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Summary
Two Deans, one Cas - it's not as sexy as it sounds
Or
An ethics lesson from Hell
Or
The one where Dean from the past meets Dean in the present. They're not sure they like each other very much.
Series
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 146,941
- Chapters:
- 21/21
- Collections:
- 3
- Comments:
- 1,280
- Kudos:
- 3,402
- Bookmarks:
- 1,070
- Hits:
- 110,830
Bookmarked by zerolinak
27 Dec 2021
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Dean knows exactly why he’d pulled Cas out of the Empty. It’s not charity. It’s selfishness. He’d made Cas lose his paradise, the version of life the Empty had created for him with his mirage of Dean, just because Dean was too scared to be alone. Dean had promised Cas that he’d pretend for him. He’d said he’d do whatever Cas needed to be as happy here as he’d been in the Empty’s reality. But Dean doesn’t even know how to be the person Cas thinks he is.
Either Cas is lying, or his standards are impossibly low. Cas apparently thought it’d be enough for him just to be near Dean. But that’s not what love should be. It should want something back. Dean’s own feelings are irrelevant. He wants Cas, wants to be someone who deserves him. He can’t have him. He can’t construct a monologue about his reasons for loving Cas like Cas had done for him. He’s pretty sure that holding Cas’s hand would make him combust, after so long subsisting on scraps of shoulder-pats and Cas only touching him to heal him.
Bookmarked by zerolinak
22 Dec 2021
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Castiel intends not to tell Dean anything about his struggles in Heaven, but when Dean learns Castiel has been watching over him, he hopes Dean can help convince the other angels of the value of free will. Dean is convinced Castiel needs to learn more about it himself. As they set out to search for Sam, who remains soulless and doesn’t want to be found, Dean tries to show Castiel that the important choices are the small ones — like which song to listen to, what clothes to wear, and what to order from the drinks menu at a Chicago bar.
Castiel gradually realizes that as much as he’s using their lessons in free will as an escape from his power struggle with Raphael, Dean is using them to escape his family life in Indiana with Lisa. Once that distraction evolves into something more like an affair, Castiel knows there’s no way it can last, but remains preoccupied with this most human thing as he tries to step up as Heaven’s leader, negotiates with the King of Hell, and grows more frustrated with angels’ inability to think for themselves.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 22,960
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 41
- Kudos:
- 410
- Bookmarks:
- 147
- Hits:
- 7,258
Bookmarked by zerolinak
19 Dec 2021
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Summary
Claire shows up at the bunker a day before Dean was planning to leave, with her hair cut short and a fresh tattoo on her left arm under a bandage.
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Chuck is dead, Jack has given up his godlike powers, and Cas is back from the Empty, which doesn't make it any easier for Dean to talk to him. Suddenly finding himself in a world without monsters, supernatural forces, or any need for hunters, Dean's solution is to go on a road trip. Claire tags along.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 31,904
- Chapters:
- 2/2
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 168
- Kudos:
- 1,770
- Bookmarks:
- 513
- Hits:
- 19,240
Bookmarked by zerolinak
17 Dec 2021
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Summary
“There you are,” the Empty says, in Dean’s voice. It’s cold, like Dean’s eyes are cold, his expression set in contempt. It’s the expression Cas feared, he realizes, all the times he thought about saying it. Revulsion. It makes him feel sick in the way that goes beyond physical, here where there is nothing physical left.
The moment before it happened had been so sweet it covered up all the hurt. For years, Cas had been holding back those words, biting down on his tongue to keep from saying them. And now he had said it, and he knew that it was good, knew that it was worth it. But on the other side there is only this.
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In the Empty, Cas dreams of his regrets, until someone comes looking for him.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 10,047
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 186
- Kudos:
- 3,228
- Bookmarks:
- 760
- Hits:
- 26,176
Bookmarked by zerolinak
14 Dec 2021
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Summary
[ This fic is written to coincide with the events of episode 9.06, Heaven Can't Wait, and occasionally retreads scenes and borrows dialogue directly from the show. The rest... let's call it canon conjecture. ]
When he picked up the phone, Dean hadn’t been banking on Idaho, or a case, or Cas. Now, he’s gotta contend with all three and it’s giving him a lot to think about. He’s living somewhere between memory and moment, locking horns with big nasty guilt every which way he turns. But it’s a case. And more importantly? It’s Cas.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 26,395
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Comments:
- 147
- Kudos:
- 1,142
- Bookmarks:
- 386
- Hits:
- 18,436
Bookmarked by zerolinak
05 Dec 2021
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Summary
“Take me,” Dean says. He doesn’t have to think about it. “Take me as your vessel, Cas.”
*
or: Cas is cursed into an endless sleep. Dean offers himself up as his vessel while they try to break it.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 26,505
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 5
- Comments:
- 617
- Kudos:
- 9,554
- Bookmarks:
- 2,907
- Hits:
- 86,254
Bookmarked by zerolinak
28 Nov 2021
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It’s nice not to feel sometimes. Maybe that’s why Cas doesn’t delve too deeply into figuring out what this absence of feeling must mean, because he secretly desires that cold, distant nothing feeling. The more likely reason is that Cas already knows what’s wrong with him. He’s not looking it in the face, not acknowledging the truth of it that sits heavily on his shoulders, pinning him to the earth with its undeniable presence.
See, Jack brokered a deal wherein Cas gave the Empty his grace in exchange for a life back on earth and Cas was wiped clean of every angelic notion to the very dregs. And in its place, there is nothing.
Cas is graceless. Cas is soulless.
