Chapter Text
June 25, XXXX
Wanyin,
i don't know what to write.
i don't know what to say...
you just left... me...
are you doing good? are you eating well?
don't be mad at me for sending my brother to check on you. i know that you guys don't talk much but i trust him more than anyone. i don't know if you'll want to see me that's why i asked Wangji to do it. please don't hate him.
i just want to know how you're doing. i worry that you'll forget how to eat on time or if you're sleeping well. i just worry about you. it's a habit i can't break even if we're not together.
are we? still together?
i'm confused. and hurt.
i'm mad at you for just leaving me with that letter. why are you so cruel? don't i have at least the right to hear it from you personally? it hurts that you didn't give me that chance.
i've been selfish and greedy and until now i'm having a hard time letting go. you've grown deep in my life, love. it's something that we made together.
why? why now?
if you're out there finding yourself... how am i supposed to look for mine? you brought me along when you left.
it's a part of me, Wanyin. i can't be whole anymore...
June 25, XXXX
Wanyin,
I hope this letter finds you well.
How have you been? It's been almost two weeks since you left that letter. I brought Crispy to the vet yesterday for the checkup. He's overfed! Please don't hate me, love. It's been so long since we adopted Crispy but I still can't remember how much to feed him. You're the one in charge of our son's meal. I'm sorry...
Was the beach relaxing? Are you having fun?
I'm sorry for asking Wangji to check on you. I know it was an unwanted surprise knowing that you don't get along with my brother. I worry about you being alone somewhere far away and I'll feel at ease knowing that you're with my brother. Please have patience with him. I know that he's not the best at communicating but he's caring in his own way and he cares for you. You know even I can't make him do something he doesn't like. Just... please let him stay with you.
I hope you still consider me as your friend. Can I still be a friend, Wanyin? I wish that even though you wanted an out in our relationship, you won't cut me out of your life. I love you still... even if it's not enough for you to stay.
Don't worry about me the guests. I explained everything to Uncle and he understands. He just wants to know if you're okay. Can you please send him a message? He's worried. We are all thinking of you, Wanyin. There are things that Wangji would tell me but he values your privacy. I don't want to pry.
Wei Wuxian dropped by three days ago. He asked for the letters to be delivered to our guests. I don't want everyone to misunderstand. I canceled the wedding, love. Just as you want. But I don't want to hear anything against you because you didn't do anything wrong. Let me take care of everything. You have been through a lot. I'm sorry for all the pain I've caused you. Forgive me for my blind ignorance. I thought we were happy. I thought you were happy with me. I thought you were happy with our small family. I'm sorry for my shortcomings, Wanyin. Please, forgive me when you can.
What I promised you was something I intend to do with my all. I'm sorry for breaking my promise. I just... I'm sure you understand right? It's so hard. What am I supposed to do now, Wanyin? You're not here to tell me what to do. I'm so lost.
please find yourself. and when you do, find me again.
I can't go to him. Not yet. I'm sorry but even when you asked me to be happy with him, I still can't.
Can I be selfish one last time?
I can't contact your number and your email. Wangji sent me your address but I promise that I won't visit you.
Can I still send you letters? It's okay if you won't read them. Or if you won't respond. I just want you to know that I'm still here.
Take care of yourself
Yours,
Lan Huan