Chapter Text
Tommy’s phone buzzed hauntingly as he snuggled under his sheets. To say he was nervous was an understatement. Sure, he was excited, absolutely buzzing in fact, to go spend a whole week at his big brother’s house but once again a certain coping mechanism of his was getting in the way. As of late, he was spending a decent chunk of his week regressed, sometimes being in the mindset of a child and just getting fussed over was the only thing that let him actually get to sleep at a decent time and sometimes when he got back from college all he really wanted to do was destress.
Could you really blame him though? It helped a whole lot and he actually had the support system to do it safely now: no more trying to keep himself big enough to take care of himself, no more forcing himself out of headspace because his parents came home early and most importantly, no more sobbing into his stuffies whenever he would have a nightmare.
He actually had a support system now, he knew his parents could be trusted and he actually felt comfortable letting himself fully regress- however small he needed- in front of them. It would just be stupid for him to try and force his headspace away when there was really no use in it.
So, yeah, maybe it was starting to become something he very heavily relied on, which was saying quite a bit considering he would have still probably worried about the whole accidentally-regressing-while-with-Wilbur thing before he even told his mum, back when he only let himself slip once or twice a week, in fear of being caught and questioned while small.
Even if he was currently hiding away from the problem, in his expert opinion, Wilbur was probably the most loving and accepting person he’d ever met (aside from his parents but they didn’t count right now) but if he was being honest the rejection or disgust that most people feared wasn’t what he was scared of. He knew that Wilbur would immediately start to research regression if he ever told him, he’d do anything in his power to make sure Tommy was comfortable, he’d probably even message him throughout his streams to make sure he wasn’t slipping and didn’t need his help.
For the record though, ever since he had started to let himself regress whenever he needed it, the panicked stream-ends disguised as ‘oh I forgot my homework’ had almost disappeared completely. He supposed it was just a lot easier to control his headspace when he hadn’t been pushing it away for days or weeks at a time, plus, it helped a lot to know that after his stream he could go and spend time with his caregivers and calm down- that’s something that he never got before.
Still though, he was so so used to regressing nearly every day- he never had been the kind of person to spend the whole day small but he absolutely needed the few hours he spent small; he just didn’t know how he was going to spend a week with his big brother without slipping at all.
Tommy knew Wilbur would be accepting. He just didn’t want their relationship to change.
It was perfect right now, there was nothing he wanted any differently. Wilby was his big brother and he was Wilby’s little brother. He didn’t want those gentle eyes that looked at him with nothing but kindness, fueled with protective energy to change into pity or shame. Even if he knew Wilbur would be kind about it, even if he knew Wilbur would research and do whatever he had to in order to understand Tommy’s mental health, he could just never be sure what kind of emotional response he’d have. Even if he was kind, that wasn’t enough. They couldn’t really be brothers if Wilbur stopped loving him over something like this.
He wasn’t sure anything could hurt more than losing his big brother's love.
Finally rolling over on his bed, he peeked out of his bedroom window, still decorated with lego figures and toys from his actual childhood. Outside was a hauntingly familiar black car; rushing to his phone he opened his discord and instantly noticed the message he had ignored. Wilbur had been waiting for about 5 minutes while he was moaping about in his bed.
Faster than he could think, he typed out a reply and rushed to find his coat and shoes- mentally thanking himself for having the foresight to have packed his bag before he went to bed the night before. Tugging on his old boots, he cringed a little as he noticed the pleather had begun to tear along the crease- he never was particularly good at taking care of his things but shoes were especially hard considering he was always so energetic. He just didn’t think about the consequences when he was jumping about and running around.
Hopping to the bathroom, foot not even fully in his shoe yet, he hurriedly brushed his teeth and made half an effort to tidy up his hair; running his hand through it a few times to try and make it go vaguely in the right direction. Drying his toothbrush as best he could against a clean towel, he popped the cover onto it and dropped it into a wash bag containing his shower supplies and a can of deodorant, zipping it up and shoving the plastic case into his backpack.
Glancing around, he ran over his general routine in his head trying to think of whether or not he was forgetting anything- the idea of taking some regression items just in case anything happened popped into his head but he was quick to dismiss that idea, the knowledge that he had the option to slip would definitely tug his headspace down and he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to resist bringing out his favourite stuffies and a pacifier before bed if he had the option.
