Chapter Text
"Why not, Dean?" There's a burning spark inside him like an ember, like the end of a joint catching against the skin of one finger and causing a burst of agony, creating a stench, a scar. Digging into him like the words Dean says, because in his head, coming from his time in the past, he believes them. Has no reason not to.
He doesn't know about Cas and Crowley, about trying to be God to fight in Heaven, about the real reason - well, one of them - that the angels abandoned the earth.
He thinks about his Grace draining, how he'd laughed it off, it all, at the beginning and even still - but even in all the feeling and burning Castiel is, he remains cold.
"If you knew what I did, all that I've done ... there is so much that destroyed our connection to heaven, and yours with Sam - " he feels as much as sees Dean flinch at that, and is small and cold in this sorrowful tugging satisfaction that he is right. It tugs at him insistently, the fact he is hapless, hopeless -
He struggles against Dean's words and his touch. To get up and get away from what he doesn't deserve. But every aspect of this weak human body simultaneously wants, aches to stay. Castiel longs to melt into Dean's arms. He cannot stop himself, desperate and weak as he knows he is, because the Dean of his time allows the weakness but doesn't SAY things like this, he deals with Cas because he expects Cas to stay. He expects him to go along with the plans, with everything no matter how hapless and hopeless he is.
Or maybe BECAUSE of that. Cas' shoulders and spine tense even as he figures what the hell? He loves this man, for everything, through everything. He cannot help himself, or stop himself.
But Dean licks his lips and parts them, lower one trembling as he sucks in air before practically hissing "Damnit, Cas -" at the reply, because of course, Castiel knows it's as pathetic as he is -
And yet he's shocked, stymied by Dean lunging forward, or rather pushing his face into Cas's. "Look I don't know what's gonna happen tomorrow, but I do know that's bullshit," Dean says, breath from his lips skating over Cas's as they look into each other's eyes. "You deserve - better, man. You deserve more." And he's swallowing, his jaw muscle jerks as his throat bobs.
Castiel closes his eyes.
He closes his eyes because, wave of celestial intent or not, he has to stop himself from following the impulse he feels when this close to Dean. The impulse that, no matter how much time has passed or what has happened, would still be inappropriate, especially because of needing personal space -
Yet Dean doesn't seem to need space, at least not at present. "Cas," he whispers, and the movement of his mouth is so close... "Will you - let me stay here, man? Lemme just -" his hand moves, curls around the open portion of Cas's shirt, pad of his thumb almost involuntarily stroking skin. His throat bobs up and down again in an enormous gulp as fingers brush over chest hair "Be here, buddy." With you. Those green eyes beg silently as if for something else through, via the company. And he is still here, he is so close, this past Dean.
Simply staying and waiting for a reply.
Cas could cry, and nearly does; he feels his eyelids burning and blinks back tears. This Dean cares about him so much, that even with Sam - even learning of the horrors of what is to happen, he's here, with Castiel; not shutting him out or going away, not using the former angel as a vent for his stress or frustration.
He is not using Cas's love.
Cas is feeling so much feeling, his chest seems to burn with all of it, and he nods, nearly whimpering, eyes closing upon a lengthy blink that squeezes out several traitorous tears. He takes a breath that burns in his tightening chest, and opening eyes to fill them with the sight of this dear man, his beautiful friend, once more, Cas's thin lips and body tremble on an-almost bow.
He has no idea what will happen tomorrow; knows naught besides the insouciance of the plan they have thus far formed; tomorrow may very well be the end of times, of everything planned - but right now he is with Dean, his friend, who has made him feel...cherished, and safe.
And that is no small thing.
It means so much, to - for Castiel, for both of them - to be able to relax and just...to be. Here, together, until whatever happens -- or whatever is set to happen ---tomorrow.
In this moment, Cas is resolutely able to say
"Okay, Dean." Thank you.