Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Alec had been drowning in paperwork when he felt something hit his head. His eyes trailed over to the paper ball that had been thrown his way, and he found Jace sitting in front of, smirking.

“What are you, eight? Alec asked incredulously. “No, wait, my eight-year-old has better manners than you.”

Jace was such a child sometimes.

Actually, Jace was a child all the time. He was an adult sometimes.

His parabatai just grinned at him. “I’ve been sitting here for ten minutes trying to get your attention. What’s got that look on your face?”

He pointed towards all the files lying around.

“You have ruined my life, Jace.” He spoke accusingly.

Jace frowned at that. “What did I do now?”

“You nominated me for Consul. There was a time when I could go around the world and solve mysteries of accidental demonic cults without a single care. Or walk into hell like it’s Tuesday. But you had to open your damn mouth that day and now I have to do paperwork.” He added dramatically.

His parabatai laughed at his misery.

Jace was also an asshole most of the time.

There was a knock on the door, and Izzy stood there.

“Hey. Jace, Alec, Lily’s here. She has some updates on the vampires.” Izzy stood at the doorway and spoke.

They both stood up and followed her to the ops centre where Lily and Clary were waiting for them.

Magnus and Cat joined them a few minutes later.

“Hey Lily. What did you find out?”

“I have been trying to establish a connection between all the vampires. This is what I’ve found in some old records.”

“Vampires keep records?” Izzy asked.

“Most vampires don’t. But Raphael did.”

Alec caught a soft smile on Magnus’s face.

“All the vampires that have died till now were turned in 1920.” Lily announced.

“1920? All of them in the same year?” Alec asked, turning towards the warlocks in the room. “Did something happen that year?”

Magnus and Cat were the oldest ones around here, so if anyone knew something, it had to be them.

The two of them seemed in deep thought at that.

“I remember there was an increase in the vampire population during the early 19th century. Something was happening in the mundane world.” Magnus said. “I can’t remember what, though. Cat?”

Everyone turned towards Cat.

“I know. There was the mundane plague in the 1920s. The one that almost wiped out half the population.”

Alec had read about that somewhere. It was one of those events that had changed the trajectory of the world.

“So we can assume that this could have something to do with people these vampires have lost?” Jace hesitated. Everyone else nodded their heads in agreement.

“But why now? It has been a century; why are they being affected now? “ Lily inquired.

Alec’s eyes trailed over his husband, who had a far off expression on his face. The one he had when he was thinking of the past.

Magnus’s voice lingered around the room with his next words. “Love and grief are two sides of the same coin. They have the power to break everyone. I don’t think it ever goes away completely.”

Alec noticed how almost everyone in the room had sobered up at the words.

They all lived a life constantly surrounded by death and pain. Every single person in this room has been intimately familiar with losing a loved one. So they all understood what Magnus meant.

And he was right. Grief never completely disappears.

It lingers around the deepest corners of your heart and resurface every other day, and threatens to drown you within it. He felt a familiar pain constricting his chest at the reminder and closed his eyes.

Dad. Max. I miss you.

He immediately tried to push the thought away.
This did not feel like the right time to miss them.

But then there was no right time to miss somebody. It didn’t work that way.

Alec glanced at Magnus and could not help but wonder if Magnus was referring to someone specific when he talked about love though.

Cat took Magnus’s hand gently and squeezed it. It soothed a part of Alec's soul to know that Magnus had people who had been through hell with him.

“Magnus is right. But there has to be something that is pushing them to take this step, and we need to figure that out as soon as possible. We will go check up on Caleb and see if he talks.” Cat spoke, her voice tight.

They all agreed that the only thing they could do was wait for the vampire to recover.

Magnus walked towards him and leaned forward to kiss him softly near the corner of his mouth. Alec smiled at him and pushed back his hair behind his hair.

“I’ll see you at home,” Magnus whispered and left.

Just when he was about to go back to his office, Izzy took hold of his hand, and she dragged him towards the gazebo in the backyard of the Institute. They sat down on the railings next to each other when Jace came strutting towards them and sat on his other side.

“What are we doing?” He inquired the two of them.

Jace, who had one of his hands behind his back, took it out and showed the ice cream tub he had been hiding.

Alec chuckled at that.

“Is it cookie cream?”

Jace and Izzy groaned in unison.

“Max has ruined cookie cream for us.”

He couldn't help but laugh at that.

Cookie Cream was Max's favourite ice cream, and he had recently gotten obsessed with it the way kids do. Max absolutely detested anything else now and had made sure that everyone else knew it too. He had learned a spell from Ragnor by blackmailing him, of course, and had been replacing all the ice cream kept at any of their places with Cookie Cream.

The loft, the institute, Izzy and Simon’s place.

Nobody was allowed to have any other type of ice cream.

So naturally, all of them were tired of it.

Jace passed the tub to him.

“You are so scared of him, Jace.”

His parabatai huffed at that. “Listen, I have tried to sneakily replace it, but I don't know how Max always figures it out and then gives me those baby blue eyes of betrayal. You know the look.”

Alec sometimes doubted if everyone let Max get away with things like this because they loved him or because they were scared of him.

The three of them passed the tub between them and chatted lightly. He recalled the time when it was just the three of them.

Izzy shifted a little closer to him and nudged her shoulder against his.

“Hey, how are you feeling?”

She had a worried expression on her face. He turned towards Jace and saw his face mirroring Izzy’s.

“Umm. I am okay. What is this about?”

They both scoffed at him.

“About Camille. You can talk to us, you know.”

Oh.

He smiled at them.

“I’m okay. Just worried about Magnus.” He replied, only half-lying.

It's not that Alec didn't have any feelings of his own on the matter, but it's just that right now, Magnus’s mattered more to him.

Mostly he was angered on his behalf.

Watching him so upset the other day had not been easy for Alec. He had wanted to hurt every single person who had ever hurt his husband.

He didn't sometimes understand how people could meet someone like Magnus and not appreciate him. Alec had spent the last ten years of his life loving the man, and he still felt like that was never enough.

There was indeed something that was bothering him, but he did not feel like voicing his feelings right now. There was only one person he wanted to talk to regarding this, but he knew that he had to wait for now.

“How’s he doing? Couldn’t have been easy for him.”

“I don’t know. He’s been a little off I guess.”

“You guess?” Izzy asked.

“It’s not easy for him. He had lived through so much. So it takes him some time to process his feelings. I don’t think he’s ready to do that yet.”

“And you’re okay with that?”

A few years ago, Cat had been waiting for Magnus at the loft when she and Alec had started chatting lightly. The two of them have become good friends by then due to their shared love for Magnus.

She had told him about the time when Magnus had been in so much pain that he had to remove his memories of Camille.

He had never really understood why Cat had made him privy to that secret. Even knowing about a time when Magnus was in this much agony had caused Alec himself incredible pain, and he sometimes wished Cat had never told him that.

But he figured that she had done it as a token of her trust and support. So that Alec understands now how complicated and tormenting Magnus's past had been.

And Alec does now.

Jace nudged him again.

“It is.”

The three of them sat together chatting and joking lightly and the heaviness gripping Alec’s chest lightened to an extent.

“He did what?” They heard a voice nearby.

“Ssshhhh!! Quieter ” The other voice, a female, shrieked.

Their eyes flickered over to the two of the new recruits, Carlos and Gabriela, who were in New York for their travel year. They clearly had not seen them; otherwise, the following words would never have left their mouths.

“The Consul tried to take his husband’s immortality away? The boy asked.

Alec froze at those words.

Gabriela placed a hand over his mouth, trying to shut him up. “Can you be a little bit quieter asshole? Someone will hear us. You know this place is filled with Lightwoods.”

That ship has already sailed, Alec thought to himself.

“How do you know all of this?.” Carlos inquired a little quieter this time.

“The shadow world loves to gossip. And you would know that too if you ever took your mind out of those books you keep on reading.”

The boy rolled his eyes at her. “And why did he do that? I have only heard nice things about him”

Jace and Izzy’s hands tightened in his. “We should let them know we are here.” Izzy said.

But Alec stopped her for some reason.

“I don’t know the actual reason. I have heard twelve different versions of what happened and all of them were pretty wild.”

Alec was filled with shame and guilt again for his past actions. He was already having a shitty week, and on top of that, the reminder of what he had almost done years ago was only souring his mood further. He felt a headache coming his way.

He would really prefer it if people stopped gossiping about his family. It was concerning how shadowhunters found the time to gossip, considering they were almost always dealing with some life-threatening event.

“I think it's because both of them are too pretty. Too much good looks makes people dumb sometimes.” Gabriela added.

Jace and Izzy snickered right next to him. Alec could not help himself and snort lightly.

Teenagers really talk shit all the time.

He thought of Rafael and Max then.

He was filled with equal amounts of excitement and dread at the prospect of their teenage years.

And then another thought crossed his mind and he cursed his wretched brain for being his worst enemy.

A voice called out for the Carlos and Gabriela of them, and they ran out towards the hall.

“Hey, what are you thinking?” Izzy asked tentatively.

He was thinking a lot of things.

“I think they need more rigorous training if they cannot even check their surroundings efficiently before opening their mouths.” He said.

His parabatai and sister elbowed him and started laughing. "You are so petty sometimes, Alec."

Alec just shrugged and then looked pointedly at the two of them. “You both need to go back to work, or I might increase your workload too.”

Jacy and Izzy gasped. “That’s an exploitation of power. Never thought you would be such a corrupt leader, Alec."

“As a Consul? I would never. But as your brother, I would 100% do that, so go back to work, you heathens.” Alec ordered and then smacked both of them across their heads.