Maybe it would be hell trying to stay big for so long but he’d just have to try. Maybe, if he was lucky, he could let himself slip down to older kid/ younger teen years, it was an easy enough way to let himself get some of the benefits of his coping mechanism but he knew well enough that it was scarily easy for him to slip very young very fast from that kind of headspace so it would be a risky move.
Grabbing his Switch case from his nursery (pointedly avoiding his gaze from the rest of the room) he soon made his way to the stairs. He had everything he needed. All he had to do was work up the courage to actually go.
Upon making his way downstairs, he was greeted with three familiar faces all chatting amongst themselves in the living room. He guessed his parent’s had invited Wilbur inside when they realised Tommy was taking a while getting ready. If he was being honest, he kinda hated it. While he loved his parents an embarrassing amount, he was still a normal teenager and God it was just embarrassing having your parents talking to your friend without you even being there. Who knows what kind of embarrassing stuff they might have told him!
Granted, they respected Tommy’s boundaries and would never reveal his regression to one of his friends unless it was an emergency or somebody’s safety was involved, however they did have a habit of saying ‘when Tommy was small’ or ‘When Tommy was little’ when they wanted to tell a ‘cute’ (to him it was more humiliating) story from when he was regressed to somebody who didn’t know about his regression.
While he definitely appreciated them taking extra precautions in order to keep his pride in check, he would certainly also appreciate it if they didn’t try to tease him any chance they got. He supposed that was just how parents were though.
“Hey Toms! You got all your stuff?”
Wilbur’s voice pulled him out of his thoughts, making him realise he had been standing in the doorway silently for a good few minutes. Giving a little nod, he approached the couch where Wilbur was sitting and placed himself right next to him, dropping his bag near his feet so he wouldn’t need to worry about forgetting it.
“Tom,” His mother smiled kindly, looking over at the pair as if they were really brothers from birth. Tommy adored how accepting they were of his friendship with Wilbur, they practically treated the man as if he was just another Son.
“I packed a bag of some other stuff I think you’ll probably have forgotten,”
As if he wasn’t already sufficiently humiliated, his mum packing a bag of his regression items was certainly the icing on the cake. Yes! Of course he liked that she hadn’t just outed him straight up but it was still embarrassing to know what was in the bag himself! He didn’t even need to peek inside to know what she would have packed: pacifiers, baby clothes, bibs, sippy cups, bottles, etc.
Seemingly on que, noticing how embarrassed Tommy seemed to get after being handed the backpack, she added a ‘just a few toiletries and hygiene products’ directed at Wilbur to try and calm his nerves down at least a little.
“God Toms” Wilbur chuckled, taking the bag from him -much to Tommy’s dismay- and slinging it over his shoulder as if to be helpful.
“Please don’t go telling me you’re in that weird teenage boy ‘I don't need to shower’ phase”
“Shut it, bitch! I smell like roses!”
Playfully elbowing him, Tommy laughed it off.
At least if anything happened he could call one of his parents, sure it would be embarrassing but hey, he knew his caregivers would help him navigate the situation the best way possible if he did happen to slip.
With a quick ‘right then’ from Wilbur who had started to stand, Tommy went to grab his keys and wallet before rushing straight back.
“You all ready then? Not left anything behind yet?”
“Nooo Wilbur”
“Toms, I want you to call us if anything happens ok?”
“Yess Dad”
“Oh- and Tommy if you need-”
“Mum i’m not a child I can handle going away for a week”
The irony of his statement didn’t really hit until he was buckling himself into the passenger seat of Wilbur’s car; he certainly wasn’t feeling as big as he thought. It wasn’t anything worth worrying over yet, just a gentle fuzz that blurred the line between big and little as he was faced with the very real reality that he wasn’t going to be able to really get taken care of for a week.
Wilbur was great. Wilbur was lovely.
But really? He wasn’t his caregiver, and a deep, young part of his heart was already longing to go back inside and get babied until all the weird confusing thoughts were so fuzzed and blurred that they couldn’t bother him anymore.
Wilbur wasn’t going to give him that kind of comfort. He couldn't.
As lovely as Wilbur was, as understanding as he could be, he wasn’t his mother.
