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If anyone else were standing at their kitchen counter at two in the morning, wrapping ice in a tea towel, Harry imagined that they might start to question their life choices. Though, as Harry dumped a bucket of ice cubes on to one of his bright red kitchen towels and twisted it up to secure it, he knew that it was just one of the many responsibilities he’d be taking on in the following months, and he was content with his job.
He strolled back to his master bedroom and in to the en suite, home made ice pack in hand. He tiptoed around the slumped figure of his boyfriend, who was clutching desperately on to the porcelain toilet bowl, and perched on the edge of their bathtub. Carefully, he pressed the cold towel to the back of Niall’s sweaty neck.
“How recent?” He asked quietly, his other hand gently combing Niall’s sweaty hair back off of his forehead.
All he got in response was a groan.
Harry hummed softly, alternating between carding his fingers through Niall’s hair and switching hands to rub his back as his boyfriend once again heaved that night’s supper in to the toilet, all the while keeping the ice pack firmly pressed to the back of his neck. It was unpleasant, and Harry was exhausted, but he hoped it wouldn’t be long until Niall got past his ‘morning’ sickness. Harry would wait it out with him, and support him as much as he could, even if it meant hanging out in their bathroom at arse o’clock in the morning while his love violently threw up.
No one liked being sick, but Niall in particular began to panic whenever he knew he was going to puke. However, Niall was pregnant, and being pregnant had forced him to face his fear.
“I think,” Niall cleared his throat. “I think that’s it. I think I’m done.”
Harry stood up and helped Niall to his feet, letting him brush his teeth while Harry drew him a bath. It was the same routine every time Niall was sick during the night. There wasn’t much Harry could do during the day when he was at work, but when he was home he’d do anything he could to make Niall more comfortable.
When Niall was finally seated in the hot water, Harry crouched beside the tub and began to run a washcloth across his skin. It was a bit unnecessary, but it gave Harry a purpose and it helped Niall relax.
“You’re too good to me,” Niall smiled softly; sliding down so he was fully submerged, save for his head. He still looked a bit sickly, but he was getting some of his color back.
“You’re important to me, Ni,” Harry cooed, running the cloth deliberately over Niall’s flat stomach.
“So you’ll still love me even when I’m all swollen and grumpy?” Niall continued, staring up at his boyfriend with tired eyes.
Harry frowned. “You’ll be even more important and beautiful to me then.”
Niall chuckled. “You’re such a sap. I thought the pregnant one was supposed to be extremely emotional and fragile.”
“Oh don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll be crying over spilt milk before you know it,” Harry teased, slapping the cloth on to Niall’s face and giving it a good wash.
“I love you.” Niall grinned, though a moment later his face soured, and all of the color was once again drained from his skin. “Oh God, move!”
Harry backed up, sighing heavily as Niall disturbed the bathwater, scrambling for the toilet again.
———
Niall had his first ultrasound when he was eleven weeks. It was one of two, and it was mainly to see how the baby was growing, and to officially date the pregnancy. His morning sickness had weakened over the past weeks, only popping up once in a while, and always first thing in the morning as soon as Niall woke up. Harry was thrilled their 2:00 AM meetings in the bathroom seemed to be over
They were sat outside of radiology, Harry unable to stop fidgeting in his seat. Niall was calm beside him, flipping through a 3-month old Time Magazine. There were other couples seated around them, some partners quite obviously showing. Niall was still his normal, slim self.
“Mr. Horan?”
The two boys jumped up and followed the pretty female nurse in to a cozy, warmly lit room. Niall hopped up on to the hospital bed, and Harry snagged a rolling stool beside him.
“Just take off your sweater and lift your shirt, honey. The technician will be in shortly.”
“What do you reckon it’ll look like?” Niall asked, poking at his flat expanse of stomach as the nurse left. Harry could tell that, though he wasn’t yet showing, his stomach muscles had softened.
Harry smiled, leaning on his elbows on the mattress beside his boyfriend. “I think it’s going to look a bit like an alien. I’ve been doing my research, and I’ll just warn you now, don’t expect much. It’s roughly the size of a kidney bean.”
“I never liked kidney beans.”
The ultrasound technician poked her head in the door as a greeting, and quickly took her place by her machine. The gel she squirted on Niall’s stomach was warm, and tickled quite a bit. She smoothed the gel over his skin with the wand, zeroing in on a spot on his abdomen. It took a moment, and then a grainy black and white image appeared on the screen. The technician reached up and pointed to a particular white blob.
“Alright, boys. That little bean-shaped spot is your baby.”
Harry was quiet as he looked at the scan on the screen. There was a tiny bit of movement from the little being. He felt Niall’s hand link with his, and Harry finally tore his eyes away to look at his lover. Niall was smiling down at him, eyes watery. Harry squeezed his hand tightly, and returned to looking at their child.
“It doesn’t feel real, does it?” Niall said quietly, afraid to disturb the peaceful atmosphere in the room.
“Oh! I almost forgot.” The nurse turned a dial on her monitor and the small room filled with the sound of a steady rhythm. “That’s your baby’s heartbeat.”
Harry was unable to hold it together after that, tears filling his own eyes. Beside him, Niall’s composure was completely gone. It was weird seeing Niall so emotional. He was always so chill and carefree. Hardly anything ever got to him. It was clear that Niall’s hormones were being affected if the blubbering mess on the bed was anything to go by.
Harry rose to his feet and kissed Niall softly on the temple, wiping his happy tears off of his cheeks.
“We have a baby, Haz!” Niall practically sobbed.
“We do, Ni. We do.”
They invited all of their friends over to the house that evening, and forced them to look at pictures of their little bean-sized alien. Liam was delighted, Zayn was indifferent, and Louis made plenty of disgusted faces.
The shorter boy examined the picture with a sour face, and then turned to the couple seated on the couch. “I’ve got to say, it looks just like you, Harry.”
———
“Alright, I still need a box of macaroni and cheese.”
“Shouldn’t you get the actual noodles and, like, real cheese or something? I know it’s still not all that healthy, but at least it’s not a box full of preservatives.”
Harry sighed. “I know. But Niall wants the instant stuff in a box.”
“Right.”
Harry was browsing the isles of his local grocery store, a buggy full of various, unrelated food items. There was a jar of pickles; a tub of icing with the rainbow pieces in it, hot dogs, tortilla chips with mild salsa, a whole watermelon, and a bag of chocolate chips. It was quite an assortment.
Liam had offered to tag along to keep him company while Louis stayed back at the flat with Niall.
Harry had just found the macaroni and cheese when his phone began to ring in his pocket.
“Don’t wanna close my eyes, don’t wanna fall asleep cause I’d miss you baby-“
Harry quickly silenced his phone as he brought it to his ear. “Hey, babe, what’s up?”
“Hi!” Niall’s cheerful voice chirped through the receiver. He’d been feeling loads better in the past week, his morning sickness finally behind him. However, it had made way for extreme food cravings, hence Harry’s current trip to the shops.
“We’ll be back soon, I’ve got everything you asked for! Is there a reason you called?” Harry asked.
There was a pause on the other end of the line. “Well, I was just wondering… Do they still sell that, like, cheese in a tube?”
Harry frowned. “What?
