Chapter Text
A month had gone by since Laszlo and Nadja’s little talk.
As Laszlo had predicted, she hadn’t uttered a word to any of their housemates about it. Not even the bloody doll. He was relieved, to say the least. Of all the members of the house, he was the only one who well and truly hated talking about his feelings. He also kept his interests well guarded, aside from gardening and love-making, just on the off chance he’d be made fun of for them. Laszlo lived his entire life trying to give as few shits as possible whilst also being completely unable to move past it if anyone made the slightest negative comment towards him. And that was fine , cheers very much.
He was fine.
She was fine.
Whoever the fuck was currently living this odd double life, hiding their true self from people who had known them for hundreds of years... was absolutely fine. There was no issue here.
At least, until fucking Gizmo got involved.
He was in the library with Colin whilst Nandor and Nadja resumed their duties as heads of the Vampiric Council. He’d been under the impression that Gizmo would be following Nandor around like a lost puppy, like he always did, but instead the little bastard was sitting at the desk directly across from Laszlo, just staring at him. Any time Laszlo lifted his head to glance over at the human, Gizmo was suddenly engrossed in his book. Laszlo could feel his temper heating up, could see Colin’s eyes glowing out of the corner of his eye- Whatever Gizmo was trying to pull, it wasn’t going to fly.
Laszlo slammed his book shut and stood up, pointing at Gizmo from where he stood.
“What the fuck are you looking at, breather?” He rolls his shoulders, preparing for a fight. Gizmo looks unphased, though his eyes wander towards Colin. “Laszlo, could I, ah… C-Could I talk to you? In private?”
Huh. So it’s not a fight he wants. Laszlo scrunches his brow, puzzled, until…
Ah.
Gizmo is finally going to ask him for some sexual intercourse. Laszlo had a feeling this day would come, and now is as good a time as any. The tension leaves his body and he slips right into Gentleman Mode.
“Of course. Right this way.” He beckons for Gizmo to follow him, and the pair leave the library to end up in the artifact storage room. The second the door closes, Laszlo rests a hand beside Gizmo’s head and does his best seductive smile. “Now that we’re alone…”
Gizmo’s eyes widen and he stutters “No, n-no, that’s not- I actually wanted to talk to you about the other night. I kind of… overheard? Some things?”
Laszlo stiffens. His eyes focus on Gizmo’s neck. It’d be so easy to get rid of this problem.
Gizmo follows his gaze, and rolls his eyes, pulling his coat back to reveal both a crucifix and a stake in holsters on either hip. “Don’t even think about it. Look, I’m not going to tell anyone, I actually just wanted to let you know that I think it’s really cool. I mean, I’m…” He hesitates under Laszlo’s irate gaze, but continues anyway. “I-I’m actually trans. I think it’s really brave of you to experiment with being gender non-conforming, especially since you’ve been alive- well, not alive, I guess, just… awake. All this time. As a man. I don’t know, just- if you ever wanna test some stuff out, just… let me know. I know I work for Nandor, not you and Nadja, but… we’re like family, right?”
Laszlo straightens his back and bites back a snarky comment. Gizmo… Guillermo is being genuine, if a little awkward about it, and he’d do well to respond in kind.
“I appreciate that, old chap. Now, I had no idea we were both of the trans-sexual persuasion, but if this is what respecting you feels like, I’m glad to know.” He holds a hand out and Guillermo shakes it firmly with a warm smile.
“Any time, mistress.” Guillermo quips, bowing dramatically, before scurrying off to go and find Nandor.
Laszlo leans against the door and waits for Guillermo to be out of her line of sight before she allows herself to squeeze her eyes shut, smile wide, and flap her hands in excitement.
Well. That’s two of his housemates down, just two more to go.
She collects himself and heads back into the library, planning to look through all the books and see if there’s anything about how vampirism and gender affect each other. He can’t help but be curious.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The next day, Nandor is slacking on his duties due to yet another after-life crisis. Laszlo isn’t phased by it anymore, it’s becoming a personality trait of Nandor’s to simply have a new personality each week. Nandor always liked to talk for a while before their sexual encounters, so Laszlo is used to pretending to care about his hobbies of the week.
On this particular day, Laszlo finds Nandor… cooking?
He wasn’t even aware that their house had a kitchen until he stepped into it. Nandor is furiously chopping all kinds of vegetables whilst Guillermo (of course he’s here) scurries around turning the extractor on and the oven off and basically ensuring their house doesn’t burn down.
Laszlo nods at Guillermo in acknowledgement; the human beams when Laszlo meets his eye for once. Laszlo then steps closer to Nandor.
“I say, old bean, what the fuck are you doing?”
