Chapter Text
Dream: okay. no.
who r u?
Tommy: just. just someone ( :
Tubbo: RANBOO
NOT
DO NOT
STOP.
Tommy: ( :
Tubbo: oh my god. dms u bitch.
Tommy: okay
Tubbo: and on your own phone
Tommy: no
Tubbo: fuck you
Dream: the crowd watches with great interest
[Private messages between Tommy and Tubbo.]
Tommy: what
Tubbo: boo, you know tommy doesnt like it when you fucking take control of him
Tommy: itll be fine
Tubbo: has he not talked to you about it yet?
Tommy: no?
Tubbo: oh my god. im gonna kiall him.
he probably wakes up each day ad think "im gonna go repress my emotions and not talk about whats bothering me"
Tommy: what did he wanna talk about?
Tubbo: not my place to talk. talk to him later, okay boo?
Tommy: okay. ill go now
Tubbo: fucking good.
[Private messages between Tommy and Tubbo.]
[you need friends.]
[9+ new messages.]
Dream Simp: oksy i need fucking context
@Tommy explain
@Tommy explain
@Tommy explain
@Tommy explain
@Tommy explain
@Tommy explain
Tubbo: stop pinging him. hes doing Big Man Shit
Techno: oh and you know what that is
Tubbo: I-
going dark
if boo were here, hed actuaaly kll me lamo
Dream Simp: LAMO
Tubbo: dont baully me :(
Dream Simp: wait no tubbo im sorry i didnt mean it
Tommy: u all fall for his trics
Dream: trix lmao
Fundy: okay. cereal or milk first
Tommy: dont ever ask ranboo that. theyre awful
Techno: milk
Dream Simp: you fucking disgust me /lh
anyway
cereal. the only right answer
Tubbo: eh, depends on if i wanna anger people
did u know that somebody one time tired to stranefgle me for it?
Dream Simp: What The Fuck
Tommy: becus im not completely insane. cereal. duh
Tubbo: :D
Tommy: die /lh
[Private messages between Tommy and Tubbo.]
Tommy: should we add ranboo?
Tubbo: idk ask them big amn
Tommy: ok
[Private messages between Tommy and Tubbo.]
[Private messages between Tommy and Ranboo.]
Tommy: hey boob bitchard
Ranboo: why
Tommy: cuz its funny
anyway
wanna join a gc with sum of my freinds?
Ranboo: do i know anyone in it?
Tommy: uhhh tubbos tehre, technos there, well, techno isnt too active but yknow, technos there. uhhh fundy, i cantt hink of anyone esle
Ranboo: if the owne rof it is fine iwth it
Tommy: POG
even if it isnt okay with u joining, tubbo with make him
Ranboo: okay cool
wait you said technoblade is in the gc? the technoblade?
tommy
tommy get the fuck back here
YOURE SHITTING ME
TECHNOBLADE, THE BLADE IS NOT THERE. IM FUCKIN CALLIN IT
[Private messages between Tommy and Ranboo.]
[you need friends.]
[9+ messages.]
Dream Simp: and thats why anteaters need to fucking kneel over and die
Tubbo: dream can i add someone
Dream: who?
Tubbo: that doesnt matter.
can i?
Dream: ...
Tubbo: dream please
Dream: ..
Tubbo: dream :(((
Dream: oh my god. fine
Tubbo: :D
Dream: HOW CAN HE DO THAT
Tommy: mans has such good puppy dog eyes that he can do it without people eeven seeing him
[Tubbo has added Ranboo.]
Tubbo: SAY HI BOSS MAN
Ranboo: uh
hi
is technoblade here
cuz i dont believe tommy
Technoblade: hey
Ranboo: ....
okay. uh. give me a second.
[Magical grils groupchat.]
Enderdammit: WHAT UN TEH FUCK EHWT THE FUCKWHAT THE FUCK EHWTA THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK
Enchantress: i fucking told you
Enderdammit: HOLY SHIT HPOLYFUCK ISHIT SHIT WHAT WHT FTEBUFUHU YOuRE FRIENDS wiTH TECHNO???????? YUREW R SHITTING NE RNN I CANT FUCKING SHBFUDGUHN HNIUIUH
IM SBOYT TO TELELPORT YTO UR HOSUE TOMMY PLEASE
Enchantress: yeah big man.