“You know, it’s this squeezy cheese that they used to sell in tubes…”
“I don’t… I don’t think I’ve ever seen that, Ni.” Harry scratched his head. Liam looked a little puzzled.
“Well, could you just get me some regular cheese, then?”
Harry smiled and turned the cart around, heading back towards the dairy section, Liam following. “What kind of cheese do you want?”
Another pause. “Well, maybe some cheddar? And some mozzarella… And maybe some of that crumbled Parmesan that you get for pasta and stuff? Oh! And some Brie.”
“Do you want crackers for that Brie?”
“Please and thank you.”
Harry and Liam stumbled through the door of Harry and Niall’s flat, weighed down by the bags and bags of food they had bought. Niall had called once more before they had managed to leave the grocery store, looking for some ice cream with ‘them chunks of raw cookie dough in it’.
Niall appeared from the direction of the living room, an enormous grin on his face. Harry took a moment to look him over. Niall was thirteen weeks in, and his body still remained visibly unchanged. Harry couldn’t help the excitement he felt every time he thought of the little life growing inside of his boyfriend, and how wonderful Niall would look once he was actually showing.
Niall helped the boys get the food in to the kitchen. He helped put some of it away, but left the majority of the non-perishables on the counter, already opening them up and sampling everything.
“Niall, you’re going to ruin your supper!” Harry whined as the blond grabbed a fistful of chocolate chips.
“I highly doubt that, Harry,” Louis said, wandering in to the kitchen with the rest of them.
Niall looked at his friend, not so subtly flipping him off.
Harry wrapped his love in his arms and swayed him gently. “Don’t listen to Louis. You’re eating for two now, you know. You’ve always had a big appetite anyways.”
“Yeah! Fuck you, Lou,” Niall snapped around a mouthful of rainbow chip icing.
Harry leaned in to Niall’s ear. “We will have to start getting you some more fruits and veggies, though, love.”
“Fair enough.”
———
“Niall, come on we’re going to be late!” Harry called from the main room, putting on his wristwatch.
Harry and Niall were in a hotel room in Derby, heading off to a game at Pride Park. Harry had gotten Niall tickets for his birthday, and the Irishman had been overjoyed. He didn’t get to see Derby play in person all that often, living all the way in London. Though, if the blond didn’t hurry up, they weren’t going to make kickoff.
“Babe, what are you doing?” Harry called again, heading over to the bathroom door, which was shut.
He heard a muffled voice from inside. “Um, do you think you could grab me my Rolling Stones t-shirt from my bag?”
“What do you mean? Aren’t you going to wear your Derby shirt?” Harry tried the door, luckily finding it unlocked. He poked his head in, seeing Niall standing in front of the bathroom mirror. “What’s wrong?”
Niall looked over his shoulder at Harry, and the curly-haired boy could see that he was visibly upset. Harry stepped fully in to the bathroom.
“Ni? Are you feeling alright?” Harry asked cautiously, afraid that his nausea was back.
Niall sighed and turned around, displaying the front of his proud Derby jersey, and simultaneously showing off the bump straining against the fabric around his middle, causing Harry’s heart to melt. Niall had finally started to show shortly after his ultrasound, and now, at fifteen weeks, his belly was quite obvious. Harry crossed the distance between them and pulled Niall against his body, wrapping his arms around his shoulders.
“I hadn’t really noticed it all that much. My clothes are usually baggy, you know… But this shirt doesn’t stretch and it looks ridiculous.” Niall’s voice was low.
Harry squeezed him tighter. “I think you look beautiful, Niall.”
“Of course you do. You’re supposed to. But I feel ugly. I just… I don’t even want to go anymore.” Niall shoved his face in to Harry’s warm sweatered shoulder.
“Don’t be like that, Niall. It’s barely noticeable. It just looks like you had a big lunch, is all. I’m not letting you miss this game.”
Harry managed to coax Niall out of the hotel room and when they made it to the stadium, Harry bought his boyfriend a big Derby jumper that effectively hid anything Niall was self-conscious about.
———
One of Harry’s favorite things to do was observe Niall succumb to typical pregnant habits. He was still quite a lad, still hung out with his friends, watched plenty of football and ate a ton. However, Harry sometimes witnessed Niall crave for odd things. One day when Harry got home from work, Niall greeted him at the door sucking on a lemon.
———
Harry had done plenty of research about what to expect from Niall while he was pregnant. He knew what would happen at certain weeks and months, how he might feel about certain things… And he’d also read up on one thing in particular that could possibly happen.
When Niall was officially in his second trimester, his libido went a little… crazy.
Harry had been cautious as soon as Niall climbed on to his lap while they were watching a movie on the couch. He didn’t know how safe it was to have sex, but Niall assured him that he had done his own research, and that pregnant sex was perfectly healthy. It didn’t take him long to persuade Harry. It had been… a while since they’d been intimate, with Niall’s morning sickness and Harry’s hesitancy. However, once they started, it was difficult to stop.
Niall wanted it all the time. Harry would be late to work in the morning because of their lazy morning sex. Sometimes Niall would corner him when he got home and drag him to the bedroom, or if he was particularly eager, make Harry take him up against various pieces of furniture in their flat. He’d press him up against the refrigerator, bend him over the kitchen table, or if Harry were too tired, he’d just lay back and let Niall ride him on the couch.
Harry had never felt so attracted to his boyfriend. He’d always thought Niall was adorable and sexy in his own way, but his being pregnant had strengthened those feelings in Harry. When the brunette arrived home and wrapped Niall in his arms, feeling the press of their unborn child between them, he felt like his heart might explode. Niall was radiant.
The blonds’ seemingly constant state of arousal didn’t hurt, either.
Harry was perfectly content keeping their activities to themselves. However, one night when the boys were over, the topic just sort of came up.
Niall was sitting with his legs draped over Harry’s lap. His stomach was now completely noticeable, regardless of what he wore. Harry found it hard to take his eyes off of him, even though he knew it made Niall uncomfortable. He was in love with Niall’s little belly.
At half eleven Niall sat up and kissed Harry on the cheek. “I’m going to bed,” he purred in to Harry’s ear as he rose to his feet. “Night, lads!” He called, disappearing down the hall to their bedroom.
The room was silent for a few more moments, the boys transfixed on the television. Harry felt a little warm, and tugged on the neck of his t-shirt. All he could think about was Niall waiting for him in their bedroom.
It was Liam who was the first to speak up. “I’ve noticed that you’ve seemed quite tired lately, Harry.”
Harry tensed. “Oh?”
“Yeah!” Louis agreed, turning his attention on him. “I thought you said Niall had gotten over his sickness.”
“No, no… he has. He’s doing really great.” Harry wanted to avoid the conversation at all cost, throw the boys out of the flat and go fuck his boyfriend in to their mattress.
“Then what is it?” Liam continued to pry. Precious Liam, always so concerned. “You’ve been walking around like a zombie at work, you’re late some days… You’re even looking a little peaky.”
Harry heaved a sigh, placing his head in his hands. His cheeks were enflamed. “Niall and I have just been a little… busy, as of late.”
It took roughly two and a half seconds for Louis to clue in to what Harry was saying.
“Oh, for God’s sake.”
