Richie Tozier is famous and loves his boyfriend, OK
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Netflix presents Richie Tozier: Don't Call My Boyfriend Gay by kyaticlikestea
Fandoms: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
29 Oct 2019
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You know, when I first told my manager I was gay, he was like, "is this a bit?" Like, I'm so dedicated to my career, I've started a relationship with another man and now he's saved as 'Dream Boy' on my phone just so that I can expand my comedic repertoire. So obviously, I was like, "no, it's not a bit. I have not spent all morning on my knees just so that I get to make a blowjob joke on stage later." And then he hung up on me.
A transcript of the first taped performance of Richie Tozier's comeback show, in which jokes are made, the queer experience is dissected, and wigs are snatched. Whatever that means.
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Jimmy Kimmel presents Mean Tweets: Special Edition with Richie Tozier by kyaticlikestea
Fandoms: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
29 Oct 2019
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Eddie Kaspbrak @ekaspbrak
@richietozier if you ever so much as dream of licking my foot again, fucko, I’ll shove your foot up your asshole until you’re wearing yourself like a shoe.Richie Tozier makes an appearance on the popular web series Mean Tweets to promote his comeback Netflix special, but there's something familiar about these mean tweets. Namely the fact that they're all from his boyfriend.
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WIRED presents: Richie Tozier & Eddie Kaspbrak Answer the Web's Most Searched Questions by kyaticlikestea
Fandoms: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
04 Nov 2019
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Eddie: [Peels off the next question] Why did Eddie Kaspbrak delete Twitter? Oh, man.
Richie: [Laughs] He didn’t delete it! He got a temporary ban. Tell them why, Eddie!
Eddie: Because I was on a work trip to Idaho and I tweeted that I could see your fivehead from my office.
Richie: And?
Eddie: And… because I also tweeted that having big dick energy and just being a big dick weren’t the same thing. And then I tagged you in the tweet. And wrote ‘case in point.’
Richie: And…?
Eddie: And I got a temporary ban for targeted harassment, dickwad, you know this.It's a timeless tale. Emmy-nominated comedian browbeats his much maligned, Twitter famous boyfriend into doing a WIRED: Autocomplete Interview. Questions are answered. 'Your mom' jokes are made. Licking is involved. Y'know. Normal stuff.
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The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon presents: True Confessions with Richie Tozier and Eddie Kaspbrak by kyaticlikestea
Fandoms: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
25 Nov 2019
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Jimmy: Now, you’ve both provided the truth in the envelope for us, so no complaining if you end up revealing something that should have remained a dark secret forever.
Richie: No chance. Edward Spaghedward knows everything there is to know about me, don’t you? I’d never hide a thing.
Eddie: Oh, so we’re not counting last week, when you hid our credit card statement down the back of the couch so that I wouldn’t find out you spent a stupid amount of money on a light-up pool table?Richie makes a press appearance on The Tonight Show to promote his forthcoming sophomore comedy special. His Twitter celebrity boyfriend makes a surprise appearance. Late night TV will do just about anything for the views. Eddie won't.
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Buzzfeed Presents: 10 Times Eddie Kaspbrak Should Have Proposed by kyaticlikestea
Fandoms: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
01 Dec 2019
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Richie ‘Why Am I Still A’ Tozier ✔ @richietozier
@ekaspbrak OMG so weird babe, I just poured myself a delicious bowl of spagheds and it looked like this?? So crazy... [attached photo shows the phrase ‘please propose to me babe it’s been thirty years’ spelt out in alphabetti spaghetti. He’s used a blob of tomato sauce for the apostrophe]Buzzfeed makes a list of all the times Richie Tozier, beloved comedian and besotted man, should have been proposed to by Eddie Kaspbrak, the Internet's favourite 43 year old Twitter troll. There are a lot of times.
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Netflix presents Richie Tozier: Hold My Fanny Pack by kyaticlikestea
Fandoms: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
13 Jan 2020
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The absolute best thing that anyone can say about me as a gay icon is that I provide representation to a very marginalised group of people: gay men who don’t know how to dress well. Yeah, I’m thinking of applying to host the next season of Queer Eye and just putting every single contestant in, like, an old Hawaiian shirt and Crocs. I’ll be like, “as a gay man, I always dress for maximum comfort, just in case I have to run away from a gang of homophobes with knives. Here, put on these sweatpants with a ketchup stain on the crotch,” and ratings will soar. I live to subvert stereotypes. I may be the only gay in my relationship, but my boyfriend is the one who can dress.
