Chapter Text
Jimin has always prided himself on his ability to pick up on things.
Subtleties that others would look over, Jimin has always had an eye for. He had guessed that Jeongguk wasn’t as straight as he pretended to be, and his feelings toward Yoongi, something no one else had seemed to pick up on. He could also tell how Yoongi felt, as much as his friend tried to hide it. He could always tell when someone around him was off, through fake smiles and awkward wave-offs.
And right now, looking between Jeongguk and Jeongguks brother, he thinks he’s got a pretty good read on the situation that’s about to happen.
Jimin grabs Jeongguk’s hand, gently tugging him back as Yoongi steps forward, his gaze fierce as he blocks Jeongguk’s brother - Jung-hyun he said his name was - view from Jeongguk.
Jimin leads him away, trusting the others to deal with the stranger (Jeongguk’s brother ) and keeping his focus on Jeongguk who looked to be one wrong step away from a meltdown.
Jeongguk’s hands were shaking, his eyes wide staring toward where his brother was, but they were glazed over a bit. Jimin noticed that Taehyung was following him as he led Jeongguk around the corner of the trailer.
Jeongguk let his back fall against the side, sliding down as he lost the support of his legs. Jimin knelt down, worried, but tried to appear as calm as possible. Taehyung knelt on the other side, an easy smile on his face, but concern around his eyes.
“Guk? Are you with us?” Jimin asked gently, touching Jeongguk’s shoulder. Jeongguk blinked at his voice, his eyes clearing a bit as he looked at the two of them. It was silent for a moment, but Jimin saw the moment that whatever was happening sunk in as Jeongguk sucked in a sharp breath as the panic set in.
Taehyung cursed quietly, shifting so he was sitting right in front of Jeongguk, trying to get him to focus on him.
Jimin watched, bringing his hand down to Jeongguk who quickly took it, squeezing desperately at it.
Jeongguk never really talked about his family but Jimin knew they weren’t in the picture. Honestly, none of them really knew much at all about Jeongguk from before he started working for the company. They had picked up little things here and there, small anecdotes or tidbits of information about Jeongguks childhood, but it was always clear it was something he never wanted to share.
(Based on Yoongi’s reaction, Jimin thinks he might know more than them.)
Based on the lack of information and Jeongguks reaction to his supposed brother showing up, he imagined it was for good reason.
Jimin could hear the raised voice of the others over Taehyungs calming murmurs to Jeongguk and Jeongguk’s erratic breathing - which was starting to even out a bit - and a large part of him itched to know what was going on, but Jeongguks tight grip on his hand reminded him he was needed here. This was more important.
It didn’t take much longer for Jeongguk to get his breathing under control, though he still looked pretty wrecked, with tear tracks on his flushed cheeks, still shaking slightly. Taehyung just kept talking to him, and Jimin kept holding his hand.
“S-Sorry, I didn’t mean to-” Jeongguk started to stutter out.
“You don’t have anything to apologize for,” Taehyung said to him. “I don’t know what going on, but you never have to apologize for your reactions. We got you.”
Jimin squeezed his hand reassuringly.
Jeongguk let out a breath, nodding. He pulled in his knees, making himself smaller.
All their heads turned when they heard gravel crunching, Jimin shifting slightly in case it was Jeongguks brother, but relaxed when Seokjin came around the corner.
Jimin watched as the frown on his face smoothed out and he smiled at them.
“Hey,” He started, kneeling down with them. “He’s gone, Jeongguk.”
Jimin watched as a flurry of emotion passed on Jeongguk’s face. He seemed to be caught between relieved and disappointed but mostly relieved as his body released a lot of the tension it once had. Jeongguk just nodded at him.
Seokjin stood back up, offering out his hand. “The others are inside the trailer,” he told him.
Jeongguk stared at Seokjin’s hand. He looked like he was fighting something, but whatever it was, it was decided when Jeongguk accepted the hand, allowing himself to be pulled to his feet.
They walked into the trailer, Jeongguk immediately going over to where Yoongi was on the couch, and Yoongi put his hand on Jeongguk’s leg, leaning over and whispering something into his ear. Whatever he said, it helped to relax Jeongguk even more.
