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It had been a bad day. Tobio didn't know why today had been so bad, because it hadn't gone any differently to the day before, or the one before that. Tomorrow would probably be the same. Every day felt the same, he thought that was maybe part of the problem.
But today felt worse somehow. Everything he'd been trying to ignore felt more. He was just a little bit tireder, his insecurity a little stronger, his head a little heavier.
He'd forced himself to eat dinner after practice, because he knew that was something to do, but not because he actually felt like eating.
The house felt too big and empty, and it made him want to retreat to his room and close the doors and imagine that everywhere else didn't exist. So he did exactly that, and spent the rest of the night in silence attempting to do his homework.
It was too quiet. Tobio was used to silence, enjoyed it even, but it was different when silence was the only option. Then the quiet felt smothering. He’d tried playing music, or watching a movie, but then the noise felt just as wrong, echoing through the gigantic house to remind him of how empty it was.
He checked his calendar, like he hadn't already done it a million times that day. There were ten days until his mother would come home, and everything could go back to normal until her next business trip.
He hoped the other ten days didn't feel like this one.
He picked up a phone to call her, feeling a bit pathetic since he'd only talked to her yesterday, but wanting to hear her voice. She didn't answer, and he threw it against the bed in his frustration. He’d known she’d probably be busy, but he still felt unreasonably betrayed, and then guilty for expecting so much of his mother.
But, still. The silence felt so stifling. He picked up his phone again, trying to figure out who he could call. There was only one other person he could imagine talking to right now.
Every time the phone rang, he considered hanging up and throwing it away before it was too late. Talking to people was hard. Talking over the phone was much, much worse. But then the call connected and it was too late for him to hang up.
'Kageyama?' Hinata asked, sounding a bit nervous. Tobio wanted to laugh at Hinata's skittishness. Only it wasn't a laugh that forced its way out of his chest, but a sob.
'Kageyama?' Hinata asked again, his voice softer this time. Tobio's cheeks heated up, embarrassed at thought of crying on the phone, but his embarrassment only made him want to cry more and he could see it becoming a vicious cycle of crying and humiliation and…
Breathe, he thought.
The line was silent on the other end, and Tobio wondered if Hinata had just hung up, hurting a little at the thought. Then he heard a muffled banging noise.
'Hey Kageyama, you know the park we practise at on weekends? Meet me there in like, fifteen minutes, okay?'
Hinata hung up, before Tobio could respond, as though it was just a given that Tobio would meet him there. He didn't understand how Hinata could just trust people so blindly. It would serve him right if he just curled up in bed and fell asleep.
Instead, he picked up his bag from where he'd thrown it on the floor a couple of hours ago, threw his phone in his pocket, and rushed out the front door. It would take him at least twenty minutes to walk there, something which Hinata wouldn’t have even considered, so he broke into a run.
A run was probably exactly what he had needed. The freezing air biting at his face, the light raindrops falling on to him, the burning of his lungs, the dull ache in his legs - all of it made him feel a bit lighter, despite his exhaustion.
By the time he arrived at the park, Hinata was already waiting, throwing up a volleyball in the air and catching it again. Which seemed kind of pointless, when he could be working on his serving or receiving or something, and Kageyama said as much.
Hinata scowled. 'Let's just practice our quick. I want to get it perfect before the tournament.'
He threw the ball at Kageyama before he could say anything, so he stopped trying to think of a reply and just let himself concentrate on tossing.
There wasn't a net, and Tobio was sure that without one it could hardly count as anything more than stuffing around, but he let this go because both boys knew that they weren't really here to practice, so much as to provide Kageyama with a distraction. This was where he felt most at home, lining up his hands with the ball and sending it to Hinata, watching the other boy fly at it and slam it down quickly, then stare at his hand like an idiot.
Except that Tobio had tossed the ball just a fraction too high. Hinata still hit it, it still crashed into the ground. But Tobio knew that it hadn't been a good toss.
'Again,' he grunted, once Hinata arrived back with the ball.
This time he threw it too low. And the time after that. The next one Hinata hadn't even been able to hit, and it just fell to the ground with a dull thud.
'Again', he said, and Hinata hesitated.
'Again,' he repeated, anxious to get his hands back on the ball and to finally toss it right.
Instead of throwing the ball, Hinata held on to it.
'I want to work on my receives for a bit,' Hinata said. 'Can you hit it to me?'
Hinata never wanted to work on his receives. But he needed to, so Tobio sighed and took a few steps back.
This time when Hinata threw the ball to him Tobio smashed it down as hard as he could, taking out his frustration at the day and himself and maybe his mother too on the ball so that Hinata didn't have a chance of stopping it.
He thought Hinata would be upset that he missed it, but when he looked up he was grinning. This time it was him who cried 'again!', much more enthusiastically than Tobio had been.
Hinata's enthusiasm was catching, as always, and Tobio felt his hits improving in strength as power and it felt so good, so weirdly calming despite the high energy level required. With each hit it felt like the volleyball was breaking through his wall, this stupid wall that it felt like was around him sometimes, stopping others from seeing who he really was, and it was scary but also freeing. He looked over at Hinata, who hadn't even attempted to receive the Tobio's last hit, just picked up the ball and started walking closer, and laughed. Of course Hinata hadn't wanted to work on his receives, when had he ever? But maybe he knew what Tobio needed ever better than Tobio knew himself.
'Kageyama, that was awesome!' he cried, and he rushed forwards. For a second Tobio thought Hinata was going to jump on him, like he might just on Nishinoya or Tanaka, but thankfully he stopped himself. Instead, he gazed up at the sky. Tobio followed suit.
'It's snowing,' Hinata whispered. Part of Tobio wanted to mock Hinata for whispering, but part of him understood it. The rain had turned into tiny flakes of snow, unlikely to settle but beautiful all the same, drifting downwards and lightly falling on to the damp grass.
Tobio looked back down at Hinata, whose face was tilted upwards, his hair dishevelled from the wind, his eyes filled with such innocent wonder. He looked like…
Tobio didn't know. A beacon, maybe? He was light, he was captivating, and Tobio knew in that moment that he was done for. The little crush he'd been harbouring in secret swelled into something ten times bigger.
Of course, Hinata had to ruin the moment by jumping on Tobio's back, apparently too excited to restrain himself this time.
'IT'S SNOWING!!!' he yelled, and Tobio could feel the cells in his ears shrivel up and die. Or however deafness worked, he wasn't really sure of the logistics. But if anyone could turn him deaf, it would be Hinata. He probably wouldn't even care, if it meant Hinata always being this happy.
He was pretty sure Hinata always was this happy though. He wished he could share that talent. Maybe, if he copied Hinata, he'd learn some trick or something. He tilted his head a bit, so his lips were near Hinata's ears, because he didn't want to miss an opportunity to get back at Hinata or an opportunity to be so close to him, and yelled.
'IT'S SNOWING!!!'
He thought the wall inside him had crumbled, now.
--
'I ship it,' Hinata declared loudly.
'You can't ship a person with a brick, Hinata,' Tobio responded. Unlike Hinata, Tobio was at least making an effort to keep his voice hushed in the middle of the cinema.
Hinata laughed. 'But they're really close. He's always checking on it.'
'He's using it as a weapon. To keep himself alive.'
'Because he looooves it,' Hinata teased. Tobio slapped his face with his hand.
'I can't believe I'm dating someone so dumb,' he mock whispered.
Noya leaned over one of the first years so he could look Tobio in the eye. 'I can't believe you guys are ruining the movie by talking through the entire thing,' he complained, trying to sound menacing.
'Sorry Nishinoya-senpai' Hinata apologised, just as loudly. Noya just sighed and leaned back into his own seat, mumbling something to a sympathetic Tanaka about needing Daichi back to keep the duo in line.
Trying to appease Noya, as well as the other cinema-goers, Tobio shut his mouth and tried to focus on the movie. He really was trying, even though he could feel Hinata shaking with silent laughter next to him. Hinata was immature, and not being very respectful of the others in the room, and Tobio would definitely not stoop to that level, even if it was becoming very difficult to contain his own laughter.