Big T: oh you are not ready to learn about the creator of the gc
Enderdammit: WDUKJSBJDK WHO YFFUHDJHFDB FUKCING KIL ME RN KILL ME
DHNUHFUJU FUCKI TOTALY EMABRSED MYSEF OF MY GOD
Big T: Dream deream is the creoter of the fgc
Enderdammit: OHM Y G OD
KILL ME NOW KILL E MME KILL KEJFNDJVHUCHDUIH
IM GONNA DIE
BOTH MY IDOLS
WAIT
YOU TWO KONOW MY FUCKING IDOLS WHT TEH FUCK HOW
Enchantress: well, technos brother, wilbur, is like, basically my brother and uh, never ever say this to them, but hes alrigbt i guess. anyway. i know wilbur and theni met techno nd phil
Enderdammit: PHIL
LIKE
LIKE PHILZA MINECRAFT?
THE ANGEL OF DEATH???
THAT PHIL?????????????
Big T: yeah boss man. thats him
Enderdammit: IM GOING TO CEASE OH MY GOD OH MY FCUIUG GOD DAMMIT WHYDID YOU NEVR ELL ME FUCKING HELL FUCKING KILL ME BITCHASS BTICH FUKIGN EHY WHY EM WHY ME WHY ME STAB MEEEE
Enchantress: do you need me to come over? like, are you genuinely panicing orrr
Enderdammit: ITS NOT A PANIC ATTACK IM JSUT FUCKING DYING HERE
Big T: L
Enchantress: L
Enderdammit: OHSHUFGDNUH OH GOD TECHNO I NEED TR FUCKING DIEVHCFdUHFHDUHURU UHEU ACTUAKK Y KJILL ME PLS I TOTALLY EMABRRESD MYSELF "is technoblade here
cuz i dont believe tommy" AAAAAAA IM ACTUALLY GONNA DIE
Big T: boo you are fine. techno wont be mad, or make fun of u
Enchantress: oh techno will definitely make fun ofyou. but lightheartedly. tell techno if it like, actually rhurts u and techno will stop
Enderdammit: TOMMY I CANT JUST TELL PEOPLE, MY FUCKING IDOL EVEN, THAT WHAT THEYRE DOING HURTS OKAY
YOU KNOW THIS THE BEST OUT OF ANYONE
Enchantress: hey im the only one that can do that. stop.
Enderdammit: im. im fucking.
Big T: oh my god, ranboo, get back into the other gc, ive done damage control, lied a bit. cmon
Enderdammit: but thats scary
Big T: too bad its been done
[Magical grils groupchat.]
[you need friends.]
[9+ new messages.]
Technoblade: no that isnt true
Dream: yes??? it is???? i literally beat you
Technoblade: fake news. dont remember it, so it didnt happen
Ranboo: i forget things but they still happened
Dream: HA I LIKE THEM ALREADY
Ranboo: sorry nevermind uhm im gonna go crawl in a hole and die
Tubbo: boo if you die im stealing that fucking book from whatever his face, reviving you, and breaking your fucking legs.we have thangs to do
Ranboo: tubbo no
Tubbo: tubbo yes
Technoblade: ok well anyway
dream i beat you. you arent remembering it clearly
Ranboo: that. nevermind
Tubbo: introduce yourself boss man
Tommy: fuck i need to go do things soon
Tubbo: GYB?
Tommy: you know it
Dream Simp: WHAT THE FUCK DOES GYB MEAN??????????
Tommy: things
anyway. i needa get my Big Man Shit
Ranboo: uh okay
my name is ranboo, i um i use they/them. i dont mind things like "bro" and "dude"
Dream Simp: they are suspious
Dream: how???? they are living their best life
Ranboo: normally when people say im suspicious they dont use my correct pronouns, so thank you wilbur
Dream Simp: okay this is basic human decency
but for one, people find you suspicious
two, how the fuck did you know im wilbur?
Ranboo: i mean, in the play of L'manberg (in which you were dead and then not dead), dream canonically resurrected you and you referred to him as your hero
and dream's a pretty boy. not gonna lie. anyway, many people simp for him, though, not many show it, but, you are very shameless, so it just made sense.
Dream Simp: w
what
Ranboo: and tommy
Tommy: WOW I THOUGHT TYHAT WAS A SECRET
I SEE HPW IT IS
Ranboo: i mean, they asked
Dream Simp: you are very fucking suspicious.
