zerolinak
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Summary
Two Deans, one Cas - it's not as sexy as it sounds
Or
An ethics lesson from Hell
Or
The one where Dean from the past meets Dean in the present. They're not sure they like each other very much.
Series
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 146,941
- Chapters:
- 21/21
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- 3
- Comments:
- 1,280
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Bookmarked by zerolinak
27 Dec 2021
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Dean knows exactly why he’d pulled Cas out of the Empty. It’s not charity. It’s selfishness. He’d made Cas lose his paradise, the version of life the Empty had created for him with his mirage of Dean, just because Dean was too scared to be alone. Dean had promised Cas that he’d pretend for him. He’d said he’d do whatever Cas needed to be as happy here as he’d been in the Empty’s reality. But Dean doesn’t even know how to be the person Cas thinks he is.
Either Cas is lying, or his standards are impossibly low. Cas apparently thought it’d be enough for him just to be near Dean. But that’s not what love should be. It should want something back. Dean’s own feelings are irrelevant. He wants Cas, wants to be someone who deserves him. He can’t have him. He can’t construct a monologue about his reasons for loving Cas like Cas had done for him. He’s pretty sure that holding Cas’s hand would make him combust, after so long subsisting on scraps of shoulder-pats and Cas only touching him to heal him.
Bookmarked by zerolinak
22 Dec 2021
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Castiel intends not to tell Dean anything about his struggles in Heaven, but when Dean learns Castiel has been watching over him, he hopes Dean can help convince the other angels of the value of free will. Dean is convinced Castiel needs to learn more about it himself. As they set out to search for Sam, who remains soulless and doesn’t want to be found, Dean tries to show Castiel that the important choices are the small ones — like which song to listen to, what clothes to wear, and what to order from the drinks menu at a Chicago bar.
Castiel gradually realizes that as much as he’s using their lessons in free will as an escape from his power struggle with Raphael, Dean is using them to escape his family life in Indiana with Lisa. Once that distraction evolves into something more like an affair, Castiel knows there’s no way it can last, but remains preoccupied with this most human thing as he tries to step up as Heaven’s leader, negotiates with the King of Hell, and grows more frustrated with angels’ inability to think for themselves.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 22,960
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 41
- Kudos:
- 410
- Bookmarks:
- 147
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- 7,258
Bookmarked by zerolinak
19 Dec 2021
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Summary
Claire shows up at the bunker a day before Dean was planning to leave, with her hair cut short and a fresh tattoo on her left arm under a bandage.
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Chuck is dead, Jack has given up his godlike powers, and Cas is back from the Empty, which doesn't make it any easier for Dean to talk to him. Suddenly finding himself in a world without monsters, supernatural forces, or any need for hunters, Dean's solution is to go on a road trip. Claire tags along.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 31,904
- Chapters:
- 2/2
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 168
- Kudos:
- 1,768
- Bookmarks:
- 513
- Hits:
- 19,239
Bookmarked by zerolinak
17 Dec 2021
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Summary
“There you are,” the Empty says, in Dean’s voice. It’s cold, like Dean’s eyes are cold, his expression set in contempt. It’s the expression Cas feared, he realizes, all the times he thought about saying it. Revulsion. It makes him feel sick in the way that goes beyond physical, here where there is nothing physical left.
The moment before it happened had been so sweet it covered up all the hurt. For years, Cas had been holding back those words, biting down on his tongue to keep from saying them. And now he had said it, and he knew that it was good, knew that it was worth it. But on the other side there is only this.
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In the Empty, Cas dreams of his regrets, until someone comes looking for him.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 10,047
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 186
- Kudos:
- 3,227
- Bookmarks:
- 759
- Hits:
- 26,173
Bookmarked by zerolinak
14 Dec 2021