The fuzz was bearable sure, the kind of thing he often felt in streams where the atmosphere was a bit too soft for him to be spewing out curse words or yelling at the top of his lungs; the gentle streams with the other sleepy bois where he’d undoubtably end the night curled up with a pacifier. While Tommy was very aware this time it would end with him pushing his headspace as far away as possible- rather than being able to indulge in his coping mechanism- it didn’t slow the haze that seemed to cloud his judgement.
Wilbur had turned the radio onto some gentle guitar music, there was some indie folk guy singing along to it and while if he thought too hard about the lyrics they were probably a tad depressing, to Tommy, who was struggling to form a sentence amidst the fog, it felt like a lullaby. Soft and gentle, Wilbur whispering the lyrics along in tune. It was sickeningly familial.
“Did you not sleep well last night, Tom?”
The words fell out before Tommy could decipher the meaning, just blinking sleepily up at his big brother, nothing but love in his heart and a bit of longing for his parents. Tommy wasn’t regressed, he knew that much, but god the fog was getting dangerously thick and he wasn’t sure how long he could hold his head above the water before he’d drown. It reminded him of the weird in-between state of being half asleep, dreams forming but still being able to be jolted out of the trance at one wrong move.
After a couple minutes of staring blankly at Wilbur, it finally clicked that he was supposed to reply. Like an idiot, he shook his head, eyes transfixed on his big brother's figure. He felt so safe and cosy, it would be so easy to just give up. He had his gear with him and he was sure Wilbur would understa- no. No No No No. No thoughts like that, not right now.
He was a big boy and Wilbur was his big boy friend.
“If you’re that exhausted Tommy, just go to sleep. It’ll be a couple hours before we get there anyway” Wilbur shrugged, eyes focused on the road as his hands skillfully moved between the wheel and various different sticks and nobs. Tommy had no idea what those things did but he was definitely impressed.
“You’ll just end up whiny and annoying if you force yourself to stay awake. Go to sleep Toms, it’ll be the best thing for both of us.”
The offer was tempting, all he really wanted right now was naptime with his favourite stuffies in his nursery, maybe his dad would read to him! Maybe he could have a bottle of angel milk too!
It all sounded so so tempting and so lovely but it was simply impossible. Even though it was around his usual naptime and he was certainly feeling small, today's nap wouldn’t be soft and gentle with kisses and gentle ‘love you’s, it would be done sitting up in a car while Wilbur sang along to whatever indie album was playing.
Still, even though he was scarily aware of the fact that he would probably slip his thumb into his mouth in his sleep and that he’d probably end up mumbling something, it was miles better than the alternative of missing his nap and slipping uncontrollably deeper due to being sleepy and grumpy. Plus, usually he woke up big after a nap, it was like a little reset button. The only times he ever woke up still small was if he had fallen asleep in babyspace, not regressed for an extended amount of time, or just woke up surrounded by things that made him slip straight away. He thought back to when he had first gotten his nursery for a moment. At first it had been so so hard to convince himself to get out of headspace when he woke up surrounded by baby toys.
“‘M no sleepy Wilby”
The whine was evident in his voice, tugging a little smile onto Wilbur's lips.
“Aww, the baby isn’t sleepy? Well I, for one, think it might be naptime bubba”
While Wilbur was undoubtedly teasing him for acting so childish, the fondness in his voice was impossible to miss, and to Tommy who was teetering dangerously close to regressing completely, it was all the confirmation he needed to know Wilbur was safe. That Wilbur wouldn’t ridicule him or take away his love.
“Bu’ is no’ comfyyy!”
His words were slurring and lisping together, the basic grammar rules he’d been taught his whole life suddenly seeming far too complicated of a concept to grasp with his tiny baby brain. All he wanted was his Mummy and his Daddy and maybe also his toys and nursery- while you're at it throw in his sippy cups and pacis too. Was all that really so much to ask for? He wasn’t /that/ spoiled was he?
“Aww Tommy” Wilbur mused, there was a little confusion in his tone but mainly adoration, Tommy couldn’t tell what he was thinking, eyes still transfixed on the road as he moved his hand to ruffle his hair. He definitely felt like a big brother, and god.. Right now Tommy was feeling like a tiny baby brother. That’s not too different from normally being the little brother was it?
