Chapter Text
"Congrats on a successful run, Spring Troupe!"
The cheers welcoming their director's words sound mostly tired, but genuinely happy. They are fresh from closing night, just shedding layers of their costumes in the dressing room. Thunderous claps of the audience still ringing in their ears, the spotlight hot on their tail. The adrenaline is still buzzing after their last performance on stage.
"Most of the audience already left. Me and Tetsuro-san are going to do the final check before we lock up. You guys can go ahead and go home first! Omi-kun already prepared a festive dinner for our closing party!"
"Party!" Citron cheers.
"I'll go with you for the final check," Masumi is quick to offer.
"No need Masumi-kun, I'll be fine!" Izumi waves him off with a lighthearted chuckle. "You guys must be tired from the performance! We still have party to attend so save up that remaining energy!"
Masumi visibly deflates as Izumi leaves the room.
Sakuya is about to console the youngest troupe member but the black haired young man is quick to get back on his feet. "Next time I'll be the lead so she won't take her eyes off me. And then she'll realize we're soulmates."
"For the umpteenth time that is not how soulmates work," Tsuzuru, even in the middle of erasing his makeup, is ever so faithful in his comebacks.
Sakuya chuckles. "The play about soulmate this time is well received! As expected from Tsuzuru's script!"
"I can still hear the audience jerking!" Citron smiles, doing a little dance while cleaning up and sorting their costumes.
"Cheering, you mean."
"There's also you guys' acting prowess. And the backstage crew's help. And the PR— Come on don't let me hog all the credits here!" Tsuzuru also chuckles as he moves to help Citron after he finishes cleaning up after himself. It's clear that he's indeed bashful of the praise, a faint pink lingering on the writer's cheeks.
"Makeup and costumes were top notch as well," Itaru nods in agreement. "Though it feels weird seeing Senpai with a name on his wrist."
Chikage, being unceremoniously shoved into the conversation, raises his mentioned wrist and gives it a shake. The name of Tsuzuru's character for the play, 'Souta', is there in thick black ink, marring his otherwise smooth wrist.
"Yeah, I'm used to seeing nothing there."
Chikage, on the other hand, feels rather funny for the name not being Itaru's.
Not like anyone knows.
"You're not gonna clean that up? Or you wanna mingle with us commoners and have a soulmate for a tiny bit?" Itaru teases it in a light hearted way. The blond cleans his own wrist, wiping makeup remover to reveal the familiar neat alphabet.
"I'll clean it later."
Removing it now will risk exposing Itaru's name underneath the concealer underneath the makeup.
Chikage sighs to himself, it's been awhile since he promised to tell Itaru the truth, yet he never seemed to have the time, or worse yet, the courage. A sudden meeting over lunchtime where he planned to secure time with his junior, or packed rehearsal schedule drove them dead tired by night, or Itaru's streams dragged on and left Chikage no time to talk. It was like an unseen force was messing with him and dampened Chikage's resolve overtime. Chikage had told himself, by the fifth failure or something, he didn't keep count, that it was no good to suddenly dump his issues on Itaru when they had this play to focus on. Maybe it was better if he stalled.
Time blinked by and now they even reached the closing night of their play. Perhaps he has stalled enough.
"You're running away again."
The August-like voice in his head sounds disappointed. No matter how much he wants to deny it, Chikage has to agree.
"Chikage-san?"
"Yes, Sakuya?"
"You okay there?"
Chikage blinks, blaming August in his head for his personal turmoil.
"I'm fine…"
"Um, okay… you can go back first if you're not feeling well, Chikage-san. We can do the cleanup here!"
Sakuya, the angel that he is, looks genuinely worried and it feels like a solid pull on Chikage's heartstrings. The green haired man also wants to blame August in his head as well for this slip up but this is largely himself at fault.
"I said I'm fine, Sakuya. And you know what? Why don't you guys go first? I'll finish tidying up here and then I'll catch up at the dorm," Chikage waves his troupemates off, already half pushing the shorter Sakuya out of the room.
"Eh? But…!"