Izzy and Jacy immediately shuffled about and moved to leave when Izzy turned around and kissed his cheek. He hugged her tightly and kissed her forehead.

He adjusted himself and mentally prepared himself for another few hours of work but found Jace still standing there staring at him. “What now?” He asked.

“Where’s my forehead kiss? Is this because you love Izzy more? I always had my suspicions about that,” Jace complained.

Alec groaned at him. “I literally share my soul with you, you asshole.”

Jace still kept standing there with his annoying face. “Is this because I'm a guy then. I thought we weren't scared of expressing our manly love. I never thought you were such a sexist Alec.” He added.

Alec would rather have the worst headache of his life than deal with Jace for another minute.

“By the angel”, Alec groaned loudly and grabbed Jace’s face in his hands and pressed a kiss on his head. "Happy?"

His parabatai literally beamed at that, and a smile appeared on Alec's face at his theatrics.

Alec was about to raise his hand to smack Jace against, but the angel had graced his parabatai with super-strength, and he ran out of the room before Alec could even finish his thought.

He had a meeting scheduled with Mark and Maia regarding the Alliance and went back to his office and waited for them there. It was only hours later that he had been able to go back home.

The four of them sat for dinner when he reached home, and the room was filled with Max and Rafael's usual laughter and shenanigans. They kept trying to get out of eating their greens, and Magnus kept on letting them. Alec smiled at them every now and then but was not really fully present.

An hour or so later, he had been standing by the window in Max’s room, staring outside for a little too long. The room was filled with soft low voices coming from the lullabies that Magnus was singing to the kids.

Alec did not notice when the singing stopped but felt familiar hands sliding around his waist.

The conversation that he had overheard at the institute had occupied his mind throughout the whole night, and he knew Magnus had noticed but was waiting for the kids to sleep first.

Most of the time, Magnus being able to read him this easily felt like a blessing. But times like this, he wished he wasn’t so fucking transparent.

“Hi”

“Hey”

Alec relaxed against Magnus's lean but firm chest behind him.

“Do you want to talk about whatever is bothering you?” Magnus whispered. “Or we can go out and watch something.”

He knew Magnus was giving him an out, and he felt like taking it too. But there was too much going on right now, and he would really like it if he could get at least this one thing out of his chest.

Alec sighed. “I’m worried about the kids.” As soon as he let the words out, he felt Magnus still at the words.

Okay, he probably should have phrased it better. Magnus had a habit of being a little too overprotective when it came to the kids.

"About?" Magnus asked worriedly.

Alec turned in his arms and looked at the kids over his shoulder and then at his husband.

“About telling them about the immortality thing,” He said, his voice barely audible but enough for Magnus to hear. “What I tried to do.”

Magnus looked extremely surprised at that, and Alec couldn’t blame him, really. It did feel like the topic came out of nowhere.

“You want to tell them?”

“You don’t?”

The warlock looked intently at him and then added honestly, “I have never really given it much thought.”

Alec sighed and walked towards the bed. He sat down beside Rafael and started carding his finger through his dark curls.

“I don’t want to hide this from them. It feels important to tell them about it. I. I don’t want them to find out about this from someone else.” Alec explained.

“Did something happen, darling?” Magnus asked.

He inhaled sharply and shook his head. His eyes trailed from the kids to Magnus. “Not really, I just heard someone saying something, and it got me thinking. I would rather they hear this from me than anyone else.”

Magnus did not reply for a minute and then nodded. “Okay. We will tell them then.”

“I just.” Alec hated finishing the sentence because he was so scared of the response.

Magnus sat next to him and took his hand in his. He squeezed his fingers lightly, urging him to continue.

“I am scared that they will be disappointed in me,” Alec said, his voice tight.

This has been bugging him the whole day. He wasn't worried about Magnus anymore. The two of them had made peace with what happened years ago. But he was scared about the kids' reactions.

No, he was terrified of what Rafael and Max might think of him. He knew this conversation might not occur until very far in their future, but now that he had started to overthink, it was getting impossible to stop.

Fears were often irrational like that. They did not care about the past or future.

“They might”. His husband replied quietly.

Okay, while Alec appreciated the honesty, now was not the time.

“You are supposed to lie to me and say that will not happen.” Alec complained.

Magnus chuckled lightly at that.

“You wouldn’t like that. You get so mad when I lie.” He mumbled.

“Yes, but that’s when you hide my files and other work stuff and pretend to not know anything about it.” Alec said, rolling his eyes.

He knows Magnus does it because he works too hard sometimes. He was not even subtle about it.

“I have no idea what you are talking about,” The warlock replied, as innocently as possible.

A small smile appeared on Alec's face.

Magnus took both his hands in his and kissed his knuckles softly.

“Alexander, Rafe and Max know you. They might be mad for a while but they will understand when we tell them the truth.”

“And what’s that.” His voice shaking.

Alec felt Max shiver, and he shifted to tuck the blanket more firmly around his body. The boy slept like a log but moved around so much in his sleep. They would always find the blanket in the corner of the room every morning as if he had had a personal grudge against it.

Magnus stroked his cheeks lightly and made Alec look towards him.

"That you made some mistakes, my love. Stupid mistakes. Both of us did. And that's okay.” Magnus answered tenderly.

Alec swallowed hard. “I hope they know that they can come to us. That they know they will always have someone to talk to when they are about to do something stupid.”

“They will darling. They will mess up. And so will we sometimes. None of us are going to be perfect. But we will handle everything together.” Magnus said sincerely.

Perfect.

He remembers when that word had felt like a rock weighing down every cell of his body.

“My parents pretended like they were perfect all the time. They had such high expectations from us that it made it impossible to breathe sometimes. I know they made amends, and I have forgiven them. But. ”

Alec has forgiven a lot, and he stands by his decision to do so. But there had been a time when he had believed that he would never be able to be buried in the silent city because of who he was.

When he had felt so alone in the world that every single moment of his life was a struggle.

Alec might have forgiven, but even he could not forget some things.

He should not have to either.

“I lost so much time with Dad because of it. And…” His voice quivering.

It was getting a little harder to get the words out.

Magnus pulled him even closer and kissed his eyelids so gently that it almost brought him to tears.

“I look at them sometimes and I never want them to go through something like that. I know I came stronger and better, but I don’t want them to go through stupid shit to become a better person or whatever.”

Sometimes all Alec can do is worry about his kids. About the people he loved.

There had been a time when worrying had felt like a chore. Something he had to constantly do because people around him acted recklessly. Something that was forced upon him.

It was different now.

Now he did it because it was who he was. Now it only came from a place of love and not duty.

His eyes trailed towards the kids.

His mischievous but dorky Blueberry, who still did not understand the difference between their worlds. Who thought that Magnus’s magic was so strong because of the many rings he wore. Max had tried to wear rings himself but had hated the feel of the metal against his skin. Max, who believed that eating green vegetables would turn him green like Uncle Ragnor.

Of his sweet, sweet Rafael. Who had already seen more pain than he would ever want his kid to have. Rafael, who talked in Spanish to tease him but always looked for shows and movies that he knew Alec would like and would wait till Alec could be free so that the two of them could watch it together.

Alec did not understand how people could ever let their children go through the world alone.

“Sweetheart” He felt Magnus’s breath against his face.

Alec hated having an impromptu breakdown. He usually prefers to schedule them bi-weekly since it was more functional that way.

“And what’s up with this 'it made you stronger so it’s fine now’ bullshit.”

Alec knows that people come out stronger because of everything they have been through. He knows that sometimes they become better people because of it.

But that does not make it okay, right?

Nobody should have to go through bad things in the first place. Nobody ever deserves that.

Magnus kissed his forehead and hugged him tightly.

He moved Magnus around so that his back was against the bedrest and then settled himself against his chest. His husband’s legs on either side of him. Magnus wrapped his arms around Alec and pressed a kiss on his shoulder.

“I don’t know, my love. I guess people have a habit of romanticising everything.”

Alec hated that.

“There is no beauty in pain, baby. It’s just pain.” He replied gently.

He felt the warlock’s arms tighten at that. “I know, Alexander. But I think it helps people to know that atleast something good came out of all the pain.”

He turned a little in Magnus’s arms and looked at him. “You know you didn’t deserve anything, right?”

Magnus brought a hand to the nape of his neck and pulled him in for a kiss.

“I know it now,” He said, softly against his lips.

Alec hummed at that.

“I don’t know about stronger, but I do think all the trauma made me very sexy. You know tortured souls do it for some people.”

Alec chuckled loudly at that and hit his chest.

“I think I would have liked you regardless.” He replied honestly.

Because he believed it to be true. There was no version of Magnus that Alec wouldn’t be irrevocably in love with.

Magnus grinned at that.

“What if I had been an asshole? Like Ragnor, you know. His parents loved him as a child. I personally believe that a little trauma would have helped with his character development a lot.”

He laughed at the man and shook his head.

“You didn’t become good because of all the pain, my love. You became this despite it.”

Magnus smiled shyly at that. Alec kissed his forehead and prayed to Raziel that he understood how fucking good he was.

“However, if we ever tell the kids about it, I think Rafael might be super pissed at me since you know he likes you so much more,” Alec added, with a playful smile on his face.

“Alexander!! Stop saying that. It's not true.” Magnus said exasperatedly.

Alec put his arms around Magnus’s neck and grinned mischievously.

“It's okay baby. I don't mind at all since you know, I also like you a little bit more than I like everyone else.”

Magnus shook his head slightly and nuzzled his face against Alec's.

He finally let himself relax in Magnus's arm, and as always, the man's arms worked like magic and engulfed him with warmth and safety.

The other thing that had been bothering him could wait for now.

**********

“Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee” Max shrieked as he clung to Simon’s leg.