Jimin shared a look with Taehyung. He had noticed the tension between them lately and had mentioned it to Taehyung before. He had been meaning to talk to Jeongguk about it, but he hadn’t had the chance. Though it seemed whatever was going on was being put aside for the moment. Watching them, it confirmed for Jimin that Yoongi knew a lot more about Jeongguk’s past than any of them did.
(Sometimes Jimin wonders if the two of them realize how naturally they fit together from the outside - if they realize that when Jimin looks at them, he can imagine them as two stars orbiting around each other, dependant on each other's gravity but never quite coming into contact - and waiting for the inevitable collision of the two.)
The trailer is tense, no one seemed to want to break the silence. Namjoon and Hoseok were sitting at the table, Namjoon staring at Jeongguk, eyes narrowed with concern. There was anger there too. Hoseok had a similar look, but there was more open concern on his face. Jimin was really curious about what happened between them and Jung-hyun.
He, Taehyung, and Seokjin were still standing near the door. Seokjin was also staring at Jeongguk, sadness in his eyes.
Jimin, not being able to help himself, broke the silence. “Can someone explain what happened?”
Jeongguk shifted, keeping his head down, but Jimin was directing his question at Namjoon.
“Jung-hyun,” Namjoon started, darting his eyes to Jeongguk before bringing them back to Jimin, “wanted to see Jeongguk but we wouldn’t let him. He and Yoongi got into it, some.. things were said, and then he left after giving us his phone number, asking we give it to Guk.”
Jimin noticed Jeongguk tense but looked up at Namjoon. “What-” he swallowed, his throat a little hoarse. “What did he say?”
Namjoon shared a look with Yoongi, then Yoongi looked at Jeongguk. “It might be better if we talked privately Guk.”
Jeongguk looked at Yoongi for a moment before nodding.
“You two can take off, days almost over anyway, we’ll manage,” Namjoon said.
Jimin watched as the two of them gathered their stuff and left. Once they were gone, Namjoon deflated a bit. The rest of them gathered around the table.
“What happened? What did he say?” Jimin quickly asked.
Namjoon groaned, leaning forward. “He wanted to see Jeongguk, said he’d been looking for him for years, but Yoongi wouldn’t even think about it. Said some shit about them abandoning Guk, that he knew what they did to him. Jung-hyun implied there was more to whatever the story was and needed to speak with Guk. So he gave his number and then left.” Namjoon chuckled a bit though it was tired-sounding. “I think Yoongi thought about just ripping the number up. Whatever happened between Jeongguk and his family had Yoongi seething.”
Jimin looked back to the door, concern and sympathy welling up. A part of him, the insatiable urge to know, wanted to go with Yoongi and Jeongguk and ask what happened. To tell him to let them in and they could help. But he knew he wasn’t going to. Jeongguk had been pushed enough in the last few months by them - they would let him come to them when he was ready. And he had Yoongi, at least. Yoongi would protect him.
(He just hopes that’ll still be true when they do end up colliding together and the outcome that brings.)
Yoongi kept sending little glances at Jeongguk as they walked home. Jeongguk didn’t seem to notice, stuck in his own thoughts, eyes unfocused and red-rimmed and Yoongi tried not to let his earlier anger come back. He needed to be calm for Jeongguk.
As soon as Yoongi had realized who it was, he immediately felt a rage so forceful crawl its way up to his throat as he stood in front of Jeongguk, blocking him from the man who was part of the reason Jeongguk had been so terrified to simply share a part of himself - afraid they might do the same.
He was grateful to Jimin for taking Jeongguk away from the situation, especially when he didn’t think he was going to be able to control himself. His fists had clenched, nails biting into his skin, and he honestly thought about just hitting the guy for all the pain he helped cause.
Taehyung had followed Jimin and Jeongguk, while the others who still had looked confused, all gathered to help block the way.
The man, Jung-hyun, made a move to follow after but Yoongi moved and roughly shoved him back. Jung-hyun looked taken aback by the force, as were the others.
“You need to fucking leave,” Yoongi snarled at him, barely aware of the hand Namjoon placed on his shoulder.
He recovered from the initial shock and his eyes hardened. “I’m not leaving until I see my brother,” he replied back, a determined edge to his voice.
