Chapter Text
Three days after the Phantom Thieves had lit up Shibuya--and every other screen in Japan--with their flashiest calling card yet, Akira got a text. That alone wouldn’t have been out of the ordinary if it weren’t for the fact that it was well past midnight. Morgana grumbled on his chest to leave it alone, but was interrupted by another persistent ‘ pi pi’ . And then another. And then another.
“Ugh! Who is it this time? Do they have any idea what time it is?” Mona groused as he tucked his tail over his eyes against the phone’s blinding light. Akira blinked several times as he flipped it around in his hand, fumbling to turn the brightness down and squinting hard until the words came into focus.
J. Ono (Hawaii Guy)>>:
Hey so. Remember when I jokingly asked if you knew the Phantom Thieves
J. Ono (Hawaii Guy)>>:
And you said really sarcastically ‘oh yeah i’m their leader haha’
J. Ono (Hawaii Guy)>>:
I thought you were actually being. Y’know.
J. Ono (Hawaii Guy)>>:
FUCKING SARCASTIC???
Akira sighed deeply at the screen as he dragged his hand down his face. Of course. Of course yet another person had figured it out. He might as well start walking around wearing a t-shirt that said “Leader of the Phantom Thieves!” in neon red. Logo and all. He could hand out autographed calling cards. Who needed Ryuji “130 Decibel Inside Voice” Sakamoto and Ann “Worst Liar On the Planet” Takamaki when the Phantom Thieves had their illustrious leader somehow blowing their cover damn near once a week? He tried not to dwell on the fact that they at least seemed to be improving, as he rubbed his eyes and typed out his reply.
I was. :<<
J. Ono (Hawaii Guy)>>: BULL.
J. Ono (Hawaii Guy)>>: cute-tourist-guy-selfie(5).jpg
J. Ono (Hawaii Guy)>>: phantom-thieves-screenshot(1).jpg
Jason had cropped both pictures he’d sent--one of the selfies that Akira had taken with him and a screenshot from the end of the calling card broadcast--down into a closeup of Akira’s face and circled his eyes and hair in each picture in red several times over. He could almost picture the guy frantically scribbling at his phone before sending the picture with an ‘aha!’ and the mental image might have been funny if it weren’t so damn late. If it wasn’t--he checked the time-- two-forty-three a.m. , he probably could have come up with a clever response to deflect Jason’s accusation. But it was two-forty-three in the goddamn morning, he was exhausted after a particularly rough last-minute Mementos run that afternoon, and he wanted this conversation to be over. Sarcasm was the only thing he had the energy to dredge up.
You got me
:<<
I’m the only guy in all of Japan with grey eyes and frizzy dark hair.
:<<
Also, ‘cute tourist guy,’ huh? Is that all I was to you? I’m devastated. Truly.
:<<
J. Ono (Hawaii Guy)>>: Don’t change the subject!
J. Ono (Hawaii Guy)>>: And seriously? I can’t see your eyebrows, so your disguise is flawless? Come on.
J. Ono (Hawaii Guy)>>: Also!
J. Ono (Hawaii Guy)>>: cute-tourist-guy-and-doppelganger.jpg
J. Ono (Hawaii Guy)>>: phantom-thieves-screenshot(3).jpg
Another selfie came in that had been focused mostly on Jason himself, now cropped down to where a slightly-blurry-in-the-background Ryuji was leaning on Akira, one elbow up on his shoulder, congratulating him again over sodas for having gotten Ono’s phone number. And, below that, was another calling card screenshot, where Skull was leaning on Joker in exactly the same way. More frantic circles around Ryuji’s distinctive hair, obviously blond even with as severely backlit and washed out as it was in the second picture. Akira sighed and shot back a picture of his own, usually reserved for Futaba after a Featherman binge and she was reaching with her theories. Theories that admittedly usually turned out to be right. Whatever. Not the point.
conspiracy-board.png
:<<
^^^ That’s what you sound like right now.
:<<
Also. I. Have. A name. You’re not *just* “Hawaii Guy” in my phone, y’know.
:<<
Just. In every conversation we’ve had about you. Okay so maybe I’m a hypocrite.
:<<
J. Ono (Hawaii Guy)>>: ffs stop changing the subject!
J. Ono (Hawaii Guy)>>: You gonna tell me that the blonde with the pigtails and the insanely hot tall guy with the dark hair are also just coincidence? I know I saw them at the gift shop!