"I insist," Chikage cracks his usual smile, this time putting on a coercive tone. "Besides, it's not a heavy job, I can manage on my own just fine."
"Uh, well, if you say so…" Citron and Tsuzuru both look equally unsure but they relent after another reassurance from Chikage. Masumi shrugs and lets Chikage get what he wants. The younger man seems to know more than what he lets on but he decides not to dip his hand further.
Chikage feels Itaru's gaze linger.
"See you at the party then!" the younger ones wave at him, with Itaru pinning his (pretty) ruby eyes on Chikage before shaking that blond head and trails off after the others.
Chikage is quick to clean up after himself without Itaru-related issues plaguing his mind, though he had to actively deny his mind from wandering off without his troupemates' antics to distract him. Ironically for him, the absence of his troupemates also give him ample time to clean his wrist from 'Souta' and brings back 'Itaru', only to cover it back up again with his trusted concealer. The movement is so familiar even though he yearns to stop.
He really needs to pull himself together.
A quick once over before he turns off the light and locks the dressing room.
Until next time.
"Senpai, good job~"
Unexpectedly, the very being Chikage currently has issues with calls from the deserted hallway. He gives Chikage a cheerful little wave.
The green haired man couldn't help the little twitch of his brow at the sight of the blond.
"And why are you still here?"
Itaru shrugs. "Draining my LP?"
"Didn't you go back with the others?"
"Oh, about that," Itaru absent mindedly points at the exit door. "It suddenly started pouring so I stayed back with an umbrella in case you didn't have one."
"I don't…"
Now that Chikage pays attention, he can faintly hear the pitter-patter of rain. Judging from sound alone, it seems like the intensity is pretty strong.
Itaru smiles as he pockets his phone. "Lucky you, then! There's only one umbrella though, so we have to share."
"You don't have to, I can run to the dorm. It's close."
"Well, I want to."
Chikage falls silent at that.
Itaru ushers him closer, not elaborating more on his words. The blond is exactly a picture of calm and composed but Chikage can see slight dusting of pink on the tip of Itaru's ears.
Chikage decides not to comment on that.
It's gone as soon as Itaru opens the exit gate and the rain engulfs them both. It might as well never have been there.
"Whoa, 's pretty bad!" Itaru has to raise his voice amidst the pouring rain. Beside him, Chikage can feel water seeping into his shoulder. The umbrella meant for one isn't doing a very good job on covering them both in the downpour.
The walk back is deserted from other people, a peculiar sight different from the usually bustling Veludo Way. Of course, people prefer to stay indoors rather than be out and about in the pouring rain.
"Just our luck," Chikage heaves a sigh.
"Wasn't this bad earlier tho! Luckily the others are probably back at the dorm by now!"
They both walk fast braving the rain, eager for the dorm's roof over their head to keep dry.
Itaru flinches as a particularly strong gust of wind sends the rain wetting half of his face. "Ugh."
Chikage chuckles at the sight. He moves to circle an arm around Itaru's waist, feeling the slightly damp material of the blond's clothes as he tugs the lithe body closer.
"Huh—Senpai…?"
Chikage ignores his own heart beating too loudly for his liking. "The umbrella isn't big enough, better stay closer. Your shoulder's getting wet, right?"
From this proximity, it's impossible to miss the blush blooming on Itaru's cheeks.
"Senpai, I…"
"The dorm's there. Let's hurry."
Itaru purses his lips and swallows back his words. He nods and matches Chikage's faster walk pace.
The warmth of Itaru's body linger even as Chikage detaches himself. They both arrive at the dorm safely with Sakuya welcoming them at the entrance (and immediately scurrying away to fetch towels at the sight of his troupemates).
"Finally…" the blond sighs. Half of his body drenched and another half dry makes the blond quite an amusing sight.
Chikage isn't in any better condition himself, but he won't let an opportunity to tease Itaru pass.
"You look like shit," the older man smirks.