“You don’t have the right to call him that,” Yoongi snapped. He thinks he might be shaking. The anger swirled within him, becoming all-consuming. All the anger and pain he had felt for Jeongguk, anger at the people who had hurt him and the own loathing he felt for himself were culminating in him right now.
He knew he needed to calm the fuck down before he did something he was going to regret, but staring at the man in front of him, a physical manifestation of Jeongguks past, he found it hard to even want to relax.
“And who are you to say that? He’s my family, I’ve been looking for him for years.”
“I know what you all did to him, how you abandoned him for just being himself. You aren’t his family, we are. And you need to leave.”
Jung-hyun paled, and Yoogni watched as the anger fled from the man's body as something more desperate pulled forward.
“I- you have no idea what you’re talking about-” he started but Yoonig cut him off.
“I know exactly what I’m talking about, and so do you.”
Jung-hyun stopped, and he could feel the confusion from the others, but they continued to stay behind them and let Yoongi handle it, bar the hand still on his shoulder. Yoongi figured that was the only thing helping him keep any semblance of calm.
“No, you don't- he doesn’t know what happened,” Jung-hyun stuttered, desperation threaded in his voice. “So much has- please I just need to talk to him, he needs to know that we never meant to - “ Jung-hyun had stopped, closing his eyes and took a shaky breath. He composed himself a bit before continuing. “Look, just. Give him my number. Please, it's not what he thinks. I’ve regretted what happened that day for years, I need to make it right with him.”
Yoongi felt himself pause. He watched as the man in front of him dug frantically in his pockets, knocking his glasses askew as he pulled out a piece of paper and a pen. He scribbled down his number on the paper and then stuck his hand out to Yoongi.
Yoongi stared at the little piece of paper with the hastily written number on it. Part of him thought about ripping the damn thing up and demanding again that he leave, but he knew that wasn’t his place to do.
And he couldn’t help but think about what he had said.
I’ve regretted what happened that day for years, I need to make it right with him
Those words kept looping in his mind as he led Jeongguk up the steps of the apartment building, carefully guiding Jeongguk who didn’t even seem to be aware of what was happening around him at the moment.
Yoongi only knew what Jeongguk had told him, he knew his father was the one to throw him out and his mother the one to tell him to fix himself. His brother, from what Jeongguk said, had merely let it happen and made no move to try and help his little brother. Yoongi could understand the kind of pain that must have caused - he had an older brother too, somewhere.
Yoongi banished the thoughts of his own family from his mind. He needed to focus on Jeongguk.
Yoongi dug his keys from his pocket and unlocked his apartment. He kicked his boots off and hung his jacket and keys up. He turned back to Jeongguk who was still standing in the walkway, eyes unfocused. Yoongi’s mind flashed back to when Jeongguk had come to his apartment after Seojun, how lost and panicked he had been and his heart clenched at the similar expression on Jeongguks face.
He gently grabbed Jeongguk's arm, jostling him back into the moment. Jeongguk blinked at him as he took in his surroundings.
“Guk, let’s sit down, yeah?” Yoongi led him to the living room. “I’ll make some hot chocolate.”
He left Jeongguk to sit and padded over to the kitchen. The familiar process of making drinks washed over him - it was muscle memory at this point, with how often these moments between them happened. He’s pretty sure half his paycheck goes toward hot chocolate.
As soon as he finished, he brought the two mugs back, noticing how Jeongguks lips quirked just a little at the sight as he handed him his mug and Yoongi sat down beside him.
He stayed silent - he wasn’t really sure how to start the conversation, or if Jeongguk was fully back in the present to have the conversation, based on the way he gazed at the floor, his grip on the mug tight, hands shaking slightly. After another minute though, Jeongguk spoke.
“Did I ever tell you that we had the same birthday, my brother and I?”
Yoongi, not expecting the question, took a moment before shaking his head. “No, I don’t think you’ve mentioned that before.”
Jeongguk hummed. Since he had told Yoongi what had happened, Jeongguk had started opening up a bit more about moments from his childhood. Little anecdotes, happy moments. Yoongi always listened intently, when he did - he would never say it aloud, but he was a little desperate to hear more about Jeongguk’s childhood, to learn more about him. It wasn’t often, but just when something would remind Jeongguk of his family. He always seemed fond when talking about the good memories.