“I’m very sorry my car isn’t comfy enough for your nap, bub, didn’t realise I was transporting royalty”
“Mhm. Little prince”
Maybe he was getting a little too daring with his speech if the cautious side eye Wilbur gave him was anything to go by. He normally just blamed any slip ups on being sleepy but he wasn’t so sure it would be as easy to do that in person.
Tommy’s thumb lingered by his mouth, pressed against his cheek as his remaining self restraint reminded him that it would be a dead give away. As much as he wanted to be coddled and suck on his paci he didn’t have that option, it would be giving too much away too quickly and he didn’t want to push Wilbur over the edge. He was already being surprisingly gentle with him, even if he thought he was just sleepy Wilbur never really tended to act like this.
“How about this, Tom, I get you a happy meal so you can have some lunch, and then once your tummy is all full up, you lean your chair back as much as it can comfortably go and you take a little nap? I think I should have a baby blanket in the backseat if you want it”
In Tommy’s regressed state, he didn’t even stop to think about why Wilbur automatically offered him the kids meal or why Wilbur had a baby blanket or why Wilbur seemed to know just what he needed- all he could focus on right now was that he was going to get some yummy nuggets and a toy! It was exciting!
Giving an excited nod, Tommy bounced in his seat, wriggling around a great deal as he babbled about what toys Mcdonalds was currently giving out with the happy meals and what milkshake he wanted with his food.
“Oh yeah? Is that right little guy? Well we’re just gonna have to get you the choccy milkshake if it’s /that/ good then”
Wilbur chuckled as he listened to his baby brother ramble, pulling himself into a service station where he parked the car relatively near the entrance.
“Okay little man, I’ve got a super duper secret mission for you okay? There might be some fans inside since you’re a popular little guy but can we stay quiet while Wilby orders your food? It’ll be like a small game of spy!”
Again, Tommy was small. He was relatively deep into his headspace by this point (who could blame him? He was sleepy and he missed his mummy!) so he didn’t really pick up on the fact that Wilbur wanted him to be quiet so none of the fans caught on to the fact that he was tiny. It just felt like a game! With another excited nod he linked his pinkie with Wilbur’s and flashed a toothy grin.
“Kay Wilby! Gonna be sneaky!”
Wilbur led him by the hand into the station, taking him into the relatively quiet McDonalds; he supposed it just wasn’t common to be travelling halfway across the country, midday, on a Sunday. Bouncing on the soles of his feet, Tommy moved himself so he was hugging Wilbur’s arm rather than just holding his hand. He had always been a clingy baby! It wasn’t his fault if his caregivers weren’t there to give him that touch instead.
It wasn’t long until the bored-looking teenage employee read out a number and Wilbur went to the counter to pick up his food (along with a medium fries for himself). Tommy was doing a really, really good job at this spy game! He hadn’t even said a word!
Just as Wilbur had started to lead him, by the hand, back to his car, he raised his fist up to his mouth and -knowing that both his paci and thumb were out of the question- nommed right onto his sleeve, pointedly ignoring the little grimace that Wilbur’s face did as he started buckling him back in.
“Don’t chew on your sleeve bud,” Wilbur hummed, placing the happy meal on the dashboard as reached back and pulled out a yellow tech-themed baby blanket, wrapping his little brother up comfortably.
“I don’t suppose you have anything with you, for when you feel like this? I think I might have a chewy necklace but I can't testify on how clean it is”
As the words left Wilbur’s mouth, Tommy felt an inconceivable weight start to crush his chest. He hadn’t really realised just how obvious he was being until Wilbur had confronted it. Everything was so big and scary and he was just a little boy! How was he supposed to stay big when Wilbur was so comforting anyway!
Eyes glazing over, it was becoming increasingly obvious that asking about the existence of a pacifier had clearly been the wrong move on Wilbur’s part. Fat tears started to cascade down his cheeks, joining together at the bottom and dripping off his chin. It had only been a few minutes and the boy was already in hysterics.
“No no no no no Toms, Tommy, TomTom, bubba. I promise I’m not going to be mean about it, you’ll always be my baby brother okay? It’s okay you don't need to explain. I already know what regression is, okay?”
The words did little to soothe the blonde, who only seemed to cry harder given the circumstances. Babbles of ‘Wilby’ and ‘Mumma’ were heard as Wilbur eventually scooped the boy into his arms and -increasingly aware of the possibility of a fan approaching- decided to sit with him in his lap for a little while, rather than carry him around. Sure it wasn’t as good as being able to bounce him in his arms but he was sure Tommy could deal with not being carried better than he would a photo of him being carried like a baby getting leaked.