“Uncle Si, uncle Si, when will you take me to the zoo like you promised and show me the unicorns?”

Simon chuckled at the words. “When did I promise you that, Max? Also unicorns aren’t real.”

The warlock child looked affronted at that. “THEY ARE REAL! And you did!! That day at the aquarium”

Simon frowned at that and exchanged a look with Clary.

“Max, I took you and Rafael to the aquarium. Simon wasn’t there, remember?” Clary said, chuckling.

Magnus had taken the boys to the Institute since Alec and him had made plans to have lunch together. The two of them were deciding what to get for lunch and only halfway paying attention to Max whining in front of them.

Max stomped his feet at that. “No he was there!! He told me he would take me to the zoo and show me the unicorn and then… and then he took my cape and said he will get me one with unicorns on it.”

“Max, maybe it was someone else.” Simon added.

Magnus stilled at those words. He saw a frown appear on Alec's face.

He knelt down in front of Max.

“Blueberry, what are you talking about, and when did this happen?” He asked softly. “Are you sure it was Simon?”

His son looked annoyed at that question. Magnus did not blame him, really.

Adults have a tendency to not listening to kids. They believed that their age somehow made them superior.

Magnus found it rather interesting how the world kept on being obsessed with babies and then continued to act so cruel to them, by invalidating their feelings all the time.

He did not want Max to think that he was doing that. He never wants his kids to think that he and Alec won’t believe them.

But he had a suspicion of what was going on, and he just wanted to be sure before moving forward.

“Yes Bapak. I’m not lying. Uncle Simon was there.” Max looked pleadingly at Magnus, begging to be believed.

Magnus cupped Max’s face and kissed his forehead softly.

“I know you’re telling the truth, baby. Everyone believes you.” He said. "Okay, how about you both go to grandma Maryse’s room and play. I have to talk about boring work stuff with Daddy."

Max scrunched his face at that. He brought his mouth closer to Magnus's ears and whispered. "Bapak, when I become a shadowhunter I won't do boring work stuff. Please talk to daddy about it, okay?"

Magnus chuckled lightly. "Sure. You won't have to. Now go, and I promise I will take you two to the zoo myself as soon as possible."

Max and Rafael beamed at that. They both placed a kiss on his cheek in appreciation and ran towards Maryse’s room, already chattering about their zoo trip.

He stood up and saw the confusion on everyone’s faces.

Alec grabbed him, and his face was filled with concern and worry.

He wondered if having kids would always feel like that. Being constantly worried for their safety.

“Magnus, what is going on?” Alec inquired.

“I don’t know what Max’s talking about, but that didn’t happen”, Simon announced.

“Max is telling the truth, and so are you," said Magnus.

Everyone’s face got even more confused, if that was even possible.

Magnus had had his suspicions for a while, but he was not sure about them earlier.

Now he was.

“I think I know what's happening. I think Camille is working with a shapeshifter.” He explained.

There was only one explanation of everything that was happening. Maybe it was a stretch, but Magnus was rarely wrong with these things.

"Wait, really?" Clary asked.

“While Camille is very resourceful, she cannot pull all of this on her own. She cannot go out in the daylight as you all know. So he definitely had outside help."

“But what would a warlock get out of all of this? I don’t think a warlock would provide their services just because Camille wanted to annoy the two of you by threatening Max.” Jace inquired.

Magnus thought that the only reason Camille had done it was to irritate him. She would not have actually hurt him. She had always played better with people’s heads.

About the shapeshifter, now.

Magnus had a suspicion of what his part was in all of this.

He remembered the pure agony on Caleb’s face the other day. He thought the vampire had been scared of Camille. But now Magnus was sure it was something far worse.

“I think the warlock is taking the form of the people the vampires have lost, and that’s what is driving them mad.”

**********

“I cannot believe someone could do something like that.”

Everyone in the room had shock plastered across their faces.

As soon as Magnus had realised that a warlock might have something to do with it, he had visited the Spiral Labyrinth to get any information if possible. There were not a lot of warlocks who could shapeshift, and if anyone had a personal vendetta against the vampires, then someone at the labyrinth would probably have some inkling about it.

Those old warlocks might be a pain in the ass, but they did keep a close eye on the warlocks around the world.

He had found out quite a bit of information from there. He was back at the New York Institute and informing the others about what he had found.

“Barlow Monroe. That is the man we are looking for. He can shapeshift. He was born in the 18th century so he is very young by warlock standards.” Magnus announced.

He had found some records on the warlock in the Institute files too and showed it to everyone.

“Are you sure it's him?” Alec inquired.

“Yes, I am sure. He was dating a girl during the early 19th century. She got sick and died. He went completely MIA after that. The warlocks, while isolated creatures, usually keep an eye on other warlocks. Especially the younger ones. Losing one's love is never easy but the first one is different. But we could never find him,” He said, his voice low.

“But what do the vampires have to do with this?”

Magnus still had no answer for that.

Just then, Lily came to the Institute with some positive news for once.

"Alec! Magnus! Caleb is ready to talk."

Magnus sighed in relief.

In order to not crowd the vampire when he was in such a vulnerable state, it was decided that only Magnus, Alec and Isabelle would meet him.

Along with Lily, of course.

They found him sitting in the corner of a room, staring outside the window.

"Caleb," Magnus said gently so as to not spook him.

The man turned towards him, and his ashen face looked even paler. There were still some burning marks on his arms from the other day.

"You are Magnus Bane, right?

"Yes"

"I have heard a lot about you. Why did you save me?" He asked, pain laced in every single syllable.

Alec and Isabelle kept standing far away, only silently observing.

"Everyone deserves saving." Magnus replied.

"Not monsters like us." Caleb said.

Magnus was lost for words. Vampires have always felt too different. They were not alive nor dead. They lied somewhere in between, and even he did not understand how to empathise with them.

“Everyone deserves saving,” Magnus said, honestly.

Unless you were an egomaniacal mass murderer.

"Will you tell us what happened? People are dying. We need your help. We know about the shapeshifter."

The man sighed and sat on the bed.

"I was turned during the 20's. The whole world was suffering through the horrible disease and dying. Vampires did not care about humans at that time, and that much misery was a celebration to them. I can't even put a number on how many people were tuned during that time. Some willingly begged to be turned because they were in so much pain. Others were forced. No one could really tell. I lost my whole family within a week of each other and had no desire to live anymore when a vampire forcibly turned me.” The vampire said, sucking in breath.

They all gave him time to gather himself.

“Monroe's girlfriend was a nurse, I think. Some fledging lost control and accidentally killed her. He has been on a warpath ever since."

Magnus was not even surprised at the revelation. Revenge had always been the biggest motivator.

"Why is he hurting all of you?" Alec asked.

"He said that he does not remember the face of the vampire. So he will take revenge from everyone who was turned during the time. Camille being the former leader is providing him with information."

Lily moved closer. "What did they do to you? He is a shapeshifter right? He took the form of someone you lost?"

Caleb nodded. "My mother. I... She was so so sick. When you lose someone to sickness, it changes you. Watching them wither every day, you lose parts of yourself. It destroyed me. I didn't even recognise her by the end. Monroe found me and made me trust him. Grief I had spent decades trying to forget resurfaced in a second."

"He did not torture you with a bad memory did he? He gave you something good right?"

Somehow Magnus knew.

"I just wanted to see her smiling face once. The way she looked at me while she was cutting fruits because I had forgotten to eat. I only asked Monroe to do it once. But once he did, I could not stop. I had almost forgotten how she looked like. It eventually drove me insane." He inhaled sharply.

Everyone in the room looked equal parts mournful and horrified. Magnus could not imagine what it must feel like to lose someone and then have their face torture you like that.

He was familiar with grief. He had felt it more times than anyone should, and it had always left him a little hollower than before."

He knows how it feels to forget someone's face.

Magnus remembers the worst breakdown he had ever had. It had been early 19th century. He had lost someone very close to his heart. Someone good.

He had been wallowing in his misery for months, and one day it had suddenly struck him that he had forgotten how much space they took on the couch.

Magnus could not understand his reaction after that. He had lost worse. He had forgotten faces and memories and touch. But not being able to remember how much space that person occupied on the couch had shattered him to his very core.

He wishes that he could explain how grief works, but he had never been able to do that. It was not just the colour of someone's eyes but everything else that followed too.

He felt pain surround himself instantly. He tried thinking of all the good things in his life.

His eyes trailed over to Alec's, and it had the opposite reaction of what he wanted. He felt worse.

Even the thought of losing Alec made him choke. He often wondered if he would forget someday the way Alec always tucked his feet under Magnus's when they lounged on the couch. Or if he would forget how much time he took in the shower.

Or maybe he would forget how Alec was just that little bit shorter than him and that the shadowhunter liked that.

As if he could sense his impending panic attack, Alec shuffled closer towards him and placed a gentle hand on his back.

Breathe, baby, breathe.

He inhaled sharply and decided to let future Magnus deal with the inevitable immortality crisis.

He focused on the task ahead.

"Caleb, no matter what you do, how many times you see her, it is not going to fix things." Magnus said gently.

The man peered at Magnus's eyes, and he realised that the vampire would have been a beautiful man in his youth. Before all the pain.

"What do I do then? Where do I put all this unspent love?" He begged.

Magnus's heart clenched in his chest. He himself had pondered over the same thought so many times. He composed himself and sat next to the man.

"Grief does not ever vanish. Nor does it ever lessen. It stays firm like an unmovable object." He said quietly. "But you build yourself around it. You grow all over it. It won’t grow easier, but it will get more manageable. But you need to let yourself grow around it first. With more people. With more love."

Caleb reluctantly nodded at that. Magnus knows there is not much he can do to help him.