———
Harry was browsing a produce stall at their local outdoor market. It was the last day before it closed up for the winter season, and Harry knew he would miss it when it was gone. Niall had wandered off to look at trinkets, as usual. Fruits and vegetables just didn’t hold his attention very well. Luckily, he’d at least started to eat more of them as he got further in to his pregnancy.
Harry was paying for a bag of apples when he heard a yell.
“Harry!”
Harry turned, scanning the crowd around him. It was Niall’s voice.
“Niall?” Harry yelled back, beginning his journey through the throngs of people.
“Harry!” He heard it again, and began to panic. What if something was wrong with Niall? What if something was wrong with the baby? He dodged children, mothers, grannies and teenagers in search of his boyfriend.
Harry rounded a corner and spotted Niall a few feet away. He had his hands on his protruding belly, looking down at his stomach in wonder. Harry jogged over, slightly out of breath.
“Hey!” Niall said brightly. He was practically glowing.
“Is everything alright?” Harry wheezed, doubling over briefly to calm his racing heart.
“I felt a kick.”
Harry froze. “You what?”
“I was walking around, and I’ll be honest I thought it was gas, but then I realized it wasn’t and I stopped and I could feel it kick against my hand!” Niall practically squealed, bouncing on the balls of his feet.
Niall grabbed Harry’s hand and guided it over to one spot in particular, on the left side of his baby bump. Harry waited with baited breath, surrounded by strangers but only seeing Niall. Sure enough, a moment later he felt the softest of pushes against his palm. He jumped back; removing his hand, then immediately replaced it, waiting again for the next one. A second later he was rewarded with another little kick.
“It feels so weird,” Niall breathed, placing his hand over Harry’s. “Like having butterflies in your stomach.”
Harry leaned in and kissed Niall softly. When he pulled away he pressed their foreheads together. “I love you so much.”
“I love you, too, Harry.”
Once Harry had felt his baby kick, he couldn’t get enough of it. He made all of the boys feel it, too. Liam was rather excited, Zayn was again indifferent, and Louis was extremely weirded out by the entire thing.
———
When Niall reached his twenty-second week, now five months along, he got scheduled for his second trimester ultrasound. By that point he had taken to living solely in jogging pants, anything else too uncomfortable for him.
“Oh thank goodness it looks like a baby this time,” Niall relaxed against the mattress. Harry held his hand, just like the last time, as he stared up at the screen. They could clearly hear their baby’s strong heartbeat.
“That there is an arm,” the sonographer pointed to the screen. “And here…” she twisted the wand around to a different angle, to the left side of Niall’s bump, “are its feet!”
Harry’s breath caught in his throat as he saw two little feet on the screen. He knew he had already fallen in love. “So the baby is completely healthy, then?”
“Your baby is doing wonderfully!” The tech replied happily. “Would you like to know the gender?”
Niall and Harry looked at each other. “No,” Harry replied. “But if it’s possible we’d like it in a sealed envelope.”
Harry helped Niall down off of the bed and they made their way home, a large brown envelope sitting in Niall’s lap. The blond played with it, wrinkling the corners as they drove. Harry desperately wanted to know what the paper inside said, but they had agreed that they wanted it to be a surprise for later.
When they got back to their flat, the boys were waiting like always. They handed off the envelope to Liam, the most trustworthy of their inner circle. Liam handled it like it was the Holy Grail. They then whipped out their new set of pictures, including the one with the tiny little feet in it.
Louis sighed as he was again forced to look at another grainy picture of a fetus. “You two are going to be the most annoying parents ever.”
———
Niall had always been a tidy person, picking up after himself and keeping the flat clean. However, Harry started to notice that Niall would go in to cleaning mode. Harry would wake up in the morning to find Niall maneuvered over the bathtub, scrubbing it down.
Niall also began to come home from the shops with little stuffed animals and picture frames. When Harry asked him about it, Niall became defensive and began to hide his stash in their future baby’s room. Harry had snuck in one day to find a closet full of odds and ends and little baby-themed trinkets. When Harry had referenced his favorite website, he’d learned the term ‘nesting’.
Niall was indeed nesting.
———
After having the second ultrasound, and hearing the reinforcement that the baby was progressing nicely, Harry and Niall decided it was time to start acquiring the things necessary to keep it alive and happy. On a Saturday they drove to a department store and descended on the baby things.
They picked a crib and a changing table, and chose a nice sturdy stroller. Harry felt a sense of panic as he directed the sales associates to their items so they could be carted off. It was one more step towards bringing home their child, and the thought overwhelmed him a bit. In a few more months, him and Niall wouldn’t be allowed to be selfish anymore. They would be responsible for a tiny life, and though he knew they could do it, it still hit him like a ton of bricks.
At some point while Harry was directing the heavy lifters, Niall disappeared.
“Typical,” Harry sighed, tucking their list in his back pocket and setting out to hunt down his boyfriend with the dangerously short attention span. Harry had noticed Niall’s focusing capabilities dwindling over the past weeks. If he lost any more, he’d be considered a hazard to himself.
Harry found Niall seated on the floor among racks of baby clothing.
“Ni?” Harry asked cautiously. Niall turned around, and Harry took in his watery eyes and his trembling lip. “Niall, what’s wrong?”
Niall made a whimpering noise and turned back, facing away from Harry. Over the months, Niall’s moods had developed in a way that made them unpredictable. More recently Niall had taken to dissolving in to tears over the simplest of things.
As Harry got closer, he saw that Niall was holding something in his hands. Harry humored his boyfriend and folded himself down on to the floor as well, pressing himself to Niall’s back and cradling him between his bent knees. He hooked his chin over Niall’s shoulder and peered down in to the blonds’ open palms.
“They’re just so tiny,” Niall openly sobbed. “They’re for little bitty feet! How can feet be that small?”
Harry looked down at the miniature Chuck Taylors, barely an inch in length. He said nothing. Instead, he held his boyfriend on the floor of the infant clothing department, while other people wandered around them. He knew they were probably getting looks, and that people probably thought they were crazy, but Niall was clearly having a moment. Harry rubbed Niall’s stomach while he cried quietly and contemplated the little trainers.
They left the department store that day much poorer, with a small truck full of things to be delivered to their flat in the following days, and Niall clutching a tiny pair of shoes in his hand.
———
Harry’s favorite pregnancy moment, by far, was when Niall started to waddle. Harry first noticed it when the blond was cleaning up their plates from dinner. As Niall left the room, he subtly shifted his weight from one foot to the other, causing him to rock back and forth as he walked. Harry wanted to catch it on video. He knew it would only become more pronounced as Niall grew, his legs and hips being as small as they were. It was one of the most precious things he’d ever see.
———
“Will there be cake?”
“Yes, babe, Liam is bringing the cake.”
“Oh, good. I’ve wanted cake for ages.”
“Niall, you had cake yesterday morning when we went for breakfast at the café down the street.”
“Well, I mean, that was like – what – more than twenty-four hours ago? Ages.”
Harry sighed, trying to keep from smiling so he could inflate another balloon. He was trying to add a bit of festivity to their flat in preparation for Niall’s party that afternoon. They were having a ‘baby shower’, though Niall refused to call it that because it sounded too frilly. Louis had unofficially decided it was a ‘congratulations-on-being-fat-now’ party.
Niall was thirty-three weeks pregnant. His stomach had popped significantly, causing plenty of difficulties. His already delicate knees were made worse from the added weight, and he had pain in his lower back. On the plus side, it didn’t take much to weasel a massage out of Harry. As Niall grew, Harry became more and more tightly wrapped around his finger.
Niall was reclined on the couch, feet on the coffee table. His lung capacity had weakened significantly as well, so it was Harry’s job to fill the balloons, and Niall’s job to knot them. It was a truly heroic combined effort.
An hour later when there was a knock on the door, Harry jogged over to get it while Niall maneuvered himself off of the sofa. It was a combination of shifting his weight and thrusting his pelvis outward, then eventually rocking up on to his feet. He just made it to the edge of the living room when Louis appeared around the corner.
“Hey! Congratulation of being fat now!” He cheered, wrapping Niall in a hug.
“Fuck you.”
Louis looked affronted. “That is hardly appropriate language, there are children present, Niall!” Louis tapped his bulging stomach and slipped past him, tossing a gift bag on the coffee table.
“Hey, Niall!” Liam gave him his squinty-eyed grin as he approached the blond. He pulled him in to a one-armed hug. “How are you feeling?”
“Like I’ve got a watermelon sitting right on my bladder,” Niall grumbled, absent-mindedly rubbing his stomach.
Louis had brought his relatively new girlfriend Eleanor, who matched his wit perfectly. Zayn arrived, bringing Perrie with him. She was light and bubbly, and all over Niall’s baby bump.
Niall ducked out and in to the kitchen, seeing Harry fretting over a large slab cake. It had a mix of pink and blue icing, and smelled like sugar. Niall reached a finger out for a swipe at the icing when Harry slapped his hand away.
“Leave me alone, I’m pregnant!” Niall whined, again attempting to get at the dessert.
“Stop it! Not until we’re ready for it,” Harry grabbed both of Niall’s wrists.
“But why?”
“Because this cake contains the gender of our baby!” Harry smiled softly; watching as Niall slowly lowered his hands.
“Really?” Niall looked down at the cake in slight wonder.
Harry nodded. “Yup. Liam had it made. The cake inside is either pink or blue.”
“Well now I want to touch it even more.”
Niall and Harry returned to the living room and their guests. Niall basically fell on to the love seat, Harry sitting closely beside him.
“That shirt is certainly working hard,” Louis commented, earning a slap from Eleanor beside him.
Niall snorted. “It’s nice having you around Eleanor, so that Louis can still get all of the slaps he deserves.”
The gathering was low-key. They talked about Niall’s pregnancy, and plenty of other things as well. Louis cracked a couple more jokes, and Niall opened the gifts his friends had gotten for the baby. Everyone laughed when Niall made it up off of the couch in less than thirty seconds when the pizza arrived, and Harry managed to snap a photo of Niall using his stomach as a place to rest his plate while he ate.
Finally, as the sun was setting over London, Niall and Harry pulled out a knife and cut everyone a piece of their bright blue cake.
“What should he be called?” Harry asked, lying along the couch with his head on Niall’s lap. Everyone had gone home, leaving the two with a quiet, empty house. Harry had turned the lights down low and switched on their electric fireplace to take off the late winter chill. Niall was playing with his hair.
“I’m not sure… Maybe something Irish?” Niall suggested, twirling a section of hair around his finger.
Harry pursed his lips. “I’ll be honest, I looked up some names for both boys and girls a while back. Traditional Irish names are a little… elaborate. I sort of want an easy name.”
Niall was quiet for a moment. “Yeah, I suppose you’re right. Lots of vowels. What would you suggest?”
Harry furrowed his eyebrows. “Well, for a boy I sort of liked the sound of ‘Joshua’. It’s Hebrew…”
“Joshua…” Niall tried. “Joshua Styles.”
“Styles?” Harry asked, looking up at his boyfriend.
“Well, yeah. I’ve lived in denial for almost eight months, but we both know you’re the bigger father, so I want him to have your name. Whether I like it or not I’m the mother in this whole thing.” Niall pouted.
“He won’t call you ‘mum’, though. You’ll still be a dad.” Harry turned his head and planted a kiss on Niall’s belly. He began to sing softly and Niall settled back against the couch cushions, closing his eyes.
“Isn’t he lovely, isn’t he wonderful…”
———
Not everything about Niall’s pregnancy was cut and dry. Where Niall was sexually liberated during his second trimester, he withdrew in to himself during his third. As he got bigger, his confidence waned and he began to feel worse about his image. They didn’t discuss it, though Harry didn’t realize how much their dry spell actually affected Niall until everything came to a head one night. It had affected Niall in a different way than Harry would have imagined.
Harry rolled over in bed sometime after midnight to find Niall gone, his side of the bed cold. Harry became worried, and quickly pulled on some pants and went in search of his pregnant boyfriend.
He found Niall standing quietly in their dark kitchen, looking down at his belly as he stroked it slowly. He didn’t look up when Harry entered the room.
“Babe?” Harry said softly, trying not to startle him. “Is everything alright?”
Niall didn’t say anything. His eyes remained on his stomach.
“Niall.” Harry approached rather cautiously. He wasn’t sure where Niall’s mind was. He came to stop beside the blond, and he couldn’t help but notice how Niall leaned away from him by a fraction. “You’re scaring me a little. Talk to me.”
Niall sighed. “I know that I haven’t exactly been… in the mood lately.”
Harry frowned. He leaned back against the counter top, folding his arms across his bare chest. “What is this about, Niall?”
“I just… I don’t feel attractive anymore. And when you stop feeling attractive, the last thing you want to do is be… intimate with someone.”
“Babe, you don’t have to explain yourself to me,” Harry wrapped his arms around Niall’s small shoulders and pulled him close.
“I need you to understand this.” Niall’s voice cracked. “It’ll only be a couple more months and things will be back to normal. Just… just promise me you won’t go looking for love somewhere else.”
Harry inhaled sharply and tightened his hold on his boyfriend. “Niall, don’t be ridiculous! Where is this coming from?”
“I had a nightmare that you were cheating on me.”
Harry sighed and lightly pressed his lips to Niall’s. “You are so important to me, Ni. And what you’re doing for me by having this baby is one of the most incredible things anyone could ever do. If you don’t feel good about yourself, then all I can do is support you and love you just as much as I always have. So what if I have to get re-acquainted with my hand for a bit?”
Niall snorted and nuzzled Harry’s neck, rocking them back and forth. “I love you.”
“I love you, too. Now go sit on the sofa, and I’ll get us a snack.”
Niall waited and Harry finally came in to the living room with a plate containing a massive piece of leftover cake. Niall grabbed it and set it on his belly. “Perfect. Now where’s your piece?” He grinned, his previous insecurities seemingly forgotten. That was probably one of the good things about Niall’s fluctuating emotions: his sadness never lasted too long.
“We’re sharing this piece, greedy.” Harry stuck his own fork in to the cake and sectioned off a bit for himself. “Care to tell me who I was cheating with?”
Niall hesitated as he swallowed his sugary food. “It’s going to sound really silly.”
“Try me.”
“Well,” Niall began. “It was a celebrity.”
