jingi
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How laughable that a turn of a deity’s hourglass could do more than countless prescriptions by famed doctors and his lived years of toiling, that the only way to stop being a burden was to stop being human. The choice filled him with fear; he did not want to oust himself from his family, to no longer be his sister’s little brother, but he was scared of continuing a life of pity and helplessness. To help his sister, he had no choice but to become what she hated most.
He thought he could be different. He wasn’t born a yao; he still had his memories from his human life, and he remembered why he chose to become a yao in the first place. For his sister, he could behave and show that he could be better, a source of strength instead of a burden and embarrassment.
Jiejie, are hatred and disgust the only feelings you have left for me? Am I even important enough for you to hate me?
Jiejie, won’t you let me say goodbye?
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(Pei Siheng attempts to live again and again.)
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He saw himself in Zhao Yuanzhou’s manor again, veiled in hazy sunlight and falling petals. Laughter rang in the distance, mixing with the clinking of wine jars and a soft tinkle of bells, but he stood by the empty swing. Zhao Yuanzhou gripped the rope and pushed it slowly, carrying a rare weight of somberness; Zhuo Yichen wanted to scoop the feeling into his hands and crush it into dust.
Let’s go eat with the others, he wanted to say. You haven’t seen them for a long time. Doesn’t it hurt to have such a long dream all alone? Is it better there than it would be with me?
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(Zhuo Yichen searches, then waits and waits.)
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Sometimes he found himself by the veiled window at dawn or dusk, the tampered glow of winter sunlight filtering through fabric, but he did not let himself look out. Most of the time, he kept his eyes closed.
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(An extension of scenes in episode 17; Zhu Yan attempts to repent.)
Recent bookmarks
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every time we fall by northofallmusic (tofsla) for VergofTowels
Fandoms: 杀破狼 | Sha Po Lang - priest
31 Dec 2024
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A day of stillness part way through a meandering journey; Gu Yun and Chang Geng finally have time to themselves.
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- English
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Bookmarked by jingi
02 Jan 2025
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“Stop me, then.” Li Lun isn’t looking at Zhuo Yichen at all when he says it, all his attention turned to hurting Zhao Yuanzhou instead. “Save your precious Xiao-Zhuo daren. Fuck a core into him yourself.”
(Despite everything, Zhuo Yichen must live.)
Bookmarked by jingi
23 Nov 2024
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“I asked you to erase it?”
Bookmarked by jingi
05 Aug 2024
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Shen Yi and Gu Yun and the things they are to each other: four scenes from the early years of Gu Yun's command of the Black Iron Battalion.
Bookmarked by jingi
23 Jun 2024
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一错再错；a gentle maelstrom by ximilu
Fandoms: 余污 - 肉包不吃肉 | Remnants of Filth - Meatbun Doesn't Eat Meat
14 Jan 2023
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“Tell me, Shixiong.” Mo Xi says, so softly, right into the shell of Gu Mang’s ear. “Who are you thinking about?”
(Bat Island, but worse.)
Bookmarked by jingi
17 Jan 2023