"Like you're any better," Itaru playfully retorts back. Chikage feels his face softening into a fond smile as his hand reaches out to ruffle the wet strands of blond. Itaru's hair loses its fluffiness like this but the blond strands still frame Itaru's attractive face nicely. It's almost unfair. What kind of genetic luck did the gamer earn to be blessed with this pretty face.
Itaru's hand suddenly shoots up, holding Chikage's wrist in a vice grip.
"Chiga—!?" Chikage tampers down the urge to retaliate harshly at the sudden touch.
Itaru's eyes are blown wide.
Chikage doesn't like how those eyes fixate on a certain point on his wrist.
"Isn't this my name?"
Chikage's blood runs cold.
The green haired man follow Itaru's line of sight to his wrist, where he sees the concealer smudged, faintly revealing strokes which make up Itaru's name. It must've came off from the rain and friction from hugging Itaru earlier.
Shit.
"Why do you have—?" Itaru sounds slightly breathless and mostly confused.
Chikage yanks his hand away roughly, feeling all his plans go down the drain. He bristles; his wall closing himself up. Itaru flinches at that as if he was just slapped across the face.
Chikage wills his nerves to calm the fuck down. "Sorry, does it hurt…?"
"... why?" Itaru ignores Chikage's question, instead he fixes his gaze on Chikage, boring holes with his ruby eyes.
Chikage purses his lips.
He had wanted the blond to know. But not like this. Never like this.
"Senpai...?"
There's something akin to hurt in Itaru's probing voice.
"Is that… real?"
A lie is automatically at the tip of Chikage's tongue. Almost as fast, he reigns himself back. A lie is certainly tempting. It will be an easy way out, something he uses all this time. Yet it would be unfair to Itaru, or even himself, to weasel himself out of this confrontation by lying. Itaru deserved the truth after all this time. Chikage promised himself a change, and while this might not be an ideal scenario, isn’t etude one of his strong points?
So for the first time, he faces Itaru with no lies attached.
It feels like being shoved into the spotlight without remembering his script prior. A crash and burn waiting to happen, and he's caught in the middle.
Chikage wipes the rest of the concealer off with the cuff of his sleeve, showing Itaru the characters so very familiar carved into his skin.
"It is. It's my soulmate mark."
Itaru's eyes stay wide, transparent in their shock. He is silent, bearing Chikage down with guilt each passing second.
"I'm sorry to make you wait! Here's the towel—huh?"
Itaru doesn't react to their leader's arrival, neither does Chikage. They keep their gaze locked at each other, as if frozen in time.
Sakuya awkwardly approaches, realizing that he somehow arrives at the worst possible time.
"Is everything okay?"
Like a spell has been broken, Itaru lets out a heavy, quivering breath. He stays silent but the hurt and confusion on his ruby gaze are so raw. It feels harrowing for the older man to be the target of such intense emotion. Chikage might as well accept a punch or two.
The blond grits his teeth and decides to bail.
"Itaru-san…?" Sakuya tenses as Itaru zooms past him and storms off further into the dorm. The blond’s heavy footsteps gradually fade away.
Chikage can only stare at Itaru's retreating back.
"C-Chikage-san…? What happened…?" Sakuya turns to the remaining person in the room. He also doesn't make any move to trail after Itaru. Another set of ruby eyes questioning Chikage for the night, this time clueless and worried.
Chikage knits his brow, not meeting Sakuya's eyes. "I messed up."
The party is… awkward, to say the least.
Chikage can see Itaru is actively avoiding him; going rounds to play some party game with the high school group or talk with the adults while drinking moderately. All the while keeping contacts with Chikage down to a bare minimum.
They make sure to still be around each other and talk if necessary, forcing their sudden dispute to a truce; after all, this party is meant to celebrate their troupe. The least they can do is to not dampen the festivities. So far it's working; the others, save for his redheaded leader the witness of Chikage's fuck up, seem oblivious of this newfound tension between the two room 103 occupants. Luckily Sakuya doesn't ask anymore, it seems like he trusts Chikage to solve his own issue. So excluding Sakuya, everyone is being kept in the dark.
Except for one person.
