TaestyKimchi
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“In my humble opinion there’s only three things that men should be and that is bloody, slutty, and pathetic.” And, on a good day, Draco Malfoy can be all three.
When war heroine Hermione Granger and Azkaban-tattooed war criminal Draco Malfoy are forced to wed as part of Shacklebolt’s controversial Reconciliation Act, they openly fight the match and each other—their public brawls breathlessly reported by the press.
Secretly, a deeply traumatized Draco delights in Hermione’s attention and pines for a real marriage with her—even as her forced proximity to the Black family magic irritates the cursed scar Bellatrix left on her arm, reminding her why she can never truly trust or forgive him. Then Hermione discovers that Draco’s blood will soothe the scar . . . and Draco is willing to trade his blood for her body.
(With post-war blood purity politics, black market potioneers, Pansy Parkinson’s career advice, the Malfoys blackmailing Hermione’s Wizengamot opposition, BDE Neville Longbottom hunting Death Eaters, a slutty Theo Nott serving as Draco’s right-hand man, and Crookshanks loose in Malfoy Manor.)
Series
- Part 1 of THE BLOODY, SLUTTY, AND PATHETIC SERIES
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 195,969
- Chapters:
- 21/21
- Comments:
- 7,379
- Kudos:
- 29,958
- Bookmarks:
- 11,887
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- 1,788,939
Bookmarked by TaestyKimchi
10 Jan 2026
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AUTHOR NOTE: this fic will remain up online for the time being. My book (At the Mercy of Midnight), published 08 September 2025, is so far removed from this fic in many ways (it is not a rewrite etc), that I feel comfortable leaving this fic as is to stand on its own feet until a time where I no longer wish for it to be available online. Xx love to all
I'm available for chats on TikTok: @awritersproject and Instagram: @infinitybooks
Synopsis:
When Hermione Granger is accidentally cut by an old Malfoy Family Heirloom, a matrimonial blade, an ancient magic seems to think she is betrothed to the last Malfoy heir, and begins to pull her into Draco’s bed every night, at midnight.
A non-epilogue compliant Dramione fan fiction.
Binding queries: all binding requests of this fic have my blanket consent as long as they are for personal use only, with no intent to profit off the bind whatsoever.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 114,353
- Chapters:
- 14/14
- Collections:
- 11
- Comments:
- 1,515
- Kudos:
- 11,764
- Bookmarks:
- 4,666
- Hits:
- 586,139
Bookmarked by TaestyKimchi
05 Jan 2026
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Depression was never part of Hermione Granger’s carefully planned future. Yet here she is—stuck in the darkness, lost in the silence. Ginny thinks flying might help. Hermione thinks Ginny has lost her mind.
But on a broom, Hermione finds more than just fresh air. She finds starlight, chaos, adventure, laughter she never asked for… and Draco Malfoy, steady at her side with a gaze she can’t quite ignore.
Falling in love was never the plan. Neither was surviving Astoria Greengrass’s relentless schemes. Somewhere between late-night lessons, sharp banter, and badly timed butterflies, Hermione realizes this might be the most dangerous thing she’s ever done: trusting Draco Malfoy with her heart.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 124,948
- Chapters:
- 37/37
- Comments:
- 291
- Kudos:
- 460
- Bookmarks:
- 283
- Hits:
- 22,524
Bookmarked by TaestyKimchi
24 Dec 2025
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After Hermione hears Harry's description of what he saw in the bathroom before he nearly killed Draco Malfoy with a sectumsempra spell, she realizes that Harry bungled what could have been a unique opportunity to reach him. She decides to find Malfoy in the hospital wing and try to do what Harry should have done. When she finds him all alone and in distress, being clearly ignored by Madame Pomfrey, her mission leads to a connection she didn't plan for.
NOTE: This is my first fic, and I have not been beta'd, so please educate me on if I've missed any necessary tags or if you see something glaring.
Cover art is by me, but I did use an AI-generated image for reference/inspiration.Bookmarked by TaestyKimchi
24 Dec 2025
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Summary
*** NOW COMPLETE ***
Hermione Granger returns to Hogwarts for her Eighth Year, not to reclaim her past, but to disappear into it. She wants to be a student, not a war hero, and certainly not the Golden Girl. She wants solitude, numbness, and no expectations. She doesn’t want Draco Malfoy, but Malfoy is there, silent, watchful, and just as haunted as she is. He sees the way she no longer fights to be the best, the way she shrinks from the spotlight she once thrived in. They don’t want to share space, but they do. As tension builds between them, heavy and undeniable, Hermione begins to realize that slipping away isn’t so easy when someone else sees you fading.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 98,897
- Chapters:
- 25/25
- Comments:
- 390
- Kudos:
- 1,278
- Bookmarks:
- 738
- Hits:
- 71,356
Bookmarked by TaestyKimchi
24 Dec 2025