SquishedApple
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Written in response to a prompt by thotinshield on Tumblr:
"my brain is filled with au where thorin is considered unattractive by dwarven standards, bilbo thinks hes handsome, and is pining after him, but thorin is in the classic situation of having to get married and dealing with lots of suitors and theres a bit in there about bilbo hearing some of the dwarrowdams gossiping about how thorin is "ugly" and bilbo being like WHAT"
Erebor needs a queen, and Thorin is set to marry a dwarrowdam to be his consort. No matter how much it breaks his heart, Bilbo takes it upon himself to ensure Thorin only receives the best and decides to scope out the candidates. Everything goes well, and he finds one that looks promising, until he uncovers a rather disturbing fact about the crop of potential consorts.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 8,345
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 80
- Kudos:
- 1,953
- Bookmarks:
- 418
- Hits:
- 11,063
Bookmarked by SquishedApple
24 Nov 2025
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Ring Shenanigans by b0rtney (b00mgh)
Fandoms: The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)
30 Sep 2025
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Bilbo drops the Ring. He's glad to be rid of it. It had gotten so heavy lately, so unevenly were his pockets weighted that sometimes he would even stumble a bit, and Frodo would ask after his health, and Bilbo would shoo him outside and inspect the golden gleam of the Ring in solitude. He's so glad it's gone, really.
No matter, he turns out the door of Bag End to begin the trek to Rivendell, eyes shut against the harsh light of the full moon.
When he opens his eyes into the moonlight, Bag End is nowhere to be found. He turns and turns and turns and only finds forest ahead of him and the exit of a stony tunnel behind. He's out of breath, though he hadn't been running before. His pockets are unevenly weighted once again.The One Ring realizes that once it gets into Frodo and the Fellowship's hands, the power of friendship will certainly win out. So instead, it timeloops Bilbo Baggins. He cannot drop The Ring, give it away, or die without resetting the loop.
Bookmarked by SquishedApple
19 Nov 2025
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The guy in the sunglasses has been staring at him across the bar for the past ten minutes.
Robert makes the executive decision of following him into the bathroom, because obviously it's an invitation, right?
Bookmarked by SquishedApple
13 Nov 2025
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Robert resorts to desperate measures to earn Sonar’s cooperation.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 18,010
- Chapters:
- 6/?
- Comments:
- 224
- Kudos:
- 1,532
- Bookmarks:
- 211
- Hits:
- 16,015
Bookmarked by SquishedApple
09 Nov 2025
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Robert wakes up from a drunk hookup and slowly gets his memories back. Regretting everything, he hoped this would be the last time they did this but, nothing ever went his way.
Bookmarked by SquishedApple
06 Nov 2025