Chapter Text
The ride to the train station was painfully awkward, at least when it came to being around Jane. Josie tried to tell herself it was no big deal that they were no longer friends, but she was lying, it was a big deal. Josie was able to talk and laugh with the other girls, who went on about how excited they were, but not Jane. Jane stayed completely silent.
Of course, Tillie couldn’t go the entire train ride without bringing up the wedding, and how scandalous she believed it was when Billy ran out with Cole. She talked like Josie’s reputation was to be ruined as well, because she got left at the alter, which was stupidly ridiculous. Josie did nothing wrong, no one did. Her and Billy, they have a right to their own lives, and he chose to do what made him happy, which meant Josie got to be happy too, since the marriage was the last thing she wanted. Neither of their reputations should be tainted, but that’s not how their world works.
Fortunately, Josie knows no one in Charlottetown and no one knows her, and Billy and Cole went off to god knows where, so everything will be fine. She knows it.
When her and the other girls arrive at the boarding house, the five of them were nearly bursting from excitement. Listening to the owner of the home go on about how they were having a new start just made Josie impossibly happier.
Out of instinct, she turned to look at Jane, who looked right back, slowly and meaningfully. The two of them had been elated to go to Queens ever since the previous school year started, and always talked about how they’d be roommates and how much fun they’d have there, together.
And in that moment, when Josie smiled at Jane and Jane smiled back at her, it felt like everything was back to normal, all was well.
Before the realization kicked in, that it was all a memory. Her and Jane were no longer close, they never really were, and Josie just had to accept that. They won’t be roommates and they won’t have fun together. They’ll be strangers who share close living quarters, that’s all they’ll be.
With that, Josie looks away. She pushes her sadness down, wanting to focus on her new life. It’s all she has, after all.
After a while, Josie and the other girls run in, looking at their rooms and chattering about how exhilarating this all was. Eventually, they all settled down. Anne left to visit Diana’s aunt (for some reason) and Jane left with Prissy to go elsewhere.
Josie went to her room, unsure of who she was sharing it with, and began unpacking, taking her hat off and letting her hair down, it being in it’s natural, wavy state, instead of curls. She was sure she’d never be welcome at her parent’s home again after this, so she brought everything. She was fine with that, though, she’d figure it out, somehow.
She spent the next several hours thinking it over, until the sun began to set. She didn’t have much of a plan, but she figured that would be alright, she did have plenty of time, after all. She was only young, and she was only just getting started.
A knock on her door hours later broke Josie out of her thoughts, and she turns around to see none other than Jane Andrews, standing at her door and looking remorseful.
It’s quiet for a moment, because Josie has no idea what to say to her. Josie surely knows how to hold a grudge, but Jane was always an exception to that. But, Josie couldn’t forget the words she said to her the morning of the wedding, it hurt her too much, more than she thought it would.
“Hello, Josie.” Jane is the first to speak, removing her hat and setting it on the nearest table, before taking steps towards the desk in which Josie was sitting at. Josie doesn’t move, doesn’t even look away.
“Jane.” Is all Josie manages to stay, and then they go into a sort of staring contest, neither breaking the silence until Josie gets tired of playing games. “Is there something I can help you with?” She asks, aware of how hostile she sounds. She can’t help it, she’s still upset. She has no clue as to why, but she can get over her parents being angry with her and everything that circles around it, but she can’t get over her and Jane’s argument.
Jane doesn’t speak for another moment, but then, she bursts into tears. Josie hasn’t a clue as to why she’s crying and she’s surprised, because Jane barely gets emotional like this, but now, for some unknown reason, she is. Josie feels the strange urge to comfort her, but she doesn’t, she stays put and waits for Jane to say something, anything.
“I’m sorry.” Jane takes a deep breath, managing to compose herself for long enough to say what she needs to. “I’m sorry, Josie.” She repeats, and well, the pleading, sad tone of her voice is enough for Josie to throw her grudge out of the window, to forget about it.
“I shouldn’t have said those things to you. I didn’t-...I didn’t mean them. Not like that.” Jane shakes her head at the memory, wishing phrased it differently. “I’m sorry.” She says again, stepping forward and grabbing Josie’s hand, holding it. Josie slightly freezes at her touch, shocked because this all happened so fast, but then softens, just glad to have Jane back.
Yes, her words hurt like hell, but Josie just wanted her back. She missed her, her best friend, her Jane. And she will forgive her for anything, no matter what it is.
“I forgive you.” Josie is quick to respond, causing Jane to sigh in relief. Then, Josie decides to ask the question she’s been wondering about since this entire ordeal began. “Tell me, though, Jane, why were you so mad?” Jane lets go of Josie’s hand and steps back, clearly scared. Josie waits again, doing her best to be patient until Jane is ready to speak.