Harry’s eyebrows rose. “Oh, really? Wow, Niall, you’re making this tough. If I was shagging a celebrity…” Niall slapped him. “Who was it?”
“Taylor Swift?” Niall practically squeaked, cheeks turning red. “Oh, God, it sounds even more ridiculous when I say it out loud.”
Harry threw his head back and emitted a sort of cackle. “Babe.” He wrapped one arm around Niall’s shoulders. “You are too precious for this world. You were worried because I cheated on you with a girl? I was worried it would be, like, Robert Downey Jr. or something and then it would have been harder for me to defend myself. But a girl? And Taylor Swift, no less…”
“I heard her song on the radio yesterday. Guess it stuck. And what do you mean by Robert Downey Jr.?”
"He could get it."
The two had a laugh and finished their cake, then settled in on the couch with a blanket, intent on spending the rest of the night there instead of crawling back in to a cold bed. Harry was the big spoon as he tucked Niall in against the back of the couch; subconsciously afraid he might take a tumble in his sleep. He could be a reckless sleeper. Harry slid his arm around his boyfriend and pressed a kiss to the back of his neck.
“Look on the bright side – at least I would get a song written after me, right?”
———
The next couple weeks of Niall’s pregnancy were hard for him. His feet and hands began to swell, and he was overcome by dizzy spells that would put him off his feet for an entire afternoon. Harry worried about him, but his doctor assured them both that things were perfectly normal. As a pregnant person neared the end of their pregnancy, their body tended to become more stressed and react accordingly.
Niall sent Harry off to work every day with a kiss on the cheek and a promise that he wouldn’t do anything crazy.
Niall spent the majority of his days in bed.
When Niall was in his thirty-seventh week, still a month away from his due date, everything went horribly wrong.
Harry had started sending the boys over to their flat in shifts when he wasn’t able to be there. He typically worked regular hours, but his job was important and sometimes things came up that pulled him away.
It was nearing four in the afternoon and Niall was waiting on Louis, who was bound to pop up any moment. Despite his more obvious flaws, Niall liked having Louis around. He didn’t visibly fret over Niall’s well being like Liam, and he was a natural at carrying on a conversation, unlike Zayn.
Niall was sprawled on the couch, his throat feeling bone dry. He looked towards the kitchen longingly.
“I’m a grown man, I can fetch myself my own glass of milk. Louis would take the piss out of me if I waited for him, anyways.” Niall rolled himself off of the couch and on to his feet. He grasped the piece of furniture as he swayed violently, vision swimming. “Fuck.”
He mapped out a path to the kitchen around various objects so he had something to grab on to. His knees were weak, but he reckoned it was a combination of his inactivity and his added weight. His knees had never been that reliable.
Niall had just poured his glass of milk when the buzzer went. He waddled over to the intercom. “Yeah?”
“Hey, Pilsbury. It’s me.” Louis’ voice sounded through the crackly speaker. Niall rolled his eyes and beeped him in to the building.
Niall was in the kitchen putting his milk away when Louis knocked on the door.
“Just a second!” Niall shouted, grabbing his glass off of the counter.
Just as Niall stepped out of the kitchen towards the door, a wave of white-hot pain ripped through him.
“Oh,” he gasped. He felt his knees buckle and he clutched the kitchen doorframe, his glass of milk slipping from his grip and smashing on the floor.
“Niall, what was that?” Louis called through the door.
“Louis!” Niall cried out as another wave of pain hit him. His vision darkened around the edges and his legs gave out, sending him crumpling to the floor. “Help me!”
“Niall, what’s happening? Let me in!” Louis sounded panicked.
Niall felt disoriented as he lay on his side, clutching his stomach tightly. The apartment around him had melted in to a mix of colors and shapes, and was spinning violently. Niall yelled as yet another wave crashed over him.
“Please be okay,” Niall whispered to his belly. “I don’t know what’s happening in there, but just get through this with me.”
“Niall, answer me!” Louis was shouting through the door, no doubt disturbing Niall’s neighbors.
Niall suddenly felt like all of the muscles in his body were contracting rapidly. He started to convulse as he cramped up, tremors running through him. When Niall felt the fourth crippling wave of pain hit him, he blacked out.
———
Harry’s meeting was running late. Extremely late.
Though he knew he should stay focused on the speaker, his mind was with Niall. Louis was probably entertaining him, which was a weight off of Harry’s shoulders. Niall hadn’t been well the previous couple of days. He’d had bad swelling, headaches, and practically had vertigo with how poor his walking and coordination was. They’d been assured that he was just struggling like any normal pregnant person, so Harry had put his faith in the doctor, which was all that he could do.
He heard the door of the conference room open behind him and the sound of light footfalls. He assumed it was a secretary with a message for one of the other gentlemen seated around him. However, he suddenly felt a presence behind him and a hand on the back of his chair. He turned to look over his shoulder as the speaker kept talking. It was Liam.
“I need to speak with you,” he said quietly in to his ear.
Harry frowned just as a couple of his partners diverted their attention to him. “Liam, I’m in a meeting! This is import-“
“Harry, it’s Niall.”
He had never moved faster than he did in that moment.
———
Harry stumbled through the doors of the emergency room and jogged over to the desk, close to hyperventilating.
“Sir-“
“Where is he? His name is Niall Horan, he’s pregnant-“
The nurse behind the desk stood up and reached for him, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Sir, I need you to calm down.”
“NO! I-“
“Harry, stop!” Liam hissed, cutting him off. He turned to the nurse. “Ma’am, if you could just show us to where he is. This is his partner. This is the father.”
The nurse gave them directions and Harry took off, walking as fast as he could without full-on running. When they got to the private waiting area, they found Louis and Eleanor, as well as Zayn and Perrie. Louis rushed over when he saw them.
“Harry-“
“What happened, Lou? I don’t… Where’s Niall?” Harry pleaded with his friend, feeling his resolve finally breaking as tears welled in his eyes. He’d come as far as he could, and he still didn’t know where his lover was.
“He buzzed me up to your flat, and by the time I got to the door something had… Something had happened to him.” Louis’ voice dropped on the last part of his sentence. Harry could tell the older boy was beating himself up for what had happened.
“None of this is your fault, Louis,” Harry sighed, pulling his friend in to a much-needed hug. “You got him here, and that’s what matters.”
“I broke the door on your flat.”
“Have we gotten any word yet?” Liam asked the room, shoving his hands deep in to his trouser pockets. Everyone collectively shrugged.
“They rushed Niall off and I called everyone else and no one has been round to see us.”
Perrie approached Harry and took his arm, guiding him over to a chair. Harry collapsed in to it, placing his head in his hands.
“He hasn’t been well lately,” he began. “He’s been dizzy, and swollen, and he’s had headaches. They said he was fine! He’s got to be fine.”
Inside, Harry was falling apart. He thought of the last time he saw Niall, as he was knotting his tie in front of their bedroom mirror that morning. Niall watched from the bed, a lazy smile on his face. Harry had leaned down to give him a kiss, and then planted a kiss on his belly, and was on his way with ‘I love you’ and ‘see you later’ on his lips. Niall had been okay then.
Suddenly, though, Niall was not okay, and he was somewhere in that very hospital, and all Harry wanted to know was why.