"What happened?" Hisoka asks gently, munching on a marshmallow. "Earlier Itaru looked at you like you offended three generations of his family."
Of course.
Hisoka is courteous enough to catch Chikage in downtime where there's no one around within earshot. The green haired man sighs loudly, yet half of him feels relieved it is Hisoka that had picked up something.
"He found out…" Chikage gestures vaguely to his wrist. "... in a not so pleasant way."
"It's hard to imagine any scenario as pleasant considering the situation. I'd also be offended if I'm in his shoes. Or sad. I'd think my soulmate hates me."
"I don't."
"Well, does he know?"
Fair, but Hisoka doesn't have to put it like that. Chikage remembers the talk he had with his fellow spy (ex spy), and he's glad Hisoka stays true to his words of staying by Chikage's side. Though in his, decidedly, very Hisoka-way. Namely being as nerve-grating as possible without even knowing.
"He'll come around," Hisoka ends his words with assurance for Chikage. Finally some kind words after a barrage of bitter truth.
Chikage really needs to settle the score after the party.
Or should he give Itaru space and retreat to his hideout for a few days instead?
"I'll fix this…"
Hisoka plops another marshmallow into his mouth. "You better."
Surprisingly, the offer to patch things up comes from the other party first.
Way into the night, the same night when the hustle and bustle of the party has all but ceased. Room 103 is void from the usual blinking lights and battle music from Itaru’s game screen. Only the occupants some distance from each other, illuminated by artificial lights from the lamp.
"We should talk."
Tension oozes from Itaru, but the blond stands firm in his offer.
Chikage just got back to their room, volunteering, yet again, to clean up after the party (Matsukawa was so thankful), giving both himself and Itaru space to think after the mess earlier. When the green haired man entered their room, expecting Itaru to either sleep or game, he found the blond on the sofa instead.
From the way Itaru perked up when Chikage entered the room, and the way he held the Night Arthurian giant plush tighter, Itaru was expecting this. He was waiting for Chikage.
"Chigasaki…"
Itaru hesitantly reaches out.
"I'm sorry… for throwing a tantrum earlier. I'm kinda calmer now… tho depending on our talk I might not be okay after but that's for our future selves to worry about."
Itaru’s socked feet tap into the wooden floor in a covert display of anxiety. Even with all the emotional turmoil he's been put through, the blond is ready to face Chikage. He is willing to talk and listen to what Chikage has hidden for years.
In front of such determination, Chikage can only answer with sincerity.
The older man reaches back, slowly sitting down on the other edge of the sofa, maintaining distance between them. "An apology from me is in order as well. And I would appreciate it if you'd listen to my part of this story..."
Itaru blinks at him. "You're not… going away?"
"Huh?"
Itaru averts his gaze. "... I was scared you're gonna go away like that time… and I can't stop you, again..."
The blond glances at Chikage's white suitcase, sitting innocently on Chikage's side of the room, like always. The memories of that night during Oz's first run come flooding; of Chikage trying to run away and never come back. Come to think of it, without the attachment he currently has with the company as a whole, Chikage might have tried to pull that cowardly stunt again.
“I can’t stop you, again”
How much guilt Itaru harbors, even now? When everything that happened was never his fault to begin with?
"I won't. I promise," Chikage says gently, trying to ease Itaru.
"Oh…” it seems to work, Itaru relaxes slightly at Chikage’s words. The tension seeping out from his rigid shoulders as he sags them. “Oh, cool."
"Okay then, I'll listen to whatever you have in store as to why you won't say anything about having me as your soulmate," the blond’s lips tug upwards in a forced sad smile.
So Chikage tells.
If truth is what it takes to patch things up, then so be it.
He still omits quite a lot, namely the parts connected to the organization for Itaru’s sake as well. He lays himself bare as much as he can, tethering around the edge of half truths. From the time where he didn’t want to bother with a soulmate, to the turning point where he felt like he could turn the tide of revenge in his favor by erasing a part of him; part of him tied to Itaru, up until now where he feels he’s swimming too deep in his lies to go back out.
