Chapter Text
That Sunday was the Sunday where Erwin Smith and Nile Dok would either finally prove themselves with the little resources they had, or get fired. Erwin put on a beautiful blue dress with a bit of a vintage flair that matched with his eyes, but didn’t do much to hide how ripped he was even with the corset. Nile put on the nice lavender dress he got instead of the cursed leather outfit.
“How do I look?” Erwin asked.
“Pretty… still buff Dora, the explorer, but pretty,” he said and adjusted his fake boobs, “what about me?”
“You look lovely, sister,” Erwin smiled through the latex mask, using the space in the bra he was wearing to hide his gun and his documents. Nile had done the same.
They still had one more trial before the final trial, though.
“Oh, completely forgot about the dance party… before the fashion show,” Erwin said in falsetto when they met Sasha, Mikasa, and Pieck for brunch.
“Reiner will be there, Historia,” Sasha said with a cheeky smile.
Erwin didn’t hide his surprise. He knew the name. “Reiner? As in Reiner Braun? The gay football player?” he asked unable to hold back.
The girls gasped and Nile looked at him, shocked and worried. Erwin’s queerdar was sharper than Magath and Zackley’s shooting skills combined.
“Um, yeah, he’s totally gay,” Erwin said in falsetto.
“Is that why you keep pushing him away?”
“Of course,” Erwin said, “he’s repressed! And it’s painful to watch! Actually…” he said and Nile thought the man was losing his mind for real, “you’ll see how much more he’ll like me in my new gigantic body,” Erwin said and pursed his lips.
“I think I’ll talk to Yelena today…” Pieck said, suddenly, “Frieda told you, right?”
“Yes, she did,” Erwin said and smiled, “I’m proud of you, sweetie.”
Pieck smiled. “I guess we’re all a bit queer at the end of the day…”
“I agree,” Mikasa said, “but I’m still straight.”
“Mikasa, dear,” Erwin said, his sweet little falsetto on fleek, nurturing, “Eren isn’t a bad boy, he’s sad and alone.”
“He’s always surrounded by people, including Stacy and Lucy, he’s not alone,” Mikasa said, bluntly, reminding him way too much of Levi.
“You’re angry and hurt, I get that,” Erwin said, “maybe time will make you change your mind.”
“If he stops being a puppet, maybe,” Mikasa said and forked her egg.
Erwin should gamble more because he was a million percent right about Reiner and when he saw him in person he was even surer that the kid was gay. 22-years-old, amazing American Football player, a prodigy, everyone was talking about him and how his team was winning everything because of him and his explosive strength. And Erwin cringed when he saw his manager in person. God, was he friendzoned. The misery in Jean Kirschstein’s eyes was almost palpable.
“Historia…?” Reiner asked when he walked up to the girls during the dance party. It was sunny outside but it was dark at the venue, “You look… uh… big.”
Erwin feigned sadness. “Botched surgery… I look titanic…” he said and sniffled, watching Reiner’s cheeks turn red.
“No! No… um, you’re, you’re my height and… um…” he fumbled and Jean sighed deeply, “you look good… will you dance with me?”
“Of course,” Erwin said and Nile gasped, “will you excuse us?” Erwin said to the girls and Nile and Jean, who looked like life was meaningless and he wanted to give up on it.
The DJ accidentally played Vanessa Carlton’s ‘A Thousand Miles’.
“Wrong movie!” someone yelled and the song shifted to yet another white people classic – Wonderwall, by Oasis, of course.
“Where did they get this DJ? Couldn’t they hire someone with actual taste in music?” Erwin complained, “Nobody can dance to this stuff,” holding Reiner’s hand and led him to the dancefloor, determined to make him snap out of his comp-het nonsense. He’d seen the way he looked at Jean and he’d also seen the way he looked at other guys. He just needed a little push, “hold on a minute,” Erwin said and walked up to the DJ and told him to play dance music. Make that a classic Rock ‘n’ Roll and Oldies party, starting with the uncrowned King of Rock ‘n’ Roll.
