love is what fires it
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Though he would choose words like gaunt and wan to describe this body he inhabits it is not with self-inflicted malice; Billy will name what he sees, not pretend at handsomeness. He still finds, amidst all his angles, the potential for appeal. Cornelius would tread reverent fingers through his curls, would say, hushed: “Lambswool, this.”
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(In the weeks leading up to Carnival, Billy and Hickey circle each other.)
Series
- Part 1 of love is what fires it
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"Do what you came here to do," Billy says. "You don't need to dote on me."
Cornelius smiles, and Billy's annoyance rises towards anger. Anger at Cornelius who won't go ahead and fuck Billy's want out of him, who won't inflict the pain and the pleasure that will allow his attraction to this man and his flawed, impertinent beauty to recede and leave him alone once the act is past.
"What if I want to?" Cornelius says.
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On Billy, and the ordeal of wanting.
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- Part 2 of love is what fires it
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Cornelius gives him one last skillful stroke, then withdraws. Although this is what Billy wanted, he still groans at the loss. “I know,” Cornelius soothes. “You want it so much. Look, Billy.” He shows his palm, smeared with Billy’s leaking fluid. “How you’ve gone by without me, I can’t imagine.”
And how has Cornelius managed, without Billy? He can pretend it's not Billy’s name he’s been stifling when he’s brought himself to a desolate climax in his hammock all he wants. Their spattered solitudes are of a kind.
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After Carnivale, Hickey and Billy come together again (and come together, again).
Series
- Part 3 of love is what fires it