fishelfe
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Being high sucks, is the thing. Evan Buckley does not want to get high. He wants to not feel like jumping off a bridge. He wants to not care that no one really sees him anymore. He wants to forget about Bonnie and Daniel and Bobby and Chim's constant fucking sniping and Maddie telling him he should learn to be alone and Hen accusing him along with everyone of not checking in and Eddie calling him a self-obsessed drama queen who didn't try hard enough to save the man he loved like a father.
He wants to forget the way it felt to have a gun pointed at his head. He wants to forget the threatening sneer of some nobody homophobe. He wants to forget how he screwed up the best relationship he's ever had. He wants to forget being used and lied to when he tried to connect with people. He wants to forget the blood dripping from Bobby's nose. He wants to stop feeling everything for a while.
He wants to stop being afraid. He wants his body to stop panicking at normal sounds. He wants to stop seeing her in his nightmares, wants to stop seeing the gun actually fire and jerking awake soaked in sweat and for a minute thinking he remembered it wrong and he's dead, actually, or Eddie is.
He just wants some peace.
Bookmarked by fishelfe
26 Mar 2026
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I Know My Pain is Such an Imposition(So I'm Leaving Out the Side Door) by Minimoon46
Fandoms: 9-1-1 (TV)
25 Sep 2025
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"I went in today to look at open transfers because Colton is moving to Kansas City in late June and Buckley just put in a transfer request a few days ago,” Sal said.
They had been texting yesterday. Evan had said he was hanging in there.
“The others. Hen. Howie. Ravi-Ravi Panniker. Any of them?” Tommy said, mind desperately trying to figure out if this was a group thing.
If it wasn’t a group thing-
“No. I looked three times over. Buck is the only transfer prospect from the 118,” Sal said.
-The alarm bells turned to klaxons.
Last summer, under Gerrard, Evan had found the 118 to be hell. He hated going into work, he came home tense and fell into Tommy’s waiting arms for long hugs. He didn’t love the job under a man like Gerrard, and he hated that fact. Evan lived for firefighting, but not under Gerrard. He had had the transfer paperwork. Tommy had encouraged him to use it.
Evan had always said not without his family. He had been firm on that. He’d shoulder this emotional drain of losing his love for a good chunk of his job before he left his family.
(Sal sees Buck's transfer request on the LAFD transfer website. Tommy know implicitly what it means and it's nothing good)
Bookmarked by fishelfe
20 Jan 2026
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Sal gets called in as a union steward to follow up on an anonymous complaint. There's two major conflicts of interest for him:
1. It involves the 118, including someone he used to work with.
2. It involves Buck, who he's been pretty much in love with since he met him.
2.5. Also, Sal's been in love with Tommy for almost a decade.The last one doesn't have any bearing on the situation, but it does complicate his life.
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Started post-9x05. This fills the 911 Rarepair Bingo prompt "I like the way it hurts (pain play)."
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After everything, Buck tries to make a home.
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- English
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- 1/1
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Bookmarked by fishelfe
01 Nov 2025
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After the "incident in the kitchen" at the end of season 8, Buck has to come to terms with Eddie's growing abusive tendencies over the years, the fact that they increase in the face of Eddie's grief over Bobby's death, and the fact that the 118 is no longer Buck's home. Along the way, he figures out what he wants home and family to truly mean, with some help from Tommy, Ravi, Athena, and the Deluca family.
- Language:
- English
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- 1/1
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- 2
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Bookmarked by fishelfe
21 Oct 2025