Chapter Text
“This has got to be my lowest moment,” Dan sighed, for what had to be the sixth time in the last thirty minutes. He pulled at the white, puffy material of the maid dress he was forced into, and grimaced as the wet fabric slowly separated itself from his chest, only to stick right back.
Chat, unfortunately for Dan, was loving this.
“DAN IN THE MAID DRESS WHAT WILL HE DO”
“WOOOOOOO”
“POG MAID CAM”
“WHERE’S THE CAT EARS DANIEL!?!?!”
“If…” he sighed, and poked at the wall of the inflatable kiddy pool that had cost him some twenty dollars that he desperately wished he had not spent. “If we get a hundred subs in the next five minutes, I will put on the ears.” Daniel stared at the camera with pure disappointment as the chat flashed excitedly.
He leaned over and wiped his wet hands on a dish towel on his desk, and put up a new sub goal. “Alright, there. And if we get two-hundred, I’ll uh,” he leaned out of frame to grab a collar with a bell on it, and he jingled it while he stared at it with derision. “I’ll put this on. Deal?”
“YES DEAL YES DEAL”
“SOMEONE GIFT ME A SUB PLS PLS PLS”
“KJSHKJSHKJHKJHS”
“Okay, startingggg…” Dan showed his telephone to the screen with a five minute timer up, “Now!” He clicked the button and it began counting down.
Almost immediately, five subs popped onto the screen. “Oh, thank you Rufus with the five subs! That’s my cat’s name,” he smiled, and cracked his knuckles while he scanned the chat. “Alright, woah, cool it everyo- Thank you James, for the fifteen subs! My goodness, you people are feral!” He sat back in the pool and moved a blow-up flamingo so that he could still see the screen.
Dan winced as the water sloshed as he struggled to get any sort of comfortable. Herbert would kill him if he got the floor wet. “Nigel, thank you for the ten!” He squeezed the water out of a squishy ball and played catch with himself, watching the screen. “Heaven, thank you for the five! Iris, thank you for the five.” He shook his head in some sort of disbelief, and crossed his arms, looking over at his phone timer winding down. The trickle had slowed down, and he smiled. “I really don’t think you all are going to be able to do it, honestly. I just don’t think you can.”
A little chime played again, and Dan squinted at the screen. “Fucking Christ, you’re insane. Bubbly says, ‘Let’s see the ears, Dan!’. Thank you for the sixty subs, Bubbly, you’re absolutely crazy.”
He sighed, and leaned over to grab his ears. “This has got to be my lowest moment.” He shook his head, struggling to clip the ears into his hair. “Thank you, David and Fire for the ten each, really appreciate it, glad you enjoy my humiliation,” he grumbled, — though not angrily, — as he finally got them both fastened.
Dan shook his head slightly to be sure that his fluffy cat ears were well-situated, and one flew right off from his head. He caught it just before it fell in the water. “This is going great,” he sighed dramatically before clipping it back into place, better this time. “Thank you Kelly and Lyle for the five, thank you Waldo for the twenty, gosh. You people are rabid!”
He grimaced, looking at his timer. “Guys, I don’t know about this, I don’t.” Dan laughed as he looked at the camera. “I look fucking ridiculous! Thank you, Misty, for the ten! Oh, and Hopper with another ten, who says, ‘We may be rabid but at least we’re funny!’ Well, I don’t know if I agree with that, but you have anotherrrr… forty seconds to cough up another thirty subs if you want it that badly.”
“SOMEONE GIFT THIRTY PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE”
“GO GO GO GO GO”
“WE’RE SO CLOSE EVERYONE PLSSSS”
Dan dragged his wet hands over his face and laughed. “No thank you, Diamond, Rain, Thomas, and JuiceBox for the five each. This is getting ridiculous. Do we hear another ten?” He held up the timer. “C’mon now! Five! Four! Three! Tw- Dammit!!” Dan tossed his phone onto the chair and splashed the water, flopping backwards into the pool and making a muffled sound of agony while his ringtone let him know that it had been about a second and a half too late.
Turning off the alarm, he leaned over and grabbed the collar, fastening it around his neck while staring imploringly into the camera. “You guys are the absolute worst. This is my lowest moment. This is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. Thank you for the twenty subs, Gold, you absolute madman. This is insanity.”
Shaking his head again, this time to see if the bell would ring, Dan laughed miserably at himself. “Take your screenshots now,” he said, holding his arms out, “because we are never doing another hot tub stream.”
“NOOOOOOOO”
“BUT DAN! IT’S SO GOOD!”
