Chapter Text
Aoi would be lying if she said she was having a good day. She woke up exhausted, barely had time to get herself together, and completely forgot all her textbooks at home. She’s never this unorganized, but the past few days have been hell for her. Not emotionally--these days have been completely normal--but physically. She feels like she’s been worked down to the bone for weeks on end, and it’s only Wednesday.
She’s not sure what caused her decline in health. She briefly considered seeing a doctor on Tuesday, but it was likely just a cold coming on, so she saw little point. She’s had a fever, nausea, and a sore throat all week and it’s starting to impede her school work--which is what makes it so troubling.
“Ao-chan!” Akane calls from down the hall. “Ready to walk home?”
“One second, Akane-kun,” she answers tiredly.
She sighs, clutching her mostly-empty school bag to her chest. She throws it over her back and makes her way to the door where Akane is waiting for her. He takes in her disheveled appearance and offers to carry her bag for her. Chivalrous as always , she thinks, though she doesn’t particularly care.
“Are you feeling alright?” he asks, brows creasing in concern.
She gives him a weak smile as a response before leading him out the door. “Let’s hurry home before the rain starts,” Aoi tells him. “I wouldn’t want to catch a cold.”
“Of course! You always have the best ideas,” he beams, lovestruck. Aoi giggles, but her smile doesn’t reach her eyes.
She’s never known what to make of Akane’s love for her. He probably knows her best out of anyone else in the world but he still holds a shallow infatuation. She hates that he only sees her as a perfect, pretty girl who has no flaws because in truth she’s not like that at all. She has flaws. She has things she likes and dislikes, but it feels as though he can’t see that.
Part of her wants to love him, but she doesn’t think she could ever truly be in love with someone who doesn’t see her for who she is. Someone who worships the ground she walks on isn’t someone she could ever see herself dating. And Akane is just that. He loves the idea of her, but he doesn’t love her. It used to hurt, knowing that he didn’t actually love her, but upon realizing she couldn’t love him, it hurt a little less.
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Upon reaching home, she felt even more ill than before. The tickle in her throat had become more of a blockage and she found herself struggling to breathe. She quickly makes her way to the bathroom to force herself to throw up, but she hears her phone ding.
The only people who have her number are Akane, Nene, and Lemon, so she doesn’t want to miss whatever the message may be. She walks to her school bag to take out her phone, rummaging through the pockets. The screen lights up upon her touching it.
Nene-chan (16:37)
aoi!!!!!!!!!! the boy asked me to meet him at the tree!!!! you were right!!!!
wait
WHAT DO I DO????????
AOIIIIII
aoi pls PLS PLS HELP ME GET MY FIRST BF :D
Aoi giggles at her friend’s antics, but a different emotion is swirling in her gut. It’s almost reminiscent of jealousy, but she has nothing to be jealous of. Tons of boys like her. And sure, she’s never been interested in any of them, but being jealous because a boy likes her friend would be an all-time low for her. I must still be feeling sick, she reasons half-heartedly to herself.
As she reads through the last texts, the swirling in her stomach starts to feel less like jealousy and more like she’s about to throw up. She rushes to the bathroom and makes it just in time for a single white petal to land in the water. She blinks a few times to process whatever just happened. She knows for a fact she didn’t eat any flowers; that would be moronic.
People don’t just vomit flowers. That’s a fact of life. The sky is blue, grass is green, and people physically cannot throw up flowers from nowhere. The tickling in the back of her throat has returned, but it seems as though she’s done throwing up for now. She weakly walks back to her room, lightheaded and settles down on her bed. She decides to respond to Nene’s texts.
Me (16:43)
That’s great Nene-chan!
So, you like him then? I thought he wasn’t your type.
Nene-chan (16:44)
well, you said dating them is a good way to find out, right?
i guess he’s pretty cute
when he’s not being creepy at least
and he’s pretty strong
but he’s short and not dreamy at all
but he likes me and that’s better than any other guy at the school
Aoi frowned. When he’s not being creepy? What kind of guys is Nene-chan hanging out with? She’s a little worried now. He doesn’t sound like someone Nene would even consider. Nene thought the same when she told Aoi about him at first, but Aoi supposes she’s changed her mind about him.
Aoi does worry most about that last text, though. Nene shouldn’t have to settle. She’s a wonderful girl who deserves a guy who truly likes her and that she likes back. It sounds like he’s a last resort, and that’s not fair to Nene or the mystery guy.
But Nene-chan is so excited, her mind whispers. Don't ruin it.
Me (16:46)
Well, if he asks you out, all you have to do is say yes!
You’ll have to introduce me soon, Nene-chan! You can’t keep your crush from me forever!
Nene-chan (16:47)
well it’s kinda complicated
he’s hard to meet
he kinda uh
HE GOES TO ANOTHER SCHOOL
Aoi grimaced at the obvious lie. Why would he ask Nene to meet at their school’s confession tree if he was from another school? She wishes Nene could trust her a little more.
Me (16:48)
What school does he go to?
I still want to meet him, even if he doesn’t go to our school.
Nene-chan (16:48)
i have to go!
BYE BYE AOI <3
ttyl
Me (16:49)
Have a good night, Nene-chan!
Aoi sighs as she puts her phone down. Nene’s been shifty lately; always avoiding her after school, talking to herself in class, hanging out in the girl’s washroom after hours. Aoi thinks Nene believes she’s subtle. It's incredible how awful she is at lying or hiding her involvement in whatever she’s involved in. And now she’s got a boyfriend? she questions.
She breaks into a fit of coughs as that thought passes. A few white petals land on her palm and she quickly moves to her computer. There’s got to be a reasonable explanation for this.
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She came to the conclusion she has Hanahaki Disease--whatever that is--after a couple searches. Honestly, the idea kind of seemed a little romantic to her when presented in fiction. Now that it was happening to her in real time, she didn’t quite know how to feel.
It was hardly romantic. She was now dying, and for what? Some silly unrequited crush? She thinks the idea is ridiculous. There is no way she’s going to die over something so silly. Some little infatuation in her first year of high school was not going to be the death of her, she swears it.
Aoi isn’t dumb. Though she has never evaluated her feelings for Nene before beyond friendship, the events leading up to the flowers would only make sense if she likes Nene. She almost thinks she should’ve realized sooner, but maybe she’s subtle enough that it was hard to notice.
(The way her eyes always linger on Nene when she’s not looking says otherwise).
The question now was what to do with this information. The obvious choice is getting the surgery; Aoi doesn’t want to die. She’s had her doctor’s office on dial for half an hour, but always hangs up just before they answer. Now that she knows she likes Nene, she doesn’t want to stop.
Nene is like a cold glass of water on a summer day. She’s refreshing and a breath of fresh air to all those around her. She’s exactly what Aoi needs on a bad day--or a good day; she’ll never complain about Nene’s company. It’s hard for Aoi to think of a world where she doesn't love Nene; platonically or otherwise.
The thoughts send a quick pain to her head. She coughs up a few petals into her open palm and sighs. She’s seen online that the type of flower could have some meaning, but she’s never heard of someone coughing up multiple types of flowers.
The flowers in the washroom were pure white--a crisp, vibrant white, disturbed only by the small amount of saliva on the petals. Google says they’re white carnations symbolizing sweetness, loveliness, innocence, pure love, and faithfulness. Aoi thinks that’s a perfect description of Nene and Aoi’s feelings for her.
Nene has always been sweet. She’s considerate and kind, always cheering Aoi up. Though she’s been a little off lately, she’s still the same sugary girl who would do anything to make others happy. The way her eyes light up when she makes someone smile will always be one of Aoi’s favourite sights.
Lovely is a great descriptor of Nene’s entire character. In terms of personality, she’s a beautiful soul with a pure heart. In terms of looks, she is by far the most beautiful person Aoi has ever seen. The way her hair flows beautifully behind her, her magenta eyes shine so brilliantly Aoi almost has to look away, her smile when she’s proud of herself--everything. Nene is simply lovely.
Aoi wouldn’t exactly describe Nene as innocent. While it’s true she’s naive, she’s a little boy-crazy and her ramblings have always gone a little off-the-rails if left unchecked. They could get into territories Aoi would hardly consider to still be innocent. If the innocence was about Aoi’s feelings, she supposed it made a little more sense. Her intentions with Nene were entirely pure, not tainted by the dirty minds of her nosy classmates. She guessed this tied into the pure love meaning as well.
She doesn't really know how faithfulness factors into their relationship much. They’re not dating or romantically involved in any way--though she suddenly wishes they were--so it’s not as though Nene could be unfaithful. Maybe it’s because of her newfound feelings for the mystery boy or her constant crush-hopping. Aoi gives up on trying to understand.
The petals she finds in her hands now are dark. Black as night and stained reds on the edge. They would be beautiful under different circumstances, but they’re scaring Aoi right now. She finds them to be called black dahlias.
Ah, she muses. They symbolize betrayal and dishonesty.
It makes sense, in all honesty. Nene had just blatantly lied to her; a girl that always told her the truth, or some version of it. Aoi doesn’t know if this confirms that Nene lied, but it definitely makes her think so. But why did she lie in the first place?
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Aoi has felt sick since she woke up. Nene’s future boyfriend had been on her mind all day, not seeming to give her an ounce of space. Her mind is replaying those texts and the conversations about this mystery boy on loop. She must’ve coughed up a whole flower by now; a few petals here and there. Hiding this disease is harder than she expected, considering she was supposed to be paying attention in class and not thinking about Nene or the inevitable confession she would receive at the end of the day.
“Akane-san? Can you please read the excerpt?” She tunes back into her teacher talking as he calls on her.
She sweats a little, but Akane points at the poem in his own notes. He gestures to a poem by Ono no Komachi, famous for her short poems about love and such.
“On such a night as this, when no moon lights your way to me, I wake, my passion blazing, my breast a fire raging, exploding flame; while within me my heart chars,” she reads fluently.
Her teacher smiles. “Very good. And what does this poem mean to you?”
They had all been assigned this poem to read already, so she knows the basic meaning of it. Something of unrequited love, or a love lost. Was it a love that could never be? She didn’t exactly recall, but answered anyway.
“She describes a night that she wishes she could share with her lover, but for reasons unexplained in the poem, she cannot spend the night with them,” she decides on. “Perhaps the object of her affections was not her lover yet, maybe dead, or interested in someone else--they never clarify.”
Her teacher nods and resumes his lesson. She almost laughs at how the poem reflects her current situation a little too well. The longing, the jealousy, the pain; she can feel everything the writer had intended. If she spilled her thoughts onto paper, she believes it would turn out similarly. She’s not sure if the way she feels for Nene could ever be written down, though she's almost tempted to give it a shot. It would make for a sweet love letter should she ever confess.
For now, she has to wait and see how the dreaded confession goes. If it goes well, she has to book a doctor’s appointment and get that surgery. If it doesn’t, then she’s got a bit of time to sort her feelings out and confess. Not that it’ll do here any good since Nene is straight, but some closure could be nice.
But today, all she can do is wait.