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When Dick gets home, he is not greeted by a slew of kittens trying to escape and explore the world, which is highly unusual for a Tuesday. He frowns, closing the door behind him and dropping his bag on the hardwood. His apartment is still half-unpacked, boxes strewn around, some open and some closed, despite moving in almost three months prior. As nice as it is to have his own space, it’s still weird to be living without Selina. Though they hadn’t always kept the same schedule, and it was sometimes more or less like living on his own anyway, there had been a certain comfort in living with her. A fall-back. If he needed something, she was there. If she needed something, he was there. He knows that hasn’t changed, even if he does live on the other side of the slums now, but it’s different without her being just down the hall. He feels matured and stranded all at the same time, even though the move had been his decision. It was…well, strange is the best way he knows to describe it. The only way he knows how to describe it (because he doesn’t know if it’s a good strange yet).
“Here kitty-kitties,” He sings under his breath, sitting on the armrest of the couch so he can pull off his shoes. He tosses them in the corner towards the door and pulls off his socks, dropping them on the couch cushions with the rest. He knows he’s a bit of a slob. It’s not like he’s trying to impress anyone with his apartment. The only girl he spends time with like that is Babs, and they use her place for that sort of thing when they do it. Lately, though, they’ve been less of a couple and more like friends with benefits. Dick doesn’t entirely mind. It’s probably better that way, actually. When they had been a couple they hadn’t been a great one.
He stretches out, hanging his head so he can stare up at his bland ceiling. He needs to buy groceries. He’s almost out of milk. The cat food is almost gone too. He’ll have to steal something tonight or tomorrow and find a buyer. Pearls usually sell fast. Rubies, too, and Dick may have some left in his personal collection.
He runs a hand through his hair, slipping off the couch. “Okay, seriously guys? I’ve been home for five minutes, where’s the love?”
Dick walks the short distance to the kitchen, peeking inside. When he sees no mass hoard of kittens (and by mass hoard he means six. He has six kittens), he moves on. The bathroom is empty, as is the doorless hall-closet he keeps their litter boxes and food in. The only place left is his bedroom, so he opens the door.
This time, a hoard of kittens does rush to greet him, pressing against his ankles and curling their tails along his legs. He chuckles, “Hello to you too. How did you get in there?”
“I let them in.”
Dick glances up, surprised to see Selina sitting on the edge of his bed. She’s in civilian garb, hair styled in a cropped boy-cut, devoid of make-up or jewelry. She still looks gorgeous. “Auntie S,” He grins. “What brings you here?”
Where Selina would usually make some kind of comment about not needing a reason, she looks away, looking around his room. “Come here, kitten.”
Dick frowns, not liking the dull quality to her tone. Selina’s voice is usually lilting and vibrant, not falling flat and…He moves forward, sitting next to her. “Did something happen?”
Selina breathes in slow, pushing her bangs away from red eyes. It doesn’t look like she’d been crying – not yet – but it’s obvious she’d been rubbing at them for a long time. “I don’t even know how to tell you this,” She laughs hollowly.
Dick frowns, coldness creeping at his stomach. The last time he’d seen Selina like this had been…he can’t even remember. He’s not sure he’s ever seen Selina like this. He shifts, resting his hand on top of hers. He’s slightly taken aback – though not offended – when she shakes his off so she can put hers on top of his. “Dick…I know you all…all of you spend time with Robin. He’s…important to you.”
“Yeah,” Dick says slowly. “He’s a good kid.”
Selina nods, taking another breath, “It…hasn’t been in the news yet, but…”
Dick frowns, head feeling light and heavy at the same time. A feeling of dread is creeping up his back, pinching at his neck. “What happened?”
Selina looks at him, expression heartbroken. It’s not for herself, though. It’s for him.
“No…” Dick feels his stomach sink. That can’t…it’s not…
“I’m so sorry, baby.” Selina reaches out, cupping his cheek. He can see himself reflected in her eyes, resistant and pale. “I’m so sorry.”
Dick swallows thickly. His heart thuds in his chest. Blinking rapidly, he asks, “How?”
“Bruce wouldn’t say, but…” Selina breathes out slowly. “Harley said it was the Joker.”