Nandor halts, irritated, like a teen being forced to take their headphones off. “I am cooking dinner. Clearly!” He gestures towards the board of decimated vegetables then goes right back into it, muttering “Fucking guy,” under his breath. Laszlo’s lip curls back, his every instinct urging him to bare his teeth and hiss at Nandor for not having the decency to listen to him. He stops himself with a glance at Guillermo, a reminder that Laszlo is the one who doesn’t tend towards listening.
He’ll work on that. Perhaps.
Laszlo presses on. “Well, why are you doing that? None of us eat, you silly prick, you’d be as well just tossing it right in the bin.”
Nandor sighs, loud and long and overdramatic, “Then I will feed it to Guillermo! Fucking- Unless you plan on helping me, get the fuck out!”
Despite Nandor’s outburst, Guillermo still has a dreamy look on his face. Laszlo can understand. The first time Nadja made him dinner (e.g. went out and caught a virgin for him as his transformation came to fruition), he’d fallen for her all over again. Looking at the two of them now, knowing how attentive and patient Guillermo had been since that band of freaks forced Nandor to do squats or whatever… he felt that soon enough the two would be the second most iconic couple in the house. Third most iconic if you count Baron Afanas and The Sire.
Laszlo wants to stay in the kitchen; Nandor’s attitude is pissing him off something rotten, but he feels a newfound kinship with Guillermo, and hopes that helping to cook the boy a meal might make up for his past transgressions. “Alright, git, what can I do?”
Nandor gestures to a large plastic tub sitting in the sink, full of potatoes. “Peel those, and try not to make a sow’s ear out of it! You’ll want to be able to chop them evenly into wedges when you are done.”
Laszlo glances over at Guillermo and can’t help a small scoff when he sees the lovelorn look on the lad’s face at Nandor taking such out-of-character care to give him a proper meal. He opens several drawers to ransack them, unsure as to where one would find a peeler of potatoes. Something moves near him, and he almost jumps when a wool-covered arm reaches for him, holding the very instrument in question. “Cheers,” he mutters sheepishly before suavely closing the drawer with his hip to save a little face. He feels butterflies and realises, oh, that flouncy little move felt good, really good.
Dipping his hands into the sink and picking up a potato to begin the peeling process, he notices his nail polish, really notices it and how good it makes his hands look. Idly he finds himself wishing he’d worn different rings today; less chunky, more… delicate. More feminine.
Oh.
He freezes.
Oh.
She goes back to peeling the potatoes with a small smile, self conscious about the fact her fangs are probably showing and that to Guillermo, who is still quite close to her, she probably looks like she has the brain scramblies.
Studying the human out of the corner of her eye as she works, she realises he’s got that blasted knowing smile stuck on his face. Laszlo hisses quietly, worried Nandor will notice, but Guillermo simply hisses back playfully. He moves closer then, entirely violating Laszlo’s personal bubble, but before Laszlo can protest, Guillermo is whispering, “Tell him.”
“Will you bugger off?” Laszlo’s defenses raise again, scared though she’d never admit it.
Nandor is so opinionated , and he’s almost never right about anything, so how could Laszlo expect him to understand this? Hell, she barely understands it. Just feels it.
And Nandor, well… Nandor hates feelings. Guillermo should fucking know.
Laszlo ends up splashing herself, her peeling gets so aggressive. Nandor cries out, touching his arm as though he’s been wounded. “Hey, you splashed me! What’s the big idea?!”
“Well, don’t stand so close then, you lanky prick!” Laszlo grumbles, not even looking at him.
There’s a hiss and then Nandor has her pinned against the wall, Guillermo stepping back smartly though Laszlo sees his hand hovering over his chest, readying to pull out that hideous cross necklace if things go south. Laszlo struggles against Nandor and hisses, but it’s no use. The bloody fanged giraffe has been working out for centuries, whilst Laszlo chooses the far more fun option of gardening and general indulgence.
“What the fuck,” Nandor growls with his forearm at Laszlo’s throat “Is your problem ? You’ve been more of a shithead than ever lately, and I want to know why!”
Laszlo’s lips purse. She stares the man down, silently.
“Is Shaun in trouble?”
No response.
“Have you lost your soil again?”
No response.
“Is… Is it Nadja?”
Laszlo grimaces, but still, no response.
Nandor yells wordlessly and shakes her, “I’m trying to fucking help! I am… I am worried about you, okay?! So- Tell me! That’s an order!”
Laszlo breathes out through her nose, eyes dropping to the floor.
“Nandor, I am… gender-fluid.”
Nandor lets go almost instantly. There is silence, awful silence. Laszlo can’t look at him, has a horrible realization that she cares about Nandor’s opinion. If Nandor isn’t okay with this… she doesn’t know what she’ll do.
She manages a glance at Guillermo, who still looks ready to violently intervene at a moment’s notice, but- he also looks worried. His eyes aren’t on Nandor, for once in his life. They’re on her.
He’s worried for her .