“Little Richard,” Erwin said and grinned when the chords to Tutti Frutti echoed through the room and everyone chuckled, “can you dance?” he asked batting his eyelashes.
“I think… I don’t know, never danced to this,” Reiner said, blushing hard,
“I’ll lead,” Erwin said and grinned pulling him to his chest holding him around the waist, “just enjoy yourself, kid,” he whispered in his ear not bothering to mask his real voice. Reiner gasped and didn’t push him away. Erwin figured he was too shocked and worried to push him away, “I’m not actually Historia on steroids. I’m a man dressed like Historia,” Erwin said when they were shaking it to Tutti Frutti, “and I’m an undercover FBI agent. There’s some serious stuff going on here, keep quiet about it, we have it all under control,” he said and dipped him, seeing the shock in his eyes, “you’re safe, but these rich girls aren’t,” he said and his nose almost touched his, and he smiled, “and I’m a football fan, I’ve seen you on TV. You’re about as straight as I am, boy. It’s time to be a man and ask your manager to dance with you next. It’s painful to watch him pining and you repressing yourself.”
Reiner was breathless and flushed, looking like he’d just had a revelation. He walked up to Jean who was moping alone in a corner drinking a cocktail with the girls. “Jean!” he called dramatically, “Dance with me, please!”
Jean almost choked. “What?” he asked as Sasha patted his back, looking up at him.
“You can lead! You’re the better dancer anyway! Please… I’m sorry,” he said and Jean didn’t wait longer to recover from the shock and put the glass away after downing it. He reached his hand. Reiner took it and pulled him to his feet and against his chest. Jean groaned and hugged him, “I’m so sorry,” Reiner said and in return was kissed on the neck, gasping.
“I’m gonna spin you like a damn Beyblade, nerd,” Jean said and took the lead from there.
Erwin sat down and smiled, proud of himself. Nile gave him a look. “I knew I was right. I do have a lesbian sister, my queerdar is very sharp,” he said in falsetto. The girls laughed and Nile groaned.
Nile was very glad that nobody asked him to dance because Zeke Jäger, no less, came in smiling like he was hot stuff and tried to ask Pieck to dance. Pieck almost gave in.
“Piss off, Zeke,” Mikasa said and glared at him.
Zeke smiled. “Mikasa, sweetheart, I didn’t ask you to dance… you’re giving my brother the cold shoulder and will likely end up alone because you’re playing hard to get,” Zeke said, tone disgusting and mellifluous.
“Rather alone than with a brainless asshole with a brother who thinks showering is optional,” Mikasa snarled and got up, “fuck off,” she hissed, “and leave Pieck alone. She’s not a bitch like you girlfriend Lucy.”
Zeke raised an eyebrow. “You’re talking a lot for someone with an ex-con unc-“
He suddenly disappeared and Mikasa blinked and looked down seeing him wincing on the floor and Levi standing behind him after smacking him hard on the thigh.
“Nice to see you here, bitch,” Levi said and give him a kick in the ribs for good measure, “I’d be very careful about the shit I say if I were you,” he smiled, deadly and watched Zeke scramble to his feet and stand back, “I think my cousin’s diction is very good. She told you fuck off. Do that.”
“This isn’t-“
“Over? No, no it’s not,” Levi said viciously and smiled, “now fuck off and stop harassing women. You’re kissing Elon Musk’s ass too much.”
Zeke blushed in blotches and walked away. Mikasa looked at Levi and he sniffed. “Don’t worry about that. Shit’s getting sorted soon,” he said.
“It was great,” Pieck said and smiled, “thank you all for having my back… um,” she saw Yelena taking pictures and sighed, “she’s busy.”
Levi looked at Yelena and back at Pieck and then back at Yelena. “I’ll ask Onyankopon to take her place, he’s not doing anything. The good Christian father is just standing there, drinking orange juice, wait up.”
