Chapter Text
Left, right, down, left, up, left-
"Damn it! Ghosts got me again." A familiar voice groaned, the owner of said voice rubbing their face in frustration, "I told you I'm shit at pacman!"
"Well it takes practice " Gordon can't help but laugh with the others' anger, "I didn't become an expert at pacman in a day, Barney."
"Yeah well you act like you did. We should do somethin' else, maybe head on out to the rink."
"Or maybe check out the arcade? I love it here at the rink, I do, but Benrey's told me a lot about Xen '98. Sounds like it'd be a lot of fun!"
Barney crossed his arms, giving Gordon one of his own personal favorite looks. A look Barney gave him near every day, so full of love and life and admiration, Gordon loved every part of the look. The way Barney's eyes twinkled, the way he laughed and shook his head and looked at Gordon again with just that same amount of love.
If Gordon could capture the moment permanently, he would.
"How about we get a couple rounds of skating in, and head over to the arcade after, that sound good?"
"Sounds great."
They couldn't have predicted the fire that evening.
"Gordon?"
"Wh-" Gordon shook his head, taking in the current view before him. The arcade. Shit, right, hes meant to be running the prize counter.
"I'm so sorry Darnold I-I don't know what suddenly came over me I-"
"Hey, its alright. Prize counters slow today, makes it super easy to zone out for a while. It is a weekday after all, so not as many customers as we usually get."
"Yeah." Gordon sighs, rubbing his hand over his eyes. Why did he suddenly feel so exhausted? He got a good nine hours of sleep last night.
"If uh- if you really want something else to do, I think a couple of the cabinets need a look over. Benrey and I tried to fix 'em, but we only got the Pacman one going properly."
"Sure. Which ones still need a look over?"
"Let me think." Darnold turned, scanning over what cabinets he could see from where they stood, "I think currently Qbert, Galaga, Tetris and Bunnyfarm all need a look over. The last two are some of our oldest cabinets here, so its no surprise they're having problems again."
"Didn't I fix Qbert yesterday?"
"People seem to love Qbert." He laughs, "Might just have to buy a second Qbert cabinet, help lighten its load a little.".
Gordon snorted, "Yeah sure, and give me more work? I can't believe you'd betray me like this Darnold." He mockingly gasped, "And here I thought I was your friend."
"Friend and the manager's co-manager. Gotta do what's best for Xen '98 too even if it means a little extra work."
"Yeah yeah alright. How about the DDR and Taiko no Tatsujin machines? How are they looking?"
"Benrey and Tommy looked both of them over today, both in great condition last I remember…" He grins, face steadily changing to that of a look of worry. "Hey, are you sure you're doing alright? You seemed pretty out of it earlier."
"Yeah, yeah I'm fine I...I just...I don't know something reminded me of someone, but its alright."
"And you're positive?"
"Yeah of course." A lie. He wasn't positive, fully unsure of how the rest of the shift would turn out. He couldn't stop thinking about Pacman. Couldn't stop thinking about him...about Barney…
"Gordon…?"
"Huh?"
"You're crying."
Gordon frowned, pressing a hand up against his eye, and sure enough...
"Well damn, I guess I am I-I...Darnold I'm sorry I don't- just-"
"Do you want me to go get Benrey?"
"No." He grabbed hold of Darnold's arm, not quite thinking about what he was doing. The grip desperate and anxious. Darhold could pull away if he really wanted. "Could you stay here for a bit? I just gotta clear my head a little."
"Of course Gordon! Would you like me to keep talking to you?"
"Please...anything. Talk about anything."
"Okay uhm- My favorite thing in the arcade isn't even the arcade itself, funny as it is. I love the bowling alley, dream of working up there sometimes, but I stay down here because I'm just not cut out for the banging sounds the pins make. They startle me a little." Darnold chuckles softly, "I ah, I like the noise in here. Its loud, chaotic, everything happening all at once, but its fun. Its a fun noise full of joy and full of nostalgia. Bowling doesn't bring me nostalgia like the arcade does. Do you have a favorite thing that makes you feel like that?"
It took some thought to come up with an answer. Gordon was prepared to say Pacman, but the more he thought about it, it sounded more and more like a wrong answer. What makes him feel that way? That nostalgic feeling of joy and belonging. Like something was made for him.
"Roller Skating." He answers. "I used to do it a lot. It was a passion of mine, a joy. I like the feeling of it, makes you feel like you're flying free, and I miss it."
"Miss it?"
"I haven't done any sort of roller skating in years, can't bring myself to pick up a pair of skates. It hurts in some way, not the skates, but the thought of doing something I loved when it brought me such strife in my life. I can still feel it, the fire, still smell its smoke. Every time I look at the skates I just….I freeze up. But its okay now its been, what, five years give or take? Its alright."
"Moving on takes time Gordon, and we all go about it differently. Just because its been five years doesn't mean you can't still be upset about it."
Gordon laughs, a sad broken gasp of a laugh while tears continue to fall and fall and fall from his eyes. He supposed Darnold was right, moving on does take time, but five years was enough time, he thought. This shouldn't still be something that bothers him.
Five years since Barney.
Five years since he was Gordon Calhoun-Freeman.
Five years since that awful, awful fire.
Five.
Years.
"Gordon, look at me." Gordon can't manage to move his head from looking down at the floor, too scared Darnold will simply laugh at his meltdown, not that he has at all since it started. He doesn't flinch when Darnold gently takes his face in his hands and carefully has Gordon meet his eyes. "You're going to be okay, if todays too much, I can drive you home myself. Maybe we can stop somewhere else and relax for the time being, okay? Just take a breath, don't continue to let yourself get so worked up."
"Okay." Gordon whispers, "Okay, okay. I'm okay. I'm here. Moving on takes time."
"Thats it, you're doing okay."
"I'm doing okay. I'm here."
"You're here. Do you want to keep being here?"
"No. Wanna leave."
"Then we'll leave. Go ahead and get yourself cleaned up, I'll tell Tommy we're headed out." Darnold waits a moment longer, being sure letting go of Gordon was okay before finally leaving to the next room.
Gordon simply stood still for a bit. He wasn't sure what to do. Still wasn't sure what even came over him. Maybe he should just avoid Pacman for a while, maybe take a break from the arcade itself.
Would they be okay with that? Should he talk to Benrey and Tommy about it? He hadn't realized just how long he'd been standing there until Darnold came back, a big smile on his face.
"You ready to go? Tommy suggested a nice Thai place for lunch, I figured we could stop there before I take you home."
Gordon's mind was running a million miles a minute, but the mention of Thai food sounded nice. He couldn't remember the last time he had proper Thai cooking.
"Hey Darnold?"
"Yes Gordon?"
"Thank you. I mean you hardly know me as it is and I only just started working here a-and I just-"
"Gordon, relax. I'm just happy to help when I can. Now how about we stop thinking about it and go have a nice meal?"