Ranboo: okay, if thats what you think
Technoblade: i like this kid
Ranboo: thank you
[Magical grils groupchat.]
Enderdammit: YOU RDCIUFH IH IHUI THIS IS A LIE AND A SCAM AND JHFIDHJFNJNJI YOURE FUCKIGN ME RN YOURE LYING
Big T: wow technoblade has already claimed ranboo that was fast
Enchantress: it took like a year of sucking up to techno to get techno to like me. what the fuck.
Enderdammit: IM GOING TO COMBUST RN PLEASE STAB ME KILL ME RIGHT NOW RIGHT NOW PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[Magical grils groupchat.]
[you need friends.]
Fundy: technoblade philza arc?
Technoblade: hey, fundy, could you go to your window for a second?
Fundy: okay?
im here
Technoblade: perfect.
now i want you to run.
Fundy: what
techno
WHY THE FUCK DO I HEAR FOOTSTESP????
TECHNOO?????????
Ranboo: rest in peace to fundy
Tubbo: truly a sad day
Tommy: not really
ah
fuck
have to go now
Tubbo: see you tommy
3 am right?
Tommy: ofc
ranboo, please hold tubbo back from opening a portal to fuckin wherever he goes
Ranboo: of course
Dream Simp: when are we gonna get context???
Tommy: when you bitches become cool
Ranboo: i mean
technos cool
wait
i forgot techno is in this gc
im gonna go die now
goodbye
Technoblade: yeah. this kid is alright
Tommy: it took me YEARS
pure bullshit
Ranboo: tbh the fact that it took years for techno to like you, is probably less me, more you.
Tommy: goodbye
Tubbo: sassboo
Technoblade: L
Dream: you fucking killed him
Dream Simp: holy shit
Tubbo: okay well tommys dead now
Dream Simp: LETS GOOOOOO
Ranboo: oh mr.mom just screamed at me for no resaon L
Dream: why????
Ranboo: idk i think she just hates me lmao
Dream Simp: suspicious
Tubbo: my bitch is not suspicious. fuck you bitch.
Ranboo: i mean, i am a little suspicious
Tubbo: youre my little suspicion <3
Ranboo: <3
Dream: *blinks*
Tubbo: theyre my platonic spouse <3
Dream Simp: when the fuck did u get married?
Tubbo: thats a story for another day
Dream Simp: ????no????? tell us???????
how did we never learn who ranboo is
thats heavily suspicious
Ranboo: i hide in the shadows of tommy n tubbo, waiting, waiting for my moment to strike
lol /j
Dream Simp: RGDSAOUHEHI THAT /j IS A FUCKING LIE
Ranboo: pffff this is really funny
Tubbo: hmmmm you are normally more.... terrified of people
when did you last sleep?
wait.
did you have another one of those funky potions
Ranboo: i plead the fith
Tubbo: i fucking hate you
oh my god im coming over to ur house and im forcing you to sleep
Ranboo: haha. not if im not at my house ;)
Tubbo: i will find you. and i will kill you.
Ranboo: thats nice babe /p
Tubbo: it wont be when youre DEAD
Ranboo: im already dead inside, tbh thatd be a blessing
and i wouldnt have to deal with you or tommy
tbh, itd be heaven
Tubbo: you are going to hate yourself later
Ranboo: later??? i already do hun
Tubbo: . . .
Ranboo: ha mr.mom is yelling with ms.dad again i love living actually
Tubbo: okay im kidnapping u and taking u to my houae
Ranboo: sure
Dream Simp: ok but whats a funky potion
Quackity: i want one
Tubbo: no you dont
Ranboo: yes u do
they taste like
they
they taste
Quackity: wow 10/10 description
Ranboo: i tru
tre*
what
trr*
wuat the
what*
tru*
BFUDHUD
5yr*
WHAT
try*
DHUFHUIHCFUH
Tubbo: haha L
where did everyone go?
Ranboo: wilbur got bored cuz tommy left and they couldnt make funny of him anymore, dream left cuz he had to do something, techno is lurking, i cant remember who else was talking
Tubbo: pog thanks
also
im here
Ranboo: haha
what
Tubbo: you about to get crimed on
Ranboo: haha please no???
Tubbo: you better fucking run
Ranboo: oh
guess ill die
:waving: