1 - 20 of 250 Works by imposterhuman
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study buddy by imposterhuman
Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
02 Oct 2020
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Rhodey was going to kill his boyfriend. He’d do it quickly, because he really liked Tony, but he was definitely going to smother the boy wonder with his pillow while he slept. The only flaw, of course, being that Tony didn’t really sleep. Still, Rhodey would figure it out.
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distraction by imposterhuman
Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
02 Oct 2020
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Tony was having a hard time focusing. He was supposed to be working on his gauntlets-- there was a problem with the repulsor wiring that required a lot of concentration and finicky work to fix-- but apparently, the universe was not on his side. He was going to have to go into battle with only one working repulsor at this rate.
The source of his distraction, of course, was Rhodey. Who else would it have been?
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drabbles by imposterhuman
Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
30 Sep 2020
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my collection of tumblr drabbles
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zombie by imposterhuman
Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
30 Sep 2020
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Bucky had never believed in zombies before. Witches, maybe, especially when he’d joined the Avengers and seen the weird shit they dealt with. Vampires seemed somewhat plausible, too. But zombies? Reanimated corpses that trudged around aimlessly looking for brains? No, those had to be fake.
Bucky had never believed in zombies before, until he saw one in the common kitchen and promptly lost his shit.
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a questionable client by imposterhuman
Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
19 Aug 2020
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“Pep, Pepper, light of my life,” Bucky heard a voice from where he was standing in the foyer of his client’s frankly obscenely large mansion. “I don't need a bodyguard. Seriously.”
Another voice, who Bucky assumed was Pepper, responded, “Tell that to the seventeen separate death threats last week alone.”
Bucky almost whistled in surprise. He had known Stark was high profile, but seventeen was an awful lot of death threats. He caught himself, though, because he was a professional, thank you very much.
“It’s just hot air,” Stark grumbled. “You know that. I haven’t been kidnapped in months.”
“That shouldn’t be the standard, you idiot."
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firebug by imposterhuman
Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
18 Aug 2020
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Tony was never cooking again.
Really, he never should have been cooking in the first place, seeing as every time he tried, there was an incident. The Great Ramen Fire of 1987 (named by Rhodey, of course) and the time that he’d lit his microwave on fire trying to make instant mac and cheese came to mind. He probably should’ve learned his lesson years ago, but somehow, he always thought cooking was a good idea before it blew up in his face (often literally).
This disaster was entirely his fault, he knew, but he was still going to blame Steve. If his boyfriend had just agreed to pick up Indian food on his way home from work, Tony would never have been near the stove in the first place, and his apartment wouldn’t be lightly singed.
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national treasure by imposterhuman
Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
17 Aug 2020
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“I’m pretty sure we were supposed to go left there,” Pepper said with her nose buried in the map, which Tony was fairly certain she was holding upside down.
Rhodey grunted where he was clearing their path of spiderwebs and other icky things (Tony and Pepper had both screamed loud enough to wake the dead the first time they’d walked into a massive spider web, so Rhodey had been unanimously elected the clearer of paths. Funnily enough, he had not gotten a vote). “The GPS says to go straight.”
“Why, exactly, do we have both a GPS and a paper map?” Tony asked, as if either of his partners were going to answer him. “The map is over a century old, right? And what did you set the GPS to to find hidden treasure that exists only in stories? Does no one else see the problem here? And we were supposed to go right.”
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busy woman by imposterhuman
Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
16 Aug 2020
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Pepper was a very, very busy woman, which was why she was currently hiding from her PA under her desk. Tony would find her eventually-- he’d become an expert in Pepper-wrangling over the years since she’d snatched him from R&D-- but hopefully he’d be slow enough that she missed the Board meeting.
“Miss Potts?” she heard Tony walk into his office, his steps quick and harried. “Pepper? I swear, if you’re hiding under your desk again, I’m going to auction off that one Monet you like so much.”
Damn. She wondered if it was too late to hide in the closet, instead.