Series
- Part 1 of the story they tell later
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 56,845
- Chapters:
- 14/14
- Comments:
- 236
- Kudos:
- 715
- Bookmarks:
- 213
- Hits:
- 12,297
Bookmarked by zerolinak
26 Nov 2021
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Summary
How much of Dean's life would really change if, in between hunting and driving and sleeping and eating, Cas also held his hand? Kissed him good morning? Slept in the same bed as he did? Sam and Eileen seem like they’re having a grand old time doing all of that. Why not give it a shot with Cas? After all, what's the worst that could happen?
After a lifetime of hardship, happiness finally feels within reach. Dean just has to reach out and take it.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 105,846
- Chapters:
- 12/13
- Comments:
- 342
- Kudos:
- 1,347
- Bookmarks:
- 362
- Hits:
- 34,990
Bookmarked by zerolinak
25 Nov 2021
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Bookmarked by zerolinak
21 Nov 2021
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Summary
Dean Smith is a man of routine, and it's been working very well for him, thank you very much.
Then Castiel walks into his life, and suddenly there's a splash of color that reveals just how gray everything had been before.
Can Dean let himself step out of his comfortable shell and experience the good things in life that he's forgotten about?
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 66,651
- Chapters:
- 13/13
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 889
- Kudos:
- 1,509
- Bookmarks:
- 397
- Hits:
- 29,001
Bookmarked by zerolinak
20 Nov 2021
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Summary
“Look,” Dean grits, pinching at the bridge of his nose, “You’ve got a body. Your body.” (Castiel, not long ago: “Jimmy…his soul was not returned to me.”) “You’re gonna damn well learn how to use it.” The hunter reaches under the seat to jerk at the lever, sliding back the whole of the front bench and badly startling Castiel with the unexpected jolt of movement. “And, hate to break it to you, but this town’s really not that big. You just got yourself kicked out of the only joint that’s got the professionals at work.”
Dean twists to lean against the car door, pulling up a leg to lay across the seat. The moment stretches, silent and tense.
“I ain’t gonna fuck you,” he says, voice gruff, “but I’ll talk you through it.”
Bookmarked by zerolinak
17 Nov 2021
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Bookmarked by zerolinak
17 Nov 2021
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Bookmarked by zerolinak
17 Nov 2021
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Summary
Castiel doesn’t know how he got from the Empty to the floor of a barn. The last thing he remembers is saying his confession before falling with Dean onto the hay. And Dean has been different since his rescue, has thrown out all boundaries he’d ever said were customary. Humans always manage to surprise Castiel. Dean surprises him most of all.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 20,479
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 5
- Comments:
- 203
- Kudos:
- 4,808
- Bookmarks:
- 1,333
- Hits:
- 51,648
Bookmarked by zerolinak
10 Nov 2021
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Summary
“You boys need anything else?” Mandy ask when she reappears beside the table, eyes bright and hopeful. “Coffee? Tea?” Her eyes rake over Cas and she bites her lip, sending every signal in the book. “Some dessert?”
Dean grins as Mandy looks between them, mostly at Cas. Cas gives Dean the ‘is that an innuendo?’ squint and Dean nods. “You know in fact we would like some dessert. My buddy here’s kind of shy about it so we were hoping for…something to take back to our room.”
“Really?” Mandy purrs, finally looking at Dean with some interest.
“Yeah, but we were hoping for something we could split.” Mandy’s eyebrows go high just as Cas’s eyes get even narrower. “Anything like that on the menu?”
Mandy looks between the two of them, licking at her lips. “I think I can get something like that for you.”
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Or: The one where Dean and Cas have a threesome with the cute waitress because Dean can't deal.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 6,686
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 167
- Kudos:
- 2,029
- Bookmarks:
- 444
- Hits:
- 21,707
Bookmarked by zerolinak
07 Nov 2021
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Summary
The absolute last thing Dean would ever admit, after saving Cas' life, is that it was all thanks to the unhealthy amount of time he spent reading about drowning on Wikipedia.
Not that he's not grateful, but what he really needs is an instruction manual for everything that comes after.
Series
- Part 1 of helpful pamphlets
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 28,729
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 296
- Kudos:
- 4,471
- Bookmarks:
- 1,173
- Hits:
- 56,994
Bookmarked by zerolinak
07 Nov 2021
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Summary
Dean takes Cas to his motel after dealing with the Rit Zien angel in Idaho and tries to convince him to come home with him.
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a 9.06 Heaven Can't Wait Fanfiction Gap piece
Bookmarked by zerolinak
05 Nov 2021
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Summary
“So you saw a white man in a trench coat pop out in an alley,” Paul says, “and you thought, what, ‘I want to see where this is going’?”
“If you get hung up on details like that,” Miguel says, “it will take a very long time to get through this story.For a very weird era in his life, Miguel dates an angel who is in love with another man.
Series
- Part 3 of author's favorites
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 4,755
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 6
- Comments:
- 207
- Kudos:
- 2,677
- Bookmarks:
- 601
- Hits:
- 17,323
Bookmarked by zerolinak
04 Nov 2021
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Summary
For years, Castiel has focused on his medical degree over his magic before ultimately (and quietly) combining the two. As a natural born witch, he has an innate connection to magic.
Or rather, he did.
With that connection strained to the point of breaking without the help of an animal familiar to center him, Castiel's mojo has all but worn out, and he has yet to find anything close to a match. To top it off, a crossroads demon won't stop pursuing him for a pact, but Castiel would rather die without magic than sell his soul.
As his connection continues to fizzle out, he uses all but the last dregs of his power to cast a newly crafted spell that should, theoretically, lead him to a suitable familiar. And without enough magic to cast it again, whatever animal he finds is the one he has to keep.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 65,289
- Chapters:
- 10/10
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 395
- Kudos:
- 2,479
- Bookmarks:
- 586
- Hits:
- 29,207
Bookmarked by zerolinak
01 Nov 2021