Chapter Text
Having spent the last hours asleep, I wasn’t tired. I took turns at staring at him and Alicia as they napped. I had no doubt that he meant his words. I had heard the anguish in his voice as he screamed for me to give them his whereabouts. I had seen the look on his face when he saw I was alive. Yet, a part of me doubted my instincts and my choices. I had been sure about my feelings for Alberto, that he loved me just as much as I loved him.
As I looked at them, I was transported back to the tent. To the dimly lit space, the hard chair, tiredness and muscle crumps. Alicia’s voice was echoing in my head. “Would he follow one of your plans?” she asked. “How many times has he listened to your ideas?”
Sergio was stringent when it came to his plans. He had lists in place, notebooks full of sketches and numerous diagrams detailing what should happen in each situation. But he was different when it came to our relationship.
Sergio’s love was different from anything I had ever experienced. It was difficult to explain or pinpoint what made it so special. He was not the kind of man I ever thought I would fall for. In my younger years, I often sought the more rebellious ones, the outgoing, self-confident ones. There had been a more reserved one or two, but those relationships rarely lasted more than a couple of dates. I had never been interested in the nerdier guys, the kind that wore librarian pyjamas to bed. I had never even bothered getting to know them.
Then Sergio came along. Maybe it was growing older that did it, past experience, and previous relationships, or having different needs from when I was younger, but he was exactly what I needed.
His love was unconditional. It was the little things that counted. A compassionate look. His gentle nature, constantly making sure I was okay. Reaching out for my hand when I needed reassurance. Trying new things for me. Trusting me even when he was unsure or out of his comfort zone. Taking extra measures to protect my family and me.
A hot bowl of soup when I was sick in bed was enough to win me over. It was better than any apologetic chocolate box or expensive necklaces. Freshly cut flowers won over the extravagant bouquets others had ever given me.
I took in the sight in front of me. I had doubted I’d ever see him again, but somehow we were together in the same place, as was originally planned.
As his eyelids flickered open, I saw a smile appear on his face. He rubbed his eyes and reached out for his glasses, and we simply stared at each other for a while. There was no need to say anything. His gaze held a silent ‘I love you’. For a few minutes, I forgot what was going on around us and succumbed to the peacefulness and comfort that came with one shared look. Just being able to do this was a privilege I had taken for granted.
It was me who broke the gaze. If you ignored the damp smell, for a few minutes it felt like normality. I was just waiting for the water to boil. I was stirring two cups of coffee, preparing to start our day. He was just waking up, his hair a mess. I felt his arms around me. What we had been through made it difficult to stay angry with him. Although we didn’t have much time, our previous disagreement and our feelings regarding his plan were something that could be put on hold for a few more minutes.
“What about me?” Alicia uttered, jolting me back to the reality of our current situation.
“It’s not good for you,” I told her, despite knowing that she had been taking one strong cup after another during my interrogation and probably during most of her pregnancy.
He ignored Alicia and kissed me on the cheek, close to my ears. It wasn’t often that he showcased his affectionate side in front of others. “I think we could eliminate the vests,” he suddenly said.
“We can?” I said, turning my head to look at him.
He simply squeezed me closer to him.
“I thought you said it was dangerous.”
“We’ll keep the ones who are bound to cause trouble in the Bank, far away from any explosions.”
I turned round and kissed him. I knew this was not easy for him.
“Any news?” he asked, as he squeezed my hands before walking towards the screens.
“Everything’s going well so far.”
He nodded and commenced to check his screens, and then checked in on the others. As he explained the new changes, obtained more information about what the situation was like inside the Bank and made arrangements with Marseille, I turned my attention to Alicia.
“Did you get any sleep?” I asked her. I was surprised by her lack of complaints. I remembered how uncomfortable sleeping had become towards the last few weeks of my pregnancy with Paula. To make things worse, the beds we had inside the Reservoir weren’t the best.
She simply nodded. It wasn’t like her not to say anything.
I noticed the way she was holding her lower back. She was pacing around, pausing every now and again. She paused near the basin. She retched and instantly tried to hide it with a cough. There were wet patches on the back of her dress.
