blackmorphos



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    Ah. The Asshole Dog is loose again. Lan Zhan knows that it is not the dog’s fault for being an asshole, but The Asshole Dog is the reason Lan Zhan had a fence put in at a significant personal expense, because the alternative was allowing his garden to be destroyed and for Bunny to be menaced on her leashed outdoor adventures. Unacceptable. The Most Beautiful Man in the World cringes at the barking, scooting further away from the door through a sea of a dozen broken eggs and leaving a yolky trail in his wake.

    “Fuck,” he whimpers, curling into a ball, both hands wrapped around the back of his neck as if to—as if to protect himself, Lan Zhan realizes. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, please—” The Most Beautiful Man in the World begs, voice ragged. He’s definitely hyperventilating now, from what Lan Zhan can tell between the audible sobs. There’s another bark from outside, and The Most Beautiful Man in the World flinches bodily, making a terrified sound that Lan Zhan feels behind his ribs.

    Or: A meet ugly, a dog, and the beginning of something wonderful.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    143,609
    Chapters:
    14/14
    Comments:
    2,799
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    18 May 2025

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    “What exactly did you want my feedback on?” Lan Zhan asks, bending one knee to cock a hip and putting an arch in his back. He laces his voice with just a hint of innuendo. Cobalt is never too excited about anything, so it wouldn’t do to seem too eager or too horny.

    Gorgeous Newbie inhales, squaring his shoulders, and blurts, “Would you watch my stand-up routine and tell me if it needs anything?”

    Lan Zhan blinks. The music is loud in here, like it is everywhere in the club. Surely he misheard. “What?”

    “I have a stand-up routine,” Gorgeous Newbie repeats, more confidently this time. “I would really appreciate it if you could watch it and give me feedback.”

    Or: What happens in the private room, stays in the private room... Until it doesn't.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    34,439
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    283
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    1,900
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    16 May 2025

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    Chinese family trees explained by Professor Lan and Madam Yu.

    This is a quick reference for the non-Chinese authors floundering with all the Chinese family terminologies.

    (most recent edit: 4-Aug-2025)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    22,977
    Chapters:
    30/30
    Comments:
    309
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    534
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    518
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    18,654

    01 Mar 2025

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    “Is there anything I can do to help?”

    “I dunno,” Wei Ying says, offering up a smile that’s small but genuine. “Can you rewire my brain so I don’t panic when people want to kiss me?”

    “I do not believe so,” Lan Zhan says with exaggerated mournfulness. (Most people would not be able to tell he was doing so, but most people are not Wei Ying.) It would normally get him a laugh, or a snort, or his favorite, a snort laugh, but Wei Ying doesn’t respond. He just sits there and stares at Lan Zhan like he’s doing extremely complicated math in his head and choreographing a nine-person dance number at the same time.

    “Lan Zhan,” he starts, a light sparking in his eyes and his voice coming out rushed, “Lan Zhan, could you—would you be okay with—”

    “Breathe,” Lan Zhan orders gently, squeezing Wei Ying’s hand again.

    Wei Ying rolls his eyes but obeys, inhaling deeply and re-centering himself before he looks Lan Zhan full in the face, shoulders square and chin up. “Will you kiss me?” he asks, like that’s a reasonable thing to ask and not the culmination of over a decade of Lan Zhan’s specific, secret, fervent dreams.

    Or: A journey of self discovery... and the inevitable emotional fallout.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    60,260
    Chapters:
    4/4
    Comments:
    686
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    3,127
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    801
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    24 Feb 2025

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    “Sizhui, go to the kitchen,” the Yiling Patriarch orders. His charge – Sizhui, Lan Wangji presumes – hesitates but obeys, looking back over his shoulder as he disappears. Apprentice out of the blast zone, the Patriarch storms up to Lan Wangji, eyes flashing red. “Three words: I. Am. Retired.”

     

    Lan Wangji is sent by the Institute to do two things: become the Yiling Patriarch's familiar, and report back his every movement. It does not go how any of them planned.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    40,446
    Chapters:
    10/10
    Comments:
    933
    Kudos:
    3,389
    Bookmarks:
    1,125
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    50,324

    07 Jan 2025