He tried to supress it, he really did, but it only resulted in a snort escaping him, causing Hinata to wheeze and double over and Ennoshita to shoot them an exasperated look. The first year sitting next to an almost murderous Tsukishima, who hadn't even wanted to come to the movie in the first place, looked so nervous Tobio thought he was about to flee from the cinema.
After his one, slightly embarrassing snort, Tobio may have given up on the whole 'not stooping to Hinata's level' thing. Every time his laughter died down, his eyes would meet Hinata's and it would set him off again.
But now he was going to focus. After all, the movie was meant to be really good.
On screen, the protagonist had just made eye-contact with the love interest across the battlefield and, of course, they had both fallen hopelessly in love.
Hinata poked him. 'I don't think anyone could fall in love with him at first sight,' he joked, at least attempting to whisper this time.
'You're so superficial,' he teased. Privately, he had to agree that the actor wasn't all that attractive, but disagreeing with Hinata was much more fun.
Hinata tilted his head, looking up at Tobio to study his face for far too long. 'Maybe I am a bit,' he said softly.
Tobio said nothing for a minute, eventually breaking eye contact and looking back at the movie screen. 'Are you saying,' he whispered back, 'that you're only dating me for my looks?' He was now very, very red. This kind of teasing with Hinata was one thing, he was slowly getting used to that, but he was currently very aware of the team-mates sitting on either side of the pair.
'Oh, definitely,' Hinata replied, smiling brightly up at him. He leaned into Tobio, just slightly at first. He always initiated contact so carefully, so gently, and it might've made Tobio feel pathetically mushy to know this. When Tobio lifted his arm up to accommodate the other boy, Hinata leaned over fully and rested his head on Tobio's shoulder.
'Also for your volleyball skills,' Hinata whispered as an afterthought. Tobio felt another laugh threatening to burst from him but he suppressed it, instead leaning down to press his lips lightly to Hinata's forehead.
'Oi! None of that!' Tanaka yelled, chucking popcorn at them with annoyingly accurate aim.
'Shouldn't you be watching the movie?' Tobio asked.
The whole team scowled at them for possibly an eternity before turning back to the movie.
Once again, Tobio willed himself to focus on the screen, but his mind kept wandering to the warmth on his side where Hinata was now curled up, almost asleep. Gently, he removed a stray piece of Tanaka’s popcorn from Hinata’s hair.
He could honestly say, when the movie was over, that he couldn't remember even one aspect of the plot, couldn't remember a single thing except the guy's stupid brick and how it felt to have Hinata's head on his shoulder. It had seemed like one minute they were giggling over nothing and the next, Tobio was gently shaking Hinata awake.
'Did you even watch any of the movie?' he asked teasingly as they both stretched.
'I remember the bit with the cat that looked like Kuroo,' Hinata said thoughtfully. 'But then I fell asleep.'
'You got slobber on my shirt,' Tobio complained, the two of them walking out of the theatre, lingering just slightly behind the rest of the team.
Instead of apologising, which he definitely should have, Hinata leaned over and planted an embarrassingly wet, sloppy kiss on Tobio's cheek.
'Now you have slobber on your face too,' Hinata said, laughing at Tobio's attempt to scrub his face clean. Tanaka had turned to ask Hinata a question and was now staring at them, disgusted, as they stepped outside and-
'Oh fuck,' Noya said, as Tanaka, distracted by Hinata and Tobio, tripped and fell right into a pile of snow. Apparently while they had been inside the cinema, about a year's worth of the stuff had fallen outside.
Most of them, including Tobio, viewed the snow as an inconvenience, but Hinata, who had barely been awake at the end of the movie, now brightened up immensely.
'It's the first snowfall of the year!' he announced, as if anyone would have missed that fact. Tsukishima smirked, and looked ready to say something smart, but Tobio quietened him with a look.
'Obviously, baka,' he teased gently, wrapping an arm around him. He had discovered that he was surprisingly good at being gentle with Hinata, and was probably stupidly proud of the fact.
