anxious_dolt
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“Have you considered the possibility that Neil has chosen you, but believes you have not chosen him?” Renee says. "Have you ever explicitly told him what you want?”
“Neil knows what I want,” Andrew snaps. This is not Andrew’s fault.
“How do you know?”
Because Neil always knows. He is as fluent in Andrew’s micro-expressions as he is in German and French. He knows which head tilts mean “go on” and which ones mean “shut up.” Without ever asking, he learned what it meant to see Andrew wearing double layers of long sleeves, or taking multiple showers in a day, and learned to hand Andrew the car keys.
That has always been the most terrifying thing about Neil — his patience to wait, watch, listen, learn. The prospect that if Neil were given enough time, there would be no part of Andrew that was just Andrew’s anymore.
“He has to know,” Andrew says.
“Does he?” Renee says. “Have you ever known Neil to assume that he is wanted?”
Five times Neil tells someone that he and Andrew aren’t dating, and one time Andrew uses his words to set the record straight.
- Language:
- English
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- 23,148
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Bookmarked by anxious_dolt
11 Aug 2024
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I didn't know I was broken 'til i wanted to change
I wanna get better, better, better, better,
I wanna get betterOr, Andrew persuades Neil to give Dr. Betsy Dobson a chance and the decision starts to change their relationship in ways they didn't expect.
Series
- Part 1 of Shut Up, This is Love
- Language:
- English
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- 40,125
- Chapters:
- 10/10
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- 763
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Bookmarked by anxious_dolt
21 Jul 2024
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The smile splitting Neil’s face in two is a soft thing, gentle and wonderful and the most genuine the expression has ever felt settled into his mouth. “I think you like putting up with me”
“Shut up”
“Make me,” Neil tells him.
“Marry me,” Andrew replies.
- Language:
- English
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- 3,584
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- 1/1
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- 179
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Bookmarked by anxious_dolt
13 Jul 2024
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Neil is nothing and everything all at once, the entire universe for Andrew, however small of a universe that is. Even Aaron is starting to see it, though the pieces still don't line up.
And Andrew is trying to convince Aaron that he's never jealous? Yeah right. You don't spend your entire life being denied, being hurt, going through foster care with nothing to call your own only to be okay with someone else trying to take the one bright piece of life you call yours.
Or, Aaron is done with Andrew's shit and makes it his job to prove his brother wrong.
Series
- Part 1 of progress comes in small steps
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 11,196
- Chapters:
- 1/1
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- 3
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- 259
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Bookmarked by anxious_dolt
06 Jul 2024
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Neil gets drugged at Eden's. Again. They get him back quickly, but the parallels fuck with everyone and reveal what happened with Nicky the first time around.
But Andrew remains flawed, so doesn’t know anything is happening until he hears Nicky gasp. Nicky makes a lot of unnecessary noises, so this one isn’t especially concerning—not until Nicky’s hand flashes out to grip Andrew’s arm and he says, “Andrew,” with such strained urgency that Andrew’s head erupts into a riot of alarms.
He follows Nicky’s pointed finger and sees, through the thick forest of bodies, Neil. With some guy. Kissing. He’s out of his stool almost before he can consciously register the scene, leaving the scarred black metal toppling to the ground behind him and shoving into the crowd. Something is very wrong. Neil had been too still. Too loose. An unstringed puppet. Andrew knows what Neil looks like when he wants to kiss someone, and that—that isn’t it.
- Language:
- English
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- 9,125
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- 1/1
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- 195
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Bookmarked by anxious_dolt
05 Jul 2024