cucu3333
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“I’m pregnant.”
“Pardon?”
“I’m pregnant.”
“Yeah, I heard you the first time. I was giving you the option to take it back.”
“Take it back? Why would I do that?”
“You’re not funny. Shane, genuinely please tell me what’s going on. Stop fucking around with me.”
“Hayden, there’s a bun in my oven. I’m going to be eating for two. I’ll be out of commission for nine months. What other ways can I say this? I’m not fucking around with you. This isn’t a joke. I took four tests. I’m pregnant.” Shane said without a smile on his face. There was no laughter between his words. Hayden fell silent for a minute staring wide-eyed at Shane like he had seen a ghost.
“Holy fucking shit.”
or
Shane is pregnant with Ilya’s baby. He proceeds to try to avoid Ilya while keeping the baby a secret. He’s not the best at avoiding Ilya though.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 154,073
- Chapters:
- 13/?
- Comments:
- 1,069
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- 7,087
- Bookmarks:
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Bookmarked by cucu3333
05 Mar 2026
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Summary
这事能上热搜，并不是因为Jane的真实身份被曝光，甚至也不是因为Ilya在公共场合公然发短信调情。Ilya的行为就跟Shane练瑜伽、跟人类会呼吸一样理所当然。
真正让这些短信上热搜的原因，是没人能相信这个叫Jane的女孩调情技术居然烂成这样。
全世界的女人都愤怒了，全世界的男人都困惑不解。没人能理解，Ilya Rozanov，这样一个连腹肌都有粉丝的男人，为什么要把时间浪费在“一块渴望变成真人女孩的硬纸板”身上（这条吐槽已经获得30万点赞，并且点赞数还在涨）。
或者说：在社交媒体掀起嘲笑Shane短信调情水平的热潮之后，Shane决定努力提升自己的技术。结果嘛，跟你能预料的一样惨不忍睹。
Bookmarked by cucu3333
02 Mar 2026