Then, quieter, he asked 'Come home with me?' He was, of course, only asking because he was concerned about Hinata's safety. It hadn't even occurred to him that his mother wasn't going to be home.
Hinata agreed, because there was no way he'd be able to get home in this weather.
'I'll race you home,' he shouted, already halfway down the street before he'd finished the sentence. There was no way Tobio would be able to catch up on time, but he didn't really care.
The afternoon was filled with snowball fights and misshapen snowmen, hot chocolates and kisses and maybe a bit more than just kisses, and eventually, Hinata falling asleep on Tobio's chest, his face still flushed from the cold. Tobio might've taken a photo to make his phone's background, but Hinata didn't have to know about that.
--
The ground was really, painfully, miserably cold, but Tobio didn't move. He just sat there, looking up at the low hanging clouds shrouding the town. His mind was on his and Shouyou’s first meeting, at the tournament just before everything went awry.
Sometimes, when it felt like being a real asshole, Tobio's mind pulled up really old memories. Memories of a first year Kindaichi offering to share some of his food with Tobio after Tobio had left his at home. Iwaizumi ruffling his hair and telling him he'd make a good captain one day. Kunimi, who had seemed so small on his first day, and even more out of place that Tobio had felt, buying Tobio a carton of milk for his birthday.
It was so much easier to only remember their endless fights and Kindaichi's complaining and getting benched, and to blame the others for betraying Tobio. Even easier to forget about Kitagawa Daichi altogether.
Remembering the good times was just so terrifying because, if Tobio had ruined everything good then, who could say he wouldn't ruin everything now as well. And this time he had so much more to lose.
'Kenma just texted me.' The voice coming from behind Tobio broke him out of his reverie, making him jump. 'He said he could hear you moping in Tokyo.'
Shouyou lay down on the ground gracelessly, shoving his head into Tobio's lap.
Tobio ignored the joke. 'I fucked up,' he stated instead.
'Yeah,' Shouyou snorted.
They fell into an easy silence, Shouyou diverting his eyes so from Tobio's face so that Tobio could think in peace.
'Sometimes I really hate Ennoshita,' he said, some time later.
Shouyou hummed appreciatively. 'Except that he asked Suga and Daichi and Tanaka for all of their opinions too, and they unanimously agreed you should be captain,' added.
'Well I guess I have to hate them too.'
‘You can’t possibly hate Suga. You don’t have it in you.’
‘I do,’ Tobio insisted, stubbornly.
'Well, then, the rest of the team still had to vote you in before it was official, and we all did. Mostly.'
'So I hate the whole team, except Tsukishima. Except I hate him too because he’s still Tsukishima.’
‘The whole team, and all of the old team. That’s a lot of people.’
‘They probably hate me now anyway.'
'Don't be stupid,' Shouyou protested, sitting up so quickly that Tobio had to lean back to avoid a broken nose.
'I shouldn't have yelled at them!' Tobio said. Only he didn't really say it, he yelled it. Then he flinched because he'd yelled at Shouyou, which he really hated doing.
Expecting Shouyou to get mad and walk off, Tobio closed his eyes. Instead, he felt the other boy shifting, a leg placed on either side of his lap, and small, gentle fingers working through his hair.
'This wasn't the same, Tobio,' he said softly. 'They were stuffing around, they needed to be kept in line.'
'But I shouldn't have yelled at them,' he still argued.
'No. But they didn’t storm out or start crying anything. And Yamaguchi managed to coax Yoshida back out of the change rooms. They mostly just feel guilty for stuffing around.'
'Well, I don't want the first years to feel like shit either. I don't want to scare anyone away when-' Tobio hadn't realised how worked up he was until a sob cut off his voice. He buried his head in Shouyou's shoulder, stifling his tears until his emotions were more intact. Over and over again, he was reliving being deserted on the court all over again, the thud of the ball falling on the ground echoing through his mind in a way it hadn’t in years, since he’d finally found his place at Karasuno. He felt like he was a first year again, terrified of fucking everything up like he had in middle school. Only now it would hurt so much more.
'What if all I can do in life is push people away?' he asked once he trusted his voice not to crack, knowing that no answer Shouyou gave him would be satisfying.