But he knew what he had to do to punish the ones who had inflicted all this pain.

He gathered a team and attacked the place the warlock was hiding. Magnus was more powerful than most of the warlocks. It was not very difficult to track the man.

“Barlow Munroe, you are hereby under arrest for your crimes against the vampires.”

The warlock had tried to run as soon as they had barged into his house, but Magnus had stopped him. Sapphire blue magic wrapped around the room and trapped the other warlock in it.

“I have not done anything.” Munroe sneered at him.

Magnus charged at him. “You have taken innocent lives, Munroe. You took someone’s grief and twisted it for your own benefit. There is no crime worse than that.”

“They all deserved it. It’s justice served. They were dead long before I came anyways.” He said.

Magnus hated when people used their own pain to inflict suffering on others. “You do not get to decide which lives matter and which do not. I am sorry for what happened to your love. But that does not give you the right to hurt others. I have nothing more to say. I will let the Alliance and the warlock council serve your punishment. ” His voice thundered.

“I have one last question. Where is Camille?”

**********

Magnus had just stepped out of the portal when he heard the words from his elder son’s mouth.

“Dad, where’s Bapak?”

Magnus had spent the entire day before at the Spiral Labyrinth dealing with Munroe's arrest, and as soon he had woken up, he had received a call from LA Institute asking for his aid. He felt drained from using all that magic and really needed a long nap.

The kids were sitting on the couch. Rafael was looking keenly at Alec while Max, as usual, was lost in his own world.

Alec, who had been washing the dishes, replied, “He has gone to the LA Institute Rafe. They needed his help there. He should be back soon."

“Oh. Didn’t he go there yesterday?” Rafe inquired.

Alec cleaned the last of the dishes, washed the suds off his hands, and turned.

“He went to the Spiral Labyrinth yesterday.”

“Bapak always helps everyone,” Rafe said tentatively. Alec looked like he did not understand if it was a question or a statement.

Magnus had not meant to eavesdrop on the conversation. He was just listening to them fondly like he often did, but now it seems like they were talking about him, so he did not let his presence known.

Max, who had not been paying attention to anything, groaned. “Bapak is too nice sometimes.”

Alec chuckled lightly. “You don’t want Bapak to be nice?”

Both the boys shook their heads at the question.

Alec walked towards the boys and knelt down in front of the couch.

“Is everything okay?” He asked with a frown on his face.

The boys did not say anything for a while. “He was tired yesterday. Why did he go again today?”

Magnus’s heart ached at the words, and he suddenly felt guilty. Did the kids feel like he wasn’t spending enough time with them?

Was he being a bad parent?

He did have to travel quite a bit due to work, but he almost never stays overnight and not to brag, but since he is so efficient at his job, it usually does not take more than a couple of hours.

But time worked differently for children, so maybe it felt like a lot to them. He should talk to them about it.

Alec’s frown disappeared, and a small smile took its place. He took Rafael and Max’s hand in his and spoke softly, “This is who Bapak is. ”

“Why?” Max inquired again.

Magnus had been asked this question over and over in his long life. He did not know how to explain it.

He did not help people out of a sense of obligation or because he was powerful or because he owed anyone anything.

He did not even do it because some of the people who asked for his help were his friends.

He just does those things because this is who he is.

Because he can.

He can only hope that his family would understand.

Alec hummed at the question. “You know how everyone has something that makes them very special right?” He asked the boys.

Max and Rafael nodded in affirmation.

“That superhero movie uncle Simon makes you watch, the something captain one? What’s his special power?” Alec inquired.

Max jumped at the question. “He has super strength.”

“And the Wanda person? With her red thing?”

“She is very powerful and is a badass.” Rafael replied.

Magnus did not know what Alec was trying to get out of this line of questioning. But he knew it was probably going to end up with him proving some point to the kids.

Alec always had a very peculiar way of explaining things.

But it always worked.

“And what makes my Rafe and my Max so special?” Alec said with a sweet smile on his face.

The boys giggled at that.

Rafael put a hand on his chin and thought for a second. “How Max always manages to wear his shoes in the wrong feet.” The boy grinned.

Max punched him in the shoulder.

“Daddy!” He whined.

“Rafe! Stop teasing him!” Alec added, but it lacked any actual heat.

Magnus chuckled lightly. Max could never figure out which shoe would go in which foot.

“Okay, fine, Max gives really good cuddles.” Rafe said, grumbling as if even saying a few nice words about his brother pained him.

Max squealed in delight and jumped on Rafe and hugged him to prove his point.

“Rafe has a nice voice when he sings..” Max replied sweetly.

“He does, doesn’t he.” Alec said softly.

Rafael smiled shyly.

“Okay, now tell me what Bapak’s superpower is?”

Oh.

Magnus had almost forgotten what had started this conversation. He wondered the answer to the question himself.

His magic? That had to be his superpower, right?

“His magic. No, his hair. No no, his clothes,” Max said immediately.

Alec snorted.

He felt like running towards them and holding them close forever. But then he won't be able to hear the rest of the conversation. And he really wanted to hear that.

Rafe looked serious then as if he was in deep thought. He pondered over the question for a good minute, and then his smile widened.

“Bapak’s heart.”

Magnus inhaled sharply.

Alec's face turned into the most beautiful smile and he nodded at Rafael's words.

“Bapak’s heart is what makes him so special. The way he loves, the way he cares, that's never going to change. It’s all he knows how to do sometimes.” Alec said, so gently that even a stranger could read the love and affection laced in his words.

The way it always does when he was talking about Magnus.

Magnus’s heart stuttered in his chest.

“Bapak’s kindness is the most permanent thing in the world.”

A choked sob left his mouth at that.

Something about the word permanent struck the deepest parts of Magnus’s soul.

Permanent.

He remembered words that had been thrown at him once. And then so many times again by people throughout his long life.

"You are just..Not someone permanent, Magnus."

He did not know how one single word could hold so much power over him.

For a second, he thought that there was no word in the world more beautiful than that.

But then he remembered one.

Alexander.

He does not know how but Alec's words had the ability to break and mend Magnus's heart, all in one go.

“Do you get what I am saying?” His husband asked.

The boys nodded. “Yes. But what if someone tries to take advantage of Bapak?”

So much like his Alec.

Rafe was too young to be worrying about these things. Maybe it was a shadowhunter thing.

Alec’s beautiful, gorgeous smile turned into a grin at the question.

“If that ever happens, I know I will have you two monsters helping me burn some letters.” Alec said and bopped both their noses. “Okay?”

The boys giggled at that.

Max and Rafe laid their hands forward and agreed with him. “Promise Daddy.” “Promise Dad”

Magnus had spent a lifetime trying to get a control of his emotions. He had eventually realised that there was no such thing. There was no control when it came to the matters of the heart.

And as unexpectedly as it had started, the war inside his heart settled.

He felt warmth engulf him because of these beautiful idiots who had a habit of making him cry all the time.

Alec cleared his throat. “Also, if Bapak was not so nice, how would you two ever get out of eating your vegetables, huh?”

Max and Rafe both scrunched their noses at the mention of vegetables and yelled, “BAPAK IS THE BEST.”

Alec laughed at their antics. He pulled them forward and kissed both their foreheads. “I love you both so much.”

Rafael kissed his cheeks softly. Max being the dork he was, kissed Alec’s forehead in return.

“Daddy, what’s your superpower?” Max inquired.

Everything.

Magnus wanted to say.

He wanted to shout it to the world that every single thing about Alec Lightwood made him special.

Rafael huffed at Max. “That's easy. Dad fights bad guys and protects everyone!” Alec blushed at their son's words.

Beautiful idiot indeed.

“No, Daddy makes the best blanket forts duh!” Max screamed.

“Actually, you are both wrong." Alec said, with a playful grin on his face, "My superpower is that I can tell when someone is secretly snooping on someone’s private chat.”

Magnus almost fell forward at the words and barely managed to catch the lamp that dropped due to his sudden shuffling.

“I WAS NOT SNOOPING,” Magnus yelled back and cursed.

Stupid beautiful shadowhunters and their stupid, stupid enhanced hearing.

**********

“I need your help with a tracking spell”, He muttered as soon as he entered the room.

“Hello Magnus. I am good too. Thank you for asking. Where are your manners honestly?” Ragnor grumbled.

“I had to trade them for saving your life. Remember Diyu?”

Ragnor groaned at that. Catarina, who had been sitting and sipping tea on the couch nearby, laughed.

It had been an ongoing joke between them.

“It has been half a decade, Magnus. Let it go?”

Never.

Four hundred years of knowing Ragnor, and this was the first time he had something on his oldest friend instead of the other way around.

Magnus would be churning this one for at least another century or two.

“Over my dead body.” He quipped.

“Enough with you two.” Catarina, ever the peacemaker, added.

She turned and looked at Magnus.

“Catarina, dear, what are you doing sitting with his ancient scarecrow? You deserve better company.”

Magnus could notice Ragnor’s urge to throw the teacup at his face. But he knows that the evergreen constipated asshole was extremely pretentious and did not believe in destroying teacups.

His loss.

“We were gossiping about you, of course,” Ragnor said.

Magnus had his hair pulled up in a ponytail today; otherwise, he would have flipped his hair in a dramatic gesture.

“Will you please get a life? Ragnor, I know someone I can set you up with. How long has it been since you were this repressed.”

Ragnor scoffed at that. “Magnus, believe me when I say this, but I would rather set my body on fire or cuddle with a hundred human babies than ever go out with anyone you suggest. You have the worst taste in people.”

Magnus gasped. “Rude. And I have excellent taste in people.”