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and the blush in your cheeks says that you bleed like me by imposterhuman
Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
15 Aug 2020
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Having fangs made everything more inconvenient, Tony decided, up to and including eating tacos. For one, it was just plain messier to try to take bites with two longer canines breaking the shell before it was all the way in his mouth. For another--
“Jesus fuck,” he hissed in pain, having bit into his lip again. “This is why we eat people. It’s so much easier. No chewing necessary.”
Across the table from him, Bucky chuckled, biting into his own taco with ease. Tony hated him a little bit for it. “Oh, can the big, bad vampire not eat a taco?”
“The big, bad vampire is going to rip your throat out."
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conflict of interest by imposterhuman
Fandoms: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
13 Aug 2020
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If someone had asked Tony ten years ago where he’d end up, he definitely wouldn’t have said as the manager to one of the most successful rock bands in the industry. A different kind of manager, maybe, or a CEO like his father, but he’d never have guessed anything in the music industry. But his life had never followed the paths he expected it to. The Howling Commandos had been playing basements when he’d discovered them, but a combination of his management skills and their insane musical talent had catapulted them into sold out arenas.
In truth, all Tony did was badger the right people into listening to the band and schedule their tours and appearances. They probably could have (and maybe should have) replaced him a long time ago with someone who knew what he was doing, but the band seemed to have adopted him as one of their own, so Tony was just going with it. There were worse jobs he could be doing.
Plus, he’d miss the bassist.
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all dressed up for a hit and run by imposterhuman
Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
12 Aug 2020
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“I’m not sleeping with a criminal,” Bucky said sternly, trying to pretend like his resolve wasn’t wavering.
“C’mon, baby,” Tony purred, raking a nail down his chest. “You’ve got nothing on me. Innocent until proven guilty, right? Technically, I’m not a criminal.”
Bucky raised an eyebrow. “You’ve stolen billions of dollars worth of artwork.”
“Allegedly,” Tony shrugged artfully. “Everyone needs a hobby."
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strangeness and charm by imposterhuman
Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
11 Aug 2020
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“Stop feeding my goats,” Bucky said by way of greeting. “They’re gettin’ fat because of you.”
Tony put on a shocked face. “I would never,” he said solemnly. “Also, don’t body shame your goats. It’s mean.”
“Then what are those carrots for?” Bucky pointed at the badly hidden bag and raised his eyebrow.
“They’re my… snack,” said Tony, taking one out of the bag and sticking it in his mouth with a wince. “See? Yummy.”
Bucky, because he was a bastard at heart, let Tony chew for a minute. “Come on in,” he said finally. He pretended not to notice Tony spitting the carrot bits out into the lawn and gagging a bit before he followed Bucky inside.
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ship to wreck by imposterhuman
Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
10 Aug 2020
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Rhodey had been searching for Tony for three months, twenty seven days, and approximately four hours. Since the Ten Rings’ ship had attacked his own and captured the prince, Rhodey hadn’t set foot on land. The closest he’d come was when he traded his impressive royal navy vessel (though badly damaged from the attack that led to Tony’s capture) for a smaller, faster boat in order to better pursue the other ship. Unfortunately, it was like it had disappeared into thin air, or sunk to the bottom of the ocean for all Rhodey could catch wind of it.
Three months, twenty seven days, and four hours. God, Rhodey hoped that Tony wasn’t dead. Forget that he was the prince of the Stark kingdom; he was Rhodey’s best friend, and Rhodey wasn’t sure what he’d do without him. He prayed he wouldn’t have to find out.
Three months, twenty seven days, and four hours. Rhodey knew Tony. The man wouldn’t go down without a fight. If anyone could survive nearly four months with the most ruthless pirates on the seas, it would be Tony. He was probably in control of the ship by now, making his way back to Stark territory and waiting for Rhodey to meet him.
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for you, the shadows fight by imposterhuman
Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
09 Aug 2020
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In Natasha’s opinion, King Anthony Stark was far too soft. She should know; she’d been serving kings and queens since she could hold a knife. Her hands were stained with blood spilled on their orders, but since Tony had taken the throne from his late father, they’d stayed clean. That softness was the kind of thing that ended with a knife in the back of whatever king was fool enough to be kind.
