Chapter Text
Once upon a time, there lived a prince of the forest named Eddie. Though brave and strong, young Eddie was kidnapped from his love by monstrous demons. The mother of devils used her evil powers of manipulation to trick the young prince into following a young bird of her choosing, only to lock him away in a tower.
Upon hearing the news of the prince’s distress, the handsome forest knight, Richie Tozier, set off to rescue his young love. He gallantly set off on his quest with his courageous dragon—
“Stop.”
“Don’t interrupt, Stanley.”
“Dragon is a bit farfetched for a fucking Toyota Corolla.”
“The car isn’t the dragon, Stan, you are. Anyways—
The knight rode with his stead to the evil lair. Being bestowed with the Gift of the Gab, the knight intruded by using his powers of charm to convince the wizard guard to let him in. He fearlessly tamed the treacherous mountain—
“A flight of stairs,” Stan deadpans. “It was a single… flight… of stairs.”
“Stop being a pedant.”
“No.”
Behold! The knight found the young prince in the high tower, and made to flee on foot to his rescue! The mother demon, Sonia, nearly tore the prince’s arm off with her mighty strength. She called upon her Siren, Myra, to assist in capturing back prince Eddie in order to enchant him and take over the Kingdom of Derry.
“I have no words,” Stan mutters, his hands pressed firmly together in front of his face.
“And yet you speak. So–
Steadfast on her feet, the siren came to strike the knight with her mighty sword. In a grand gesture of love to his rescuer, prince Eddie tricked the siren into bestowing to him her weapon. With his great strength, prince Eddie drove the sword into the eye of the mother, vanquishing the terrible kingdom once and for all!
Hand in hand, the prince and the knight–
“Hold up.”
“No, not again!”
“How is Eddie a prince if they’re not part of the kingdom?”
“I told you, he’s the prince of the forest, Stan. And so–
So the prince and the knight escaped the dark world, back into the kingdom of their own.
“Who's the king and queen?”
“I’m just about to finish the story!”
“Yeah, Rich, you know I’m not going to write this, right?” Bill says quietly, cocking an eyebrow over at him.
“Why not?” Richie whines.
“What is the point of turning this into a twisted fantasy?” Stan asks. “I mean, you’ve mixed up, like, four different cultures and mythologies.”
“To emphasize what a badass motherfucker I am.”
“I don’t know,” Bill chuckles. “It sounds like Eddie is the bigger badass in this story.”
“I’m inclined to agree,” Eddie smirks, nudging Richie.
“Of course you are, my love,” Richie beams. “You are always the knight in my story. Stan, shut it,” he adds when Stan starts making throwing-up noises.
“I think I could write about Derry,” Bill mumbles thoughtfully. “Not so much this monstrosity you’re trying to tell, but I could definitely write something pretty crazy.”
“Don’t tell me it’s the weird clown thing,” Stan grimaces. “That story sucks. Especially the ending.”
“What’s wrong with my ending?” Bill scoffs.
“You didn’t even let Richie finish his,” Eddie interjects.
“Why, what is it?” Stan asks.
“Don’t have one yet,” Richie shrugs.
“So were you just going to keep blabbering on nonsense until I got you to shut up?”
“No. I’m just going to keep adding in chapters to our adventures every time I see you guys. It’s gonna be a long book,” Richie grins.
“Hopefully without anything as extreme as the beginning of this story,” Eddie sighs.
Richie just smiles at him, kissing his temple. “My love, we can make our story anything we want from now on. I’ve got a lifetime to make my prince happy.”
To that, Stan just rolls his eyes, finally letting Richie have his moment as he smiles into his tea.