“Because-...because I was jealous.” Jane admits after a long couple of seconds, voice shaky. “I was jealous that you would be with Billy and-...” Jane trails off, confusing Josie. She has no idea where this is going, and isn’t quite sure what to make of it.
“And what?” She questions, guessing she’ll only find out by getting Jane to continue.
“And-...” Jane cuts herself off, sighing deeply before beginning another sentence, something that was apparently related. “Listen..my father-...he-...he loves us, but he doesn’t care about our happiness.” A true fact, if that wasn’t obvious by how he treats his wife and his children, like they’re property. “He nearly ruined Billy. Billy’s lucky he-...but-...oh Josie, father was so furious before we left. He hates Billy, he hates him for the way he is.” Jane doesn’t even want to repeat the things her father has said about Billy within the past day. It was awful, truly, much more so than him corrupting Billy with his horrible ideals before.
And Josie gets that, she does. She’s seen for herself the temper that Mr. Andrews has, and is relieved that Billy changed his ways before he became just like him, otherwise things could’ve gone a lot differently. And now, he despises his own son for something he can’t control, who he loves, it’s sickening. But, Josie still doesn’t understand where this is going.
“I’m aware.” Josie says, chills going down her spine, remembering Mr. Andrews’ horrible display of anger at the wedding. “What is the meaning of this, Jane?” Josie would like Jane to get straight to the point, because talking about how godawful her father is (and, Josie can add that her father is terrible as well) isn’t getting them anywhere.
(Josie doesn’t hate her parents, she doesn’t think. She just resents them for how they’ve treated her, and she wouldn’t mind if she never had to see them again.)
“I’m getting to it.” Jane replies, and she is, she just has much more to say first. “When Billy told me and Prissy about him and Cole, I was so upset. And at first I thought it was because I saw it as wrong, but it wasn’t me, it was father. I was scared for Billy and I didn’t want to admit something to myself and I-..” She trails off again, like whatever she wants to say is so complicated that she just can’t bring herself to say it instantly. “Billy is free of him now. And so am I.” Aren’t they all, really? Free from the clutches of their parents and free to do what they please with their lives. Josie still doesn’t see where this is going, though. (Or rather, she doesn’t believe where she THINKS this is going to be possible. What a silly thought.)
“What are you trying to say, Jane?” Josie questions, folding her arms, wanting Jane to just get one with it. Jane sees her growing impatient, and that’s when she realizes she has to say it now, whatever ‘it’ is.
“When I told you I didn’t want you as a sister, I meant it, because I don’t.” Josie feels that familiar pang of hurt, along with confusion, but then Jane speaks again, and all of that changes at the speed of lightening. “I want you as a lover. I was jealous because you were going to be with Billy and not me.” Josie’s mouth drops open, and she’s aware that isn’t very ladylike, but she’s too taken aback to care, because, oh. “I love you, Josie.” Jane finishes, and then, everything clicks.
That makes sense then, Jane being upset about Josie marrying her brother. If Jane has romantic feelings towards Josie, and didn’t want to accept or deal with that, of course she was angry and jealous and sad and took it out on Josie herself, no matter how unfair that was. That part makes sense.
And Josie, who doesn’t care at all when it comes to losing someone, was devastated when Jane began ignoring her. She wanted nothing more than to talk to her, than to be around her.
And also, Josie getting jealous when she saw Jane dancing with Charlie, choosing the reason to be that Jane got to choose who she dances with, while Josie couldn’t. And maybe that was part of it, but perhaps it was really because Josie wanted to be the one dancing with Jane instead.
Of course it was. Josie was only excited about the damned county fair because of the chance she got to dance with Jane. And when she was dancing with Billy, she wanted it to be Jane instead, so badly.
Josie was always secretly disgusted at the thought of touching or kissing a boy, when her and Billy were forced to slow dance, Josie was revolted. She thought it was normal, but it wasn’t, not when she wanted Jane to be in his place.
The thought of losing Jane, and losing her really, was what Josie could only recognize as heartbreak. Being around her, was what Josie would call being happy, being at ease.
She can’t lie, she’s had romantic thoughts about girls, about Jane, many times before. She always pushed it down, because it was wrong, it was sinful and unthinkable, but really, it’s not. Josie isn’t disgusted in herself like she thought she would be at admitting this, instead, she’s relieved. She doesn’t have to lie to herself or believe she’s someone she isn’t. She’s free now, and the sudden realization that she may be slightly different isn’t as scary as she thought it’d be, not after everything that happened.
