What's Left
Series Metadata
Listing Series
-
Tags
Summary
Dean Winchester hadn't wanted anything in a long time. When he was young, he’d cried himself to sleep wanting his mother back, and when he was older, he'd wasted time wishing his father wouldn’t leave for another month-long hunt. It didn’t take long for Dean to learn that wanting was just the shortest route to disappointment. So, from an early age, he learned to focus on what he needed instead: to keep Sammy safe, have food in his belly, and always obey his father.
As he got older, the needs changed, but the pattern remained the same. He needed to hunt monsters, save the world, and drink himself into a stupor more often than he’d care to admit. When other needs arose, he satisfied them with whichever woman would have him for the night, always careful never to want anything—or anyone—beyond what was necessary for survival. Needs were simple—uncomplicated, instinctual, and painless. Wanting, on the other hand, was for suckers, for lucky bastards naïve enough to believe life was fair. Dean knew better; he knew the darkness, and the monsters in it, were real.
So, whenever Dean’s subconscious betrayed him by dreaming up the things he wanted, he dutifully ignored it.
Series
- Part 1 of What's Left
-
Tags
Summary
Dean hadn’t actually named his feelings the way Cas had.
Cas was so much better at the talking stuff.
He still made sure Cas knew how he felt, but it was so frustrating when he couldn’t get the words out, when they caught in his throat because speaking them aloud felt like having his chest flayed open by hell hounds—terrifying not because of the pain, but because he was on the precipice of losing everything that mattered.
After all, a lifetime of experience had taught Dean that the things he wanted always got ripped away from him, one way or another.
He was trying to work through all that.
Series
- Part 2 of What's Left