“PLEEEEAAASE”
“No!” he insisted, shaking his head emphatically and then glowering when his collar jingled. “This fucking sucks,” he pouted, lightly punching the blow-up flamingo to see if it would make him feel better.
It did not.
He shifted to lean forward with his arms on the inflatable wall close to the camera, to glower at his viewers. “I hate that I’m seeing a viewership spike right now. I really hate that.” He laughed, but paused. “What do you mean I’m trending on twitter? You’re lying to me,” he accused. “You are. I don’t believe you,” Dan insisted, opening another tab anyway.
He jumped back from the screen and groaned as he dragged his hands across his face, the water sloshing around him. “Are you fucking serious?? Which one of you did this??” he demanded, closing the tab to look back at his chat, which was screaming apologies and laughter at a ridiculously fast speed. “This is the worst, this is my lowest moment, I know it is,” he covered his mouth with both hands in disappointment, and sighed.
A trumpet fanfare played, and Dan’s hands dropped into the water with a loud splash while his mouth hung open. “Price, with the 100 fucking subs, oh my gosh, thank you so much. Price says, ‘C-“ Dan blinked, and laughed. “Oh, no. Price asks, ‘Can we get a ‘nyah!’ for 100 subs? Love ya!’” He laughed nervously. “Well, first of all, thank you, that’s. That’s a lot of subs.”
“DO IT DO IT DO IT”
“OMG YES PLEASE DAN”
“NYA NYA NYA NYA”
“SAY UWU!!”
“It’s… I mean,” he reasoned, “I really can’t get worse than this, can I?” Dan asked, mostly himself. “I have to honor the 100 subs. I have to.” He shook his head again, almost in disbelief at his own actions, before shuffling backwards on his knees in the water.
He swayed a little bit, and steadied himself. “Alright,” he accused, “you wanted this!” Balling his fists up and raising them towards his face, he immediately started laughing again and braced himself with his hands on his thighs, grabbing handfuls of the soaked material of his dress. “This is fucking ridiculous, I can’t believe I’m doing this,” he muttered, laughing to himself.
He cleared his throat and straightened up. “Okay. I can do this.” Raising balled fists again, he curled them down into paws. “Nyah!” Dan cheered, face already turning bright red.
“Daniel?”
The door creaked open, and a certain Herbert West leaned into the doorframe, clearly having just gotten off work. Dan froze.
“What… What are you doing?” Herbert asked, eyes wide in surprise behind his large glasses.
“Um.” Dan dropped his hands and gestured vaguely to his current situation. “Hot tub stream.” Herbert advanced on Dan, and peered into the small, inflatable pool. He flicked the water.
“Daniel, this is freezing cold,” he said, wiping his wet fingers off on his slacks.
“I know that, I’m sitting in it,” Dan pouted.
“I’m sure you do, you’re shaking and your nipples are totally visible through… whatever that is. Actually… What are you wearing??” Herbert grabbed a wet frill and stared at it with obvious disapproval.
“Um. Maid dress?”
“And cat ears, clearly.”
“Yeah.”
“Hm.” Herbert flicked the bell of Dan’s collar, and raised his eyebrows when it rang, but said nothing.
“We, uh. We are live, by the way,” Dan warned, and Herbert regarded the camera with an unperturbed stare.
“Hello, chat,” he greeted, relatively well-seasoned on how to address them at this point. “You’ve reduced Dan to… this?” Dan wheezed and shook his head.
“Please, God, nobody clip this,” he begged, “this is my lowest fucking moment.”
“What about the time that y-“
“SHUT UP!” Dan clapped a hand over Herbert’s mouth, getting the man wet in the process and earning a disapproving look. “Sorry,” he said, drawing his arm back sheepishly.
“How much longer do you plan to be live?” Herbert asked, recovering quickly and readjusting his shirt.
“Uh, I don’t know, I’ve only been here for like an hour and a half. Thirty more minutes?” Dan suggested.
“Alright,” Herbert conceded, and walked in front of the camera to go pull a chair up next to the pool. “However, I’m staying here to make sure you don’t freeze.”
“That’s fine,” Dan agreed, crossing the pool and falling down. “Fuck,” he laughed, fruitlessly wiping the water from the splashback off his face with his also-wet hand.
“Do I get a pair of ears?” Herbert asked, handing him a towel.
“I mean. You can, if you like. They came in like, a three pack. Check my bag, over there?” The still-reasonably-dry part of the pair left the frame to go rummage through the bag, and Dan chuckled as he stared off-screen. “You look great, buddy.”
“Thank you, Daniel!” Herbert triumphantly re-entered the frame, now with two fuzzy black ears protruding from his hair. Dan buried his face in his hands.
“This is my lowest moment.”
“It could be worse.”