“Do you have a caregiver, sweet pea?”
Voice wavy and a little hesitant, as if he were scared of the answer, scared of the possibility of his baby brother having to deal with this alone.
Tommy gave a little nod, which must have been the right answer because Wilbur seemed to relax a little more at that.
“Okay bubba, are you non-verbal right now or just shy? You can just nod if it's the first one”
“Jus’ feelin’ bit shy, Wilby”
Pressing his face into Wilbur’s shoulder, he relaxed a little more. Maybe this would be okay. Wilbur wasn’t disgusted, he seemed to understand, strangely.
“Yeah, just a shy boy aren't you? Don’t you worry ‘bout a thing bubba, I’ll take care of you”
Glossy eyes shone up at Wilbur, his thumb finally finding its way into his mouth as he snuggled into his big brother even more. There was a softness to the man’s voice that he hadn’t heard very much before but right now he was soaking it up gratefully, just glad that he wasn’t being mocked or teased for his ‘choice’ of coping mechanism (if he was being honest it wasn’t much of a choice if he couldn’t literally go one afternoon before slipping. Hell, they hadn’t even made it to his house yet.)
“So sunshine, could you possibly let me know who your caregiver is? I’m sure they’d like to know their baby boy is safe and sound”
Tommy gasped a bit and adjusted himself on Wil’s lap, the baby blanket drooping on his shoulders a little as he fumbled at his pockets for his phone.
“Mummy an’ Daddy!”
He fiddled with it for a few moments, needing to put in his password a couple times before it worked since his co-ordination was greatly reduced from being so young.
A contrast to the previous enthusiasm, Wilbur looked a little shocked..? Surprised..? That Tommy’s parents were his caregivers. Sure, it was common for regressors to hide it since it was unfortunately very common that people would regress because of things those people had done to them in the past, but Tommy wasn’t like that! His situation was very different and extremely unique so of course he told them! They were always accepting of everything!
“Oh? Is that your birth parents or just nicknames for your caregivers, sweet pea? Just so I know who I’m going to be talking to”
“Parents silly!”
Wilbur chuckled and nodded, settling to just ruffle Tommy’s hair a little as he took the phone from the kid, seeing that he had already brought up his mother’s contact info. Probably assuming that Tommy also wanted to say hi to his caregivers, he didn’t bother stepping outside before pressing call and speakerphone. Tommy was clinging to him anyway so it’s not exactly like stepping out would be easy anyway.
--
*Buzz Buzz* *Buzz Buzz* *click*
‘Hello? Tom? Everything going okay with Wilbur?’
‘Hi Mrs Simons! I actually have Tommy with me here so don't worry uh but.. Well’
‘William Bur Soot. You best be keeping my boy safe out there, if I find-’
‘I am! I am! I just- um well I didn’t realise he was an age regressor t-..uh.. I just didn’t realise he was an age regressor’
‘Oh? Does he need to be picked up? Ah bother, I know Toms wasn’t exactly ecstatic about the possibility of you finding out but I didn't think he’d stress himself out to the point of slipping the second you were alone together”
There was a little shuffling on Wilbur’s end of the call, Tommy having wriggled and taken the phone out of his hand.
‘Mummy!!”
‘Hi baby! Are you being a good boy for your brother?’
‘Yes!! Bein’ so so so good Mumma!”
“That’s good pumpkin! Have you told Wilby where your gear is?”
Tommy raised his sleeve to his mouth again and silently shook his head, knowing full well his mum wouldn’t hear him. He was a smart kid! He just didn’t want to be lectured by his mother.
“Sweetheart” Her voice came through the speaker in a warning tone, “Point to your little bag for Wilby, he needs to know where your things are”
Tommy gave an embarrassed whine and pressed his face back into Wilbur’s shoulder, shyly pointing to the only bag Tommy had kept in the front with him. Initially Wilbur had just assumed it was so he could wash up easily if he got sweaty or something in the car -since when his mother handed it to him she had used the excuse of it being sanitary products- but it was clear he just didn't want to risk putting it where Wilbur might find it. The thought of Tommy genuinely being afraid of how he would react to something saddened him deeply, he thought he’d made it clear enough that he was accepting of almost anything, but he supposed he might have to turn the support up a bit more to remind his baby brother that things were safe with him.