There was a light knock on the open door and everyone looked up to see an older male doctor standing in the doorway.
“Niall Horan?” The doctor said, eyes sweeping the cramped room full of people.
“We’re all here for Niall!” Liam replied as everyone shifted themselves closer to the door.
“Do we have any family?” He asked, attempting to narrow down the group.
Harry raised his hand hesitantly. “I’m his boyfriend. And the father of his child.” His voice was weak.
“Could you step outside with me, please?” The doctor gestured to the door. Harry immediately shook his head.
“These are our friends. I… If there’s any news, I want them to hear it.”
The doctor looked at everyone again, looking slightly hesitant. “Niall is suffering from extreme preeclampsia. Essentially, his blood pressure became too high, and stayed too high. This, in turn, caused his baby distress, and he was sent in to early labor. He’s in and out of consciousness. His body has been through a lot.”
“Niall’s in labor?” Harry gasped. “There’s still a month left of his pregnancy! It’s not time yet!”
The doctor nodded. “It’s risky, yes. But technically a baby can survive outside of the womb with little complications any time after thirty-seven weeks, and luckily Niall just made it in to the safe zone.” He paused. “It’s risky, but we have to get your baby out of there. There’s a chance of this developing in to full blown eclampsia, and then its life threatening for both of them.”
Harry lowered his head in to his hands once more. Perrie rubbed circles on his back, the rest of his friends migrating in his direction. “Is he scared?”
“Mr. Horan is most likely unaware of his surroundings. He’s been in and out of consciousness since he arrived.”
Harry nodded. He figured it was for the best that Niall didn’t know what was happening. It wouldn’t help his heart to have more stress on it. “So you’re going to deliver the baby?” Harry asked quietly.
“We are.”
The doctor left after that, headed back to Niall’s room to prep him. The family room was mostly quiet, and Harry passed the time by tapping his feet and wringing his hands. He checked his phone once in a while, and sent Niall a text message that he’d get when he woke up. It was mushy and heart-felt, and Niall would take the piss out of him for it, but Harry didn’t care. To him, it was important.
Zayn and Perrie made a snack run, though Harry ended up staring at his coffee instead of drinking it. He had no appetite. It had been hours since he’d eaten, though he didn’t think he could stomach anything until he knew that his two most important people were safe and sound.
His thoughts kept drifting to Niall. He kept thinking about his obnoxious laughter, or his toothy grin. He thought about pregnant Niall, and non-pregnant Niall.
Harry thought about the excitement they’d felt when they found out he was expecting. Niall had stepped in front of the television while Harry was watching The Great British Bake-off and had let it out, announcing to Harry that he was with-child.
Harry’s response had been ‘are you joking?’ and then seconds later he’d come up with a far more intelligent ‘no, but, for real?’ He’d then pulled Niall down and pinned him to the couch, kissing him senseless, and then panicked when he remembered Niall’s stomach. Niall had laughed and assured him that their baby was barely a group of cells inside of him. Then, they’d had crazy sex. ‘Want-to-make-a-twin’ crazy. Somehow, the news that Niall was carrying his child had made the blond even more irresistible that day.
“Harry?”
Harry jumped when he heard his name being called, bringing himself back to the small family waiting room. He looked around and saw Liam eyeing him, a concerned look on his face. It was then that he noticed the doctor, who was finally back and standing in the doorway. He had shed his professional-looking white coat and wore only the blue scrubs he’d been wearing underneath, as well as a blue skullcap. His expression was rather schooled.
Harry instinctively rose to his feet. “H-How is everything?” He stammered.
“Can you step outside with me, please?”
Harry followed the doctor out of the room, coming to a stop a few feet from the door, just out of earshot of his friends. His heart was wild in his chest, and it was then that Harry realized that doctors were nearly impossible to read. Harry just wanted to hear good news.
“Your baby boy has been delivered, and he was immediately taken to the NICU. He’s going to be checked out, and kept under watch for the next little while, but his initial vitals looked strong under the circumstances.” The doctor recited professionally.
“Oh, thank God,” Harry exhaled, rubbing his face with his hands. “He’s going to be alright…”
The doctor then continued. “Unfortunately, while we were performing the c-section, Mr. Horan suffered a seizure and slipped in to a mild coma. His heart suffered some damage today, so that is our prime focus. The next few hours will be crucial.”
Harry felt his world grind to a halt. “What? I don’t… What does that mean?”
“Seizures happen when a patient’s preeclampsia isn’t treated in time. It escalated and there was nothing we could do.”
“He’ll pull through, though, right?” Harry asked. “Surely this is fixable.”
The doctor’s face remained neutral. “At this point, we can’t be sure of anything.”
Harry wobbled slightly, and clutched the doorframe of the family room as he sank down on to his knees. The doctor crouched beside him, a comforting hand on his shoulder.
Louis, Liam and Zayn all rushed to Harry’s side as they saw him go down.
Harry was unable to stop the tears that welled in his eyes, or the sob that ripped from his throat as the truth of the moment hit him like a freight train. He felt an ache in his chest, and he briefly wondered if it was the feeling of his heart breaking. Louis joined him on the floor and pulled him to his chest, cradling him as the doctor disappeared down the hallway.
“I can’t – I can’t lose him, Lou. I can’t.” Harry cried openly, fisting his friend’s shirt. “I love him too much. I can’t do this without him.”
“Niall isn’t going anywhere, Harry,” Louis said softly. “He still needs more time to do more stupid shit, and to raise this baby with you. Niall isn’t going to leave us because he loves life too much, and life loves him right back.”
The boys helped Harry back in to the room. He curled up on a sofa, his head in Louis’ lap. Out of all of Harry’s friends, Louis had been his first. There was a certain understanding between the two of them, like a brotherhood of sorts. Louis always had his back, and he always had Louis’.
It was at that point that everyone began to wait.
———
By ten o’clock, Harry was physically and emotionally exhausted. His eyes and throat hurt from crying, and he had a cramp from his body being curled up for too long. It had been four hours since he’d rushed in to the hospital in a panic, and two and a half since he’d heard any news about Niall.
He’d barely said a word to anyone, too busy thinking about too many things. He thought of Niall’s health during the past week. His swelling, his headaches, his vertigo… They were all signs of his worsening condition, but they were also normal side effects of pregnancy. Harry wanted to be angry with Niall’s doctor, but couldn’t find it in him. Laying blame wouldn’t make Niall better, so he thought it best to put it behind him. Harry didn’t hold grudges.
Zayn had offered to take the girls home at one point. When he rose from his seat he gave Harry a strong hug, and Perrie and El followed his lead, giving Harry their love. Louis and Liam chose to stay, and no one opposed it.
At ten thirty, there was a knock on the door. As Harry pulled himself in to a sitting position, he saw that it wasn’t whom he’d been expecting. Instead of Niall’s doctor, there stood a heavy-set nurse in brightly colored scrubs.
“Harry?” She chirped, looking between the three boys. Harry looked at her wearily, though that didn’t deter her shining light. “Your baby boy is doing wonderfully and he’s all settled in to his incubator. Would you like to come and see him?”