I grabbed a water bottle and handed it to her.
“How much longer do we have?” she asked, wincing as she did.
“A few hours.”
“I’m not sure this thing is going to wait that long,” she said.
“No,” I muttered. I could feel the panic building up in my chest. This part of the plan was daunting enough without throwing going into labour in the mix. It would be difficult to carry on with our plan if labour was to commence before we had made it far away from Madrid.
“Heard what she said, eh?” Alicia mocked as she looked down and cradled her belly.
I was still thinking about her tone and how her maternal instinct might be peeping through, when she doubled over the cupboard, one hand gripping onto it for support, the other holding the lower part of her belly.
“Was that…?” I was scared to mention the word.
“How should I know, Raquel?” Alicia replied.
If I ever had a doubt about what was happening, the water dribbling down her legs soon gave us the answer we needed. Sergio walked back into the room just then.
He halted in his steps. He froze in his place, and looked at the two of us alarmed. “What’s happening?” he finally asked.
“Can you call a doctor?” I asked.
“We’re meant to be preparing to leave,” he quickly retorted. I could see the fear in his eyes, his confusion and uncertainty. He had simply frozen. He had no plan for this, no experience in this field. He knew nothing about giving birth, let alone how he could fit it into one of his own plans.
I picked the radiophone, and tried to connect with the others. “What’s the situation with Gandía and the police?”
“They think he’s on a mission to destabilise us,” Tokyo replied.
I looked at Sergio and Alicia. “We need a few more hours,” I consulted with Sergio, before I repeated the same thing to her.
“Inform me the minute they start getting restless or he fails to cooperate,” Sergio ended the call, finally coming out of his shell.
“A doctor,” I reminded him. I was not ready to deliver Alicia’s baby. The knowledge I had was mostly based on what happened in films. It felt like it had been ages since I had given birth to Paula, and I had no idea what the midwives and doctors had been doing throughout it.
He nodded and got to work.
Screams and insults were constantly flying around. I had no doubt that given the choice Alicia would have chosen the least painful route. There would be gas and anaesthesia, anything to make the pain go away. In the current situation, she was using her mouth as an outlet for her pain. She hurled abuse at anyone she saw. Her dress was rolled up to her belly. Her fringe was wet, stuck to her forehead.
She grabbed on to my arm, her nails forming crescents on my skin. She waved me away and told me she needed to be alone. She lied down and then got back up. We had towels and boiling water, and a doctor on the way.
In all the years I had known her, I never thought I’d ever see Alicia in this situation. Running away together felt more realistic than this.
Alicia grimaced with each contraction. “Why is it always us who have to go through the pain? Equality, my ass.”
Sergio chose the wrong time to walk back in. He stood there awkwardly, looking at us, unsure of what to say. “How’s it progressing?” he finally asked.
“Right now? I want to kill all men,” Alicia said, before I could say anything.
He nodded.
“Did you get yourself a gawker, Raquel?” she said.
“Do you need anything?” Sergio asked.
I knew that the whole situation was probably killing him. I noticed the way he kept fixing his glasses and the rigid way he was holding his body. I stood up and approached him. Alicia already unnerved him, and her current situation wasn’t helping him.
“Raquel, we can’t keep delaying it,” he sternly told me as soon as we were out of earshot. “This is…” he pursed his lips and stopped himself. I could see his frustration and a hint of anger.
“Inconvenient?”
“It couldn’t have happened at a worse time.”
“I’ll just make an incision and get her baby out of there then.” He looked at me as though it was a suggestion worth considering. “A pity I’m not a doctor.”
“Maybe we could leave her here, or she can do this in transit.”
“She’s the reason I’m here right now.” His second suggestion was something that had occurred to me when her water first broke. I knew that the more time passed, the harder it would become to move her from one place to another. But the place we were in wasn’t your typical building, either. Walking in had involved somewhat of a hike, and I couldn’t imagine her making out of the building in the state she was in. Giving birth was arduous enough without involving more risks and problems.