Years of the bottled up lies and deceits finally unravel, Chikage grows more and more anxious with each passing moment. He trusts Itaru, but at this point he doesn't know how the blond will react.
The blond in question listens intently, letting Chikage go on in his tale. Itaru's frowns don't ease up, but from his loosening grip on the poor plush, Itaru has come to terms with Chikage’s story. He has somehow reached a conclusion he can make amends with.
A little ray of light amidst his cloudy mind.
"That's all I have," Chikage finishes, watching as his words sink in his roommate.
There's a slight pause before Itaru responds. "I see…"
"Are you still mad?"
Itaru purses his lips. "I was pissed because I thought… being soulmates with me disgust you to the point you have to hide it. Glad to know that's not the case. I'm still mad at you for not telling, though."
"Quite the contrary, Chigasaki…" Chikage is cautious with his words. In his mind he's trying to find the best way to approach talking feelings with Itaru.
"I like you, Chikage-san."
Until Itaru beats him to it.
"What?"
Itaru stares down at his Night Arthurian plush.
"I like you, Chikage-san," he carefully repeats. "Like, like you. Pretty sure what you're supposed to feel for your soulmate," the way Itaru says it; subdued and without meeting Chikage's eyes, but steady in his voice. The way Itaru timidly lays out his feelings for Chikage out in the open, without hoping for Chikage's reciprocation.
I know.
Chikage bites back his words, letting Itaru continues.
"I was worried… about betraying my own soulmate. Even though technically I might not meet them. Anyway, I still fell for you… and now you said your tattoo is my name all along. This is all so confusing. You have mine but I don't have yours…? How can that happen…?" Itaru tugs his sleeve down, frowning at the alphabet on his wrist.
Right. Here comes another issue.
"No, Chigasaki… that's not it."
The pretty ruby eyes finally look up to meet Chikage's deep blue.
Here goes nothing.
"That name on your wrist," Chikage swallows a lump in his throat. "It's mine."
Itaru blinks.
"What."
"That's… my real name."
Itaru blinks. Again.
"What… but, huh? Eh…?" The bewildered Itaru keeps exchanging glances between the name on his wrist and Chikage's own self, blinking in confusion.
(Adorable, if Chikage has a say).
"I can't go on to details and I have no means to prove it to you now but I used to be… that," Chikage vaguely gestures to the tattoo. "... even I haven't heard it in awhile. My own name."
Itaru is rendered speechless. He looks at Chikage with wide eyes and slack jaw. It looks funny; Chikage would have laugh if the atmosphere wasn't this tense.
"... No lies?" Itaru whispers, not trusting his own voice to speak normally.
"No lies," for the first time since he stepped into their room tonight, Chikage lets a smile graces his face.
Itaru's expression is a myriad of emotions. Disbelief, bewilderment, and curiosity. "So from now on should I call you—"
"No," Chikage is quick to cut off his roommate. "There's no need for change. Right now I'm 'Chikage Utsuki'..."
This time Chikage is the one who averts his gaze, not trusting himself to pull through with his words if he looks directly at Itaru's probing gaze.
"Please let me be your 'Chikage'..."
The silence that follows weighs down on Chikage like leads. It traps him, holding him in a vice grip he can't even bring himself to raise his head.
"I know you're full of secrets and all but this takes the cake you know…" Itaru's voice is above a whisper, Chikage has to strain a bit to catch Itaru's words
Chikage peeks a glance at the younger man. The blond is clutching his wrist and glaring at it, would be pretty scary if not for the fierce blush on Itaru's cheeks.
"So all this time it was you all along? Give me back my time worrying over nothing!" Itaru looks like he wants to throw the plush doll at Chikage. The green haired man has a gut feeling the blond would go through with that if Chikage isn't the older one here.
"I have a lot on my plate, Chigasaki…"
A flimsy excuse even in Chikage's own ears.
"And what? 'Let me be your Chikage'? Are you serious? What are those, light novel lines?" Itaru quotes, this time glaring at Chikage still with his cheeks bright red they almost match his eyes.