She’s the same way as Billy and Cole, but with girls. But with Jane. She’s in love with Jane. She doesn’t know when it happened, but it did. She loves her.
(Josie can’t see the look on her own face, but she’s sure she looks bewildered at the realization.)
Jane takes Josie’s lack of a response and the look on her face as a sign of rejection, and begins panicking, fearing she’d made a mistake in confessing her feelings for her.
“I’m sure you’re disgusted with me. Please don’t tell the other girls, I’ll be ruined!” Jane begs, tears forming in her eyes once more. At that, Josie snaps out of her trance, feeling the need to say something.
Does she really feel this way towards Jane? Does she really like girls, and not boys? It’s crazy, really, to be this way and to be okay with it. But, Billy and Cole got their happy ending, so why shouldn’t she? She can be as free as they are.
Yes, she does like girls, and she likes Jane. What she feels towards Jane isn’t just friendship, it’s something much more than that. It’s love, it’s things that Josie could never even put into words.
“I’m not disgusted with you. Not even in the slightest.” Josie says, sounding as serious as ever. “Come here, Jane.” She holds out her arms, wanting Jane in them, wanting to hold her. Jane doesn’t move at first, still slightly afraid, and understandably so. But, Josie does return her feelings, she really does. It’s clear now, she’s completely sure of it.
“But-“ Jane stops before she can say anything else, because she wants this just as much as Josie does. “Okay.” And with that, Jane steps forward, wrapping her arms around Josie as the other girl does the same.
And suddenly, everything feels right. It’s a feeling that neither of the girls have ever really felt before, because they’ve never been together, free, like this until now. Now, everything is perfect.
“When did you realize this? And why are you only telling me now?” Josie can’t help but wonder, breaking the hug enough to where she can look into Jane’s eyes, her arms remaining around Jane’s waist while Jane’s stay around her neck. If Jane told her this before now, a lot of things could’ve been solved. Then again, it’s understandable why she would be too scared to. Her father was quite a maniac, after all. After how he reacted towards Billy for being the way he is (hitting him, as Josie’s certain of), she wouldn’t want to tell him the truth either.
“When Billy told me about him and Cole, how they were in love, I thought of you. I realized I felt that way for you. I was scared and I took it out on you.” Jane tells her, being completely honest, and a bit ashamed of how she acted. But, Josie holds absolutely nothing against her. “And now, him and Cole are together and safe. I saw Billy earlier, and I can tell they’re going to be happy for a long time.” That’s news to Josie, them being in Charlottetown. She was aware that they were no longer in Avonlea, but at least they’re not alone here. Josie isn’t alone either. “I want that, with you. But, if you don’t feel the same-“ Josie interrupts before Jane can continue, because that very idea is ridiculous.
“Of course I feel the same!” Josie doesn’t waste another second, and moves her hands up to Jane’s face, cupping her cheeks before leaning in and kissing her lips.
Josie doesn’t know what she’s doing, since she’s never kissed anyone before, and neither has Jane, but the kiss is nice, it’s like some type of magic. And Josie does not by any means believe in magic, but that’s the only way she can describe the kiss, other than the fact that Jane’s lips are incredibly soft, and she’s never felt anything so real.
It’s for sure and certain now, Josie’s in love. She’s been told that when you kiss someone you love, it feels something like what she feels now. It feels right.
“I love you too, Jane.” Josie makes sure to say, admiring the smile that forms on Jane’s face after. “And I want to be with you.” Josie can’t help but smile back, the newfound feeling of happiness being stronger than ever, because she has Jane, and she loves her, and Jane loves her right back.
“Truly?” Jane caresses Josie’s cheek with the palm of her hand, touching her like she’s been longing to ever since this dreadful mess started. No more of that, though, they won’t be miserable any longer. It’s the past. They’re free now, and they’re happy.
“Truly. And now, we can be.” No more awfulness holding them down, they can be happy, they can be together. “We’re free here, free as birds.” And once that is said, Josie leans forward and kisses Jane again, thinking that she could get used to this. This feeling of something being so damn right.
All Josie’s life, she felt weird, like she was never good enough. She looked to her mother for approval and validation, always being too afraid to admit that it was her mother who was the cause of the way she felt. Oh, she’s glad she stood up to her, she’s glad she doesn’t have to deal with her nonsense anymore. She’s glad she’s free.
In this moment, while Jane is in her arms and their lips are pressed together, every single doubt or insecurity that Josie has ever had is gone, vanished from existence. Everything feels good.
When Josie thinks of the future now, she sees Jane in it. After college, she hasn’t a clue as to where they’ll go or what they’ll do, but she’ll figure it out. Things may not always be easy, but she’ll make it, they’ll make it.
As long as she has Jane, she’ll be alright.