flicker, fever, fill the form
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hold you tight, squeeze you right, tell you what i want by cloudcjty
Fandoms: Men's Hockey RPF
16 Aug 2024
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Summary
Juuse thinks about his first Christmas with kids. It was only him and Kaarina. Roman didn’t show up, and Juuse didn’t ask for anyone else to come over. Kaarina was six months old, and Juuse gave Kaarina her first taste of food. He fed her the same fish soup that she lazily sips tonight.
His family has grown since then. He has three more children. There should be one more child at the table, a boy who resembles Kaia, nibbling on a dinner roll. Juuse has learned to live with losing him. He loves the children that sit with him that much more. And he loves Pekka, who has always been there, who has never once doubted him, who believes he is strong and deserving of love and capable of achieving just about anything. His husband of ten years. His husband of ten winters.
Or, it's been ten years. Everything, and nothing, has changed.
OR, or, the Christmas episode.
(this cannot be read without reading the prior series featuring these characters, "for you are not beside, but within me")
Series
- Part 1 of flicker, fever, fill the form
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kiss your knuckles before you punch me in the face by cloudcjty
Fandoms: Men's Hockey RPF
16 Sep 2024
Tags
Summary
Juuse would like to say something better, but he doesn’t know how. The words don’t form at the back of his tongue, the words won’t grace his lips, they won’t fall from his mouth. There aren’t many words to say, anyways.
Miika turns fifteen and starts a relationship with his teammate, Ilkka. The rest of his team isn't too fond of two boys on their team together. And Luke confronts Beau about the past ten years, and their life together falls apart.
Or, there are no words to say. No one has the tools to fix anything.
(this cannot be read without reading the prior series featuring these characters, "for you are not beside, but within me")
Series
- Part 2 of flicker, fever, fill the form
-
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Summary
She wonders when her own mother stopped feeling like a child. Was it when he turned eighteen? Or was it earlier, when his sisters were born and he was cast out from the family, four or five years old? He would have been so young. Was it when he was twenty-seven and disowned in Italy? Was it when he had sex with her biological father, when he lost his virginity, when he bled onto the bench? Was it when she was born? When she was sick? When Sofia was born? Does he still feel like a child in an adult’s body? Does one ever truly feel like they’ve grown up?
Or, Mati gets drafted into the NHL. It causes himself, and his siblings and Bella, to start growing up.
(this cannot be read without reading the prior series featuring these characters, "for you are not beside, but within me")
Series
- Part 3 of flicker, fever, fill the form
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 25,228
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Kudos:
- 6
- Hits:
- 141
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Summary
Mati moves his thumb from her lips and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. He kisses her crown once more. Mati places two fingers against his wrist, a pressure point to help his racing heart slow down, then takes a deep breath. “How long have you known?”
“This morning,” Bella plays with one of her bracelets. Mati reaches to stop her from fidgeting.
Mati swallows. Bella feels it.
Mati plays back the memory, that weekend in Las Vegas. Sweat against sweat, his body against Bella’s body, unwillingly ignorant.
Bella rotates the rings on her fingers. The silver band on her thumb is turning bronze, changing from the salt air around them. “I know that I’m young, and that I have a future ahead of me, but, I think that I want this. I want this, especially with you. Maybe that’s the wrong decision, but it’s the one I’m making.”
Mati swings his legs around, placing his feet on the cobbled sidewalk. "I’m sorry. I’m very, very sorry that I’ve done this to you.”Or, Bella, Mati and Miika come of age. Some growing pains hurt worse than others.
Or, or, Bella and Mati engage in young love. They aren't as careful as they should be. Enter their daughter: Élise.
Series
- Part 4 of flicker, fever, fill the form
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Summary
She pulls her shirt out from her jeans for only a moment, but Miika knows what she has freshly tattooed on her back, too. The simplest line of lyrics.
For you are not beside, but within me.
Miika spent a lot of time wondering who Kaia would grow up to be. Maybe a painter, or she would play field hockey professionally. Maybe she would study art history in college, if she decided to go. Kaia still has the chance to be all of those things, but they will be ten times harder. There is another barrier that was not there before. Grief.
Or, Kaia grows up. All of the kids grow up. And they lose part of themselves, and their father, in the process.
Or, or, this is the end.
Series
- Part 5 of flicker, fever, fill the form
-
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Summary
Here's an article I wrote from Juuse's point of view that never made its way into the series. I wrote this before finishing "ocean, but how we missed the ocean," so some parts may not be consistent. Spoilers for the rest of the series, obviously.
Series
- Part 6 of flicker, fever, fill the form
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,084
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Kudos:
- 10
- Hits:
- 75