He felt a soft huff against his ear as Shouyou laughed at his statement. 'You don't push us away, baka,’ he admonished. 'You bring the team together, just like you should. Do you think Daichi never made mistakes? And Ennoshita?'
In the eyes of first-year Tobio, awestruck by his captain, Daichi could do no wrong. When Ennoshita was captain, Tobio had been older. He had become better at seeing the mistakes Ennoshita made and, more importantly, how he fixed them. In that time, he’d grown to understand that even captains didn’t have to be faultless. But still…
'I fucked it up so much last time.' He really had. He'd taken something that was good, a team that worked so well, and instead of keeping it together he'd smashed it into smithereens.
'You didn't have me last time,' Shouyou reminded him, only half-teasingly. 'I’m way better than Turnip-head. And you think I wouldn't tell you if you were wrong? And Yamaguchi and Yachi and Tsukishima?'
At the mention of Tsukishima Tobio groaned. 'I wonder what he has to say about all of this.'
'Who, Tsukishima? He'll snicker and be like 'Once a King, always a King' or something like that that he thinks is funny' Shouyou responded, doing a hopeless impression of Tsukishima, 'and Yamaguchi won't be able to help but snicker but he'll look at you sympathetically and go off to help the first years, and Yachi will freak out because he's being all antagonistic towards you…' Shouyou trailed off. Maybe he could feel Tobio's anxiety levels climbing again. 'But it will all work out in the end. It'll just be like every other fight we've had, when you're being a dumbass and Tsukishima is being Tsukishima. And after today everyone will forget it ever happened.'
Shouyou wasn't entirely right, Tobio was certain of that. If nothing else, Tobio wouldn’t be able to forget what had happened. But the way he spoke, with so much confidence in himself and his prediction of future events, helped cheer Tobio up all the same.
He leaned forward, pressing their noses together. Shouyou's was pink from the cold. Their eyes met, and this time Tobio didn't look away, just held his gaze steady and felt the air between them heat up from their intermingled breaths. Usually he was so cautious around school, too self-conscious to give Shouyou more than a quick peck on the cheek, but his appreciation and his desire for closeness had him leaning forwards, focussing only on the boy in front of him and the mess of hair under his fingers.
Until Shouyou pulled away.
'What was that for?' Tobio asked angrily, suddenly cold again. Maybe Shouyou was still annoyed at him after all.
Then he noticed where Shouyou was looking, his eyes not moving from the sky. 'I think it's snowing,' he whispered, almost reverently.
Tobio followed Shouyou's gaze, then looked down towards the other boy's face once more. The snow was a reminder of how cold they both were, and the way Shouyou shook quite violently was only further evidence of this.
'It's freezing out here,' Tobio complained, wrinkling his nose. 'Why do you even like the snow so much?'
He had learnt, these last few years, that Shouyou really, really loved the snow. Especially the first snowfall of the year. Personally, Tobio found it to be an inconvenience more than anything, but to Shouyou it was as big an event as New Year's.
Shouyou thought about it, for a very long time by Shouyou's standards, before speaking. 'It's just fun. It's nothing special or that meaningful, I guess. But it's definitely fun.'
'You're ridiculous,' he laughed, with the remnants of tears on his face but thankfully no actual tears anymore, and he pulled Shouyou in closer towards him. 'I love you.'
When Tobio blushed, it was usually just the tip of his ears, maybe his cheeks if he was feeling particularly embarrassed.
But Shouyou went bright red.
Shouyou knew Tobio loved him. This had been implied, over and over again, in kisses and hand-squeezes and almost every interaction between them. Shouyou would always say 'I love you' to Tobio, and Tobio would reply 'me too', and then Shouyou would say 'you love you too?' like it was really ambiguous or something, and Tobio would blush while Shouyou apologised with a messy kiss, but Tobio had never really said 'I love you' before. The words had always felt too awkward, like they weren't ones that really belonged in his mouth, but belonged to someone who was kinder and funnier and just a much better person than him. But now, even though Tobio was feeling like the least kind, least funny, least good person on Earth, the words had just slipped out of him like it was nothing.