Harry froze. “I-“
He thought about setting his eyes on his baby boy for the first time, something he’d been thinking about continuously for almost nine months. He always imagined it happening differently, though. He imagined Niall seeing their baby first, and getting to hold him first, tired and worn out but so beautiful. He imagined tucking himself in to Niall’s side on the hospital bed and sticking his long finger in to his baby’s tiny fist, feeling the infant grip it tightly back. He imagined Niall speaking in a ridiculous childish voice, spewing coos at their little pink-skinned child.
The first time Harry saw his baby was supposed to be perfect and it was supposed to be with Niall.
“Harry,” Louis said sternly. The nurse at the door was bouncing lightly on the balls of her feet.
Harry leaned towards his friend, keeping his voice low. “Lou, I don’t know if I can look at him. I don’t think I can touch him while Niall is – he’s in a coma!” Harry hissed, wrapping his arms more tightly around his legs, pulling them closer to his chest. “It wasn’t supposed to be this way – “
“You’re right, Harry, it wasn’t,” Louis began. “But it is, and the fact of the matter is that your child is waiting for you in that unit. There’s nothing more you can do for Niall, but there’s something you can do for the little one.”
Liam and Louis were granted permission to tag along, and together the three boys followed the jovial nurse to a quiet ward a ways down the hall. It was filled with clear plastic boxes, and quite a few were occupied with tiny little babies.
As they passed the rows of incubators, Harry felt himself clam up. He looked at each new infant, wondering if it might be his. The room was full of the sounds of steady beeps of heart monitors, and little baby moans, accompanied by the occasional cry.
Finally, the nurse came to a stop in front of one particular incubator. It was a clear plastic case, with two large holes on one side. Within the chamber was a little pink baby with tiny socks covering his feet. He was in a small diaper, and an IV was hooked up to the back of his hand. He had a light blue cap on his head. His eyes were closed, though he gave an occasional kick.
He was the most beautiful thing Harry had ever seen.
“Here’s your little guy!” The nurse said softly, as not to disturb the peaceful atmosphere of the room. “You can use those two holes in the side of the case to touch him, if you want.”
Louis gave Harry a nudge and the brunette stumbled forward, hesitantly reaching a hand in to one of the circular openings in the incubator. Just like he’d always planned, he rested his index finger against his baby’s open palm. And just like he’d imagined, the infant instinctively closed his fist around it. Harry’s heart skipped a beat.
“He’s beautiful, Harry,” Liam said softly, both him and Louis watching from the side as Harry had his first moments as a father.
“Do we have a name yet?” The nurse asked, sliding the name card out of the slot at the foot of the incubator.
Harry swallowed hard, never taking his eyes off of his son. “Joshua. Joshua Styles.”
The nurse used her loopy handwriting to write out Joshua’s name, and then slid the card back in to it’s place. “You’ll fill out all of the paperwork tomorrow, but the name card really comforts a lot of parents.”
“Can I hold him?” Harry asked suddenly, watching as Joshua pursed his small lips.
The nurse looked on sadly. “Unfortunately you can’t, dear. Premature babies have difficulty regulating their body temperature, so we need to keep him in the warm chamber until that improves. Also, even though he’s breathing wonderfully on his own, he still needs his IV drip as well.”
Harry nodded. He stood perfectly still, watching every subtle change in the baby’s behavior. Every muscle twitch, and every little coo was the most incredible thing. Even as he started to cramp up, Harry remained where he was, his son holding tightly to his finger. Then, ever so slowly, Joshua’s face turned towards Harry and the baby cracked his eyes open for the briefest of moments. It was quick, but Harry had enough time to catch a glimpse of bright blue eyes. It was common for most babies to be born with blue eyes, and then acquire their eye color by the time they were a few months old. Harry desperately hoped that his son would get to keep Niall’s eyes.
The nurse and his friends stepped outside, giving Harry some time to himself with his son. Harry leaned down so he was eyelevel with the small baby, finger still clutched in his tiny fist.
“I love you,” he said softly. “And your other daddy loves you, too. He’ll be here to see you soon, I promise. He’s a really fun person; you’ll love him. He’ll probably let you get away with a lot more than I will, I’m just warning you now. If you keep getting stronger, then we’ll be able to hold you. Deal?”
Joshua gurgled.
It was hard to pull himself away from his baby, but Harry’s friends were waiting on him and were probably exhausted. Harry himself felt as if he could sleep standing up.
“You guys need to go home,” the curly-haired boy said quietly as they left the nurse at the Neo-natal Intensive Care Unit.
“Harry-“ Louis started to protest, but Harry cut him off.
“You have both done so much for me tonight, as well as Zayn and the girls. Having you here… I’m so grateful to have you guys. But there is nothing more for you two to do here.” Harry brought both of his friends in for a hug. “The only thing you guys can do for me is go home and take care of yourselves. I’ll keep in touch.”
Liam had to practically drag Louis out of the hospital, which Harry found quite comedic. However, as soon as they were out of sight the realization that Harry was all alone set in. Just as he was about to head back to the cursed family room, he heard a shout.
“Mr. Styles!”
When Harry turned, he saw that it was Niall’s doctor coming down the hallway towards him. Harry, though he was completely spent, prepared himself yet again for bad news. He wasn’t sure his heart could take much more pain. Luckily, though, the doctor’s tune was completely opposite to what he had been expecting:
Niall had been stabilized, and Harry was allowed to see him.
———
The room was darkened when Harry entered. Niall looked impossibly small in his bed, his breathing mask luckily gone. He looked pale and even in a coma he still looked exhausted. His baby bump was obviously gone, and it was an odd sight to see nothing protruding from underneath the blanket draped over him. It had been almost nine months of an ever-growing belly, and then Niall was suddenly flat again.
Harry leaned over him and kissed his forehead softly, relieved that he was able to finally lay eyes on his boyfriend again, despite his unresponsive state. Seeing him lying before him was a comfort for Harry, a reinforcement that Niall was still with him, and that he could reach out and touch him all he wanted.
Harry grabbed the more comfortable of the two chairs in the room and dragged it over beside the bed. He maneuvered himself in to a partially comfortable position and took Niall’s hand, clutching it tightly in his as he settled in.
“I’m not going to lose you, you know,” Harry said to the dark, quiet room.
Niall didn’t move.
“I made you a promise that I would never leave you,” Harry continued. “But I never thought to have you make me one as well. Why would I? It’s stupid, really. I should have gotten it in writing. A deal that you would never go anywhere.”
Harry thought he had cried all of his tears for a lifetime, but as he spoke he felt a lump grow in his throat. “You think you need me so much, that I’m some strong force in your life, but I need you just as badly. You are so important in this equation, Niall. You’re completely ridiculous, and you talk too much sometimes and sing as you do literally anything, but your crazy balances me out and brings out my best side. You challenge me to be a better person every day. I want to be perfect for you.”
Harry stroked his thumb across the back of Niall’s hand as he spoke words he never thought he’d say aloud. There wasn’t much he’d keep from Niall, but the heartfelt things he was saying seemed too big, too larger than life for Niall’s carefree personality. The two of them had ways to express their love, and words weren’t really one of them. Harry usually wasn’t very good at them, and Niall often thought they were too cold and meaningless. Anyone could spout soliloquies of feelings, but it took a special person to share their love with you emotionally and physically. For them it was all the things they didn’t say that meant the most.