He walked up to Onyankopon and spoke to him. They saw him smile before walking up to Yelena who raised an eyebrow and heard him before looking at Pieck as if she was seeing heaven. She smiled from ear to ear before giving her camera to Onyankopon and following Levi.
“Hey,” she greeted, “Yelena Konstantinova.”
“Pieck… Pieck Finger,” Pieck said and blushed under her makeup and tried to stand fast. Yelena grabbed her hand and pulled her against her chest. Yelena was taller than Erwin and Pieck was 5’1’’- her face was directly buried in Yelena’s boobs because she didn’t wear heels since they made her extra tired. Neither complained, “sorry… I, you know I get tired… it’s chronic fatigue…”
“Doesn’t matter to me, beautiful,” Yelena said, “loved to see Zeke Jäger fall like the piece of shit he is… and to think I used to think he was cool and actually knew what he was doing,” she scoffed and sighed, “thanks for wingmanning for us, Levi.”
“Don’t mention it,” Levi said and brushed it off. They all watched, happy as they walked to the dancefloor and Pieck stood on Yelena’s feet and let her hold her to dance to another classic ‘Put Your Head on My Shoulder’ and made Pieck chuckle when she easily pulled her up, one hand under her butt and the other holding her against her shoulder, smiling, when Pieck curled her legs around her waist, “that’s what I’m talking about. Nobody deserves to be played by a motherfucker like Zeke. Yelena is kind of nuts, but I’ve known her for years. She’s good,” he told the girls and then looked at Erwin who had silently basked in the scene, “Ms Historia, would you give me the pleasure of letting me get you a drink and dancing with me?”
“Of course,” Erwin said and stood up, glowing and taking his hand.
Sasha was a bit bummed. “Wish Niccolò was here… I’d ask him to dance…”
Mikasa was staring at Levi walking away with ‘Historia’. “Something’s definitely off… my cousin isn’t interested in younger people.”
“They just got along,” Nile said in his shitty Frieda falsetto, “don’t worry about it!”
“I’m not worried,” Mikasa said, honestly, “I know my family,” she said, “we all have the same principles.”
“That’s why you know Kenny didn’t do anything,” Nile prodded.
Mikasa shrugged and Nile groaned when he saw Eren walk up to them. God, didn’t guys know when to step the fuck back? “Didn’t you just see your brother get dumping on his ass by an Ackerman?” Nile said in his horrible falsetto, annoyed as hell.
“I guess he also wants to try it,” Mikasa said, livid, glaring at him, “fuck off, Eren.”
“Mikasa, please,” Eren pleaded, almost in tears, “I don’t know why you’re doing this to me, I… I didn’t do anything!” he exclaimed. Mikasa stood up and glared at him gripping the collar of his shirt and pulling him over to her.
“You fucking let him treat Pieck like a whore and didn’t do anything about it, you goddamn wimp,” she said and Eren actually started crying like a baby, “your tears won’t convince me to think you’re anything but an idiot,” she said and her eyes welled up as she let go of him and he swayed backwards, falling on his ass, sobbing. Her makeup was waterproof, “don’t try to talk to me unless you prove to me that you’re not a sheep.”
Eren wiped his eyes and stood up looking at her and nodded unable to talk and walked away. Mikasa sat down and sniffled, wiping her eyes with a handkerchief she pulled from her cleavage. “Fuck, waterproof my ass, look at this,” she complained showing Sasha and Nile the dirty tissue, “goddammit,” she swore, “I don’t know what happened to you and Historia, but hanging out with you has been good to speak up. It’s hard to do that when you always have some gossip journalist around, but honestly,” she blew her nose on the handkerchief, “I don’t give a shit anymore.”
“Neither do I,” Sasha said and smiled, “I can’t believe that after all these months I finally got the chance to talk to Niccolò! I didn’t even know his name!”