The small act of solidarity is enough to bolster Laszlo’s confidence. Laszlo blinks, scrunches her brow, and then raises her head to meet Nandor’s eyes.
His face is serious, but soft too. There’s no anger there. It’s that kicked puppy look he gets so often. For a dreadful moment, Laszlo thinks he’s going to start crying again, but then… then she’s being hugged. Entirely too tight, she might add, in a way she’d normally cuss him out for, but she’s so relieved she can do nothing but hug him right back. She doesn’t realize she’s crying against his chest until she feels a hand stroking her hair. Nandor’s hand is tense, awkward, and his rings create an uncomfortable sensation against Laszlo’s skull, and yet she leans into it, shuddering with the effort to stop crying.
Nandor is talking again. “There there, it’s going to be okay. I am sorry if I pushed you, Laszlo, but I was worried about you. I… you know. I care very deeply for you.” The hand in Laszlo’s hair moves down until it’s cupping Laszlo’s cheek, ever-so-gently prying her head off of his chest and angling her so that their eyes are locked. With a swipe of his thumb, he brushes her tears away and pries a small toothy smile from her, even if it is accompanied by a small shaky breath.
Once again, it seems there are no more words to say; but Nandor isn’t Nadja, and he can never leave well enough alone. Hesitating for only a brief moment, he leans forward and places a gentle kiss on Laszlo’s lips. Laszlo registers a gasp from Guillermo before she even registers her own surprise. Her and Nandor have fooled around before, of course, but they’ve never kissed, she rarely even kisses Nadja on the lips and she should be going apeshit, but-
but Nandor is smart, smarter than anyone (Laszlo included) gives him credit for. The kiss isn’t laced with lust or a desire to emasculate, it’s barely even romantic- it’s gentle. Cautious. Nandor kisses Laszlo as if they are both young humans who have never kissed anyone before and fucking hell, Laszlo thinks as her eyes well up with tears again, this is Nandor reintroducing himself to Laszlo. This kiss screams hello, it’s nice to meet you and you are my oldest and dearest friend in equal capacities. By the time Nandor pulls away, she has calmed herself down and wiped most of the tears off, suddenly rather embarrassed by it all.
A soft hand reaches out, holding a silk handkerchief. It’s Guillermo. Laszlo huffs out a soft laugh and dabs her eyes with it, handing it back to him with a grateful nod. Nandor seems just as embarrassed, frankly. He clears his throat.
“Well. Now that that’s out of the way, I have… you know. Virgins to drain and muscles to gain!” He flexes and Laszlo feels her heart swell. Damn it all to hell, she supposes she loves this idiot.
“Yeah, yeah, off you fuck. I’d better finish dinner up, you’d have burnt it anyway.” She grins at him. He goes to protest, but she cuts him off, “You’d better go with him, Giz- Guillermo.”
Nandor huffs and stalks off. Guillermo gives Laszlo a quizzical look. She leans towards him ever so slightly. “He appears to be in a kissing mood, old chap.”
Guillermo’s out of there like a shot. Laszlo can’t help but laugh to herself. That little fucker really can move when he wants to.
She finishes dinner on her own, takes the opportunity to catch up on some of her favourite fiction podcasts as she goes. Bat’s gender shifts again around the time he burns batself taking the food out. He lets loose a very loud string of ancient curses, and luckily it effectively acts as a dinner bell for Guillermo.
They all sit down for dinner together that night; Nandor, with the best of intentions, told Colin about Laszlo’s confession and has urged him to be on his best behaviour. He isn’t, of course, he never is- but to his credit he doesn’t seem to care. Any time it comes up he remains silent, sipping loudly on his glass of milk and taking small bites of a pizza slice that he cuts up with a knife and fork. In fairness, any time he opens his mouth Nandor delivers a swift kick to his shin, so he quickly learns to keep it shut. Guillermo compliments Laszlo on the food in between chewing, to the point that Laszlo is compelled to roll bat’s eyes and outright tell the lad that Italian herbs are doing a lot of the heavy lifting for that meal. Nandor and his sweet Nadja (her hand on his thigh; she’s always found men who can cook irresistible, apparently) raise their chalices of fresh virgin blood to him. Bat clinks his own chalice against theirs and laughs a hearty laugh, before they all resume their conversation.
Life mostly goes back to normal after that, but a new normal. A normal where Laszlo doesn’t have to hide who he is. Where he sometimes does his hair or nails or makeup, sometimes even dons a skirt, and the only reactions are approving purrs from Nandor and Nadja and whatever famous Ru Paul phrase Colin decides to parrot at him. Where Colin will casually mention to Nandor that now even Nadja’s found a wife before him, and Nandor wails because it’s true, and sometimes Laszlo even takes enough pity on him to help dear Guillermo calm him down.
It’s a brave new world, and it belongs to Laszlo Cravensworth just as much as anyone else.