Chapter Text
Fancy dinners were never Tony’s thing. Everyone knew that. If anything, he found them to be annoying and pompous. But seeing that he had grown up in wealth, he was used to being forced to attend whichever benefit or gala that his father was supporting. It was a way of showing that you cared about the people who supported you but he didn’t. How many old rich guys can you care about before it starts to seem redundant? Luckily, Peter had begged to come so he wasn’t completely alone. He honestly wanted the food. He wanted to see what the big hullabaloo was about rich people stuff. He grabbed a plate of some sort of fish and made his way over to the wall where Tony was standing.
“Hey, Mr. Stark, what’s this stuff called?” He held up the plate and Tony couldn’t help but smile at how naive he was to all this bureaucratic bullshit. They were surrounded by sharks who were trying to network. Trying to get their foot in the door in any stupid way they deemed fit. He hated it, but he had no place to knock them for trying. He hadn’t had to scramble to the top like them. He was just there . The perks of his father and his name. But that didn’t mean that he hadn’t fought hard to do the things that he wanted in life. He was still smart and no one could argue with him on that.
“Neptune grouper. One of the most expensive fish in the world.” Tony rolled his eyes which made Peter laugh.
“How expensive?”
“Try $7000.” Peter opened his eyes wide. He’d never tasted anything that was worth a quarter of his tuition at Midtown. It was mind blowing. He was finding it harder and harder to empathize with these rich people when they spent that much on fish that would be eaten anyway. The way he saw it, they could have ordered a pizza and he would have been content, but that wasn’t enough for the New York elite.
“This fish better have gold in it.” They both laughed.
“It won’t taste like it either. These people have a knack for blandness. I don’t know why. Give it a try, Pete.” Tony tried not to eat at these things for that reason. The food was so bad. He recalled getting sick once after his first taste of caviar. And what would they do with that costly food once the night was over? They’d throw it all away. It disgusted him.
“Here goes nothing.” Peter immediately scrunched up his face at the taste of the gummy and flavorless food. It was the worst he’d ever had. Tony laughed at him. “That was so bad, Mr. Stark.” He spit it into a napkin, automatically throwing it away.
Tony leaned back against the wall and let out a sigh. “I hate these things.”
Peter paused for a second before getting an idea. “Mr. Stark, we have the perfect opportunity to play one of my favorite games: People Teasing.” Tony arched his eyebrow before turning to the boy.
“I’m interested.”
“So, you find someone and you make fun of them by pretending to be them.” Tony was surprised.
“Didn’t think you had it in you to be that mean, Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man.”
“Shhh, you’re missing prime targets,” Peter jutted his chin towards a woman with the tightest dress he had ever seen. She looked like she could hardly breathe. He put on a high pitched voice. “‘Fred will have to cut me out of this damn dress, but my waist looks way better than Carol’s.’” He stuck his pinky finger up before Mr. Stark chuckled. “Okay, your turn.”
“Alright,” He cleared his throat before spotting a man in a suit two sizes too big. “‘You’ll have to pardon my suit. It usually fits better, but it’s a bit depressed today.’” He frowned like he was drooping with the suit, making Peter laugh.
They went back and forth, at one point laughing so hard about how a woman's hair must be full of secrets from the sheer volume, that they had to hold on to each other for support. Tony hadn’t watched Mean Girls in so long and the reference caused him to double over. People stared and were obviously caught off guard by anyone actually enjoying themselves, laughing real laughs instead of those fake rehearsed ones that everyone practiced in the mirror. They even got a few mean glares. But they didn’t care. They were having fun and they were enjoying the night that had previously been a complete and utter drag. The place was so stuffy, full of people that thought the most of themselves and who thought that everyone else was beneath them. They took themselves so seriously that they couldn’t even see the humor in themselves.
Tony decided that from then on, Peter
had
to come with him if he was going to go to any of these stupid things. It would be the only way he could survive them without completely keeling over from languor.