zerothoughtshere
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Where The Duck Is Minerva McGonagall? by Rogue_Roxy
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
28 Jul 2025
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Summary
Welcome to a somewhat serious inquiry into the whereabouts of a very sneaky witch.
Hermione Granger (badass Auror working for MACUSA) has been summoned back to Britain by Kingsley Shacklebolt to help with an investigation. Of course, Hermione agrees; working with Harry again is going to be so much fun… only, it turns out that Harry is unavailable, and unfortunately, she gets stuck with Draco Malfoy.
Warnings:
- Hold onto your gold; there is a Niffler in this story.
- Draco Malfoy reserves the right to cast Aguamentis at hair he deems offensive.
- Whatever is said in the Cave of Plunderous Intent, stays in the Cave of Plunderous Intent.
- Approach any wine provided by the Icelandic Legend Erla with extreme caution.- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 160,562
- Chapters:
- 26/26
- Collections:
- 8
- Comments:
- 1,517
- Kudos:
- 3,019
- Bookmarks:
- 1,384
- Hits:
- 153,203
Bookmarked by zerothoughtshere
04 Sep 2025
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Attractive, Annoying, and Other Adjectives by theravenclawscribe
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
03 Nov 2025
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Summary
Hermione is 30, single, and looking for a new place. Desperate and with no promising prospects, she reluctantly moves in with three chaotic wizards… and no guide to understanding their ridiculous antics.
Inspired by New Girl: features a snarky, curmudgeonly Draco, optimistic and industrious Hermione, Type A Blaise, and wildcard Theo.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 215,511
- Chapters:
- 35/36
- Comments:
- 326
- Kudos:
- 334
- Bookmarks:
- 547
- Hits:
- 33,269
Bookmarked by zerothoughtshere
04 Sep 2025
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Summary
COMPLETE
Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger are best friends.
Absolutely, totally, just best friends.
They remind themselves (and everyone else) of this fact daily.So being magically handcuffed together for thirty days?
No problem. They’re curse-breaking professionals. They’ve got this.…Right?
Featuring:
* Chaotic bestie Theodore Nott, agent of anarchy
* Weekly friendship rules (because boundaries are important)
* Hermione’s extremely secret hookup
* Yelling is Hermione and Lucius’ love language
* Draco’s unfortunate discovery of Muggle porn
* A wildly unstable bride-to-be with a magazine deal and a tiara the size of Neptune
* Nothing says best friends like mutual masturbation, as long as there isn't direct eye-contact.
* And we ponder the eternal question: do all magical massages have a happy ending?- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 57,224
- Chapters:
- 20/20
- Comments:
- 197
- Kudos:
- 569
- Bookmarks:
- 152
- Hits:
- 12,179
Bookmarked by zerothoughtshere
03 Aug 2025
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Summary
In the six years following the war, muggle culture has swept through the wizarding world like wildfire. Hagrid is spotted in Diagon Alley debating the pros and cons of putting dittany on a doxy bite on his brand new cell phone, Ginny has developed a designer-brand shopping addiction, and every wizard and witch's home now includes a brand new mirror/television. And what better to watch on that new television than the wizarding world's answer to reality dating?
Will Hermione find love with her hunky best friend, breakout Quidditch star and this season's eligible bachelor, Ronald Weasley? Or will her new project with the show's host and her mortal enemy, Draco Malfoy, get in the way of her shot at love?
"Welcome, ladies, on this journey to find love! Welcome to Enchanted!"
**Please note this is a work in progress. :)
Bookmarked by zerothoughtshere
20 Jul 2025
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Marriage, Murder, and Other Misfortunes by Spookyandcooky
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
17 Oct 2025
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Summary
Five years after the Battle of Hogwarts, the wizarding world is what you might call “a godsdamned mess.” The population is dwindling, the economy is suffering, and Hermione Granger has decided to pursue an arranged marriage—but only so she can be nominated to the antiquated Wizengamot, of course. After all, the Wizengamot is ignoring the world’s problems, and Hermione is determined to fix them. Granted, she never expected to be matched with Draco sodding Malfoy—the newest DMLE consultant who wears his Azkaban tattoos as proudly as his childhood sneer. But admittedly, between the turbulence of her farcical relationship, corrupt politicians, and a serial killer on the loose, nothing in Hermione’s life is going according to plan. Maybe hate sex with her husband will help?
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 239,257
- Chapters:
- 34/38
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 2,089
- Kudos:
- 4,299
- Bookmarks:
- 3,134
- Hits:
- 356,791
Bookmarked by zerothoughtshere
09 Jun 2025