“Is it okay if I open this bud? I just want to get you out a paci or a teether so you don't tear your sleeve apart”
Tommy gave a little nod and watched as Wilbur unzipped the bag, flushing a little when he saw all the different items in there. It was a little embarrassing. It took a couple seconds until he realised he was holding it open so Tommy could pick the one he wanted, which he promptly did, opting for a pink and purple moth designed one with the word ‘clementine’ written on the handle. Averting his face a little from Wilbur- partly still due to the fear of being teased- he popped the soother between his lips and visibly relaxed in the following moments.
Wilbur shuffled them around a little, hiding Tommy from view of the public (only as a precaution, the parking lot was pretty empty) as he got up and settled Tommy back in, making sure he was definitely buckled in. He chuckled to himself at the sight of the boy, swaddled up in a baby blanket with a paci between his lips, babbling on the phone to his caregiver- it was just undeniably cute.
Grabbing the happy meal off the dashboard, he placed it on Tommy's lap, ruffling the boy’s hair as he did so.
“Now you’ll need to eat your lunch soon bubba, it’ll go cold if you spend too long ignoring it”
With a little giggle, and a few ‘nu-uhs’ Tommy eventually ended the call with his mum and set his phone down next to his food.
“You can stay like this for the time being, we’ll be going fast enough that nobody should really be paying attention to you, but if we get caught up in traffic would you be able to put a mask over your paci for me, pumpkin? Just so no photos end up on social media”
Once he got a little nod from Tommy, who was now preoccupied with his nuggets, he went back to the driver's seat and pulled out from the car park, taking extra care in his driving as to make sure his baby brother was happy.
It didn’t take long for Tommy to doze off after he had eaten, after all he was a good boy and he had promised to take a nap! It had only taken a bit of gentle prodding from Wilbur before the boy eventually caved and pulled his stuffie out from the backpack, cuddling it close to his chest as he snuggled up in Wilbur’s baby blanket and fell asleep.
Part of Wilbur had wished he had asked more questions while Tommy’s mother was still on the phone, like how long his naps usually were (did he have naps at all?)How young did he regress?Was he going to need to buy any extra supplies for the boy?
It was all a bit overwhelming and now that he was alone with his thoughts, Tommy sleeping peacefully beside him, he realised how little he really knew about Tommy’s regression specifically. Were there topics he should avoid? Was it purely a coping mechanism or was it a trauma response? It was all hard to tell from the short snip-it he had of it so far but he couldn’t help but worry.
Seeing as the kid had looked so unabashedly tired beforehand, Wilbur let him sleep for the following couple hours it took to get to his house. While he was aware it would probably mess with his body clock a little, he couldn’t really bring himself to wake him up when he looked so sleepy and content.
“Hey Toms?”
Crouching down beside the open car door, Wilbur put a hand on Tommy’s shoulder, trying to wake him up as gently as possible. With a quick glance around, he noted that the majority of his neighbours were probably at work or school, seeing as nobody was outside, so he didn’t care too much about trying to hide Tommy. Even if someone saw, he doubted anything bad would come from it since nobody in his area seemed to know who he was anyway. Worst case scenario was a couple weird looks.
Pulling the blanket up to his face, Tommy gave an adorable whine, pacifier bobbing cutely between his lips as he tried to weakly push Wilbur away with one hand.
“Oh? Grumpy baby today? Hmm well, I guess I’ll have to go watch Up and eat all that Ben & Jerry's alone then… Geez I sure would love it if my little brother could join me! That much Ice cream alone will surely make me feel poorly”
Head perking up like a puppy at the idea of his favourite movie along with some yummy treats, Tommy eyed Wilbur analytically, as if he were trying to find any form of deceit in his tone.
“Cookie dough?”
“All the cookie dough Ice cream you could ever want! I know you, silly boy”
Reaching up, Tommy let the plushie and blanket fall from his grasp, making grabby hands at his big brother. Thankfully Wilbur was tall and thankfully Tommy was light for his height, as it let the man pick him up with eyes, heart swelling as the boy wrapped himself around him, clinging on like a koala.
“I’ve got you kid, let’s go have some fun”