J. Ono (Hawaii Guy)>>: phantom-thieves-screenshot(2).jpg
For emphasis, he had circled Ann and Yusuke--Panther and Fox, whatever--in the calling card group shot. Before he had a chance to wonder if Yusuke only got that tiki mask from the gift shop because Ono also had a type, Akira replied accordingly.
coincidence-i-think-NOT.gif
:<<
Dude it’s like 3 am can I go back to sleep
:<<
My cat’s gonna yell at me. Don’t disappoint my cat, Ono.
:<<
J. Ono (Hawaii Guy)>>: Not til you admit it!
J. Ono (Hawaii Guy)>>: It’s not like I can tell anyone! What would I even say?
J. Ono (Hawaii Guy)>>: ‘oh yeah I met the leader of the phantom thieves he’s a year-ish younger than me, we made out during his school trip for like an hour after he told me he’s in love with his second in command who looks, like, WEIRDLY like me’
Akira snorted at that and Morgana grumbled at him to wrap it up.
That’s not a conversation starter, that’s a conversation *ender.*
:<<
You drop that on an awkward silence and walk away
:<<
Wait even better
:<<
“I Got To Second Base With A Phantom Thief and All I Got Was This Stupid T-Shirt”
:<<
J. Ono (Hawaii Guy)>>: Yeah, wear that with the hat my sister got me as a joke souvenir that says “Bigfoot Is Real And He Tried To Eat My Ass” when she went to oklahoma the one time
wh
:<<
The what.
:<<
J. Ono (Hawaii Guy)>>:
Yeah
J. Ono (Hawaii Guy)>>:
Complete the look with the booty shorts that say “Enemy of the State” on them
Oh my god I need a pair of those. I need *several* pairs of those. :<<
J. Ono (Hawaii Guy)>>:
Hold up wait wait wait you said “every conversation we’ve had about you”
J. Ono (Hawaii Guy)>>:
Akira
J. Ono (Hawaii Guy)>>:
Akira Kurusu do the phantom thieves talk about me like the actual honest to god real fucking phantom thieves
J. Ono (Hawaii Guy)>>:
They know about me??? You guys talk about me?????
Akira dropped his head back onto his pillow in defeat. Yeah, sure, fine. A couple dozen people already knew his identity, what was one more on the damn pile? It’s not like anyone would take the guy any kind of seriously even if he did tell anyone. And he didn’t actually seem inclined to. And Akira was so goddamn tired . Not too tired for snark, though. He’d be dead before that happened, and probably still back-talking the reaper on the way out.
oh hey you used my name, was that so hard?
:<<
Yeah we do. Mostly just as “Hawaii Guy.” Or “Hotter Ryuji.” Also “Your Foreign Boyfriend” when the others are giving me shit.
:<<
J. Ono (Hawaii Guy)>>: YOU ADMIT IT
Usually briefly mentioned as “The Hawaii Guy Incident” in tones of ‘ryuji you dense jackass’ which unsurprisingly go right over his head.
:<<
Yeah yeah I admit it
:<<
He still brings up the fact that he wanted to deck you in the souvenir shop cause you could have outed me to my class by kissing me like that. And cause he thinks you’re full of yourself
:<<
The others insist he’s just jealous, but personally I don’t buy it.
:<<
J. Ono (Hawaii Guy)>>:
Jealous *was* what I was going for
J. Ono (Hawaii Guy)>>:
Wait hold up
J. Ono (Hawaii Guy)>>:
You STILL haven’t told him?
Goodnight Ono :<<
J. Ono (Hawaii Guy)>>: It’s been MONTHS!!!
good NIGHT hawaii guy :<<
A few moments passed, but no response seemed forthcoming. Finally. That dealt with, he moved to put his phone away. But before he could, it buzzed again and his fingers twitched with the temptation to chuck it across the room. Instead he readied a threat to block the offender keeping him from his much-needed sleep but, rather than Jason again, it was Futaba, who would likely take that as a challenge that he really didn’t want to issue. He could play chicken with a hitman’s loaded gun any day of the week, but not his little sister armed with his browser history and full list of contacts. Even he had limits.
Smallibaba>>: hey tell your foreign boyfriend i want his hat
Tell him your damn self :<<
And then go tf to bed or I’m telling dad you bugged the cafe :<<
Smallibaba>>: ｡゜(｀Д´)゜｡
SLEEP :<<