Nile smiled, happy to hear that them being boorish men made those rich girls loosen up and be truer to themselves. “Well, a lot of things happened to us as well… but that’s good.”
Erwin was dancing with Levi to The Platters’s ‘I Love You 1000 Times’, moving to the rhythm. It was a bit funny, admittedly, even though Erwin was wearing flats, because Levi was leading and didn’t miss a chance to put his face on his chest. Nile prayed to the good Lord Jesus, Amen, thankful that he knew Erwin was with the FBI because imagining that he was a creep who liked teenagers, he’d have felt the handgun Erwin had in the bra.
“It’s hot that you’re using the bra as a holster,” Levi said when the song changed to Fats Domino’s ‘Blueberry Hill’ and that had become a fully Oldies-themed party with the old fat cats having a blast because the 34-year-old undercover FBI agent dressed as a teenager had told the DJ he better play music people could dance and vibe to and suggested Little Richard, “I need to remember you’re supposed to be Historia, something that honestly, man… no idea how you sold that that to my cousin.”
“I don’t think I did, not that well anyway,” Erwin whispered and Levi snorted, “but it’s fine, right?”
“Yeah, it is. She’s in on what Uri and I are doing. We’re not alone either. And listen, Rod Reiss will only show up for the fashion show, that’s when he plans to kidnap you and…”
“Nile.”
“Nile,” Levi repeated, “you told me Magath and Zackley don’t know you’re you, and they’re getting royal treatment… wildly against American values,” he said and Erwin sighed swaying to the music, “but that’s not an issue. Kenny doesn’t know that this’ll happen. The goal is to clean his name and put that sleaze behind bars. I’ve been trying to keep him off the streets and away from booze, told him I’ll help him clean his name, but he’s a wreck and he really can’t know that Uri knows until we have Rod. Never seen a guy so shitty at keeping his cool… and Ackermans aren’t know for being calm,” Levi said very quickly as they danced and Erwin nodded, filing it in his mind to pass the info down to Nile.
“We need to work fast,” Erwin whispered, leaning down, “there’s the fashion show, me and Nile are in because we’re Uri Reiss’s nieces and we need to somehow pass for Historia and Frieda.”
“I’ve seen you walk in heels, you’ll be fine,” Levi whispered, “and I know the designer, he’s an old friend.”
“Nile’s bad at walking in heels.”
“Straight people problems,” Levi joked and Erwin chuckled, “he’ll be fine as well. We don’t need to have you out there for too long and you can defend yourself. I’m sorry for saying this,” Levi whispered when they walked up to the bar again and Erwin had to ask for a coke again because he was posing as an 18-year-old so he couldn’t drink alcohol, “but it’s kind of good that the poor old cat died. I mean… they’re safe,” he whispered sipping on a cocktail as Erwin sipped on coke. Levi smiled a little, “how does it feel to be 18?”
“Great,” Erwin said in falsetto and giggled making Levi laugh, “so you know the designer?”
“Yeah, nutjob, loves weird fashion, but a cool person. Don’t mind the smell of expensive perfume. That nerd thinks smelling is a fashion statement.”
Hans Zoey was the haute-couture designer and the moment Nile and Erwin were dragged to the back by Sasha and Levi they knew it’d be alright.
“Here’s the deal, Hans, these people aren’t the girls. I mentioned the case, just go with it, alright?” He asked the person in the see-through shiny, pearly shirt that showed their entire flat chest and the black flowers tattoo under their nipples. They had long hair on one side and a buzz cut on the other. The long side was French-braided and they wore fashionable bright red glasses that went with their pants.
Hans was stocked to see Erwin and Nile. “Oh, this is marvellous! This is beautiful, especially this person,” he pointed at Erwin and he smiled, “is that a mask?”
“Yes,” Erwin whispered and Nile was sweating, stressed as hell.