“She’s also why we’re all in this position. Why you were arrested in the first place.”
“We can’t just leave her.” My head flashed back to Rio’s situation. Despite all that she had put him through, I still felt uncomfortable leaving a pregnant woman alone whilst giving birth, especially when the doctor still hadn’t showed up and I was the only one she had. Although years had passed and holding Paula in my hands had instantly made all the pain I had endured feel worthwhile, I still remembered how that pain had been more intense than I had ever imagined it would be. Pain had a habit of playing with your mind. Despite being surrounded with people, there had been moments when I felt alone. Alone with the pain. When my insides felt like they were being torn and broken, all the people in the room had melted away. Yet, I also couldn’t imagine doing it without them.
The last few days had also reminded me of the friendship Alicia and I had once shared. Maybe none of it would have mattered, had she left me in the tent to rot, but it certainly wasn’t the case. I didn’t care if she had only got me out to use me as a bargaining tool with the famous professor. Whatever her reason was, I was grateful for it; I was here with Sergio; wrists free, feeling hopeful about the future once again.
As if on cue, I heard her shout my name.
He nodded his head once and headed to his screens. I could see police and soldiers congregating in front of the Bank. As I watched, a new van appeared on screen, and parked outside the entrance. Four more soldiers jumped out.
I knew that he was right. We were running out of time.
We had our own police and military vans parked outside. All these groups of people made it easier to follow the plan unnoticed. However, the police and the CNI were using this extra time to plan a stronger attack and to gather more of Spain’s army. Even with more of our people waiting on the outside, there were still too many to fight off if they decided to storm into the building.
It was now or never.
I leaned back down next to Alicia.
“The capsules are being collected as we speak,” I heard him say to the others. “Get in position.” This was it.
In the few minutes I had spent with Sergio, her pain seemed to have intensified, leaving her gasping for breath. In between contractions, she was now either drinking water or shouting for some sugar. We, however, lacked the sweets that she was craving.
“Just relax and breathe,” I told her after a particularly bad one. “I need to check what’s going on down there.”
“Since when did you get a degree as an obstetrician, Raquel?” she said.
I pulled her legs further apart, earning a yelp. I tried to examine what was happening and how far along she was, but I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to be doing or if I was doing it right. I washed my hands and reached out for the tablet. It had become my point of reference. According to what I had just seen and felt, I figured that she had dilated to around 8cm.
“Where’s the doctor?” she screamed as another contraction wrecked her body.
I looked at Sergio, hoping for a reassuring answer, but he hadn’t even heard us.
I walked towards him as soon as that contraction had calmed down. “Is it over?” he instantly asked, removing his headphones. He had been repeating the same question every few minutes.
“I need assistance,” I told him.
“What’s wrong?”
“I need a doctor.”
He dialled a number and looked at me as he talked to the person on the other end of the line. “He’s almost here,” he told me. “How far along is she?”
“Her contractions are within minutes of each other.”
He quickly repeated after me. He averted his gaze back to the screen in front of him as he uttered a couple of yeses. But suddenly, his concentration over the call halted.
The doors of the Bank were open. They were out. Masks on, red jumpsuits on.
Everyone, hostages included, was under strict instruction not to remove their mask until they were far away from the building. They had been previously instructed on how to act when the doors opened. They were told how to react when surrounded by law enforcement.
Remain calm. Follow instructions. Raise your hands. Do not make any quick movements. Do not scream. Do not panic.
They were words I had often repeated when I was an officer. Words I would scream down megaphones. Words I’d utter down the line when a victim was on the phone with me, too scared to open the door and come out after a shootout. They were words we had repeated to the others whilst we were at the Monastery.
They knew what to do.
They knew what to tell the hostages.
On the screen, I saw someone in red stepping out of line, breaking into a run. He ran towards the nearest group of officers. He had one hand on his waist, seemingly holding something.
Another followed.
One minute he was running, the next he was on his knees.
We didn’t need to hear the gun going off, or the crowd roaring, to know things had gone wrong. Time seemed to pause. Chaos ensued.