Cat and Ragnor both stared at him with a judging look on their faces. “Okay fine. But you have to admit it has improved since.” He sighed.

Ragnor waved his hand at that.

“I know you like Alexander, Ragnor. Do not act as if I have no idea about what is going on between the four of you. I know the two of you, along with dear Tessa, have been exchanging secret letters with him. I will find out the contents of those letters soon, I will have you know.”

“It might be difficult to hear for your inflated sense of self importance but everything is not about you Magnus. We were discussing some Clave business. You know since he is the Consul.” Ragnor said.

Catarina snorted at that, clearly enjoying the show.

Contrary to popular belief, she was no saint. She thrived on chaos as much as the two of them. They would not have been friends for this long if she did not.

She was just smarter about it.

“If you recall the history of the Shadow world in the past few decades, you will see that everything is indeed about me.” Magnus said smugly.

Cat threw a pillow at him.

“Anyways, what do you need the tracking spell for?” She inquired.

“Camille. We already have Barlow in our custody and he has confessed her part in everything. We just need to find Camille and then the problem will be gone.” he answered.

“Will it, though?”

Ragnor and Cat’s faces have turned a little serious then.

“What do you mean?” He asked, looking confused.

“How are you feeling about her being back?”

He knew this question was coming his way. They were only giving him some space to deal with everything first.

Well, time for dealing was over.

“Surprisingly, I am good”, He replied sincerely.

They raised their eyebrows at him.

Ragbor and Cat have seen Magnus's breakdowns more than anyone in this world. So it made sense that they were worried. He was here to alleviate those concerns.

“I was not okay, initially, as one can presume. I kept myself busy to avoid having to deal with anything. I even went out of my way to help shadowhunters who had called for help outside New York.”

Ragnor and Catarina smirked in unison. It was unsettling sometimes how different and yet alike the two of them were. “You always go out of your way to help shadowhunters, Magnus. Nothing new about that. You are a bit of a loser like that."

Magnus feigned fake hurt at those words but smiled inwardly, recalling the conversation he had heard between Alec and the boys last night.

“Anyways, my emotions as you can understand were all over the place. It had been unsettling for me to see her after all this time. It did throw me off for a bit. ”

The two of them peered at him as if gazing right into his soul.

“Camille brought out painful memories for you?” Ragnor asked, his voice softer now.

“Quite the opposite actually.”

They looked a little confused by that. He could guess why. Magnus himself had taken some time to reach this conclusion.

“I waited for the pain to come. For it to knock me off my foot again like it always had to some degree. ” Magnus replied, more somber and serious now.

“But”

He took a deep breath.

"It never did," Magnus said earnestly.

He saw a smile appear on their faces.

“Took you long enough.” Ragnor said, but there was no actual heat or judgement behind it.

Magnus thought why it had taken him this long. His guess was as good as any. He thought of Caleb then.

“I think we hold on to the pain sometimes.” He said tentatively and glanced outside the window. “It is very easy to cling to misery since it was all we felt for such a long time. I think it is easier than the alternative. Because if we let go of the pain, we might actually have to start living again. Start feeling again. And…”

"And there is nothing more terrifying than that,” Catarina said, her voice soft and tender.

Magnus nodded.

“Is that what you are doing?” Ragnor asked.

He turned towards the two of them, and smiled.

This was the first place where Magnus had ever found love. The one where he will always come back to.

“Not anymore. Not since a long time.” He whispered.

Magnus glanced at the two of them, and there was a genuine smile on their faces. Nothing but love and fondness for him. His heart filled with warmth.

“Is this because of a certain secret-letter-exchanging shadowhunter?” Cat asked playfully.

Magnus thought of his answer.

“Not really, no.”

They frowned at that.

“Of course, Alec had a big role in this. But it was not just him.” Magnus added. “I am surrounded by love all the time. With Alec, our kids. Even that deranged group of shadowhunters loves me dearly.” He said fondly.

Magnus took Ragnor's other hand in his, and the grump did not even try to resist.

“And the two of you. You have loved me and supported me longer than anybody ever has. This is the first place I had found love. I am grateful for all of that. It just took me some time,” He added, his voice tender.

“This is what we do.” Ragnor added.

This is what they did. For each other. They always have.

The two of them squeezed back his hands. They stayed like that for quite some time.

And then, in true Ragnor fashion, he removed his hand back, dramatically as if it had burned him.

“So, what are you going to do about it now?” Cat asked.

Magnus knew what he needed to do now.

“I think I need to pay someone a not-so-friendly visit." He sighed. "But first, it is time for celebration drinks.” He waved his hands, and more than a dozen bottles of alcohol, finest the world had to offer, appeared on the table.

“Hear, hear”, Ragnor yelled and started chugging straight from the bottle.

As he should.

By the time Magnus had reached home, he had been severely drunk. The three of them had spent the whole day exchanging their past adventures, laughing and reminiscing about people they have met and loved and lost along the way.

They had also spent a significant amount of time sending Tessa somewhere between ten to fifty fire messages, requesting her to join them.

Apparently, her parenting duty preceded their friendship which he found very offensive.

Until he stepped into the boys' rooms and saw them sleeping peacefully.

He went and kissed both their heads softly. After lingering a little too long in both their rooms, he went to find Alec.

He walked to the doorway of their bedroom and found Alec fast asleep in their bed. He was lightly snoring with his arms outstretched towards Magnus’s side of the bed.

Magnus went to take a shower since he was sure a good percentage of alcohol had dropped on him. Some fifteen minutes later, he walked out of the shower and changed into his silk nightshirt and Alec’s old pyjamas.

He was about to use magic to dry his hair, but then he felt the sudden urge to annoy Alec for some reason. He crossed the bed and crawled over Alec, and straddled him.

Magnus started shaking his head, and water droplets from his hair fell down on the man’s face.

Alec started stirring up. “Magnus. What are you doing?” He whispered as he tried to brush away the wetness from his face.

He shook his head again, and another few droplets fell down.

“I missed you,” he said and bent down to press a soft kiss against Alec’s lips.

Alec groaned at that and turned on his side.

“No, you’re being annoying. Dry your hair,” Alec spoke exasperatedly.

Rude.

“You didn’t miss me?” Because that felt like an important question to his dumb drunk brain.

“I was sleeping,” Alec replied between yawns.

The shadowhunter did look pretty worn out. Magnus looked at him fondly.
Alec was very cute when he was exhausted. Not that Magnus ever liked him being exhausted.

But he liked him being cute.

“You’re supposed to say some cute romantic shit like the bed was too cold and lonely. And that you hate sleeping without me.” Magnus grumbled, still giving Alec a chance to redeem himself.

“Nope. I sleep peacefully without you.” His husband mumbled, but he could now hear the amusement behind the words.

Fine, if Alec wanted to play it this way.

Magnus adjusted himself. “Okay I am going to sleep on the couch then.” He announced because teasing Alec was always fun, and he knew that this would definitely get a reaction out of him.

To his surprise, the shadowhunter nodded.

“Great. Good Night” Alec replied and smashed his face back into the pillow.

Okay, this was not going the way Magnus had wanted it to.

He knows that Alec probably thought that he would not actually leave. But Magnus was nothing if not petty sometimes, so he lifted himself up from the bed and left the room.

He walked towards the couch in the living room and laid down there. He decided to wait for Alec there and counted the minutes.

Not ten minutes later, the man came out of the room dragging his feet slowly. Alec was carrying a blanket in his hand and stood by the head of the couch.

Magnus hid his smile behind his hand and asked as innocently as possible. “Is there anything you need Alexander?”

Alec huffed at that and settled himself on top of Magnus’s chest. There was not enough space on the couch for the two of them to sleep comfortably, lying next to each other.

He could easily fix this problem with magic.

But why would Magnus ever want that? He liked Alec’s body being pressed against his like this. He liked feeling Alec all around.

“You are so mean. I hate you,” Alec mumbled and covered both of them with the blanket.

Magnus laughed loudly at that and wrapped his arms around him. “I love you too, sayang.”

**********

He sauntered towards the old vintage townhouse he had tracked. The place looked rusty from the outside, like no one lived here for decades. As soon as he entered the place he realised how wrong he was. The place looked like someone had taken a page out of a decadent club.

The interiors looked too gaudy for Magnus’s taste.

Vampires really needed to lighten up a little with their aesthetic.

“Hello Magnus. I knew you could not stay away from me for too long.” Camille purred behind him.

Vampires were not trackable with warlock magic. But Magnus had his ways, and along with Ragnor and Cat's help, he had managed to track her.

Magus would have shot back with words, but he was not here for a verbal throwdown today. He was here for something far more important. He took a deep breath and prepared himself for what he came to do.

“Camille, we need to talk.”

She sat comfortably on the sofa set behind her. Her emerald dress complimented her body. Her hair was pulled back in a low ponytail. She looked smugly at Magnus and brought a glass for herself, and started drinking from it.

“Let us talk then ”, She said, her voice riveting around the room.

“I know what you did to the vampires, Camille. Why would you do that?"

She spoke in a low voice, “You know why."

“You did all of this for power?” He inquired.

“And for you of course. This way I get to be near you. I missed you, you know.”

And for the first time in his life, Magnus feels nothing at those words.

He does not feel love or hope or anger or hatred.

Magnus feels absolutely nothing.

It felt quite exhilarating, to be honest.

“We both know that’s not true.”

“Then why are you really here Magnus?”

He glanced at her and reminisced about the beautiful woman he had fallen in love with centuries ago.

It was good while it lasted. Even if it did not last for very long.

“For a very long time I kept making excuses for your behavior. I believed that this is the price we immortals have to pay for love. But I was wrong. There is no justification for suffering. I know that now.” He said.