Yoongi had noted that his father had never really been included in them.
“He’s two years older than me, but we were both born on September 1st,” Jeongguk explained, staring into his mug. “He used to say that made us twins when we were little. That we had a special bond. Something that could never be broken.”
Yoongi felt his heartbreak even more for Jeongguk.
Jeongguk closed his eyes, taking a breath before he looked at Yoongi and asked “What did he say to you?”
Yoongi watched him for a moment. “He said he wanted to talk to you. He said he needed to explain something to you, that they never meant to do something.” Yoongi shrugged a little. “He wouldn’t say much else, just that he needed to talk to you.”
Yoongi paused, debating on whether or not to share this with him, but knew it needed to be said. “He seemed pretty upset, he said- he said he regretted what happened that day and wants to make it right.”
Yoongi watched Jeongguks eyes widen a bit before he looked away. Yoongi imagined he was processing that bit of information, and Yoongi wished not for the first time he could see inside Jeongguk's thoughts. Yoongi couldn’t tell what he was thinking.
A minute passed, Yoongi letting Jeongguk think, but Yoongi noticed how Jeongguks's hands tightened on the mug, and a scowl crept onto his face.
“He wants to talk?” Jeongguk spat, and there was a curtness to his voice that surprised Yoongi. “Now? After all these years, after the way he let our father curse me and kick me out, after he had promised to never leave me, and now he thinks he can just talk to me?”
Jeongguk put the mug down and stood and immediately began to pace.
“He thinks he could just come to my work and just, what, have a casual conversation in front of my co-workers about the way he didn’t even watch as I was cast aside from the people who were supposed to love me unconditionally?”
Yoongi watched as the anger filled Jeongguk, and while Yoongi was concerned for the way Jeongguk seemed to quickly be getting wound up, a part of him felt pride in Jeongguk.
Yoongi had watched Jeongguk anguish over his past, watched him be torn apart by what had happened to him and what was happening to him. He was getting better at dealing with it all, but Yoongi still saw the way the pain laced within his being especially as they worked to build their case up against Seojun. Jeongguk had shown determination, had shown stubbornness, and had shown courage throughout his time knowing him.
But this was the first time Yoongi could admit he had seen rage in Jeongguk. Rage for himself. Rage against those who had hurt him, and Yoongi found a vindictive kind of glee in seeing it because Jeongguk deserved to be angry at these people. They deserved his anger.
But Yoongi also could see how encompassing this anger was becoming, and while he’s glad Jeongguk is able to be at a place where he can feel this toward the people who hurt him, he also can tell that Jeongguk’s going to snap if he doesn’t find a way to either dispel this or calm down.
Yoongi really didn’t know how Jeongguk handled anger, not anger like this. He knows when he's frustrated, he tended to go workout or on a run. Yoongi isn’t sure if that would work now.
Jeongguk made a noise that sounded caught somewhere between a whine and a snarl, his hands coming up to his hair, tugging in fistfuls and Yoongi decided now was probably the time to do something.
“You have every right to be angry with them,” Yoongi started, putting his own mug down and getting to his feet and Jeongguk barked a harsh-sounding laugh.
“I’m glad I have your permission,” He sneered. Yoongi ignored him, mind racing on the best way to approach this.
“Jeongguk, while I’m glad to see you can be angry on your behalf, I need you to try and calm down okay? You’re shaking.”
Jeongguk started shaking his head, pacing. “I don’t want to be the calm, rational adult that needs to talk about this. I just want to be pissed about my brother thinking he has any right to be in my life after all this time, after what he did.”
“Who said anything about talking about it?” Yoongi tried. Obviously, they should talk about it, but they can broach that when Jeongguks thinking about it with a more level head. “We can burn the paper with his number on it and let the company know he’s not allowed on site. If he tries to come back, I’ll do what I wanted to do today and beat his ass until he gets the message,” Yoongi paused as Jeongguk laughed, one that was less angry and seemed to surprise him a little.
“You wanted to hit him?” Jeongguk looked back at him. Yoongi let his lips curl a little.
“I mean, yeah. After what they’ve all done to you, pretty sure I’d start a fight with any of them if they showed up and no one was there to stop me.”