The protestors broke through their barriers and launched forward. The police and army tried to cordon the place. They tried to hold them back.
The injured person removed his mask. First responders rushed to his side.
Police fired in the air.
It gave our friends enough time to get lost in the crowd and run. But it also meant that one of our hostages was hurt, possibly killed. It went against all we stood for, even if it wasn’t through our hands.
Alicia’s scream rooted me back to the scene. It gave me something else to focus on. Another worry to occupy my brains with.
“Fancy you being my birthing partner, eh?”
“Aren’t you lucky?” I told her.
An hour later, Alicia’s contractions were closer to each other, and with everyone else safely out of the Bank and on the way to the planned meeting point, Sergio had rolled his sleeves up to help me. She tried to wave him off, she called him names and argued with him, she screamed my name, she begged for it to stop. She was up on her feet, pacing around, one minute. She cried that she couldn’t do it any longer, the next. There were times when she went incredibly quiet. Times when she ranted on as if nothing was happening.
“Don’t you have people to lead? A country to save?” Alicia told him, when he awkwardly knelt down next to us. We had pulled the mattress down to the floor. It was easier this way.
He nodded nervously, doing his best to avoid looking down at her. Her dress had come off, and she was currently wearing nothing but her bra.
She started laughing hysterically, bargaining another look from him. “Don’t tell me you got yourself a prude, Raquel? You?”
I simply pursed my lips. I could feel my lips stretching into a smile, but I just shook my head.
“You used to be so rebellious and adventurous. Has criminality sucked it out of you?”
“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” I told her.
Sergio bowed his head and scrolled down the page on the tablet.
“I’m not judging. Maybe you’re the kind who only do it once a month. Well, I haven’t done it in a while, so.”
“What are you trying to say, Alicia?”
“Nothing,” she winced, as she said that. Another contraction was imminent. “But this month’s already been ticked off the list, and you’ll need some relief after this.”
Alicia involuntarily grabbed Sergio’s jacket mid contraction, causing him to freeze in place, looking towards me for help.
“Raquel, why didn’t you warn me?” she muttered through her teeth as she rid through the pain.
Marseille walked in with the doctor as Alicia panted and whimpered. She rolled her head back and bit her bottom lip to hold back a scream. Her eyes were closed tightly. Her ponytail was swinging behind her back as she put most of her weight on her hands.
He took my place and instantly got to work.
“Finally,” she muttered, once she finally opened her eyes and noticed that the doctor was finally there. “Pain relief. Now.”
He washed his hands and put on a pair of medical gloves.
“Morphine. Pethidine. An epidural. Anything.”
“I don’t recommend any of them,” he told her.
“Have you ever given birth?” she paused, as she forced herself to ignore the pain and looked him straight in the eye. “Then you don’t have any say in the matter.”
“You’re too close to the end.”
As the doctor listened to the baby’s heartbeat, I could see she was riding through another contraction.
“I feel like I’m going to be sick,” she suddenly said. She gave out a loud belch as Sergio handed her a glass of water, and then gagged. “I know you always badgered your mum to get a puppy, Raquel,” she said, when she finally calmed down, “but this? He smells like a wet puppy.”
I could only roll my eyes several times before it lost its effect.
“How long’s left?” Sergio asked, looking down at his watch.
“She’s progressing nicely. She’s fully dilated and in her second stage.”
“Nicely,” she repeated. “I invite you to have your insides ripped out, and then you can tell me it’s going nicely.”
Sergio prepared for departure as he waited, he communicated with the others, and peered nervously at us.
“Germán,” she screamed. “Hijo de puta. He’s lucky he’s not here. I wouldn’t be the only one howling like a banshee if he was.” Alicia was now on all fours. She had been given a pudental block and though it seemed to have helped, it didn’t stop her from screaming every few minutes to remind us of her presence.
“Just breathe,” I told her, knowing fully well she was starting to hate that phrase.
A couple of long minutes later, a sharp, angry cry filled the room. Someone else was now stealing all our attention. A chubby red face, puffy eyes squeezed shut, mouth wide-open, hands flinging around. A head full of hair, matted with blood and fluid.