It was definitely worth it for the look Shouyou was wearing now. And the couple of minutes of making out afterwards, before Shouyou dragged him inside to apologise. Tobio thought he might have to say it more often.
--
The next several years were busy, filled with volleyball, work and studying, and between it all Tobio and Shouyou had barely had time to sleep. Snow days would pass quietly, celebrated maybe by a quick snowball fight or, one year, a snowman wearing Karasuno colours, but they were always marked in some way, because they didn't know any different.
--
Tobio awoke, as he often did, to several of Shouyou's limbs sprawled across him. As always, he couldn't help but smile slightly, but instead of rolling over and going back to sleep, or waking Shouyou with a kiss, he raised himself slightly and peered at Shouyou's face.
He looks less dead than yesterday, Tobio thought, but he's definitely still pale. And his breathing is still heavy.
He ran his fingers over the other man's hair lightly before slipping out of bed quietly. Shouyou murmured his name and sniffled a bit, and Tobio froze, but then the bedroom was silent once more and Tobio slipped out the door.
The best part about their new apartment was definitely the window. The living space was cramped, and it was much too cold in the Winter, but the view of the city was amazing. Especially now, this morning, when Tobio looked out to see Tokyo coated in a thick layer of snow.
Previous plans of letting Shouyou sleep in were forgotten, because Tobio would never be forgiven for letting him sleep through the morning of the Winter's first snowfall.
The silence of the apartment felt unnatural, and a selfish part of Tobio wanted to wake Shouyou up right then so they could go outside and try to spike snowballs, or something equally as stupid, just so everything can go back to usual. Tobio had once been accustomed to the quiet, but in all the time he and Shouyou had lived together he had never once missed it.
Supressing the urge to wake Shouyou up just yet, he turned on the kettle, gazing out the window at the miniature city below them, and waited patiently for the water to boil.
'Shouyou,' he whispered a couple of minutes later, pressing his lips against Shouyou's temple softly. This time, he awoke fully and looked up at Tobio.
'Feeling better?' Tobio asked.
He watched Shouyou swallow experimentally and wrinkle his nose up, a clear indicator of discomfort, and sighed.
'I'm sorry, love,' he murmured as he pulled Shouyou up into a hug before passing him the warm mug of tea.
Shouyou eyed it warily. 'I'm too hot,' he complained, handing the tea back.
Tobio breathed out a laugh. 'Hot? It's snowing outside, you should be freezing.'
'What?' Shouyou sat up so fast that Tobio nearly spilt the tea all over himself. Would've served him right for breaking the news so stupidly, probably. 'But we have to go outside then- why didn't you tell me straight away so I-'
'Shouyou,' Tobio cut him off. 'You're too sick.'
'No, I'm fine now. Way better today,' he protested, before having to pause for a coughing fit. He got up and headed towards the wardrobe, making to put on a coat, but Tobio grabbed his arm and steered him towards the couch instead.
‘Tobiooo, I can’t miss the snow,’ he whined. Tobio chuckled softly as the memory of a fifteen-year-old Shouyou whining in a very similar way.
Shouyou pouted. ‘Stop laughing at my pain.’
‘Just stay inside for today, I promise we can go out tomorrow.’
‘But it won’t be the first snow day tomorrow, it’s not the same.’
‘I think it still counts as celebrating the snow day if we watch it fall from the window.’
Shouyou glared at the couch as Tobio manoeuvred him on to it, as though it should bear the blame for their tragic circumstances.
‘If you really loved me you would let me go outside,’ Shouyou attempted. Tobio didn’t bother to respond to that one, too busy with holding the other man down.
Gradually the fight left Shouyou’s body, and he seemed to reluctantly accept defeat.
'You really are hot,' Tobio realised, feeling Shouyou's forehead to get a better idea. 'I'll go get you a-'
'Wait-' Shouyou whined while grabbing his wrist, and while Tobio was glad he'd finally admitted he was too sick to go outside, the sound of it tugged on his heartstrings, just a little bit. 'Don't leave me.'