“You were wrong then and you are wrong now. There is no such thing as eternal love for people like us Magnus. Love does not last. When will you stop being so naive?” She said condescendingly.

“You can think whatever you want Camille. But I know who I am. And I know who I love.”

Her face twisted in something darker. “Oh, is it about that boy again? Is this love bullshit what he has been feeding you all these years”

Magnus sighed.

“This has nothing to do with Alec. I did not become deserving of love because of anybody else.”

“He’s going to die and leave you alone, Magnus.”

Magnus knows that Camille was only trying to push his button by steering the conversation away. She had never liked it when he had tried to take a stand for himself.

“If you knew him, you would know that my Alec has given me enough love to last a lifetime.”

“I do not believe that.”

“I am sorry about that, Camille. I.. But it's not about him. It's about us. About me.” He said quietly.

He gathered his thoughts.

“When I saw you that day, it rattled me to my core. Because I had loved you. And I had mourned you. And you were somehow alive, standing in front of me. I could not figure out what I was feeling. I am only human after all,” Magnus said sincerely.

He would not lie and pretend like Camille being back had not affected him.

It had.

But not for the reasons she believed.

It was the absence of pain that had shocked him.

“Are you going to tell me you hate me? Cause that could not possibly be true.” She smirked.

She was right about that at least.

“You are right about that. I do not hate you. I could never hate you Camille.”

Camille smiled at that.

Not the way people smiled when they looked at a loved one. But the way they do when they feel like when they have made someone else lose.

He swallowed. “Hating people takes energy. You hate people who have hurt you. Who you have unfinished business with. I do not have any of that left for you.”

Magnus did not have to grieve Camille after her death because he had been grieving her for the past two centuries. There is only so much a heart can take.

And all the poets and the writers who had immortalised heartache and anguish in their words were wrong. Pain does not last forever. People do recover. People do find happiness again.

As fragile as it was, the human heart still remains to be the most resilient thing in the world.

Magnus closed his eyes and thought of his family. His friends. He was surrounded by more love than he knew what to do with.

“My heart has found its home.” Magnus said, his voice echoing around the room. “I have found peace and safety. It does not have any space left for you.”

She leered at him. “Your heart will always have place for me, Magnus”

“I suppose it will, in my memories. But other than that I feel nothing. ” He announced with absolute clarity that he had in days.

Camille looked as if she did not believe him. Or did not care what he was saying. She had never truly cared about what Magnus said anyways.

He was fine with that, really. He did not feel the need to prove anything to anyone.

Magnus was not here for anyone else but himself.

“I am not saying any of this to hurt you, Camille. You know I was never very good at that. I just had to say it out loud to you.”

Something changed in her face. She looked stricken by his words as if finally processing what Magnus had been trying to say.

“You really mean that, don't you? Her voice more human now.

“I have always meant every word I said to you.”

“You have done so many horrible things Camille. You have hurt so many people. I do not know if there is any redemption left for you. I do not know if you even want one.” He added honestly. “But if there is something left inside of you, I hope you find peace too someday.”

“Why? Why would you want me to be happy?” She inquired.

People have called him a fool for always trying to find the good in others. Most of them have been right.

But this was who he was.

This is who he chooses to be every day.

“Someone who knows me better than I do myself said that my heart has only known kindness. Maybe that is why.”

The silence echoed in the room. He believed there was nothing else left to be said between the two of them.

“I do not want any redemption. All I want is power.” Camille sneered.

He sighed heavily at that.

Well, no one can say that he did not try.

“I had assumed that you would say something like that. You have to pay for your crimes Camille. It has been too long and too many people have suffered at your hands. ”

“Oh and how is that going to happen? You might not love me anymore. You might not even care about me. But you are still too soft for this world, love. You will not hurt me.”

She was right. Even after everything, he did not think he could do it himself.

He knows it might not make sense to others. But it made sense to him.

It angered him, though. He knows that people throughout the centuries have exploited this about him. Who had believed that Magnus was too weak because he refused to hurt others?

He thought of his past self, who went through so much pain and everyone else in the world who had ever been hurt because they were kind.

He did not understand how something like kindness was considered a weakness.

He might not be able to do justice to everyone. But he will do it for himself.

“You are right. I might not” He said. And then blue sparks flew from his fingers. “But they will.”

A portal opened up behind them, and the room was filled with shadowhunters. At the front of the group stood Alec, Isabelle and Jace. He felt relief flood over him.

He felt exhausted after his talk with Camille but having Alec here instantly helped.

Magnus glanced at the man from top to bottom. Alec was wearing his complete shadowhunter gear, and all good sense and epiphanies about life and pain went outside of Magnus’s head.

Alec in shadowhunter gear was doing wonders. The man turned towards him and winked. Alec was too sexy sometimes, and he knew what effect this outfit had on Magnus.

“You. You played me. This was a trap?” Camille seethed through her words and stared at Magnus.

He huffed at that and looked at her.

Did she really believe that he would let her go for the crimes she has inflicted on so many innocent people?

Magnus might be kind, but he is not naive.

An army of vampires had gathered themselves around Camille. They all looked like they were craving blood and lunged at the shadowhunters in the room. All hell broke loose, and then it was a clatter of swords and teeth.

There were too many vampires and not enough shadowhunters. He was too tired to let this shit continue. He saw Camille lunge at Alexander and he saw red. Magnus's body felt like it was on fire, and he let fiery blue magic consume him and lashed out at the vampires.

All the vampires fell down in an instant and groaned in pain.

“Do not mistake my compassion for naivety,” Magnus announced, looking around the room. His voice, dangerously low. His golden-green eyes were shining, and his blue magic had taken a deeper shade of blue in anger. “I do not take lightly to pointless suffering.”

Everyone in the room quieted at the words. Some gazed at him in amazement, while others had fear plastered across their face.

“The Shadow World and Alexander Lightwood’s Clave stand under Magnus Bane's protection. Do not think for a second that I will not unleash the power from the deepest depths of Edom to protect those who deserve it. You and everyone else would do well with remembering who I am.”

Magnus’s voice thundered around the room.

His eyes’ met Alec’s. His husband gave him a soft smile and nodded.

The shadowhunters can handle the rest. Magnus had played his part. He opened a portal for him and turned around one last time.

His eyes met Camille's then, and he said with a distinct chill in his voice.

“Goodbye, Camille."

Magnus had made his peace.

His heart could rest.

**********

"Hey."

Magnus looked up and found Alec at the doorway of their room. He walked towards the bed and fell face-first onto it and groaned.

Magnus chuckled and moved towards him from his spot on the couch located near the window.

"How was your day?"

Alec looked up at him and glared.

"That bad huh." He moved his hand to the shadowhunter's hair and brushed it lightly.

"Council meeting", Alec groaned again.

Magnus snorted. "Come on, time to change."

"No." Alec whined like a child.

“You cannot sleep like this darling.”

“No.”

Magnus looked fondly at him.

"Come on, I will help you."

He forced Alec to sit straight on the bed from his lying position.

The shadowhunter held both his arms up, and Magnus removed his arms out of the sleeves of the navy blue blazer Alec was wearing. He gently slid it from Alec’s shoulders. He walked towards the closet to get a change of clothes. When he came back, he found Alec struggling with opening the buttons of his shirt.

He took his husband's wrist and easily opened the buttons. Magnus held Alec’s wrist in his hands and placed a soft and tender kiss on them.

Alec sucked in a deep breath and looked up at him with his soft blue eyes full of love and adoration.

And exhaustion.

Alec bent down to remove the shoes but almost fell over.

"Okay enough. Stop trying." Magnus chuckled softly.

He bent down and quickly opened the shoelaces with his fingers and removed both his shoes one by one.

Magnus stood back up, and Alec had somehow managed to open the shirt buttons. One by one, Magnus quietly removed each article of clothing and helped the shadowhunter change in some sweatpants.

“All done,” He said softly.

As soon as he was done, Alec rested his head against Magnus's stomach and wrapped his arms around him. He ran his hand through Alec’s hair in a relaxing motion. "Thank you, baby." Alec sighed.

They stayed like that for a while when Alec finally looked up at him and asked. "How are you feeling?"

Magnus frowned at that. "About?"

"It was Camille's trial today. She has been sentenced for a very, very long time."

Oh.

It had been a few days since they had captured everyone. He had put all of that behind him and almost forgotten about it.

"Yeah, I don't care." He said, honestly.

“You know you can talk to me about it right?” Alec said.

Magnus nodded.

The shadowhunter’s brows furrowed. "It's okay if you don't feel okay. It has been a weird couple of weeks. I get that it's a little difficult for you. Whatever you are feeling is valid. "

Something felt off about the way Alec said that.

“I know, love.”

“I’m just saying that I understand that feelings are complicated sometimes.” Alec said, his voice tight.

What was Alec even talking about?

Magnus felt absolutely fine. Did Alec not know that?

Magnus thought for a minute and then Magnus had a terrible, terrible thought cross his mind.

“Alexander, do you.. do you think I have any feelings for her?” Magnus whispered, horrified.

He felt his husband freeze at those words.

Magnus had the sudden urge to scream. He wanted to shout at Alec for having the most ridiculous thought but he restrained himself.

Is this something that has been bothering him?

“I..I don't know. I didn’t get it the last time but I get that your past is complicated. If there are some lingering feelings..." Alec flinched at his own words. “I’m not going to like it obviously. I will hate it. But I know it won’t mean you love me any less or anything."

Alec was still holding onto Magnus tightly.

He did not look angry or jealous. He just seemed unsure.

Magnus’s heart constricted in his chest.

He wondered why Alec would think something like this but then realised it was no one's fault, really.