“Por fin,” Alicia uttered, exasperated, as she tried to peer down to see her baby.
“It’s a boy,” I told her, as the doctor took him to examine him, dry him up and wrap him up in a towel.
I didn’t say anything, but I could see the tears in her eyes when her baby was handed back to her, as she cuddled him closer to her chest, and caressed his cheek. She was the last person I could imagine as a mother, she put on this tough façade, and pretended that she didn’t care, but I knew that she was capable of so much more than she let on.
“He’d be proud,” I told her.
Sergio got up from his chair and approached us. I knew he was yearning to say something. He opened and closed his mouth but nothing came out. He pushed his glasses back to their place instead, and soon returned to his chair.
He repeated this every few minutes.
“Raquel?” he finally said. It had taken him a while to actually say something. “How long before we can go?”
I could only imagine how tired Alicia was, and yet, I also knew that the longer we stayed the more dangerous it would be.
As time went by, Sergio was getting more and more antsy. It was Alicia who made the decision for us. One minute, she was lying down half asleep, the baby latched to her breasts, the next she was handing the child to me and she was up on her feet.
I had forgotten how small and light newborn babies were. I remembered that fear they instilled. They were so fragile and so dependent on you. One wrong move and that could be it. His skin felt so delicate and soft. He looked up at me, his eyes wide open. Although he was too young to see clearly or to understand what was happening around him, I could see all the hope that he would offer others, all the things he’d see and experience. As mothers, we wanted what was best for our children, and yet, I knew that the life of the child of a wanted person was somewhat limited. His face took me back to the first time I held Paula in my hands.
That sweet adorable face and squishable cheeks. Those trusting eyes, and the way she instantly felt at ease around me. The life she was currently leading was completely different from the one I had imagined for her. Yet, my biggest hope for her was still the same; her happiness was all that mattered. Happiness, health, love and safety.
As I looked at the little one snuggling up in my arms, I wondered if Paula would one day grow to despise me for the choices I made in her name, for the way I limited her future and took her away from her father, for the way I tarnished her family name, and ended up on the run.
When Alicia was back, she had her dress back on, her hair sorted back in its place and her lips were back to their usual bright red. “Vamos,” she told us.
Sergio simply stared at her.
“I thought you were in a rush to leave,” she told him.
“Sí sí,” he muttered, suddenly springing into action. He had already deleted the drives and packed most of the things we had to take with us. Everything was ready.
“Come on, Raquel,” Alicia said, as she led the way, leaving me to carry the child who had since fallen asleep in my arms.
Alicia’s initial air of confidence didn’t last as long, even though she pretended otherwise. She soon slowed down. The stairs and long corridors were too much for a woman who had just gone through labour. “Careful,” she told me, “we don’t want you tripping over those steps, not when you’re carrying a child.”
“You could carry him yourself if you’re so worried,” I said.
“Professor,” she shouted, as she paused to catch her breath. “Are we soon there?” Sergio was hurrying in front of us. “Is this the gentleman you talked about?” she said, turning to me.
“What do you want? Someone to carry you?”
The question seemed to amuse her. “Well, I doubt he’d manage that. You certainly didn’t pick him for his appearance. Maybe if he was a bit more buff and wasn’t such a wuss…”
“When you’re ready from your chitchat, ladies,” Sergio interrupted her, making his way back towards us. “May I remind you they’re currently out there looking for us? They’ve got the army involved, and they’ll do anything not to let us escape this time round.”
“Cálmate. We all want the same thing. Only some of us weren’t sitting idly on a chair all day.”
He shook his head and continued walking. In the short time he had spent around her, he had already learnt that it was better to ignore her, and to let her have the last word.
A few minutes later, we had finally made it out of Madrid. Although our hearts were still racing, and we wouldn’t be safe until we were far away from Spain, we had finally all made it out of the city. We had angered a couple of people, perhaps even made a fool of others, but the most dangerous part of our plan was over, and we were on our way to meet the others.