A transcript of Richie Tozier's second Netflix special, in which jokes are once more made, the middle-aged queer experience is introduced, and the problems of having a super hot boyfriend are rigorously and academically dissected. Or not. Either one.
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YouTube presents: Billy on the Street with Richie Tozier!! by kyaticlikestea
Fandoms: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
14 Jan 2020
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Richie: Oh, we had the engagement bacchanal already.
Billy: I’m talking about the steamy pre-marital affair!
Richie: Ah, yeah. I haven’t got round to that one yet. It’s on the agenda, obviously. I actually have it pencilled in for next Thursday, because Eddie has a pottery class.
Billy: God, I hate him.
Richie: Yeah, he’s a piece of shit.
Billy: So are you ready? We’re gonna find you a hot piece of gay to have an emotionally turbulent tryst with in the weeks before your wedding, and we’re gonna pay him a dollar for the privilege, and it’s gonna be a total moral grey area, but it’ll be great for our viewcount.
Richie: It’s too late to back out, right? Spagheds, I am so sorry -
Billy: No time for regrets! We’re gonna get you ploughed before you say your vows. Come on!Billy Eichner takes it upon himself to scour the streets of New York in order to help soon-to-be movie star and current fiancé, Richie Tozier, have one last wild week before his wedding. No-one seems too enthused, least of all Richie himself. It's the thought that counts.
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Buzzfeed Presents: Thirst Tweets with Richie Tozier and Eddie Kaspbrak by kyaticlikestea
Fandoms: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
21 Jan 2020
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@iwannabealoser2
Sorry mom, I can’t come to the phone right now, I’m daydreaming about snowboarding down the vein on @ekaspbrak’s forearm and landing directly into his open mouth.
Richie Tozier, beloved comedian and besotted fiancé, spends his last day as an unmarried man reading thirst tweets for Buzzfeed. Eddie is a secret evil genius. None of these tweets are from Paul Rudd, except for the one that just might be.
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Buzzfeed Presents: 10 Times Richie and Eddie Tozier were Very, Very Married by kyaticlikestea
Fandoms: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
21 Jan 2020
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Stanley Uris @surisaccounting
I was going through my most recent photos and came across this nice one of @richietozier and @etozier at their wedding last week. Congratulations to the happy couple. They’ve never looked better.
[attached image is a photo of two penguins arguing]Richie ‘My Husband is Also A’ Tozier ✔ @richietozier
replying to @surisaccounting
Hey @surisaccounting take down that tweet or I’ll keep doing this
[attached image is a photo of a Common Potoo, which has been incorrectly labelled ‘Crow’ in Comic Sans font]Buzzfeed makes a list of all the times Richie and Eddie Tozier, beloved husbands of the Internet, were incredibly married. Perhaps unsurprisingly, it isn't a short list.
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Ben Hanscom ✔ @benhandsome
Hey @richietozier, we’re having real trouble putting together our new bookcase. Think one of the brackets is warped. Don’t suppose you have a long, rigid tool that could help us out? #dicktozierRichie ‘The Second Best’ Tozier ✔ @richietozier
replying to @benhandsome
Oh yeah, sure Ben! Always happy to help a friend out. How about this one, will it do? #dicktozier
[attached image is a close up of Eddie’s middle finger]Eddie ‘The Functional’ Tozier ✔ @eddietozier
replying to @richietozier @benhandsome
Can I suggest this one instead? Overcompensating much, Ben? #dicktozier
[attached image is a photo of Ben’s incredibly bulging bicep, shirtless and flexed. It looks oddly as though it might also be oiled]Richie Tozier, famed comedian, shy debutante and adored husband of the Internet, gets his own trending hashtag after Bill accidentally reveals too much in a DVD extra. He also gets an Oscar nomination, but no-one's talking about that. Unfortunately.
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