“We will pull it off and… pronouns, gender,” they said and snapped their fingers to get them to respond fast.
“Man, he and him,” Erwin said and Hans looked at Nile.
“Uh, man, he and him as well,” Nile said.
“Great, I’m transmasc, he and they pronouns,” he said and pushed the subject aside when someone else came bounding in.
“Babe, the costumes are all ready, we just need the… girls?”
Hans kissed him on the mouth very openly and smiled. “They’re the girls we’re working with, Moby,” they said, excited, “this is very important, Levi will tell you the details. I’ll go with them to help them out!”
Nile and Erwin weren’t sure they were comfortable with it but had no choice. Levi stood back to fill Moblit in on what was about to go down. Moblit was Hans’s right hand man and husband.
Turned out that Hans was stoked to see that they were cismen and made a noise of pure glee. “Okay, okay, okay!” they said shaking his hands, “I’m getting you some of my newest creations, I’ll adjust them for you and you’ll look amazing! You’ll look glorious! It’ll be fantastic!”
Nile and Erwin sat together in the changing booth with their dresses off and waited.
“What if this goes wrong?”
“It won’t go wrong, Nile.”
“How can you know?”
“I can’t, I’m being positive,” Erwin admitted, “but we have allies this time, we can catch these bastards in the act.”
“Shoot me if we can’t and I lose my job,” Nile asked. Erwin chuckled and pushed his arm, “I’m serious, man. I will never be able to face Marie.”
“You even talked to her, she’ll be okay with it even if we’re fired,” Erwin said and smiled, “this weekend has been a rollercoaster,” Erwin said and sighed, “but I don’t regret this, I think we all learned a ton of things from one another, you know, us and the girls.”
“That’s true,” Nile said and sighed, “it’s been great to partner with you, man. No matter what happens.”
“Aw, he’s getting cheesy,” Erwin smiled, “put it here, you skinny bastard,” he said and Nile took the hug. Hans walked in at that moment.
“Am I interrupting something?”
“Nah, we were just getting emotional. This could go very wrong… and I’d be widowing my wife,” Nile said and sniffled, “and we’ve been friends since we were kids.”
“You won’t be widowing anyone and you’ll have a ton of years ahead of you as cops,” Hans whispered and smiled passing them their outfits, “I’ll help you get into them. You’ll keep the wigs but the faces are coming off.”
“What?” Nile gasped.
“Makeup is magical, my dear Nile, and my style is very much me, non-binary, flashy, fabulous, handsome, and beautiful!” Hans said, proud, and helped them into very skimpy outfits. There weren’t even going to wear fake tits. Erwin and Nile took the makeshift holster Hans fashioned for them to put under the skimpy dresses that looked like tuxedos, only with sequins and a see-through bit on the stomach area. Then Hans tapped on the door to the booth. Levi walked in with a bag full of makeup.
“I’ve had my moments of passing for a girl to get information, pretty easy with my height,” Levi said, and propped the bag on Erwin’s left thigh and sitting on his right one, “ended up with guys with broken jaws, but that’s beyond the point. I’ll give you drag-ish makeup that goes with your outfits… and I gotta say, you look hot in blue, Erwin.”
“You two really hit it off,” Nile commented a bit uncomfortable in the skimpy black dress he was wearing which glistened and trying to adjust the cufflinks on the wrists of the see-through dress shirt like top part. Erwin’s made his chest and his ass pop.
“Yeah, we did,” Levi said, and stared into Erwin’s eyes as he applied primer and foundation and all that stuff while Erwin held him around the waist and tried not to smile, “we’re each other’s type. And your eyebrows are amazing,” he told Erwin who smiled.
“Thank you.”
Levi kissed Erwin’s lips and made him smile before applying the blue lipstick that matched the outfit. Then he moved on to Nile and gave him a look. “You didn’t even shave?”
“I… I didn’t think we’d have to go without the masks on,” he defended and Levi clicked his tongue pulling out some wax strips, “oh no, what the fuck is that?”
