His Thoughts, Spattered On Loose-Leaf Paper
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His Thoughts, Spattered On Loose-Leaf Paper by J_D_McCormick
Fandoms: Les Misérables - All Media Types
06 Sep 2013
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Jehan wasn’t there, but a huge scattering of loose-leaf paper was, which suggested he was around somewhere. Courfeyrac smiled as he picked up one sheet, scanning over his boyfriend’s neat, cursive handwriting, the predicted poem about rain trailing down before stopping abruptly. Courfeyrac hummed thoughtfully, and picked up another aborted poem. Perhaps Jehan was having one of his dreaded inspiration-blocks.
The last page was outside their bathroom – the edge near one corner was stained by a dot of blood, as if Jehan had cut himself on the paper.
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Courfeyrac peered around his and Jehan’s bedroom door, where Jehan was still curled up in bed. The poet was awake, he knew; when he’d woken up and gotten out of bed to shower and start breakfast, Jehan had roused with him, as he always did. Jehan was not an early riser (though, neither was Courfeyrac) but he was a light sleeper. His grey-blue eyes were open, but dull, staring at the wall opposite, but also staring through and beyond it.
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Better Than It Could Have Been by J_D_McCormick
Fandoms: Les Misérables - All Media Types
13 Sep 2013
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“Thank you.” Jehan murmured against Courfeyrac’s collarbone. “I feel better.”
Courfeyrac knew that didn’t mean that Jehan was feeling completely right again – only that it was better than it had been, better than it could have been.
“I’m glad.” Courfeyrac whispered back
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As soon as his eyes open and he looks down to where Jehan is coming slowly awake, he knows that today is not going to be a good day.
“Okay, or bad?” Courfeyrac asks gently. Jehan shakes his head, and it’s worse than ‘bad’.Series
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Now You're Gone, Now You're Gone by J_D_McCormick
Fandoms: Les Misérables - All Media Types
25 Sep 2013
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“Courfeyrac...” Combeferre murmurs as he kneels down behind Courfeyrac. He tries to gently pull him away, but Courfeyrac just clings tighter and wails louder. “Courfeyrac, you need to let him go.”
“No.” Courfeyrac sobs. “No, no, no...”
“Courfeyrac, come on.” Combeferre gently pries Courfeyrac’s grip loose, and carefully lays Jehan down and takes Courfeyrac into his arms as he tries to grasp for him again. Courfeyrac screams, struggling and beating at his chest as he pulls him off the bathroom floor and back through to the bedroom.
“Let me go, let me go, I need to – I need – I – Jehan! Jehan! Jehan!”
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His chest hurts, and there’s a lingering feeling in his throat, as if he’s about to cry.
He doesn’t have the energy to cry.
Courfeyrac has Bahorel and Grantaire over and they’re playing videogames, shouting at each other and either crowing in victory or groaning in defeat. They’re laughing, shoving each other and playing dirty, slapping the controllers out of the others’ hands or leaning over to block their view of the screen.
He can’t cry in front of them.
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Tear Yourself Apart, Hold Yourself Together by J_D_McCormick
Fandoms: Les Misérables - All Media Types
19 Oct 2013
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It’s frightening.
It’s honestly terrifying, to be trapped inside his own head, to hear himself think these things.
He's so, so scared.
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It doesn’t feel as good as he’d somehow imagined it. Somewhere in the long months of abstinence he’s invented some beautiful flood of relief, some feeling of calm, some positive outcome.
It doesn’t come and he just feels ashamed and upset and angry and in pain.
It stings.
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