'I just want you to cool down,' Tobio explained, but Shouyou's grip remained tight on his wrist.
'You're cool. You'll cool me down.' He pulled Tobio down on to him and Tobio didn't resist, just ensured that he fell on to the couch as gently as possible so as not to misplace him, before rearranging them into a more comfortable position. Shouyou's skin was burning against his, and not in the usual good way, but it was serving to keep Tobio warm in the freezing apartment.
'Tobiooo,' Shouyou murmured sleepily, pulling up Tobio's hand to his chest and playing with his fingers. 'I think I have the best fiancé.'
Tobio knew he should probably argue that he did, but he couldn't manage to get himself to say something so cheesy, so he just tightened his arms around Shouyou. 'You should go back to sleep,' he whispered, looking back out the window where snow was still falling heavily.
'Nooo,' Shouyou complained. 'I don't want to miss the snow.'
'You're not even looking out the window,' Tobio teased.
'But I know it's falling. And if I go back to sleep I'll probably forget.'
Tobio didn't know why it was that every time Shouyou said something stupid he just wanted to kiss him more, but he didn't bother to fight the urge.
For a few moments there was quiet. But it wasn't real quiet, the type Tobio had learned to hate, because Shouyou was breathing heavily against him and something in the kitchen was buzzing, and there were faint sounds of children laughing and playing outside in the snow travelling up to their window.
The quiet he shared with Shouyou was his favourite kind of quiet.
Eventually the other man broke it. 'Tobio?' he asked, pausing for Tobio to hum in response. 'Have you ever thought about…' he paused, looking conflicted about whether or not to continue.
‘About what?’ Tobio nudged him.
Shouyou’s eyes drifted towards the window, then back to Tobio’s hand. ‘Have you ever thought about having kids?’
Kids terrified Tobio. He didn't want to go anywhere near someone else's baby, because he was too worried about supporting their heads properly, and trying to seems more confident than he was so the baby didn't cry and make a huge scene, and those stupid soft spots on their head which really seem like a bad idea. He didn't know much about how evolution works, but he was pretty sure that it should've vetoed something like a self-destruct button on a baby's head.
But when he thought of kids he also thought of when he first met Natsu and she insisted on painting his nails, and how his little cousin used to climb up him for hugs, and the kids he'd helped coach at a volleyball training camp, begging him with starry eyes to teach them how to do jump serves. He imagined a baby version of Shouyou, playing in the snow and coming to him for comfort after they got a cold. And he imagined the actual Shouyou dancing around with a baby on his hip, or singing one of his silly tunes to put them to bed at night.
'Kind of a lot,' he admitted.
'Good,' Shouyou replied, his eyelids slowly getting heavier. More silence, and then: 'do you think we could get enough to make our own volleyball team?'
Tobio snickered. 'Probably not.'
'We could name them after all of the greatest volleyball players.'
'It would be a bit confusing if one of our kids was also named Tobio,' he joked. He thought that that had probably been a Dad joke. Maybe he wouldn't be so bad at this whole parent thing.
Shouyou groaned. 'I think we'd have to call one Tooru,' he teased, and Tobio flicked him in the forehead, watching him dissolve into giggles. There was no doubt about who had won that round.
Even though Shouyou was pale, even though his face was scrunched up from laughing and there were dark circles under his eyes, even though he was breathing so heavily Tobio feared another coughing fit was inevitable, Tobio was still floored when he looked at him. Even after all this time.
'Do you know why I love snow days?' he asked on a whim. He paused for anticipation, thinking of cold nights and angry spikes, races home from the movies and the warmth the two of them had created under the covers of Tobio's bed, thinking of words of comfort and volleyball playing snowmen and the elation of feeling wanted.
'Why?' Shouyou asked, eyes drifting shut once more.
'They remind me of you.' It was a cheesy line, and even though there was no one else there, Tobio felt his cheeks go warm from embarrassment. For a second, Shouyou gave no indication that he had heard a word. Then Tobio felt a small hand squeeze his.
'Keep watching the snow while I sleep?' Shouyou asked. Tobio, as always, obliged.