From his perspective, Darius and his house are perfect while he is anything but that cause he sees himself as fundamentally broken. And just seeing himself in the mirror and how he looks, all the while the bathroom is all nice and fancy, it just hammers it down for him even if it's not true.
He sees them later that they keep coming up with solutions and that none of this is a burden to them, they will always help but for now? This thinking that he is too much lingers,,,
Him absolutely losing it in EL and still "joking" around 😭 And now he is all "it cant be that bad....OH IT IS THAT BAD!!"
He thinks he is ready to die, thats how its been his whole life but when the moment comes? It's not true, he wants to live but once again he has no choice.
When he is feeling like this even a warm and safe bathroom will seem like hell, esp with his previous thoughts that he doesnt belong there.
Darius latching onto every little thing Hunter talks to him about and making sure Hunter is the surrounded by it. Oh he likes wolves? Wolf plushie; He likes space and stars? His ceiling will have them and later will stargaze with him.
Using that nickname at every opportunity 👏🏼
One again its one of those things Darius just latches onto cause it makes Hunter happy.
Even if his mind is trying to play tricks on him, their actions are "forcing" him to realize it cause picking him up from the floor and making sure he is comfy in his bed is care, he cant deny it.
He can kinda guess Hunter is gonna be downplaying and full of denial so he gotta get to the root of it so at least he isnt triggered.
I was thinking of writing part of this fic from Darius POV and his complete freak out over Hunter missing and then seeing him do all that. Stressed papa wolf pov,,,
A realization he has later when he can say hes been to Latissa, to the Knee, to wherever else and then he cant name a single experience from there beside missions.
That feeling that you are supposed to be happy cause you arent getting actively traumatized is just,,awful. He wants to be happy but he cant, not while this is looming over him.
Physical pain is complicated for him cause its the one hes been taught to put to the side the most but emotional? He has no coping mechanism, at best he can push it back but not as much as he can push back physical pain.
He is yet to realize that his pain is not a burden and being worried for someone is not sth thats ruining anyones lives rn.
Their assurances are fighting against the voice in Hunters head which is literally just Belos and his vicious grip on him. Its recent love vs years of abuse and its hard battle.
Yeah that kind of "calm" after very intense emotions that just tired you out and you kinda feel numb. He doesnt feel trully calm until later 😔
And there sure was a part of Darius who thought that,,,Hunter was gonna kill himself, its why he was so panicked that he forgot he shouldnt grab Hunter like that from behind.
(1/2)
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kolapon Tue 19 Sep 2023 11:12AM UTC
Last Edited Tue 19 Sep 2023 11:13AM UTC
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