Alec was only human, after all. And even the strongest and the most resilient ones are allowed to have some irrational fears of their own.

“They are not”, Magnus whispered, but his voice rang clear around the room.

He cupped Alec's face in his hands and made him look at him.

Alec, his beautiful Alec, who had held him so tenderly these past few days.

Who had devotedly stood by Magnus while he was trying to figure out his own feelings. Who had not pushed him even once to talk and had continued to love Magnus like he always does.

Alec, who was allowed to have his insecurities too.

“Alec, my Alec, they used to be complicated. Everything about my life used to be complicated. It’s not anymore.” He said softly.

He pulled Alec upwards towards him.

“There is no one in this world I have feelings for except you. You are the only thing I know. Do you believe me?” Magnus asked hopefully.

“I do”

If there was even an inch of doubt in Alec’s mind, Magnus would clear that right now. Everyone needed reminders and reassurances sometimes. He would give whatever his husband needed.

He opened a portal beside them and took Alec’s hand in his. “Come with me.”

Alec nodded and followed him through the portal. They reached the middle of the forest.

Alec looked all around in confusion, trying to figure out where they were, when his eyes widened. He turned frantically around and then glared at him.

“Magnus, why in the actual hell would you bring me here?” He shouted.

Magnus deserved all the yelling right now. This place does not hold the best memories for them.

“Do you know where we are?" He asked like an idiot.

Alec looked exasperatedly at him. “Of course I know where we are Magnus. Shinyun and Asmodeus almost killed you here. It's in my list of the top ten places I hate in the world because they remind me of the worst days of my life. Why the hell are we here?"

The shadowhunter was getting progressively mad. Magnus had portaled them to mountains in the depth of Rome, where he had almost died.

Magnus grabbed Alec’s face and brought their foreheads together.

“No. This is the place where someone saw me for the first time.” He said softly.

Alec pulled them apart, and Magnus saw the furrow on his brows.

“That day all those years ago, you saw hundreds of versions of me here and still recognised the real me, Alexander.”

He heard Alec's breath hitch in his throat.

“I have lived a long life and it has been good to me. Not everyone I have loved has hurt me. Some of them did love me well and I will always be grateful for all that love. But no one, nobody ever saw me Alec. Not until you.” Magnus muttered as sincerely as possible.

Alec inhaled sharply at his words and clutched tightly at his shirt.

“I love you, Alexander”, Magnus whispered. “I love you so much that it consumes me. So much that it drives me insane sometimes. I love you when you are right next to me. I love you when you are away from me. I love you even on the days I am annoyed with you. I love you all the goddamn time. My heart has not been mine since the day I have met you, Alec Lightwood.”

Magnus felt his heart hammering in his chest. He heard a choked sob but could not figure out if it was his or Alec's.

He really needed Alec to understand.

“Do you believe me now?”

Alec cradled Magnus’s face in his hands. “I do. I do, baby. I do. Please don’t cry. I’m sorry. I just. I just got scared for a second, ” He said, sucking in a breath.

“It’s alright. I understand, my darling.” He said, assuring Alec that his feelings are valid too.

Alec gently brushed the tears away from Magnus’s face. “But why are you crying?”

He touched his face. Magnus had not even realised he was crying.

He had felt a hundred different emotions in the past few days. It had felt like he had been remade after accepting that his past was not affecting him anymore. He had waited so long for it to happen that he had almost given up.

Magnus was allowed to feel as emotional as he wanted.

“Because I am happy.” Magnus bit his lip.

Alec's body released all the tension that it had been holding all this while. He let out a wet chuckle. “Okay. I would prefer it if you smiled while being happy, though.”

A smile appeared on Magnus's face, almost as if his own body was attuned with what the man wanted.

It probably was.

Alec pulled their foreheads together and wrapped his arms around him. "You are so dramatic sometimes, Magnus."

He brushed his lips against Alec's and kissed him, but the shadowhunter was smiling so widely that it was making it difficult. "Stop smiling. I am trying to kiss you here."

Alec continued giggling. His laughter was so infectious that Magnus could barely refrain from giggling himself. They failed to get a proper kiss in because of all the smiling but did not stop trying.

And then Alec’s words from a couple of minutes ago registered with his brain, and he created some distance between the two.

“Wait, what do you mean this is in the top ten worst moments of your life? I, your husband, the love of your life, the father of your children, almost died here, and it does not even make the cut for top 5?” He asked incredulously.

Alec laughed at him. “Magnus, I say this with all the love in the world. But you have ‘almost died’ on twenty different occasions since the day we met. I had to rate them accordingly.”

Magnus gasped dramatically at that.

“Do not make me leave you in this forest, Lightwood”, He announced.

“After that dramatic love declaration, I don't think so, Bane.” And before he could think of something in rebuttal, Alec brought their faces together and swallowed the words right out of Magnus’s mouth.

Magnus closed his eyes and lost himself in Alec.

And nothing, nothing felt complicated about this.

**********

“Another day, another crisis averted.” Jace’s loud voice echoed in the room.

“You literally didn't do shit Jace,” Izzy said, throwing one of the toy trucks that was lying on the floor at him. "Magnus solved the whole thing. He tracked everyone. What did you even do?"

"I stood there and looked pretty?" Jace replied smugly.

"Magnus did that too." Simon said.

The loft was currently occupied by New York’s finest angel warriors. They had decided to play some games, have a movie night, and unwind a bit.

Magnus sat on the couch, grinning behind his wine glass, waiting for the chaos to unfold.

Every movie/game night ended with the Lightwood siblings going absolutely competitive and hurling insults at each other. Magnus had started putting a spell on all of them ever since they had gotten Rafael and Max so as to not corrupt their innocent ears.

“It was kind of underwhelming, though, if you think about it. Revenge is such a boring reason to plot murder.” Clary spoke.

Magnus remembered when she was a sweet child who liked to paint. Now she was a crazy person who thrived in war.

And liked to paint.

Simon chuckled at her. “And what pray tell do you think is a good reason for murder, Fray?”

Clary’s face turned serious like she was actually thinking for a good reason and then sighed. “I don't know. But doing crazy things after someone you love dies is so last decade.”

“I know right. Men are so crazy.” Izzy pointed out.

Magnus snorted at that. “Please do not include me in the general category of men. I am superior. I would never do something so tacky. I have some principles.”

He really would not.

He thinks

He hopes.

“You might not, but the six feet tall asshole lying in your lap definitely would.” Jace pointed towards Alec.

Alec was stretched on the couch with his head in Magnus’s lap. He had been actively ignoring everyone in the room for the past hour.

Except for Magnus, of course.

Magnus had one of his hands brushing through the man’s hair. Alec finally opened his eyes and adjusted himself to stare at his parabatai.

“Why am I being dragged into this?” He demanded.

“Oh please. If something ever happened to Magnus you would definitely go batshit crazy.” Izzy said.

“I would not,” Alec rolled his eyes. “And nothing is going to happen to Magnus.”

The shadowhunter looked up towards him and puckered his lips. Magnus bent down to press a kiss on his lips obligingly.

Jace cleared his throat. “There are children in this room.”

“Our children, Blondie. We are allowed to traumatise them a bit.” Magnus announced and bent down again to kiss his husband.

“I was talking about myself, actually. Anyways, everyone in this room who thinks Alec has the potential to turn dark, if something ever happens to Magnus, please raise your hands.” Jace said, his voice loud.

Magnus should have been surprised with how immediately four hands were raised.

He was not.

He tried to sneakily remove his hand from Alec’s hair when the man stopped him. “Don’t you dare,” Alec warned.

Magnus gave him a playful smile and then raised his hand too.

Because let's be honest, Alec was a little unhinged when it came to him. Magnus had receipts.

Not that he himself was any better, but they were ganging up on Alec right now.

“You are all assholes. And not everyone thinks that okay. My boys definitely don't think that.”

Magnus giggled at the words and spoke softly. “Darling, are you sure?”.

Alec’s eyes trailed in the direction of Rafe and Max, who had two small hands raised up in agreement too.

“Sorry, daddy. But you are a little crazy for Bapak.” Max added innocently.

“It’s a little creepy really.” Rafe said teasingly.

Loud laughter erupted in the room.

Alec stretched his hand and pulled Rafe towards him. “Oh really! Says the one who got obsessed with Magnus’s pictures even before he met him. That's some creepy shit, buddy.”

Rafael quipped back something quietly at Alec. Magnus continued giggling at the two shadowhunters' back and forth.

Alec looked around the room and noticed everyone was still peering intently at him. “What now?”

“Say it.”

Alec stared right back but then realised that there was no way he was winning this and sighed.

“Okay fine!! I would absolutely go all dark Alec if something ever happened to Magnus.” He declared loudly. “Now stop talking about something happening to him.”

Alec huffed in annoyance at all of them. Magnus gripped his arms tightly and pulled him against his chest. "I think I might have a few fantasies in mind featuring dark Alec. Would you be willing to try them after everyone leaves?" He whispered against Alec's ears, his voice a few octaves down.

The shadowhunter's eyes turned darker, and he shifted closer to Magnus, almost in his lap at this point when a scream filled the room.

"Daddy!! I am hungry!"

Alec's eyes widened as if he realised where he was and composed himself. He smacked Magnus across the chest. "Behave." He reprimanded.

Magnus chuckled lightly and summoned food for all of them, and yes, he did pay for all of that.

They all kept bickering about something when Alec noticed the pile of clothes lying on the table beside him.

“Simon, I had your sweater washed so remember to take it before you leave.” Alec said.

“What sweater?” Simon asked.

“This grey sweater. Clary gave it to me when I needed a change of clothes the other day.”

Simon frowned at that.

