deanteaw
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“I didn’t keep most of the memories. Other people’s memories. I get flashes of big things, births, deaths. Except about you.”
Carol feels the confusion slip onto her face. Nervousness creeps up her spine again. “Me?”
“I know everything that anybody has ever thought about you, Carol. Every memory. Every feeling. Helen. Your ex-girlfriends. Your dentist. It’s like I have a Carol encyclopedia in my head.”
Carol had thought that she was done experiencing fresh horrors. What a nightmare it is to realize that she is not. “Oh, god.” She says.
“Oh, god,” Zosia agrees.
After they manage to break Zosia free of the hive, Zosia and Carol try to navigate the field of landmines that is their relationship.
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Bookmarked by deanteaw
22 Feb 2026
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“I don’t know what you want me to say, Zosia,” Carol admitted, exasperated. “That I feel like I’m walking on eggshells around you? That I feel like I owe it to you to be a little nicer? That I feel guilty for taking advantage of you while you weren’t really yourself?”
Zosia huffed. “So you decided that giving me this half-assed version of yourself was going to absolve you of your previous shitty behavior?”
Carol didn’t know what to do except shrug.
“I know you,” Zosia said slowly. “Intimately and against my will. You were shoved into my molecules, my pores. I know the fire you keep in your belly. I know you stoke it yourself. I know you swallow coals and timber just to keep yourself going, however unpleasant it may be.”
A cold sweat broke across Carol’s neck. She remained silent.
“It’s not going to… make me feel better if you repress that side of yourself with the intention of pacifying me,” Zosia continued. “It makes me feel guilty, for whatever reason, and feeling guilty about you is the last thing I need right now. Or ever. You don’t deserve my guilt. Not after everything.”
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Yet another rendition of the aftermath of Carol and Manousos un-hiving Zosia.
Bookmarked by deanteaw
19 Feb 2026
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Another glass down, her seventh. Maybe eighth? She’d stopped keeping track when Zosia started pouring. She pursed her lips when the heavy glass hit the table, eyed Zosia expectantly like she might take it all back. She wanted it, wanted Zosia to want it without the ‘we’ telling her she had to. Whatever collective that made decisions for her had no place between Carol’s hands and her skin, Zosia’s reflex and Carol’s will to locate her within them.
“You don’t mind?”
The chair creaked when Zosia shifted her weight—a screw Carol had never gotten around to adjusting. “I like it,” Zosia said quietly. “When you hurt me.”
(Carol and the world play house. Carol wants Zosia instead.)
Series
- Part 1 of playing house ♡
Bookmarked by deanteaw
16 Feb 2026
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A kiss to her cheek, Carol smiling against her skin while her hand kept moving. “Do you know what day it is?”
“I don’t know,” Zosia murmured, voice sleep-thick and gravely, “do I?” She hissed when Carol’s pace picked up, nearly punitive in its insistence. “Valentine’s day. The day of— oh!”
Carol doubled down again, impossibly, and watched Zosia’s face crumple. “Day of what, baby?”
Zosia tensed, strained as she answered obediently. “The day of lovers.”
(carol celebrates valentine's day with the most perfect woman in the world)
Series
- Part 2 of playing house ♡
Bookmarked by deanteaw
15 Feb 2026
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Zosia, now unhived, can’t help but feel jealous of the bond her hived self had with Carol.
Bookmarked by deanteaw
14 Feb 2026