Chapter Text
A man stands guard. Innocent, probably. Maybe he thinks of murdering the men inside and cringes, maybe the harsh bite of war hasn't affected him yet and he still believes in morality and that there's such thing as a good man.
Maybe he doesn't want to be here at all, and he has a wife and kid at home he's waiting to get back to.
Maybe he's not a father yet, maybe his fiance – who he proposed to in a park, the same place they met when they were kids – has just sent him a letter saying she's pregnant, and is asking him to get back to her quickly so he can meet his beautiful little girl.
Maybe he's gay. Maybe his whole life people have looked down on him and turned their noses up. But he was finally happy… Until he was sent to war.
“I'll be back before you know I'm gone.” he had whispered to his partner, tears pooling in both of their eyes. "You had better.” his partner had whispered back, the two exchanging a soft kiss before they're forced to say "see you later” through teary laughter.
Tommy shoots him in the heart.
He never sees his partner later.
He never meets his beautiful little girl.
He never kisses each of one of his kids on the head before turning to his wife – his childhood sweetheart – with a fond grin.
He stands for a second, lips parted and a shaky hand lifting to cover the wound. Before collapsing, gun clattering on the floor next to his body.
He had been waiting, on high alert to protect infiltrators that were probably long dead. Whether by the pill they keep tucked in their teeth or at the hand of one of Tommy’s allies.
He probably didn't want to sneak into the base at all, he probably murmured “are you sure this is a good idea?” and his colleagues – friends, maybe – had appointed him look-out since, “then maybe you'll have a chance to get away if we're caught."
He doesn't die instantly like Tommy had hoped, instead he writhes on the floor as Tommy slips out of his hiding spot, boots on the cobble loud against his ears.
They make eye contact: blue meets blue.
The man opens his mouth, as if to tell Tommy something, to scream at him hateful words, but he only releases a final huff of air before going still.
Blue eyes turn grey.
Tommy walks away.
The next time Tommy's there his eyes don't move from straight ahead, ears pricked up and fingers clenched around his gun. He has to. He's the one on watch this time.
“We have to increase security, this can't happen again." the commander with some title Tommy doesn't remember had said.
“Sir yes sir." he had changed back, stood perfectly – like a robot – with a hand palm-down and resting against his forehead. Saluting.
So now Tommy stands in the same spot as the man before, eyes peeled, rifle by his side, refusing to die here. He wants to go home.
“Well done." He had been praised when he told them what he had done, he had seen a few smiles. Maybe relief, maybe pleasure. Tommy doesn't think he did a good job, he doesn't think he deserves a well done.
He doesn't smile, he salutes. A few men copy. None of them speak of the man again.
He's on watch again.
When they had first taken the man’s body there had been a weird dent in the gravel in the shape of Australia, in the shape of a man who was shot in the heart. It's gone now, trodden over and kicked one too many times.
The man is always there though, his blood shadow hangs in the air like a fog Tommy can't get out of, blinding him and trickling into his mouth, nose and ears until he can't see and he can't hear and he can't breathe.
And everything hurts but Tommy doesn't bother to move because he knows he deserves it. So he lies down, next to the dent that looks like Australia and lets his blue eyes turn grey.
But then he wakes up, and goes back to standing in the fog that's not blinding him and not choking him but it's there.
Phil would have said to ignore it, Wilbur would have flipped it off, Techno would have fought it off with his bare fists. Tommy let's it consume him.
Then, when he wakes up again, arms of his oldest brother shaking him and lips wide in a scream hes sure he's probably screaming but he can't hear because the ringing in his ear is so loud.
He takes a deep breath.
Techno steps back, realising he's awake, and suddenly Tommy is engulfed in a hug that is so familiar and warm it aches because he knows he doesn't deserve it.
“I'm sorry, I'm sorry." is repeated in his ear and he realises it's Wilbur and that tears are pouring down his cheeks and tears are pouring down Tommy’s cheeks and he wants to tell his brother it's not his fault, and that Tommy is the bad guy here but all he can hear is the ringing and the ringing and the ringing and then-
It's quiet.
Wilbur sniffles.
There's a creak.
Tommy sees Phil at the end of the bed. “It was just a nightmare." his dad murmurs. But he's wrong, because it wasn't a nightmare, it was real.
And he wants to believe him so Phil will hug him softly like he used to and he can inhale the soft scent of home like he used to. But that period is over, because there's a family out there that wants the dad that smells like home too but they can't, because Tommy took that away.
So he just shakes his head, unsure of what he's denying, and sobs.