Chikage feels his own cheeks set aflame. "Is that a no?"
"No—I mean it's not… a no," Itaru huffs and slumps into the couch, suddenly looking tired. "It's a yes, but I'm still mad, okay?"
Chikage can't help a smile tugging on his lips. "Would a hug make it better?"
Itaru lets out a weird, low pitched grunt. If anything, the blush on his face intensifies. "You do not get to be romantic now, Unromantic Senpai."
Is that how the blond responds to offers for physical intimacy? Will he come up with similar reactions from now on? That's interesting. Chikage is eager to find out.
The taller man doesn't respond verbally. He opens his arms instead, inviting the younger man over with a fond smile.
Itaru frowns at Chikage, biting his lower lip while looking torn. "You are so unfair, you know that?"
The blond scoots towards Chikage and as soon as he's within reach, the older man wraps Itaru in a tight, tight hug.
"I'm sorry… for everything," Chikage whispers, pressing his nose to the fluffy blond hair. His grip on Itaru is secure, pressing their bodies close together, in hopes it will convey his feelings where words cannot.
"You better be…" Itaru is hesitant at first but he reciprocates the hug, circling his arms around Chikage's middle and tucking his face on Chikage's shoulder. It feels like slotting two matching puzzle pieces. They fit so well together like this, as if Itaru is made for Chikage to hold.
Is this what it feels to finally indulge in his soulmate?
"Chigasaki…"
Chikage's heart is so full.
"Hm…?"
"Thank you."
Itaru hugs Chikage tighter, and Chikage can feel a smile against his neck.
"Good morning, Itaru-san, Chikage-san!"
The usual cheerful greetings from Mankai members accompany Itaru and Chikage's entrance into the kitchen.
It's late morning, luckily no work because both Itaru and Chikage took off day after their play's closing night. By this time, the kitchen has gone considerably quieter since most dorm occupants already start their day. Chikage finds his troupemates gathered around the dining table. Riding on the party and closing night aftermath, they all seem set on going easy and slow through this day. Citron and Sakuya have toast as their (late) breakfast while Tsuzuru is nursing a huge mug of coffee. Masumi is already napping where he sits. They all look tired, but happy.
Chikage also made a new discovery that night, sleeping cuddled with Itaru was so comfortable it shut down all his nerves, no wonder he was out like a log. Chikage never really views himself as a cuddler but it seems like the universe proves him wrong. This is bad. Day one and Itaru already has him wrapped around those pretty fingers.
Not like he knows.
"Mornin'," Itaru yawns wide, already opening his phone for daily morning LP drains. He slumps into a chair beside Tsuzuru.
"Would you guys like coffee? I made too much," Tsuzuru gestures to the coffee pot.
"Sure, thanks Tsuzuru," Chikage moves to retrieve his mug from the cupboard.
"Seenpaii, pour me some too," Itaru drawls.
"Do it yourself, Itaru-san," Tsuzuru nudges Itaru's leg with his own feet from under the table.
"Busy."
"What busy? You're gaming."
"Exactly."
Chikage lets out a small chuckle. "Just this once."
Itaru visibly perks up. "Thanks, you're the best."
Tsuzuru sighs. He gets up from his seat to bring his own mug over to Chikage for a refill. The older one isn't sure that amount of coffee is healthy first thing in the morning but he's not known for making healthy life choices either so he lets Tsuzuru does whatever he wants.
"Hm, Chikage-san? You haven't cleaned your makeup…?" Tsuzuru takes notice of Chikage's wrist. Unfamiliar in its tattooed state. The brunet blinks, realization dawns at him fast as he reads the characters. "Huh… wait..."
"Isn't this Itaru-san's name!?"
Tsuzuru's shocked exclamation garners everyone's attention. Citron and Sakuya stop their conversation to turn wide curious eyes at Chikage, while Masumi stirs awake because of the sudden commotion.
Chikage glances down at his uncovered wrist.
From the other side of the table, Itaru gives him a small smile.
Chikage returns it with a small smile of his own. "It's a long story. Do you guys want to listen?"