“Pain,” Levi said blankly and didn’t let him react after rubbing it between his hands to warm up the wax strips and stuck them on Nile’s moustache and his dodgy goatee.
“Oh, no, oh fuck, no, no!” Nile flailed terrified and gripped Erwin’s arm.
The shriek that came from there was likely the best falsetto he did in those two days. His face was all red and Levi didn’t let him cry. He rubbed some lotion on his crusty skin after wiping it down with a wipe and applied the thick foundation before giving him a flawless drag like makeup that wasn’t too over the top.
“There we go,” Levi said and got a mirror from the bag showing them how they looked.
“Oh wow,” Erwin said, appreciative, looking at himself, “I look so beautiful!”
“You already did,” Nile said and looked at him with a frown before frowning at the mirror. His mouth fell agape, “oh my God, I look good.”
“Let’s take a selfie,” Erwin said and pulled his phone from the holster. Nile even smiled for it. Levi chuckled, “Nile’s wife will love it.”
Erwin sent her the picture and put the phone away again before standing up. “It’s show time, sister!” He said and smoothed the skimpy outfit with his hands, the shimmering blue fake nails making him look all sorts of fabulous.
Everything Levi had said was correct. The catwalk experience was great, especially for Erwin. Nile was getting the hang of heels and while he wasn’t graceful like Erwin, he did look beautiful and the cameras loved them, thinking that they were binding or something, since that was the HansZ brand, and that their faces looked different because of the makeup.
Lucy and Stacy were also there, despite Hans not really being for them, and they tried to trip Erwin and Nile when they were passing by each other but Erwin was faster. He held Nile upright and unceremoniously elbowed one of them in the ribs making her shriek and lose balance, falling on her ass. Her sister tried to help but the high heels made her fall as well. Instant karma.
“He’s there,” Erwin whispered at Nile when they were coming in again to show off a different skimpy outfit, “Rod Reiss,” he said and smiled, waving at him, seeing his shocked look and his wary wave.
“Oh shit, what if he…”
“It’s fine, he probably doesn’t even remember what they looked like and it’s too late to call off the plan now… Zeke must have told him I did steroids,” Erwin said and gripped Nile’s hand.
The lights shut down at that moment and it was pitch black in the venue. People gasped and screamed.
“Be ready,” Erwin said and no sooner had he said that he felt someone grab him, and try to put him in a chokehold but he was faster and snaked out of it, decking him in the nose and hearing him gasp. Erwin didn’t let him fall and swept his legs from under him with his foot in a golden high heel before getting on top of him and restraining his movements, flipping him around and making him shriek when he put a knee on his back, “hello, Zeke Jäger,” he said, no longer hiding his voice. Zeke gasped, “FBI. You’re under arrest. You have the right to remain silent,” he said and pulled out the handcuffs he was hiding in the holster and cuffed him, “Nile!”
“This motherfucker bit me!” Nile said, angry, but Erwin heard a pathetic gasp and Nile restrained the guy as well, “FBI, you’re under arrest. You have the right to remain silent!” Nile said and Erwin heard the distinct sound of someone who’d just gotten pinched by handcuffs, before they clicked close.
The lights suddenly returned and everyone gasped watching the two men in cuffs on the catwalk. Rod Reiss was almost pissing himself in the back and Uri Reiss was holding a gun to his temple. “Now, Rod, tell us all,” Uri asked, his voice amplified by a microphone he was holding, “who was kidnapping all those girls and wanted to kidnap his own daughters to get money because he blew it all on prostitutes and a lavish lifestyle?”
“I don’t know what you’re-“
“We have proof and witnesses willing to talk, see,” Uri said and smiled, “people are easily bought, especially when they’ve been wronged by a supposedly wealthy man,” he said gently, “I will ask one more time before I let these nice FBI agents do what they must to get the truth out of you, brother,” he almost spat the last word, “who was the one behind the kidnappings and the ransoms and wanted to kidnap his own daughters that he’s been neglecting for years?”