Never once had he sent her to dispose of a pesky lord, or called upon her services to put down a rebellion. She didn’t know how to feel about that. On the one hand, she was the crown’s assassin, and he wasn’t using her as she should have been used. She was a weapon in his hand that he refused to wield. But on the other, she had to admit that it was nice, sometimes, to pretend that she could bring anything instead of death to her country and her people.
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the warning signs can feel like they're butterflies by imposterhuman
Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
08 Aug 2020
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If there was one thing Tony hated about Manhattan, it was Captain America, their resident superhero. Frankly, Tony wasn’t sure why they even had a resident superhero, seeing as there wasn’t exactly a resident supervillain to fight off, but everyone else in the city seemed about ready to fall at the guy’s feet. Tony, well, he was a little more leery about the entire concept of some masked guy dispensing justice as he saw fit.
It was no secret that Tony wasn’t Captain America’s biggest fan, which was why he was currently gaping in shock at his boss, who’d just handed him his new assignment.
“I’m sorry, can you repeat that?”
Fury looked unimpressed. “I said that your new assignment is an in-depth exposé on Captain America."
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“Steve?” Tony said in a shaky voice that felt like it didn’t belong to him.
“Yeah, Tony?” Steve turned his head to look at him. Tony didn’t take his eyes off the sky.
“Do you think we’ll always be friends?” asked Tony. He linked their pinkies.
“Of course we will,” Steve said confidently. “Why wouldn’t we?”
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an apple a day by imposterhuman
Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
06 Aug 2020
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The emergency room should have given him a frequent visitor punch card, Clint decided. A come ten times and your next visit is free! kind of deal. With how often he ended up there, he really could have used it. He even had his own room (Bucky, one of the nurses, had written his name in Sharpie on the board, and the rest of the nurses, all of whom recognized him on sight, put him in there if the ER wasn't full to bursting)!
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sweetness by imposterhuman
Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
05 Aug 2020
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Tony had thought he’d hate working as a barista, but the free coffee after every shift went a long way towards sweetening the deal. It also helped that Natasha, his friend whose shift schedule aligned almost perfectly with his own, was just as terrible of a person as he was and liked to join in when he started mocking the ruder customers. She made the monotony of the job bearable-- well, her and his favorite customer.
Bucky Barnes had been a regular at the shop for as long as Tony had been working there. The first time Tony had seen him, he’d begged Natasha to let him take the man’s order, then promptly ruined any and all chances of Bucky ever liking him by saying he had a fake name. Natasha had laughed for hours when their shift ended, but, somehow, Tony hadn’t scared Bucky off for good. The man came in like clockwork on Tuesdays and Thursdays, the same way he always had.
If Tony put a little bit more effort into his appearance on those days and made sure he manned the register, well, it was nobody’s business but his own.
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devils roll the dice, angels roll their eyes by imposterhuman
Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
05 Aug 2020
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As a general rule, angels weren’t supposed to consort with their demonic counterparts and vice versa. Tony’s excuse was that he was a rule-breaker by nature. He didn’t know how Pepper justified it to herself, seeing how she was God’s perfect angel and all. Tony wasn’t sure it mattered, at the end of the day.
“We have to stop meeting like this,” Tony drawled from where he was sprawled seductively on her couch. “People will talk. But then again, talk is cheap.”
Pepper didn’t even look up from her clipboard of Important Heavenly Things (Tony had had one, once, and he’d spent an eternity wanting to snap it in half). “You showed up on my sofa out of nowhere,” she said. “The only talk will be about you and your clinginess.”
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you are a perpetual feeling by imposterhuman
Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
03 Aug 2020
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Rhodey had expected to meet his soulmate somewhere dangerous, if he was being honest. His words-- hide me, they’ll kill me if they find me-- didn’t really allude to the happy, fluffy meetings that most soulmates were lucky enough to have. He’d spent years daydreaming about what could’ve possibly inspired words like those, and he had to admit that he never in his wildest dreams imagined that his soulmate would dart under his desk while he was studying, looking a little bit feral.