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It was only coincidence Marlene found herself in the shadows. She wasn’t hiding from view. Once she got used to the sights around her it was the sounds that troubled her most. The glass bottles, the tubes, the broken skin, these things were largely unchanging, could be grown accustomed to. A wheeze of breath, a sudden bang, a broken cry, those got her the same way every time. When she felt her resolve crumble she’d take herself walking till she could pull herself back together again. It never too long.
The simple chair made her back ache a little as she sat, her back stiff, in a quiet corner of the waiting lounge. It was Niki who asked her to leave this time, to spare her, to spare himself as well. She understood. He dignity was important to him. Protecting that, protecting her, was more important to him than comfort. She’d conceded to him today. On another day she would overrule him. That was how it was with them.
Since she'd gotten closer to Niki, Marlene paid more attention to driving. She would often imagine what it was like, to battle a car around a track approaching the speed of a small plane. To be so confined yet exposed. To feel pulled by conflicting forces. She knew it was nothing like driving a Fiat in the countryside or an Alpha in the streets of Vienna but she noticed how they moved now, how they felt around the bends, and wondered if Niki felt it as she did when he drove them. She’d always enjoyed driving, just never for its sake. Since Niki, though, that was starting to change.
As she sat in the stuffy waiting room she realised she would have given anything to be driving with Niki, on one of their rare lazy Sundays, finding some quiet patch of grass and laughing softly about whatever came to mind, doing those things she knew people didn’t think he did. She knew he wasn't always big on sitting still yet, on those days, she enjoyed seeing him let go.
When the doctor came out she got to her feet and he nodded to her. She walked past him and into Niki’s room. Usually they knocked him out when they were done with him, a kindness, but every now and then he was able to speak a little.
She approached the bed to the sound of a wet cough and fixed a smile. “Good morning, darling,” she said, in German, her hand slipping carefully into his. “Did you sleep a little?”
“Hmm,” he said, gripping her hand in turn. A pause and then, “I think I dreamed. These drugs… I don’t know what I’m seeing most of the time. It was like… A party I wanted to leave.” He curled his lip.
Marlene gripped his hand a little tighter. “Speaking of, James called, because he was concerned. And Daniele, because he was told to. They wanted to speak to you. I told James he was in with a chance. Maybe tomorrow.”
Niki chuckled weakly. “And what did you tell Daniele?”
“I told him I’m sorry but Niki’s secretary is away on long leave. Perhaps he could try next week.”
Niki’s mouth turned up at the corners as he laughed as best as he could with so little breath control. It ended in a cough but Marlene didn’t fuss, just rubbed his chest gently until the spasm passed, knowing the laugh was worth it.
When he could speak again he met her eye and said in mock seriousness. “You are hired.”
“Good,” she said, leaning in to kiss his lips. “Because I cleared my schedule.”
He could do little more than lay still and accept her ministrations but she noticed he coughed less often and less harshly when she kept him distracted and she had no doubt he noticed to. She could see him relax when she approached him like this, with her confidence she didn't really feel but always did her best to show him.
“If Hunt calls again tell him to stop messing around and just drive. His head needs to be in that car. If he doesn’t call, good. His head is in the car.”
“I’ll tell him,” she promised.
She leaned in a little closer to whisper. “And where is your mind at, my love?”
He rolled his head to the side carefully, turning towards her. “Is the sun out?”
“It is. There are only little white wisps of cloud like cotton and fluffy potato. I got a little hungry looking at them.” Marlene’s voice was warm, too, as she described the scene to her husband. Her story was an honest one, she wouldn't offer less than her true thoughts.
“And the birds?”
“Lazy. I think they only want to glide today.”
“Is it quiet?”
“In the garden I could barely hear anything from outside. I sat a little, found a nice place. Soon I’ll show it to you.” She kissed his cheek.
“Is there a lake?” he asked, his voice edged in fatigue.
“No. Not here. No close.”
Another pause.
“What day is it?”
“Thursday.”
“Sunday. I need the television on Sunday.”
“I know, love. I will make sure it’s on for you.”
“You… may need to tell me when it is Sunday.”
“I will wear my blue dress. When you see it you will know. You won’t have to ask.”
He smiled, briefly, in gratitude, conveying what he felt with a look, his tortured eyes still remarkably expressive. She smiled back, glad to see the same spark in his eyes she saw on that first day. Her Niki was still with her, even in that place.
“I have your magazine. Do you want me to read some?” she offered, brushing her nose on his cheek in easy affection he accepted from her.
He nodded but his eyes were already closing as best as they could.
“If you are considering an upgrade to your cooling system” she began.
Three paragraphs in, Niki was asleep. She read on a little more to herself and, then, just watched him breathe, the weight of the glossy paper a comfort, something for her hands to fiddle with. She was glad he was sleeping, he needed sleep as much as everything else they were doing for him, but the distraction of his company was gone. She started the hardest part of her job when he drifted off.
She looked at his bandages and the healthy skin below them and knew, in many ways, she would have to get to know Niki Lauda all over again, that he would have to get to know himself again. Her comfort lay in knowing neither of them would have to do it alone.