Jeongguk watched him for a moment before shaking his head and moving to sit back down, dropping his head into his hands. Yoongi hesitated just a moment before moving to sit back down beside him.
“You don’t have to see him Jeongguk. The decision is yours and only yours. No one’s going to push you.” Yoongi assured him.
Jeongguk let out a heavy sigh. “I know I should though,” he started but Yoongi cut him off.
“There’s no “should” anything, you have no obligation to let him back into your life in any way Jeongguk, not if you don’t want to.” Jeongguk let his hands drop and stared ahead.
They sat in silence again, Yoongi letting Jeongguk take up the space to think, to process it all. Yoongi thinks he would wait forever for him if he asked.
“I’ve spent years dreaming of a life where Jung-hyun had done anything other than what he did,” Jeongguk started, voice quiet and small. “I had this recurring dream where he stood up to our father, that he came with me and we made a life out here together. Or that he chased after me and found me.” Jeongguk chuckles sadly. “I guess he finally did, but I don’t know if it’s too late or not.”
“Some people say it’s never too late for forgiveness,” Yoongi commented. Jeongguk looked over at him, holding his gaze with an intensity that had Yoogni’s breath catching in his throat.
“Do you believe that, hyung?”
Yoongi just looked back at him. He couldn’t lie to him, not when he was looking at him like that. Jeongguk knew anyways. He didn’t have to say anything.
“Yoongi, I love you.”
It was too late for him, Yoongi thought to himself.
Jeongguk held him there, for how long Yoongi would never be able to tell, but after what felt like an eternity Jeongguk released him, both of them deflating.
“I don’t know what I want,” Jeongguk said, looking exhausted. “I’m too tired to make that decision right now.”
“Then forget about it for right now,” Yoongi said, leaning over and grabbing Jeongguk’s hand, bringing that gaze back on him but it wasn’t filled with the same burning intensity. It had been replaced with the look of a man who had been through too much, who was still so lost even with all the progress he had made. He just looked tired.
“For now, let's go to bed and pretend that the only thing that matters is here, right now.” Yoongi stood, tugging Jeongguk along with him. They moved through the apartment that seemed to be sitting on a bated breath as they changed and crawled into bed. Jeongguk, after hesitating for a moment, moved to press himself to Yoongi who immediately wrapped his arms around him in the middle of the bed.
It had been a while since Yoongi had held Jeongguk like this - ever since Jeongguk had kissed him, ever since he said those four words that had yet to stop replaying in his mind constantly, ( Yoongi, I love you. Yoongi, I love you. Yoongi, I love you.) he had himself held back. He couldn’t give Jeongguk what he wanted, and Yoongi didn’t deserve to have him. Not when there was still so much Jeongguk didn’t know about him and his past.
But Yoongi was a weak, weak man in the face of Jeongguk. As he looked down at Jeongguk, who looked back up at him, he felt the same heat rise in him as when Jeongguk had pinned him with that stare earlier, a desire that burned so deep within him calling forth.
He knows he will hate himself for this in the morning, but right now all he can think about is how he just wanted to envelop Jeongguk into his very soul and away from the world that seems to be hell-bent on destroying them both.
So with the knowledge of the regret he will feel in the morning, but not being able to care right now, Yoongi shifted at the same time as Jeongguk (they moved fluidly, as one, like they had done this for an eternity) and kissed him.
Yoongi thought the emotions swirling inside him would burn him alive, the fire in his soul screaming out as he deepened the kiss past the quick and gentle one they shared before. It’s like his body knew that this could never happen again and it was trying to take its fill as he attempted to sear the memory of the feeling of Jeongguks lips on his, trying to convey the words he’s too much of a coward to say out loud.
Yoongi could feel Jeongguks own desperation, and as much as he so wanted to indulge (God what he wouldn’t give -) he pulls back for both their sakes and tugs Jeongguk close to him.
“We’ll figure it out, Guk. In the morning, we’ll figure it out.”
“I know,” Jeongguk replies. “I wouldn’t be able to do this without you, Yoongi.” Jeongguk snuggles in closer and Yoongi clutches onto this feeling, pushing the dread he feels in the pit of his stomach reminding him how selfish he is, and just tries to enjoy the feeling of this moment.
He’ll figure it out in the morning.