Chapter Text
Chapter 12: Worst-Case Scenario
His body twisted and his body became entangled in his sweat drenched sheets. His eyes popped open, the third time of the night. Barry felt his heart pounding against his chest. "It's just a dream." He muttered and glanced at the clock. It was 3 AM, which meant he only gotten an hour worth of sleep since his last nightmare. He sat up and leaned against his baseboard, trying to make sense of his dreams.
"She's happy and I'm happy for her." The words tasted bitter against his lips. "She's happy and I'm happy for her." He repeated, almost if he was trying to convince himself.
He left the bar early but not before taking another glance at Caitlin on his way out. She was happy, the way her eyes twinkled as she listened to one of Alex's stories. Her body leaned in, almost if she was comfortable with sharing her personal space with him. Alex noticed and leaned in as well, smiling at the closeness that was developing between them.
Barry had enough at that moment and he vanished, not even caring if there were any bystanders nearby. He just needed to get out of there, the imagine of her with him... it was too much. Realization hit him like a ton of bricks as he ran. There was going to be a future where it won't be of the two of them. She was going to find love with Alex and there was nothing that he could do about it.
It was his worst nightmare, watching his best friend find love with someone other than him.
His heart ached, knowing that if he was braver... more confident... she could've been here with him, sleeping in his arms but instead, he allowed her to go into the arms of another man. He sighed and closed his eyes, trying to imagine a future without Caitlin. He ignored the dull aching pain and kept his eyes closed, willing himself to go back to sleep.
A few minutes passed and all he could see was that beautiful face of hers. That radiant smile beaming at him and he gave up on sleep. He swung his feet over and got up, opting to find solace in the darkness of his bedroom.
Barry reached for his phone, surprised to find a few text messages from Caitlin. He read through them and smiled sadly. Even though she was out with Cisco and Alex, she was still checking in on him. His fingers started typing a response and then he changed his mind, deleting his message. It was late and he didn't want to disturb her.
Deep down, he couldn't bring himself to respond. It was different now. She had another guy in her life, one that was going to occupy most of her personal time. He can't put her in a situation where she had to choose between the two of them. He could not and will not do that to her.
"Whatever you need, Cait..." He whispered, staring up into the night sky. "I will do whatever it takes... to ensure your happiness." The dull pain intensified as he started recalling memories of her. There were so many moments that they shared over the years and not once did he let her know that he had feelings for her. He scoffed at himself and looked away.
He tossed the phone onto his bed and walked out of the bedroom, his floorboards creaking with every step. Even though his feet were moving, they felt heavy. The clock in his living room now flashed 4 and he knew he wasn't going back to sleep. He strengthened his resolve to keep things professional between them. It wasn't his favorite scenario but at the very least, she would still be in his life. He vowed to make her life easier, taking less risks and ending fights earlier. If he didn't put himself in dangerous situations, she wouldn't need to worry about him.
Barry mulled over the idea, silently agreeing that this was best for the team and her... He would keep his distance outside of work and just let her be. Cisco would notice his awkward attitude towards Caitlin but he would understand.
Heartbreak was not new to their team.
It was painful to acknowledge her relationship with Alex. He was a good man with no priors. He had to sneak a background check in behind Joe's back but it was worth a lecture to make sure Caitlin's new romantic interest was clean. Cisco already went through the man's social media history to confirm as well but that was Cisco. He did that on his own.
As he stared into the darkness, he felt his eyes tearing up. A few tears slid down his cheeks, his heart crying out. Rubbing his tears away, he sniffled and then returned to bed. As he closed his eyes, his last thought was of Caitlin and how her happiness was everything to him...
Even if he wasn't the direct cause of her happiness.