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Levels in Love

Summary:

Percy spends some time thinking about love, life and everything in between.

Notes:

So this is part two, as I promised. It's Percy's reaction to what happened in Unlit Desires. There will be two more parts to this story, so keep a look out!

Work Text:

Well... that was unexpected.

In retrospect, Percy probably should have seen it coming. Jason was right, he was blind. Everything seemed to make sense now—Nico's attitude towards him, towards Annabeth, the looks he kept giving the two of them. Percy had pushed him aside, told him to stay behind, treated him like a child. It was a miracle Nico didn't hate him.

Nico di Angelo, son of Hades, was an antisocial 14 year old with sister issues. He acted like he had no friends and the friends he might actually have, he pushed away. He hated talking about himself, his past or his feelings. He had a wall as high as the Empire State building completely circling his entire body and wouldn't let anyone through. He didn't like to be touched, talking to or questioned. And he was in love with Percy Jackson.

Well if that wasn't a slap in the face, Percy didn't know what was.

He sighed loudly and dropped his face into his hands, sitting down on the edge of his bed and biting his lip.

Jason had chewed Percy out pretty good and he felt properly chastised because of it. He hoped to the gods he hadn't completely traumatized the kid. Nico had looked worse mentally then when they'd gotten him out of the jar; after he'd been stuck in Tartarus. Percy knew first hand what that was like.

Percy could only guess what Pothos had made Nico see. He knew that he didn't actually want to know, however. The look on Nico's face was hard enough to deal with.

Percy looked towards the door of his cabin, wondering how Nico was doing. He was only across the hall, sleeping in Jason's room. Percy was still thoroughly confused about the two of them. What exactly had happened when he and Annabeth had been in Tartarus?

He groaned and fell back on his bed, rubbing his hands over his face and sighing loudly.

So Nico was gay. To be honest, he wasn't that surprised. Now that he thought about it, it kind of made sense. Nico had shown the signs.

Percy didn't have much personal experience with homosexuality, but he was from New York. It wasn't exactly new to him.

A couple of the kids at camp were gay, but it wasn't really that talked about. It was just sort of... a fact. He guessed it was because of the laid back attitude of the gods. They didn't really care who loved who as long as they got to mess with the relationship as much was they wanted. Percy took a moment to glare up at an imaginary Aphrodite which looked oddly like his ceiling.

So Nico loved him, huh? Again, not exactly surprising. The rumour had been that he had a crush on Annabeth. It was what other people thought so he just went along with it, never really stopping to think about the fact that that was pretty damn obviously not true. Nico never looked at Annabeth without anything other than contempt or jealousy. There was longing too, Percy realized with a jolt, but it was always directed towards him, not Annabeth.

He groaned again and wiggled a little on the bed, not knowing what to do. Jason had forbade him from speaking about it to Nico. Percy wondered how Jason was going to explain everything to him.

So how exactly did Percy feel about Nico having feelings for him? Honestly, Percy had no idea.

It didn't disgust him, he knew that. He just didn't know what the feeling that was tugging at his gut was. Shame? Perhaps. Guilt? Well...

He felt guilty for hurting Nico, for scaring him. He felt guilty for putting him through everything he had and for not trusting him. He felt guilty for pushing Nico away and treating him like a child when he obviously had done much more growing than Percy gave him credit for.

Yes, that's what his feeling was. And it was eating Percy alive from the inside out.

There was a knock on his bedroom door and Percy sat up quickly, taking a deep breath and releasing it slowly to collect himself.

“It's open,” he said softly, surprised at how hoarse his voice was.

The door opened slowly and Jason slipped inside, closing the door behind him and leaning against it. Percy locked eyes with him for a moment or two before looking away.

“How's he doing?” Percy asked quietly, running a hand through his hair.

Jason hummed softly and pushed off the door, moving to sit down on the edge of the bed beside Percy.

“He'll be fine. He woke up and I gave him an incredibly watered down version of what happened before sending him back to Reyna. I didn't really think he was ready to shadow travel yet but he seemed pretty eager to get out of here... poor kid.”

Percy nodded slowly and clicked his tongue.

“So he... he's got no clue that I...”

Jason shook his head. “He doesn't know you know. Your or anyone else. As far as he's concerned, I'm the only person alive who's aware of it.”

Percy frowned. “How did you find out, exactly?”

Jason laughed humourlessly. “On our little trip together to get the sceptre, we had a run in with Cupid.” Jason grimaced when he said the name. “He pressured Nico into admitting it. He wanted him to 'accept himself'.” Jason looked like he was ready to go looking for the love god and give him a piece of his mind. Percy was ready to join him.

“I promised not to tell anyone,” Jason continued, “but I really do hope he accepts himself enough to maybe... come out. Hiding himself can't be good for him.”

Percy chewed his lip and nodded.

“We'll look after him,” he said and he didn't realize how serious he was until the words left his mouth. “I promised his sister I would look after him and I haven't been... that's why he's like this. It's time I step up and take responsibility for him.” Percy looked at Jason and sighed. “We're the closest he'll ever get to brothers.”

That was it. Percy would protect Nico with everything he had and he knew Jason would as well. Percy couldn't give Nico what he wanted, but he could sure as hell try and help him find happiness.

Jason's lips curled into a slight smile. “Damn straight, cousin.” He clasped Percy on the shoulder and stood from the bed, stepping towards the door.

“Hey, Jason?” Percy called, causing the son of Jupiter to turn and raise a questioning eyebrow at Percy. “We're cool, right? You and me?”

Jason grinned and nodded. “Cool as a cucumber, bro.”

He stepped out the door at the same time that Percy made a slightly disgusted noise.

“Ew, you're embarrassing,” he muttered to the closing door and Jason's resounding laugh.

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