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Summary
Ilya felt his heart so heavy, too heavy, full of unrecognizable emotions with no apparent point of origin. He could breathe, but each breath felt like an extra effort for his lungs. It felt so tight around his neck, his torso, his back, a tightness that he had no physical way of relieving. He felt as if his chest was full of nails to the brim.
He wanted to carve his chest open and squeeze his heart dry.
or, after a long time, Ilya has a depressive episode. While navigating his experience with it, he remembers what it was like to be a witness of it from the outside.