it'll always have happened exactly as it happened
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At some point in Jamie’s life, he is going to have to admit that he doesn’t know what the word traumatizing means. Sure, he could look it up in a dictionary or whatever, but a dry definition from some dead prick isn’t going to explain where the boundary lies between something normal that just felt bad and something that traumatized him, something that shouldn’t have happened at all—if the world was nice and fair.
Really, he’d prefer not to have to figure it out. He’d prefer to just focus on footie and his team and the weird, intense, wonderful thing that might be happening with Roy, and he’d be allowed to have that—if the world was nice and fair.
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It's taken a long time but Jamie finally understands what happened to him when he was a boy. He knows that he confused abuse with love, that he was just too young to understand how to tell the difference. He knows.
Now, he just has to learn how to live with it. Maybe, he can even learn how to be happy.
Epilogue to Permanence and its Synonyms.
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