Alicia was exhausted. Yet, as hard as she tried not to show it, it was clear that she was besotted by the baby that lay in her hands; by little Germánito, as she was calling him. She had no idea what to do with him and panicked when he so much as gave out a whimper, but she also couldn’t stop staring at him. I did my best not to make it obvious I was looking at her, but I, too, couldn’t lift my gaze off the van’s side mirror where I could clearly see all she was doing. She had gone quiet as soon as we had taken our seats and I had handed her the baby. Though I hadn’t said anything, I had spotted the tears that had made their way down her cheeks as her child opened his eyes, as she caressed his face, and as he clutched her finger.
“So, you and Alicia, eh?” Sergio teased, as soon as Alicia had fallen asleep.
“Ancient history,” I replied.
“Is that why she got you out?”
“Scared of the competition?” Alicia muttered, half asleep.
He glanced at me, a smile on his face. He was my home, my safe place. He was all that mattered, alongside Paula and my mum. I couldn’t wait to spend the rest of my life with him. Regardless of all the doubts that Alicia had awoken, I knew that I had made the right choice.
As the sun ebbed in the horizon and Sergio badgered me to take a nap, I couldn’t help but think of all the films I had seen. Whilst we weren’t driving into the same kind of sunset that they often portrayed, I felt like I was the protagonist in one of them. Yet I knew that ours would be different. Our story was only just beginning, it would be packed with obstacles and we’d pack our bags and prepare to leave so many times, but I was also looking forward for all the special memories we would make.
I was aware that the story could easily take a turn for the worse, yet for that moment I wanted to focus on the here and now. On Sergio steering the wheel beside me, on Paula and my mum waiting for us in the Philippines, on how we had managed to make it out of Madrid alive.
“Looks like there are still things I’ve no clue about,” Sergio told me. “Maybe my next mission should be unearthing more of these mysteries.”
“You could try.”
“Is this a challenge?”
“If you want.”
“I plan on taking forever to do that,” he said.
Forever. It sounded like the sweetest word. A few days ago, I had doubted I would see him again, and now I had him beside me again. We had the rest of our future together. We might seem incompatible to some. Weird. A wrong choice. Yet, to me, this was the best decision I had ever made.
This might not have been what I had dreamt of when I was younger. I never thought there’d come a day I’d be on the run, and yet, for the first time I was truly living life, a bit on the edge, true, but living it nonetheless. Unlike before, I was no longer worried about what people would say. I was doing all this for myself; striving to be happy.
“Is that a promise?” I asked.
“Do you want it to be?”
“Pues sí,” I said.
“Then so it shall be,” he said. Smile lines formed underneath his glasses, a dimple on each cheek. He nodded, and focused back on the road, but the smile seemed stuck to his face for much longer.
I watched him as he drove on; the gentle look on his face, his level of concentration on the road ahead, occasionally glancing in the mirror checking up on Alicia, making sure we weren’t being followed, stealing glances and throwing smiles my way. At the end of the day, I was not only seeking justice and attempting to make a difference, but I was also chasing love. I was finally following my mum’s advice. Perhaps some of the things that the media had said about me were true, maybe my love for Sergio made me weaker, but I knew that I had never been more confident in myself than I was right now. I had someone who trusted me, someone who supported me, someone who I sometimes argued with and struggled to understand, but in the end, I had someone who loved me in ways words could ever explain.
Our love was difficult to understand. I, too, had been made to doubt it. I had let my past mar my present. I let my past and my doubts cast shadow on what I knew to be true. Maybe one day I’d come to regret this decision. Maybe one day, things between us would change. But right now, I felt like I had never been surer of anything else in my life.
Forever, he had said.
I had him for forever. The thought filled my heart with warmth. It filled me with a joy that had taken me long to rediscover.
As we bid our goodbyes to Alicia and the little one, as we met the others – a bit later and in a different place than we had prevised, as we headed to meet my mum and Paula, I kept thinking about that word.
We were no longer the Professor and Lisboa. We were Sergio and Raquel. There were things we needed to work through, which couple didn’t? But we also had forever on our side, and I was looking forward to that.