Dick’s breath hitches in the worst way. “What?”
“He was overseas, and the Joker…” Selina cuts herself off. She moves her hand to Dick’s neck, pulling him down so he’s cradled against her chest. She runs her fingers through his hair, “I’m sorry.”
“Jason is dead?” The words don’t feel like his when he voices them. His eyes sting and his heart throbs.
“…yes,” Selina’s voice breaks a little, fingers stuttering in his hair.
Dick presses his lips together. His vision is blurring with tears, throat tightening. Jason is dead? Jason is dead. He’s…but he’s so young. He’s just a kid. He’s not even sixteen yet. He’s lived less than half of his life. He can’t be dead. That wasn’t…
That wasn’t fair.
Dick doesn’t realize he’s let out a sob until Selina makes a wounded noise in the back of her throat turning so she can hold him closer. She puts her chin on the top of his head, wrapping her arms around him. It’s a small semblance of comfort, but it feels like an anchor.
“He’s gone?” Dick asks, voice cracking.
Selina kisses his hair and tightens her hold. “He’s gone, baby.”
Dick makes a noise – a broken, helpless noise – before his tears begin to fall, dropping onto Selina’s lap and the bed sheets he probably needs to wash. Jason is gone. Jason is gone. He’s not…not alive anymore. They’re never going to talk again, or joke around, or chase each other over the city. They’re never going to go to that movie Jason had wanted to see that he was too young to get in to without Dick. They’re never going to make obnoxious comments while Batman and Catwoman flirt-fight. Jason isn’t going to be able to help him unpack like he’d offered to do. Jason isn’t going to be able to look after his cats if Dick has to skip town for a while or gets arrested. Jason isn’t going to be able to spend his sixteenth birthday getting drunk off wine coolers at Dick’s apartment (because he’d promised; Jason was going to do it anyway, he might as well provide a safe place for him to crash). Jason isn’t going to be able…
to do anything…
Ever again.
Not with Dick, not with Bruce, not with Timmy…
Oh god, Timmy.
Dick hunches, pressing his wet face to Selina’s lap. He feels like he’s going to be sick. The only thing that keeps him from slipping is the soft, barely-there murmurs Selina is making. Saying. They’re words, but Dick can’t focus on them.
“I know.” He hears that one. “I know.”
It takes him a moment to realize she’s replying to something he said. He’s been talking. It isn’t fair. He’s been chanting it, like the mantra can make it false.
He swallows, shifting so he can wrap his arms around her waist. He mumbles into her chest, feeling nothing like the adult he’s become and completely like the child she’d found in a dumpster so long ago. “Was he…was he alone?”
“Dick,” Selina sounds broken. Broken for him. For her baby boy who’d just lost his friend.
“I have to know. Please.” He can’t call her by name now. He can’t call her Aunt either, it feels wrong. He can only call her mom and he’s not going to let that out at a time like this.
“He was alone,” Selina sounds like she’s going to cry too. “Bruce tried. He tried to save him, but he wasn’t fast enough.”
Jason died alone. Scared and alone. More tears are coming, and Dick isn’t sure they’re going to stop tonight.
“There’s a private funeral A few days from now.” Selina is speaking slowly, careful not to let him hear any hitch in her voice. She’s being strong so he doesn’t have to be.
Dick nods, curling closer. He wants to ask if Bruce is going to be there. He wants to ask how it happened. What Jason was doing across the ocean. Why he’d died thousands of miles from his home, alone. He sniffs, wiping uselessly at his face. “What are we supposed to do?”
Selina’s fingers stop, curling into his scalp.
“What do people do when…when this happens?” Dick’s tongue feels heavy. “I can’t remember.”
Selina rubs a hand up and down his spine, shaking her head and sniffing. She wasn’t close to Jason. Didn’t know much about him. She’s sad for him, but she’s sadder for Dick. For Bruce, too, he thinks.
“What do we do?”
Selina stops her hand, letting the warmth of her skin seep through his shirt. “We keep breathing.” She says quietly. “We just keep breathing.”
“How?” Dick’s voice breaks. Shatters. He’s going to sob all over again.
“I don’t know, baby.” Selina moves her hand to his cheek. Rubs her thumb along his cheekbone. “We just do.”