“Oh it’s not my sweater. That’s yo-“ before Simon could finish the sentence, Clary pinched him on the side.

“Owwww, Clary, why?” The redhead gave him a scary look, and it was like a lightbulb went on in his head.

Alec was staring at Simon keenly. He took the sweater out from the pile and threw it at the man who threw it at Isabelle as if the object had burned him.

“Oh oh. Yeah sorry, yes. It's mine. No it's Isabelle’s” Simon started blabbering.

Magnus’s eyes traced everyone in the room in confusion. They all had the look that Max, Rafael and Magnus had on their faces when Alec found them eating ice cream way past bedtime. Then realisation struck him and he tried to hide his amusement.

“What? Why are you getting me into this? It's not mine,” Izzy shrieked.

“Its’ Jace’s.” Isabelle said and threw it at his husband's parabatai.

Alec's brows furrowed at them, and then he turned towards him. Magnus shook his head in confusion, feigning innocence.

“Okay, what is happening? Are you guys having a stroke or something” He asked, rolling his eyes. “It’s just a sweater. A little ugly, I have to say. Even I don't wear sweaters like that anymore.”

Everyone in the room chuckled.

Rafael, who had been trying to eat his pasta, silently groaned loudly.

“Dad, it was your sweater.” He announced.

All the adults looked accusingly at the boy. Rafael gave them a shrug.

He knew he was too cute to face any consequences for this.

“Wait what? I knew it looked familiar.” Alec said. “Why are you all lying though.”

“Because they have a habit of stealing your sweaters, duh,” Rafael explained.

Alec gasped at that.

“My sweaters? Why? Is that where all my sweaters have been disappearing, to? I thought Magnus was doing that.”

"It was a joint effort, darling." Magnus said, laughing.

Max, who had disappeared hearing the word sweaters, came out running wearing one of his new navy blue ones. The sweater looked almost ancient and had stretched to an abnormal standard and covered nearly 3/4th of Max's body.

“Because daddy’s clothes are the comfiest,” Max shouted and ran across the room into Alec's lap.

It was true. Alec's clothes provided comfort to all of them. It was mostly to do with the man himself.

This is why Magnus had struck a deal with the Lightwood siblings years ago.

Magnus would share his husband’s clothes in exchange for them ensuring that Alec stays safe in the field and comes back home to him and their kids every night.

That he eats and hydrates regularly.

And that they punch any assholes who try to make things difficult for him at work.

And that he gets Alec's photos every two hours.

Unknowingly from Alec of course.

Alec looked fondly at their son and kissed his cheeks. And then his eyes traced everyone in the room. He looked smug.

“Okay, so all these years, you guys kept making fun of my clothes when in reality you all have secretly been stealing them?”

Four heads nodded in agreement. Silently accepting their crimes.

“Yes,” They all looked down, not meeting his eyes.

“Well, well, well, how the turn tables?”

**********

Magnus felt the fresh breeze around his face and closed his eyes to breathe it in. Jace, Clary, Simon and Isabelle had left an hour ago.

Rafael and Max had wanted to stay up and watch another film.

They said that Alec and Magnus owed them for missing the one last week. Alec had looked at the two of them in fond exasperation, but it had sounded like solid logic, so they had not been able to argue with that.

However, they had moved the party to the terrace since the weather was nice. Magnus had magicked a screen covering half of one side of the patio and soundproofed the area around.

Not that any sort of soundproofing was needed since they lived in the heart of Brooklyn.

Magnus was sitting on the floor on the makeshift bed against the couch. While Alec was lying in his arms, fitting perfectly against his body like always.

Max and Rafael sat on the couch with the Chairman in between them.

They had a rom-com playing on, but Magnus was not really paying attention to it.

He had his arms wrapped around Alec's stomach, and his chin rested on his shoulder. Alec was playing lightly with the rings on his fingers.

“Bapak Bapak!! It’s just like your and daddy’s first date look.” Max yelled.

They both focused back on the screen.

There was a scene playing where the girl and the boy were on a first date, seemingly awkward with each other. That's when the girl's phone rang, and it was a friend of hers, rescuing her from the date.

Oh shit, Magnus thought.

Alec looked confused by that.

“What do you mean this is like our first date Max?”

Rafael, who had been silently eating ice-creams, focused on the screen too and then his face changed in recognition.

“Dad look the fake emergency call.” Rafael explained. "Like the one Bapak set up with aunt Cat."

The two of them gleamed in excitement at finding a resemblance of their parents' first date.

Alec had a frown on his face for another minute and then the words registered with his brain. The shadowhunter turned towards him with the widest grin on his face.

“NO YOU DID NOT! You actually set up a fake emergency call with Cat that night. By the angel, wow.” He said playfully.

“Who told you about this, boys?” Alec inquired.

“Bapak." Both the boys said in unison.

Traitors. He had told both of them about it in confidence.

Alec had gone to London for a mission, and it had been two days. The three of them had been missing him incredibly. Neither Magnus nor the boys had been able to sleep, and he had ended up taking the two of them to his and Alec's room. The boys had asked him about their first date, and Magnus had narrated the whole story to them, not leaving any parts.

The two of them were such blabbermouths.

“I cannot believe you kept this information from me for a decade.” he sniffed dramatically. "Our whole relationship has been set up on a lie."

Magnus peered at the boys. “I told you that in confidence,” He said accusingly.

“Wait, does that mean I charmed you that night?” Alec asked incredulously.

“We are literally married, Alexander. What do you imagine happened?” He rolled his eyes.

Alec paused for a second.

“I don’t know honestly. People keep on asking me how I bagged ‘The Magnus Bane’. My guess is as good as any.”

Magnus chuckled fondly at the man.

Rafael and Max jumped on them. Alec pulled Max in his arms and smothered his cheeks with kisses. “Tell me Blue, how did I convince Bapak to marry me.”

Max giggled loudly. Rafael shook his head fondly at Alec.

“You baby trapped him.” Rafe teased.

Alec and Magnus both laughed.

Magnus took Rafael in his arms and the four of them huddled closely together. All of them happily giggled at each other.

The boys' eyes drooped low, and they almost fell asleep in their parent's arms. Magnus and Alec did not feel like going downstairs just now, so they placed both the boys on the couch and put a heavy blanket over them.

“We love you both.” Magnus and Alec said to the two of them.

“We love you too Bapak, Dad.” They whispered back.

It felt scary sometimes how his heart lived outside his body these days. He smiled and kissed them once again, for good measure.

Magnus stretched himself on the mattress on the floor, and Alec lay on his chest.

Alec was smiling softly and the blue of his eyes looked even more dazzling under the moonlight. His hair was getting a little longer and falling on his face.

He was so beautiful.

“You are so beautiful”, Magnus whispered softly and pushed the strands of hair behind his ears.

Alec had the audacity to blush at that.

“You are more beautiful.” The shadowhunter whispered back.

Magnus moved his other hand under Alec’s shirt and felt him shiver under his hand.

“It’s not a competition, Alexander.”

Alec grinned at that. “It is. And my husband is winning.” Magnus shook his head slightly and pressed a kiss on his head.

The shadowhunter smiled and rested his head against Magnus’s chest, and they focused back on the movie.

“What do you think would have happened if the werewolf emergency had not happened that night?” He asked.

Alec looked up at him. “On our first date?”

He hummed.

Alec placed his chin on Magnus’s chest and peered at him. His blue eyes gazed intently at him.

Probably thinking of an answer to his question. Alec always gave equal deliberation to Magnus's every question.

The shadowhunter moved his hand and traced his fingers along his face. From his hairline to his nose to his lips slowly. Then he moved closer and pressed a soft kiss against Magnus’s jaw.

The most gorgeous and beautiful smile appeared on his face, and Magnus felt himself fall again.

He had never stopped falling, actually.

Magnus groaned because he knew what was coming.

“What?” Alec muttered.

“Don’t.”

“I didn't even say anything.” Alec replied incredulously.

“I know you are going to do that thing where you say something extremely romantic and heartfelt that is going to take my breath away. And you are going to announce it like you are giving the weather report or something.” Magnus whined.

Alec chuckled at his words.

“I was not.”

“You were.” he insisted.

“Fine, I won't do it then,” Alec replied. He shifted from on top of Magnus and laid right next to him.

“No, no, no, no. You have to say it now.” He pleaded.

Alec snorted and lined his body against Magnus's. He brought an arm around his waist to pull him closer.

It was beyond his understanding sometimes how Alec’s strong archer arms held him so tenderly.

Alec cupped his cheek and leaned further until there wasn’t an inch of distance between the two of them. Magnus’s heartbeat quickened, and he felt warmth engulf his body.

Magnus closed his eyes in anticipation, waiting for Alec’s lips against his, but then he felt soft featherlight angelic kisses on his eyelid.

“Magnus, my love, there is not a single shadow of doubt in my mind that I would have found you. I don’t think people are born to serve a purpose. I think we are here to just live and laugh and be happy.” Alec said, his voice gentle but firm like usual. “But if there does exist a purpose for everyone. Mine is to love you."

He felt his heart stutter in his chest and clutched tightly at Alec’s shirt. He hid his face against Alec's neck.

"Alexander." He whispered in the quiet night

Like a prayer.

Because that’s all he could manage right now. It was all he could manage most sometimes around him.

Alec brought him impossibly closer and flipped them around so that Magnus was on top of him now. He hugged him tightly.

“Let me take care of you, tonight. Let me hold you.” The shadowhunter whispered and he forgot how to breathe for a second.

He let Alec’s words break and mend his heart and soul again.

In all these years, Magnus had been touched by so many people. He had been loved by even more.

But no one had noticed that all Magnus had ever wanted was to be held.

Until his Alexander.

********