“Me,” Rod whispered.
“LOUDER!” Uri bellowed and pressed the barrel of the gun deeper into his temple.
“IT WAS ME! I WAS BEHIND THE FUCKING KIDNAPPINGS, I FRAMED YOU BOYFRIEND, KENNY ACKERMAN, AND I WANTED TO KIDNAP THE KIDS!” Rod yelled, furious, “BECAUSE YOU WOULDN’T GIVE ME ANY MONEY!”
“We got the same opportunities, you’re just dumb,” Uri said and several other FBI agents burst in and arrested him, “why should I have to give you money?” he sneered, “My family are your daughters and Kenny, who was with me through thick and thin and didn’t stop loving me even thinking I didn’t believe he was innocent. You’re dead to me and I’ll see that you and your associates get life,” he smiled as the feds took him away and Erwin and Nile hopped off the catwalk pulling the two assholes along. The other one? It was Floch Forster.
Dot Pyxis was there and looked at them. Erwin faced him dead in the eyes.
“We found our own evidence with the little means we had, Chief,” Erwin said and smiled, “because we’re not being spoon fed like those two over there,” he pointed at Magath and Zackley, “feel free to fire us. But everyone saw that we made the arrest with the help of several people… including three amazing girls and one amazing journalist,” he said.
“And the cameras are on,” Nile said, emboldened, “everyone saw who made the arrests and we proved that an innocent man was wrongfully arrested and served 10 years in prison for crimes he didn’t commit.”
“Are you done?” Pyxis asked.
“Depends,” Erwin said and put a hand on his waist, staring at him.
“I admit my mistakes and from now on, nobody’s getting special treatment,” he said. Erwin and Nile stared, “what? It’s true, alright? Goddammit, I’m not that incompetent. You were posing for a 4’9’’ girl and got away with it, you should get an instant promotion.”
The other feds were going to take Zeke and Floch away but someone yelled.
“WAIT!”
It was Eren Jäger. He was livid when he stood in front of his brother.
“I’ll be out soo-“
“NO, YOU WON’T!” Eren yelled, “AND I HOPE YOU ROT IN PRISON!” he said and hooked his arm back and decked him so hard in the nose he would have fallen if he the feds weren’t holding him. Zeke was bleeding profusely from being smacked in the nose twice in the span of 10 minutes. “WHAT YOU WERE DOING TO PIECK AND OTHER GIRLS ALONE SHOULD LAND YOU IN THE SLAMMER FOR LIFE. AND YOU WERE GOING TO TRY TO KIDNAP THE REISS SISTERS, YOU PIECE OF SHIT!”
Eren was in tears and Zeke was staring at him, a flash of remorse in his eyes. “I don’t have a brother anymore, either. I’d rather, I’d rather have no family at all,” he said and clenched his fists. Erwin pulled the kid into a hug and let him cry as they took the criminals away.
“It’s alright, kid, it’s alright,” he said and patted his back. Eren was a wreck and Erwin saw the girls slowly walk up to them.
He and Nile looked at them a bit awkward. “Hi,” Erwin said and smiled letting go of Eren.
“Hi,” they said back a little uncertain.
“Erwin Smith and Nile Dok, FBI,” Erwin said and smiled and they nodded, “we’re sorry we lied, girls.”
“We actually had fun with you,” Nile spoke, “you helped me see the woman’s side… I think you may have saved my marriage.”
Sasha chuckled and Mikasa smiled. Pieck was holding herself up with the cane with Yelena beside her. “It’s okay, we understand. And you helped us loosen up,” she said and leaned onto Yelena’s side.
“Eren,” Mikasa called and Eren gasped, “come here.”
