Chapter Text
Jack couldn’t stay here. He didn’t belong. He couldn’t stay here and take up space, time, and breath. He wasn’t needed. He wasn’t a contributing party in their relationship because he never belonged in it in the first place.
Maybe he belonged long ago- when it was just Geoff and him. When he wasn’t exasperated, overlooked, and ignored. When he wasn’t just the last one picked for date night. When he wasn’t just what one of the boys would get stuck with. He didn’t belong with them and he knew it. He knew from the beginning and chose to ignore it. Just wanted to be erroneously happy for a while. For a while he’d even forgot it couldn’t last.
But now here he was. They were happy. Without him. They didn’t need him, and he’d be left behind. Jack was happy with that though. Geoff’s giggles could fill the house now, Gavin’s smile could outshine the sun, Ray’s voice could project farther than the wind could ever take it, Michael’s shoulders had never been so relaxed, and Ryan’s beautiful mind finally had a listening audience. They were changed for good from learning what happiness was. It’s all he could have ever asked for.
It’s time to leave. He can’t stay here.
If he stays here they’ll come to their senses. They’ll realize what they really mean when one of them cries in false distress at having Jack as their partner. For dancing, for dinner, for driving, for existing. They’ll realize how pointless him being there even is and tell him to leave. He doesn’t want to start any fights if some figure it out before others. He doesn’t want them to have any bad memories of him. He’d like to be able to face them again someday after all.
But not today. Not tomorrow. Not next week. Not until they all realize.
It’ll be less painful that way.
Jack’s duffel bag is at the end of the couch. It’s packed with everything he needs right now- he’s been slowly removing things from the house into his old apartment. The duffel bag is the last of it that the boys don’t have. (Gavin’s stolen a shirt, Michael jacked his old DS, Ray took one of his hats, Geoff stole his mug, and Ryan has a hold on his old quilt). He’s hesitant now- for a little under a year this place has been his home. Can he really leave it so suddenly? Scratching at his bearded chin doesn’t help answer his problem, but it’s a comforting gesture at least. Quietly, he removes the house key from his keychain. Only Ray and Gavin are home right now so the door will be fine unlocked- Ryan, Geoff, and Michael will be back before anything happens. And this is his best chance to leave without any fuss. Plus the only one who knows where the old apartment was is Geoff, and he’s got too much work to have time to go chasing down idiots.
Especially idiots he’s no longer in love with.
Jack’s not blind. He can tell when he stopped being important. When he stopped being someone who mattered in their relationship and started to be a bystander. Started to watch Ray cuddle up to Ryan and purposely avoid placing his feet on Jack anymore like he used to. Started to watch Gavin purposely sit away from him at any meal, always out of reach. Started to watch Michael’s dull when he looked at him- you could see them shine any time he eyed anyone else. Started to watch Ryan avoid him on long nights when neither of them could catch sleep- pushing him away from both himself and the boys. Started to watch as Geoff stopped calling Jack his idiot, or his dumbass, or even one of the boys.
They all stopped. It was time.
Placing the key gently on the kitchen table, he picks up the duffel bag and heads for the door. If he waits any longer Michael will come home before he can leave. He doesn’t want confrontation. Not this time. He physically can not take the strain it’ll cause on his heart. So he leaves. Closes the door gently behind him and goes for his car. No cars blocking his. No other cars in their driveway. The duffel bag gets tossed onto the passenger seat and he buckles up, steadying his nerves. With the car on, he takes a last look at the house and smiles bittersweetly. It was magical while it lasted. Before he can change his mind, he backs out of the driveway and turns on the road to peal away. Nothing but dust behind him. Shimmering, sad, lovely dust.
While he’s driving, his phone chimes and he pulls it into his lap. He’ll check it as soon as he’s not driving then he’ll turn it off until he can get a new number tomorrow. It chimes again and he spares a glance down at it but can’t read anything with the dark contrast of the night. It chimes three more times before he’s safely in the old apartment-well..His apartment’s parking lot. Turning the car off he finally looks at the messages he’s received.
Cars are loud. Need to talk? -Ray
You should have woken me up before you went adventuring! It’s not fair to go alone. - Gavin
What the fuck are you doing leaving in the middle of the night? Its not safe, god damnit! - Michael
Gav txtd me. U ok? - Geoff
Jack? - Ryan
He’s so tempted to type a reply. So tempted to tell them it’s all fine. There’s a need to protect them, to help them, to satisfy them, to soothe them but he can’t. Can’t give in. Not this time. He doesn’t have the strength to turn off his phone either though, so it stays on and gets slid into his pocket while he rests his head on his arms crossed over the steering wheel. His eyes burn from the water building up in them but he’s smiling. He’ll miss the little shits, but it’s for the best. For their best ending.
His own best ending?
Jack’s not sure he has one. If he does he’s not going to find it until after a bit of alcohol. Or, actually, as his phone chimes again, definitely a lot of alcohol. Gallons of it. Maybe even a bucket or keg of it. Enough to drown in it. After that, maybe he’ll go look. But he doesn’t really want to find one if it doesn’t involve his boys. When they’re happy he is. Truly. The phone goes off and he wants to throw it against a wall but he’s not even out of his car yet. Shaking his head he takes out his keys, grabs his duffel bag, and gets out of his car. It looks lonely without a motorcycle next to it. Or the pickup truck. Sighing he goes to the tiny apartment.
His new home.
Jack’s phone goes off again, and is ignored again as he gets safely inside. They’ll understand someday. Just not yet. Not now. For now he needs to turn it off. Another chime and he knows he’s not going to turn it off. He’ll probably keep this phone and still get another- just have this one for..well…No real justifiable reason. A fourth chime makes his hand twitch. He wants to grab it and just go back but he’s got to be strong. This is for them after all. One last chime and he’s pulling his phone out again before he can stop himself.
You left your key…- Gavin
Jack wtf is going on? - Ray
Get home asshole. Do you need me to come get you or some shit? - Michael
bby where did u go? pls answer.- Geoff
Jack, your car is gone but your house key is still here. I know you didn’t just forget the one key- it was on your key ring. What are you doing? -Ryan
He slides his thumb across the screen. Ryan always was the smart one. That’s not to say Geoff wouldn’t already know if he wasn’t as drunk as he probably is. The temptation is back and he puts his phone next to him on his old couch. He’d had the internet provider set this place back up a few days ago, so he could go on the web if he wants but it doesn’t sound very appealing. Neither does playing any video game he owns. So he curls up around his phone and puts on old Star Trek shit. He’s not really paying attention to it, just needs something to distract him from how silent the apartment is. How Gavin’s snoring can’t be heard everywhere. How Ray’s pattering feet to get water aren’t there on hardwood floors- almost this entire place is tiled. It feels weird under his feet and it’s hard to ignore.
Hours pass and he starts to feel his body be pulled into sleep by exhaustion mixed with plenty of alcohol. Jack misses the last text as he gives in and passes out on the couch.
cuming 2 get u. dont fuking go nywhere. -Geoff