffic-- Koushi?” a voice said.

Suga turned to the owner of the voice, he hadn’t been called Koushi in years, not since Oikawa passed, “I-Iwaizumi?”

Iwaizumi blinked at him as Sakura hopped off the bench, “Uncle! You’re late!” she whined.

Iwaizumi sighed and picked up the little girl, “I know, Uncle is sorry.”

“You could buy me ice cream and I won’t tell mommy,” Sakura said, grinning.

Iwaizumi gawked at her and Suga snorted, “She knows how to make a deal.”

“She really does,” Iwaizumi muttered, “H-How have you been?”

“I’ve...been good,” Suga replied.

Iwaizumi nodded, “We should get drinks and catch up, it’s...been awhile.”

“Yeah, yeah I’d like that.”

“Friday?”

“Sure.”

Iwaizumi smiled, “Great, see you then.”

Suga stared into his sake bottle, he was a little buzzed, he hadn’t really drank since he left college. Iwaizumi was sitting across from him, head tilted back, staring at the ceiling.

“So, what’s been up with you?” he asked.

Suga shrugged, “Not much, just been here in Tokyo working.”

“You like it? Being a teacher?”

“Yeah, though sometimes I feel like I could punt a kid across the room,” Suga admitted, chuckling, “That Sakura of yours definitely has...interesting language, wonder who she picked it up from?”

Iwaizumi went wide-eyed, “Uh, I have no idea?” 

“Uh-huh, sure.”

“Okay...she might’ve picked up a few words from me, in my defense, I don’t realize it.”

“I think she picked up most of her attitude from you. She’s literally a mini-you. I didn’t realize it until you came and picked her up, but now it makes complete sense.”

“Okay, listen.”

“I’m listening.”

“I...I...I don’t really have an excuse.”

“That’s what I thought.”

“Don’t use your teacher voice on me, Koushi.”

Suga snorted, “How’s being an athletic trainer?”

“It’s definitely fun, the guys are funny sometimes, annoying, mainly.”

Iwaizumi sighed, before taking another gulp of his drink, “Have...you been seeing anyone?”

Suga frowned, “Uh, no...not since…” he trailed off, Iwaizumi knew what he meant anyways.

“Hm. You should probably get out more, then.”

“I’m perfectly fine, thanks.”

“Are you?” Iwaizumi asked, voice soft.

Suga sighed, “Yeah, I mean...I miss him, you know? I know it’s been four years, but...it still hurts.”

“Of course it does, I don’t think...it’s not gonna ever not hurt, but that shouldn’t stop you, that’s not what he’d want.”

“I know.”

They lapsed into silence for a moment, before Iwaizumi spoke again, “He’d be proud of you.”

Suga lowered his face and wiped away the tears, “He’d be proud of you, too.”

Iwaizumi gave a watery smile, “Yeah.”

They continued drinking and chatting, before Iwaizumi convinced Suga to let him come over. Suga opened the door to his apartment and let him in. Iwaizumi looked around his apartment, which was mainly decorated with drawings his students had given him, before his eyes settled on the pictures on the mantle above the fireplace. The pictures of him and Oikawa.

“Wow, you look the same,” Iwaizumi said, chuckling.

“Is that a compliment or an insult?” Suga asked, rolling his eyes.

“Both.”

Iwaizumi was silent for a moment, “We were so young.”

Suga looked over his shoulder to see what photo he was looking at. It was a rare photo of the three of them, having taken it when they all had shoved themselves into the gazebo Oikawa liked in the park, those years ago.

“Yeah,” Suga murmured, “We were.”

Iwaizumi sighed and backed up a few steps, before settling himself on Suga’s couch. Suga paused for a moment before sitting down next to him.

“Wanna watch a movie?” Iwaizumi asked.

“Yeah.”

They watched some old action movie, one they had seen before, but didn’t really remember. They didn’t talk, letting the movie just play, although neither of them were really paying attention. Once the end credit scenes started rolling, Iwaizumi hauled himself off Suga’s couch, removing his arm that had settled around Suga’s shoulders.

“It’s late...I should...probably get going,” Iwaizumi mumbled.

Suga just hummed in reply. He walked Iwaizumi to the front door, letting himself be pulled into a tight hug. Iwaizumi paused for a moment, before pressing a light kiss against Suga’s forehead.

“You could stay,” Suga whispered, voice barely audible, “If you want.”

Iwaizumi nodded, “Yeah, I’d like that.”

“Daaaaaddy!” a small voice whined, “I’m hungry!”

Suga glanced down at the little brunette boy clinging to his sweatpants, barely reaching Suga’s knees, staring up at him with big brown eyes. He gave the boy a warm smile, setting aside the pancakes and crouching down.

“Breakfast is almost ready, why don’t you go wake your other daddy?” Suga whispered, pushing the little boy towards the bedroom. 

He leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed, as he watched the boy jump onto the sleeping figure. A small groan came from under the covers.

“Five more minutes,” a voice muttered.

“Daddy!! It’s time to get up!! Pancakes!!” the boy yelled, pulling the covers back.

Iwaizumi looked utterly disgruntled as he sat up, yawning. He scooped the little boy into his lap, sighing, “Alright, let’s go get some breakfast, Tooru.”

He hauled himself up, settling the boy on his hip. He noticed Suga standing in the doorway, who gave him a warm smile as he walked over.

“You put him up to this, didn’t you?” Iwaizumi mumbled.

Suga only smiled brighter, Iwaizumi sighed and pressed a kiss onto his forehead. The three of them settled down for breakfast, Iwaizumi cutting up Tooru’s pancakes. Suga watched with a smile on his face.

“So, Tooru, what do you want to do today?” Suga asked, taking a sip of his water.

“I wanna go visit uncle!” he said, slamming his tiny hands on the table.

Iwaizumi and Suga glanced at each other, eyebrows raised. The little boy kept slamming his fists on the table until Iwaizumi fed him some pancakes. Suga watched them, resting his chin in his hand, “Okay,” he murmured, “Let’s go visit uncle.”

It was a bright, sunny day, with clear skies. Suga and Iwaizumi climbed out of the car, Suga helped Tooru out of his car seat, placing him down on the ground. There was a light breeze, rustling their clothes and hair in a soft welcome. Iwaizumi placed his arm around Suga’s shoulders as they walked across the grass.

“Uncle!” Tooru shouted, running as fast as his little legs could carry him, clutching the flowers he had picked out in his arms.

Suga watched as Tooru nearly tripped trying to place the flowers down, before he crouched down.

“Uncle! I’m gonna play volleyball next year!” Tooru said, excitedly, “I’m gonna become a setter, just like you and daddy!” 

The gravestone only sat there in reply, twinkling in the sunlight, Suga went stiff with Iwaizumi giving him a soft squeeze. Tooru settled himself into a crossed legged position, a look of determination on his face, “My daddies talk about how great you were all the time! I wanna be just like you! I’m gonna become the best player in Japan!”

Suga slapped a hand over his mouth to stop the sobs, Iwaizumi used the bottom of his palm to wipe away his own tears. They stood behind Tooru, letting him chatter away. Suga sniffled a bit, “Do you think he’s happy for us?”

Iwaizumi sighed and pulled Suga into a hug, resting his chin on top of Suga’s head, “Honestly? He’s probably disgusted, happy, but absolutely disgusted.”

Suga let out a wet chuckle into Iwaizumi’s chest, “Yeah, I did always tell him to tell you that I thought you were hot.”

Iwaizumi snorted, “Trust me, I know. He told me.”

Suga chuckled again, Iwaizumi continued talking, “He’s happy for us, he’d be proud of us. I know he would. He’d also love Tooru. We probably caught a break, Oikawa would’ve been trying to teach him volleyball before he could walk.”

“Like you’re not already trying to teach him?” Suga teased.

“Hey, at least he can walk!” Iwaizumi grumbled.

Suga snorted as Iwaizumi pressed a kiss onto his head, then sighed, “I miss him, Iwa.”

“I miss him, too. But he’s looking out for us. I know it.”

“Who would’ve believed that we, eight years later, are married with a kid?”

“Definitely not Oikawa.”

Suga chuckled, “Yeah, definitely not him.”

Iwaizumi sighed, giving Suga another tight squeeze, “He wouldn’t have believed us, but he’d be happy for us.”

Suga nodded, remembering the letter Oikawa had left him, “ I want you to be happy, with or without me. That’s all I want, is for you to be happy. Please, do that for me.” Can you see me now, Oikawa? I’m happy, I hope you are, too.

They stood there for a little while longer, until Tooru looked like he was going to fall asleep, sitting up right, Suga chuckled, “Uh-oh, it’s someone’s nap time,” He approached the gravestone, still sparkling in the sun’s rays. Suga placed one hand on it, steadying himself.

“Hey, Tooru,” Suga whispered, crouching down, his other hand outstretched, “It’s time to go.”

The little boy looked up at him with those big, brown eyes, and beamed, “Oh, okay!”

He took Suga’s hand, letting himself be hauled up to his feet as they stood. The grass swaying underneath their feet as they walked back to the car, hand in hand.

“Hey, Tooru,” Suga whispered, crouching down, his hand outstretched, “It’s time to go.”

Oikawa cracked open a brown eye, the sun blinding him from where he was laying on the grass, the breeze rustling his clothes, “Oh, okay.”

He took Suga’s hand, letting himself be hauled up to his feet as they stood up. The grass swayed underneath their feet as they walked away, hand in hand.