Eren broke down in sobs and hugged her so tightly it looked like he wanted to become one with her. “I’m so sorry,” he blubbered, “I’m so sorry, I didn’t know he was… I’m sorry to you, too, Pieck… I’m…”
Mikasa shut him up with a kiss that had him widen his eyes. “I forgive you, idiot, you stood up to Zeke,” she said and smiled a little, “you don’t need that kind of family, Eren. You can pick your own.”
Erwin gasped when he felt a hand grab his ass with intent, sticking fingers in his buttcrack, almost getting to his balls and looked to the side to see Levi smiling. He smiled back. “Oh, hey, there, Levi.”
“No shots fired, everything went smoothly, you guys looked stunning on the catwalk, Kenny is currently crying in Uri’s arms outside, I think this was a massive success,” Levi said, his hand still very comfortable on Erwin’s ass.
“You knew he was a man!” Sasha pointed and grinned.
“’Course I knew, you think I’d go ask a kid to dance?” Levi said and Sasha chuckled, “And we had an arrangement for after this was solved, didn’t we?”
Erwin grinned and nodded.
“Wait, hang on,” Sasha asked, “Where are the real Historia and Frieda?”
“In Louisiana,” Erwin said, “They didn’t say anything because Uri told them not to… their cat Sapphire died, it’s a long story. They can fill you in later and you can tell them what went down here.”
“Oh no,” Pieck said and slumped, “Sapphire died? They loved her… Historia must be devastated, she doesn’t even remember life without her.”
“Yeah, both were pretty wrecked…” Nile said and sighed, “well, it was… really nice to meet you girls,” he smiled a little sad.
Erwin pouted a little and Levi let go of his ass to let him go give them a hug. “You’re great kids, we’ll make sure to follow you on Instagram!” he said, friendly, holding back tears. Sasha was crying like a baby.
“Hey, this is a new beginning, not the end,” Erwin said and pulled away, looking at them, “right?”
“Yeah…” Pieck said and sighed.
“Um, we don’t really have other clothes,” Nile said and Hans brushed it off.
“Keep those, you look fabulous in them,” they said and grinned, “I’ll be getting in touch with you in the future!”
And life went on.
Erwin took Levi to his place that very night to fulfil the promise they’d made the previous night under the moonlight, and it was a matter of time before neither could let go of the other and moved in together.
Nile went back to Marie dressed like an androgynous woman and that awoke some urges in his wife which led to Nile finding out the wonders of pegging. Marie got pregnant with twins not too long after that.
Niccolò and Sasha started dating. Eren asked Mikasa to marry him not long after making up with her and proving that he wasn’t a wimp (just a simp).
Pieck and Yelena announced that they were dating and became LGBTQ+ advocates.
Zeke, Floch, and Rod? They got sentenced to life in prison.
And the real Historia and Frieda found it hilarious that Historia was on steroids for two days and nobody really questioned it. Beauty standards change like the weather, anyway
“Well,” Frieda said a little awkwardly when they were all facetiming, “I didn’t think I’d have to come out this soon, but it’s true. I actually am a lesbian… so is Historia. Ymir is coming to live with us soon. She was still living in Louisiana and they still loved each other… I’m just single, I guess,” she said and chuckled.
“You’re young,” Erwin said, holding Levi to his chest, “you have time and in the meantime you can have fun.”
They turned off the call after Nile offered to have them over for dinner to meet his wife and teach Frieda how to do good French braids.
Erwin sighed and kissed Levi’s head. “Isn’t it great when it all ends well?”
“You bet it is,” Levi said and kissed his tit, “went in to clean my uncle’s name, walked out with an amazing boyfriend who works for the FBI and got my job back.”
Erwin chuckled and kissed his lips. “And I could finally come out to my co-workers,” he smiled, “that was good… especially because nobody gave me a hard time for it.”
All it took was two men womanning up to make it all happen.
Sometimes there is justice and the just get rewarded, and the wicked get the punishment they deserve. And that’s how it should always be.