With Niall unconscious in a hospital bed, though, words were suddenly all Harry had.
“This is just a small bump for us. You survived puking your guts out, growing out of your Derby shirt, swollen feet and having to pee every five minutes… This is nothing. You just need to have a little sleep and then you’ll be fine.”
Harry kept watch over his boyfriend until he couldn’t possibly keep his eyelids open any longer. Still holding Niall’s hand, he slid down in the chair, curling up as best he could.
“You’ll be fine.”
———
Harry was startled from his sleep at the yell of his name. He practically fell off of the stiff chair he’d been dozing in, and clung to the plastic rail on Niall’s hospital bed to right himself. When he looked up, he noticed two things: one, Niall was awake, and two: he was close to hysteria.
The doctor had warned Harry that if and when Niall woke up, he would likely be disoriented and upset. He wouldn’t remember his seizures, and likely wouldn’t even remember anything after collapsing in their flat. Essentially, when Niall blacked out his baby was still safely inside of him, and when he awoke, it no longer would be.
To say Niall was upset was a bit of an understatement.
“Shh, babe it’s okay!” Harry leaned in and kissed him on the forehead, overjoyed to finally see his blue eyes again.
Niall’s eyes were quick and searching, only meeting his for seconds at a time before they would divert to another part of the room. His body was rigid, and his hand had started to smooth over his stomach.
“Harry, what’s happening?” Niall cried, tears leaking from his eyes. “Why am I in a hospital? Where’s our baby?”
“Everything’s alright, Niall,” Harry said softly.
“No!” Niall struggled to sit up, though he immediately winced and clutched his abdomen. “What happened to me?”
“Those are your stitches. You need to be careful!”
“Stitches?”
Niall’s heart rate became too high, and the machine he was hooked to began to sound an alarm. Moments later a nurse rushed in, coming to stand across from Harry on the other side of the bed. “We need to calm him down. This isn’t good for him.”
“Niall,” Harry soothed, petting Niall’s hair the way he liked. The blond continued to cry, on the verge of hyperventilating.
“He’s not settling. I’ll need to sedate him,” the nurse said under her breath.
“No!” Harry stopped her. “Let me keep trying.”
Harry kicked off his shoes and carefully slid himself on to Niall’s hospital bed. He nudged Niall on to his side and pressed himself against his back. He wrapped one arm around his waist, and bent the other up by Niall’s head so he could play with his hair.
“Breathe with me, Niall,” Harry said softly, exaggerating his breaths so Niall could feel him.
“Harry, I’m scared,” Niall choked.
Harry shushed him.
It took Niall a while, but eventually he managed to calm himself down with Harry’s help, getting his breathing under control. He had quieted to a few tears and the occasional hiccup. Harry continued to run his fingers through Niall’s damp hair, whispering encouragements and love in his ear.
After taking note of Niall’s vitals, the nurse left.
“I’m so glad you’re awake, babe. That you’re finally okay,” Harry said softly.
“What happened to me?” Niall asked again, and Harry could feel him brace himself for the answer he knew he didn’t want to hear.
“You had some trouble. Do you remember the flat?” Harry asked.
“I… “ Niall paused. “I think so. I remember being in pain.”
“Lou brought you here. You… had some complications. They needed to get the baby out of you to keep you safe. You… you had two seizures and then you slipped in to a mild coma.”
Niall nodded, taking a deep, shuddering breath. “Did he make it? Is he alive?” He asked, his voice a mere whisper. Even after finding out all that had happened to him, Niall’s number one concern was their baby boy.
“Joshua is thriving. Niall, he’s beautiful.” Harry held Niall closer as the blonds’ body relaxed and he started to cry again, though they were happy tears. “He’s absolutely beautiful.”
Harry continued to hold Niall against his body, letting the blond cry out all of his fear, all of his anxiety and all of his relief. He eventually cried himself to sleep.
———
When Niall awoke again around noon, Harry had to remind him of some things, though luckily he remained calm.
Niall’s doctor ducked in for a few moments. He checked Niall’s vitals himself, and then perched on a stool to explain Niall’s condition. Niall was experiencing Post-Traumatic Amnesia, having no memory of what happened to him in the past twelve hours. The holes in his memory would be filled within a few days, and it might be troubling for him. He needed to keep himself relaxed, and Harry needed to make sure he stayed that way.
Niall’s heart had suffered some minor damage from his preeclampsia, and he’d have to return for check-ups to make sure it continued to function the way it should. There didn’t seem to be any lasting side effects from his seizures and coma. He’d be tired, and perhaps a bit forgetful, but that was to be expected.
“When can I see my baby?” Niall asked, interrupting.
The doctor looked at his watch. He glanced at Harry, and scratched his chin, smiling. “I figure after you prove you can eat a meal, you should be good to take a wheelchair ride down to NICU.”
Niall’s face split in to a grin, and when his dinner arrived some half an hour later, Harry had to remind him to chew his food.
———
Right before he wheeled Niall down to the NICU, Harry had sent each of the boys a text, letting them know that Niall was awake, slightly battered, but otherwise alright.
The unit had a couple more people than it had at midnight the night before. There were parents having time with their babies, and even though Harry didn’t know them, he knew how they were feeling. He finally understood.
He brought Niall to a stop beside Joshua, and watched as his boyfriend saw their baby boy for the first time.
Niall’s eyes were shining as he craned his neck to see the infant in the incubator. Harry helped him stand up from the wheelchair, allowing Niall to lean on him for support as the blond put his hand over his stitches. Harry hooked his chin over Niall’s shoulder, looking down at his son for the second time in his life.
“He’s so small,” Niall whispered.
“Reach in and touch him!” Harry kissed Niall’s shoulder, stroking his stomach affectionately.
“Can I? What if I hurt him? He looks so breakable – “
“Niall, come on.”
The blond sighed and hesitantly reached a hand in to one of the openings on the side of the plastic case. He was trembling as he poked one of Joshua’s little feet. As a reflex, the baby kicked. Niall startled, a large smile on his face.
“Such little feet,” he said as he reached his hand in again, tracing one leg, and then the other. Niall gave his tiny bellybutton a tap, and then stroked his pink cheek with one of his knuckles. Joshua’s eyes flickered open briefly, staring straight up at Niall for the quickest of moments. Niall made a noise in his throat and cupped his hand around the top of their baby’s head, making it look that much smaller. Warmth spread through Harry’s body as he watched the interaction between the two people he loved the most.
“He’s ours, Haz.”
“Mm,” Harry replied, nuzzling Niall’s neck. “And he’s beautiful, isn’t he?”
Niall nodded, tracing Joshua’s eyelids lightly. “We did it.”
Harry smiled, it suddenly hitting him that after the turmoil he’d been through in the past day, and after almost losing the love of his life, that they had come out on the other side in one piece. Niall was fast recovering, and their baby was getting stronger. Their future was finally laid out in front of them for the taking.
“Yeah. We did.”
A couple days later, Niall was released from the hospital’s care, and a few days after that, Harry and Niall were finally allowed to hold their baby boy for the first time. Harry got to experience it the way he had wanted to, holding Niall tightly as the blond cradled Joshua in his arms, mumbling precious words to him in a high pitched, childish voice.